It's been ten days.
Ten days of you in a coma and the first thing Ghost hears from doctors when you finally wake up is that your head injury is worse than they thought. You don't remember anything. You don't remember him.

"I see." He replies painfully to the doctors, who have warned him not to prove your memory; it would only cause more damage. He knows. Forcing you to remember is a weight he doesn't want to put on your shoulders.

"I'm Ghost. We worked together in the Task Force."
"Uh..." you look at him blankly, not knowing what to say. You don't know him. Or well... you don't remember him, that's what the doctors told you.
"I'm sorry... I don't... I don't remember you." You tell him, with a tinge of guilt in your voice.
Ghost shrugs, but it's so painful to hear that. "I have a feeling you'll be saying that a lot these next few days. It's normal, really." He takes up a chair from beside the bed and pulls it over, sitting down and facing you. "I'm here because I'm your emergency contact. It says so on this paper."
It hurts. He knows he's so much more than your emergency contact. He loves you. He has loved you for years and you don't remember any of that. It crushes him.
"Oh... ok. So, we were... friends?" You ask tentatively. Ghost feels his heart breaking and doesn't really know what to say, so he just prefers to keep things professional even if it hurts him. He swallows, nodding. "Something like that. I'm the Lieutenant of the Task Force." Ghost's heart is breaking with every second that passes, but he hides it very well when speaking to you. He doesn't want you to worry or see him in pain.

"How are you feeling? Any headaches?" He asks, trying to focus on your physical well-being to shut down the ache in his heart.
You look around. You're scared... your memory is hazy.
"Where's... uhm... where's...." You remember something, well someone. You can clearly picture his face, but not his name. Soap? Was it Soap? What a silly name you thought.
"Where's Soap?" Ghost finishes for you. The name sounds familiar to him, so you're not completely wrong. Ghost can't help but feel his heart hurt when you remember Soap, but not him.
"Yeah... I do remember him... well, just that we were friends... is he... is he here?" You ask, hoping to see a somewhat familiar face, completely unaware of how much you're hurting Ghost in the process. He chuckles, not wanting you to know he was ever hurt.

"Soap is at base, but he said he would stop by later to check up on you."
Ghost looks over towards the table, scanning again the bouquet of roses that are slowly withering in the vase. You follow his gaze and notice the flowers. Ghost smiles at you, hiding its bitterness to the best of his abilities. "They're from Soap, actually. He wanted to make sure you were okay." He says, his voice quivering just the slightest bit.
You're confused at why a friend would gift you roses, but you accept them anyway. Fact is: Ghost lied. The roses are from him. But he doesn't want to push you, he wants to help and support you and since you only remember Soap, Ghost wants to make this easier for you, despite is heart aching in his chest. You need familiarity, comfort, peace, not someone nagging you and probing at your memory trying to carve out some space again in your heart in such a delicate moment.
"I'll leave you so you can rest. Soap will wake you up when he comes." Ghost says.
He gives you a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes, his heart hurting, but still wanting to support you. Then, he gets up from the chair and looks at you longingly, he can't help it. "Get some rest, alright?" He takes a step toward the door and as he is about to close it behind him, you stop him.
"Wait!" You call for him. You don't want to be alone. You're scared. "I-I know this should be familiar for me... but it's really not and... and I'm..." you look away, trying to hide your watery eyes. Your heart beating like crazy, afraid of the loneliness crushing you like two walls closing around you. You don't wanna be alone.

Ghost pauses, turning back towards you. He thinks for a second, then slowly walks back over. He then sits back down on the chair, this time scooting it a bit closer to you.
"How about I just sit here for a bit...until you calm down and Soap comes." He suggests. "We don't have to talk, I'll just keep you company."
"T-thank you... Lieutenant." You breathe and try to calm down, lying down again on the bed, just appreciating the company. He's your Lieutenant, he shouldn't be obliged to stay here, you're sure he has lots of things to do, but you feel better. You don't know why, can't explain it, but you feel calmer as he's watching over you now.
You feel more at ease now, Ghost by your side. You can't explain it, but there's a small sense of comfort just having someone there.

Suddenly, you hear a knock, a voice outside the door. "Hello?" It's a familiar, and welcome voice.
You look up and see Soap. You smile lightly at him, waving him hello and signalling him that he can enter. You feel better now that you finally see a familiar face. Ghost can't help but be hurt, yet he keeps it all inside. He's happy that you're feeling better, even if he's not the cause of it. Even if he's no longer needed. He starts to leave.
As Soap enters the room, he immediately runs over to you, throwing his arms around you and hugging you tightly. You're caught off guard, but something tells you that it is alright, that this is expected of Soap and you relax into the hug.
You look over and notice Ghost stepping out the door, as if he didn't want to intrude on you and Soap's reunion. "I'll leave you two alone." He says.

Deep down you feel something... negative. You can't explain why, so you just blame it on your injuries. It doesn't exactly feel right, but you make do. You're happy to see Soap, but you don't feel the same warmth you felt when Ghost sat next to you, and again you cannot explain it.
The negative feeling you felt lingers in the back of your mind. You're happy to see Soap, yes, that much you know. Yet, something about it...just doesn't feel right.
There's a part of you that wants to call Ghost back, make him stay here with you. But you tell it to be quiet, you push it aside. You're happy to see Soap, to see something that actually feels familiar: isn't that all that matters? You push the thoughts about Ghost aside, focusing on catching up with Soap instead.
You can see Soap is worried. You try to play it cool, telling him that you are fine. He makes you laugh with some jokes to ease the air and you appreciate it.

"Could you... could you tell me what it was like?" You ask him. You can't help but be curious. It is only fair that you ask about your job, the people in your life, everything that is now buried God knows where in the depth of your mind.
Soap looks at you like you're a lost puppy. "Lass... ye know I can't say. Not in details." He feels bad about hiding the truth from you, but the doctors were clear: not proving your memory, it will come back eventually on its own. And it's not fair to tell you important stuff of your life if you don't remember it. He feels bad, especially after seeing the look you give him: sad pleading eyes begging him.
You bicker about it for a while, but you don't have the strength to go on much longer: you feel exhausted.
"I'll just... lay down." You basically whisper, feeling your strength abandon your body. Soap lets you rest; he's happy to see you're ok, surprised at you remembering him.
He tucks you in the bedsheets, not wanting you to wake up cold, then leaves the room.

Ghost goes home to take a shower and change his clothes but makes it quick to be by your side again. He should sleep, he knows, but he'll sleep in the chair next to you, not wanting you to wake up alone.
He wonders whether you asked Soap about him, about anything. It does him no good to think about this, he knows, but he can't help it. How can he stop thinking about you not remembering him when he loves you this much?
When you awake, you're surprised to find Ghost in the chair next to you. He looks exhausted...as if he hadn't slept at all. There are dark circles under his eyes, but he's just... staring at you, softly smiling at your peaceful slumber.

"Lieutenant..." you're surprised to see him here. "You didn't have to wait here. I'm sure that chair is uncomfortable. Please, go home and get some sleep. I'll be fine here." You try and smile at him. Ghost's smile falters as his heart aches. He's making you worry for him without even trying to. Him wanting to be there for you makes you worry, makes you act even more polite and professional. He feels so distant and doesn't know how to get to you, get you back...
He shakes his head. "No, I'm fine. I just want to make sure you're comfortable." Ghost says, adjusting himself in the chair.
The guilt doesn't leave as he sees you smile. He knows you don't remember him, yet his heart pounds at the sight. He shouldn't be doing this, he should be in his office taking care of paperwork. Yet, he's here with you. And he doesn't mind getting his heart broken over and over again if it means seeing you are ok.
"Well... I am comfortable, Soap made sure of it. And if I need something the nurses will come. Please, you look exhausted. You need to rest, Lieutenant." Ghost doesn't know what hurts most: the fact that Soap helped you and not him, the fact that you keep calling him Lieutenant instead of his name. He knows you're doing this out of kindness, he cannot blame you.
Ghost swallows, then sighs as he looks over at you. "Ok, ok. If you are sure then..." He stands up from the chair, taking a few steps toward the door.
Right before he leaves, he pauses, looking back at you again. He can't help but wonder.... "You're positive you're okay? With me...leaving you? Alone?" His voice is barely above a whisper. He doesn't want to go, doesn't want to leave your side.
"I'll be alright." You smile to try and reassure him. Something within you is sad about letting him go and you can't pinpoint exactly why, but you let him go anyway. He needs to rest. You feel guilty about him staying up so late and not taking care of himself only to watch over you. Sure, you're suffering from amnesia and it's scary, but you're fine, doctors are taking care of you, you still remember some things about Soap that bring you comfort. You don't want your Lieutenant to feel bad for you. He had no part in what happened to you, he shouldn't feel obliged to watch over you. You don't want him to.
Ghost gives you a soft smile, but you sense...sadness in his eyes. He nods, then silently leaves the room. You notice he leaves the chair by you...a slight indication that he'll be back.
It makes your heart skip a beat. And you don't know why.

Ghost's silent promise is kept, because he worries about you, and can't hide it at all. The nurses are used to him coming and going, his tired eyes, his cold stare making the doctors agree to let him stay even after visiting hours are over. For the next few nights, this is the routine: you fall asleep, Ghost stays until morning, never leaving you alone, he leaves when other people come to visit you or when you notice and worry too much about how tired he is.
Slowly his presence, his warm smile, his peculiar sense of humour, the way he makes you tea... just him... start to feel like home.
He keeps you company when days feel too grey. When your guilt and fear of losing who you were are too much to bear, he's there to comfort you and lend you words of wisdom. He's there to make you feel less alone, despite how little you give back.
And when you ask him why he does all of this, he just replies that it's his duty as your Lieutenant. Ghost can't possibly tell you how he feels, that him staying there is not a chore. He wants to be by your side. If he starts to become a familiar presence again in your life, in a delicate moment of recovery, maybe... just maybe you will remember him. You will welcome him again in your arms.
To love someone like him is hard work. And he feels selfish to ask that of you again, but he can't help it. He loves you.

---

You're discharged after 2 weeks. You don't remember where you live and how to get there. According to Soap, it's a 20 minute car ride. He offers to drive you home to help you.

"I'm taking her home." Ghost's voice is rough and firm.
"No, I already told her I will."
"And I'm fucking telling you I will. Get lost." Ghost and Soap are arguing just outside your hospital room while your doctor gives you some last instructions before you leave. You can hear some bickering, but can't make out the words.
"I'm sorry Lt., but it's better if I help her get back home. Doctors said she needs to take it slow... she needs familiarity. I can't imagine what you're going through but-"
"Exactly, you can't Johnny. Don't make it harder than it already is." Ghost's stare is dark, not wanting to discuss this any further.
None of them notice you as you finally leave the hospital room, ready to go home.
"Now fuck off, before you regret it." Ghost says harshly.

Soap is the first one to see the puzzled look on your face and sighs. It's not fair, it's not right of Ghost to force himself back in your life while you recover. But he can't understand. He can't understand that Simon is losing his mind the more days pass by and you keep on not remembering him. You were and still are his everything, but suddenly he is nothing to you: how is he supposed to feel?
Soap will never understand. He needs to stay the fuck away from you.

Ghost follows Soap's eyes and notices you. His eyes soften and his voice is way less harsh when he speaks to you. He clears his throat, hoping to dissipate some tension.
"Y/N..."
He couldn't blame you if you remembered Soap and not him, but to see with his own eyes that he hadn't even made a dent in your memory was excruciatingly painful. And your eyes? Your confused, almost afraid frown you have now? He feels like a monster. Maybe it is better if he just disappears and leaves Soap to take care of you. He's funny, gentle, familiar... just what you need, especially now. His hands shake.
Something in the way he handles you with an unexpected care makes your stomach flip. You look at him... you stare at each other, forgetting time. How long has it been?
You feel more at ease after seeing him, but why? He doesn't even show his face, but those eyes... those cold eyes like cold fire hid something you think you could decipher.
Soap clears his throat, noticing that the two of you were acting like he wasn't even there. "I was just telling Ghost he could just drive you home, if that's ok with you lass... I have a work thing." He smiles apologetically.
"It's... it's fine." You breathe out, not knowing you were holding your breath.
Soap smiles as you and Ghost leave together. Ghost keeping some safety distance, but his twitching hands are dying to hold you, feel that you are alive, hope that you are still his.

Ghost hates driving but he brings you back home.
The car drive is spent in complete silence, you can only hear the faint sounds of the radio turned up at a very low volume. Yet, none of this suffice in silencing your racing thoughts: why do you feel so at ease with your Lieutenant? Why was he so adamant in visiting you every single day, despite his health? Why would he argue with Soap like that?

"Did something happen between Soap and I?"
"What?" Ghost tightens his hold on the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white.

He breathes heavily. His heart is beating so fast it seems like it's blocking every possible coherent thought forming in his mind. He's not jealous: he's disheartened. Is this how you felt when he thought himself as unlovable while you kept showering him with love and affection? You were stronger than him.

"You and Soap have always been good friends." Ghost adds.
"Is this why he kept visiting me?"

I also came to see you every day... Ghost thinks, full of sadness.
"Yeah, but you said it's your duty..."
Ghost wants to slap himself; he didn't realise he had said that out lout. He swallows hard, gripping the steering wheel like a mad man. He doesn't know what to say.
"Did you really come to see me only because it was expected of you?" You ask with a tinge of sadness in your voice. You have come to like your little talks, the time you spent together while you recovered, the way he cared, it would be rough on you if he only did that because he was forced to.
"No."

The car falls silent again, but the air is less tense. Ghost is calmer and you feel content. The warmth you feel is still unexplainable to you, but you're glad it still lingers. Ghost stops the car and is quick to come open the door for you; force of habit. He comes with you to the third floor, where your apartment is.
You have to take it easy for another week and then you can go back to training. You're sad that you're... cute, you would say, routine with Ghost has come to an end, but you're glad that he can go back to a normal and regular sleeping routine. You reach the door to your apartment and turn back to Ghost, who stands some meters away to give you space. Ha has been silent the whole time.

"Thank you, Ghost." You have learnt that he prefers to be callled Ghost instead of Lieutenant. "Thank you for... well everything."
Ghost's smile fades as you turn to leave. He knows his presence is no longer required here, but his heart aches as he watches you depart. He doesn't want to leave you, ever, but what choice does he have?
"You're welcome, Y/N." He says, almost too softly for you to hear. "Just... call me, if you need anything, y'know?" He stares at you, then swallows. "And uh...take care." He starts to walk off.
"Yeah... you-you too." You bite your lip and look at him, not exactly wanting to let him go. But he kept you company, helped you when you needed, drove you home... what more could you want from him? You can't understand but you yearn for him, something deep inside you does yearn for him.

"You want to... come inside for a drink?"

Ghost stops in his tracks, blinks a few times, unable to register what you have just said. You might not remember him, but deep down you still feel something for him, you are drawn to him. His heart swells with hope and he finally feels some relief after so many weeks of living with an aching heart.
"Sure... I'd love to." Ghost comes inside your apartment and he feels like it's like the first time. In some sense it is, but he already knows what to do and where your stuff is.
He takes off his boots, knowing you don't like people walking around your house with shoes on. Yet, he has to stops himself from stomping in the kitchen before you do; he can't let you know he already knows where to go. It makes him sad to act like a stranger in your house.

"You want some tea? Water?"
"Tea would be lovely."
You smile at him as you prepare two cups and spoons. You open a cupboard and immediately pick up a black teabag. You stop. Why did you pick that up without even thinking? You frown, so lost in thoughts you don't even hear the kettle going off. Ghost's heart almost stops. That is his favourite. Deep down you know, your heart remembers. He swallows hard.
"That one's perfect..." he clears his throat. "'S actually my favourite."
"This is Simon's favourite."
Your face scrunches up in confusion. You look like you're trying to remember something but can't. Your head starts pounding.
Ghost's heart skip a bit. Did you just say his name?

"Where-where is Simon?" You panic, afraid that he died in action. Is this why your Lieutenant was so adamant in staying with you and comforting you? To prepare you for this?
Ghost realises: you think Ghost and Simon are different people. His heart breaks into million pieces.
You may not remember you love him, but you remember Simon...and you think Ghost and Simon are two different people. And for the first time, he looks completely crushed.

"I'm Simon...."
Your eyes widen slightly in surprise, and Ghost's heart drops. You don't believe him.
"N-no... you're not." You back away from him and Ghost's heart breaks into million pieces. You seem scared of him, because you don't remember. Probing your memory is wrong, trying to make you remember might hurt you even more, but how can he approach this if you think that Simon and Ghost are two different people? He doesn't know what to do.
He has no idea how to approach this. It seems that somehow...you remember a small fragment of him, that of Simon, and that's enough for your heart to recognize the tea, but not enough for you to remember him.
"I am Simon, Y/N." He says. "There is...no one else. It's just me." In your expression he sees fear. Of him. Of the unknown.
He can feel your memories of him slipping away...but he can't do anything. Trying to recall the memories on purpose would hurt you more. But leaving you with this...this belief that Simon and Ghost are two different people...that will hurt both of you. He must be honest, even if trying to make you remember might be dangerous.

"Don't you remember...us?" Ghost asks, his voice almost a whisper. He feels tears in his eyes.
"Us? There is no us!"

There is.
Simon wants to say.
He can see the doubt on your face, the worry, the confusion. It's painful, learning you're scared to even try and remember, learning that you don't trust what he says. But he can't blame you.
Ghost sighs. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
He takes off his mask, letting you see him at his most vulnerable state. A privilege only reserved to you, even if you don't remember.
Ghost stares at you deeply, tears in the corner of his blue eyes. Scars litter his face, but he wears them proudly in front of you, as if being vulnerable with you would grant him the highest honour. You accepted him once, Ghost is sure you won't refuse him now, despite the situation you find yourselves in now.

Those blonde hair, those blue eyes, the scar on the upper lip. Those details speak to you in whispers, in a foreign tongue you haven't mastered yet. It leaves you perplexed. Your vision gets blurry without you even noticing, as tears starts to gather in your eyes. The pain Ghost feels, you somehow feel too, in your soul.
He looks at your hand, his eyes full of desperation as he wants to reach it and hold it. Everything about you: your touch, your love... it all felt right. It felt like home to him. He doesn't want you to feel afraid, to feel confused anymore. He wants you to feel the love your soul remembers, the love that still exists in your heart.

"I love you." He says, heart aching.

Your breathing becomes erratic as you start to hyperventilate. You can barely hold it together. Your head is pounding as images, voices and memories mix up. It's like everything is suddenly rushing into place, creating chaos as the pieces fail to combine.

"We..." Ghost'a breath shakes. "We had our first date at the bookshop you love... the one that makes your favourite hot chocolate. It's... it's just around the corner... if I'm not Simon, how could I know?" His words cause something within you to break. Like his voice is unlocking something inside. Memories start to slip in, like fragments, as you try to understand. Like you're grasping water trying to form something solid. Ghost is in agony as he sees you trying to remember.
"We first kissed at the movies, even if I was still wearing the mask. You laughed right after... and I kissed you again while you were laughing." Ghost chuckles bitterly, the memories making him emotional.

"I actually gifted you that cup."

You drop the cup and it smashes on the ground. Your eyes widen. The memories getting clearer. Your heart flutters as you take in Simon's face again, but it also felt like it was the first time. You had missed those eyes.
Ghost can see it in your eyes: you remembered. And for the first time in weeks, he feels relieved.
The spell in broken as you realise the cup smashed onto the ground.

"Oh god... I'm- I'm sorry, Simon." You say, unsure if you're referring to the cup, to the amnesia, to something else or all of the above.
"It's ok." He whispers as he comes closer, holding you in his arms.

"I'm s-sorry." You cry in his chest.
"You have nothing to be sorry for." His voice is gentle, soft, barely a whisper. He kisses the top of your head, breathing in your scent, relieved that you're finally there. He wipes away your tears, but can't help his own streaming down his face.
"It's ok. I'm really... really glad you're back."