"MY PANTS ARE ON FIRE!" A rockstar shouted as if his existence was fading away from the universe and he was becoming a part of the realm of stars and demons, "WAKE UP SON IT'S TIME TO RUN! WEAR YOUR SHOES AND WALK YOUR ASS, YOU CUNT!"

"Yes, this is the best running music." Kate stood outside his house, ready for a run. So, you think getting your pants on fire is really good? Okay. I see you've got balls of steel.

Vacations end tomorrow and our boy wants to get in shape so today, he is gonna go for a little run in his neighbourhood.
"AW YEAH! LET'S DO IT!" He began running but as he took his first step, he got a leg cramp—A really bad one.

He sat down to hold his leg but in the process of sitting down, he twisted his back. It's sad how pathetic you are, Kate. He decided to crawl back home to main door, but in his way he went into the mud laying on the pavement. He decided to just jump there with one of his leg, but as he got up, the door opened and Anna knocked him down into a doormat.

"What are you doing?" She asked.
He is just ensuring that he is done with the day.
"Help me back inside,"
"Is that poop on your shirt?"
"It's mud,"

"MOM! KATE GOT POOP ON HIS SHIRT! Look! It's everywhere now!"
"Why you shitting in the halls, Kate?!"
"IT'S MUD! SHUT UP!"

Anna smirked, "Make me believe that it's mud,"
"Bitch, if your shit be looking like this then you might as well visit a doctor and get that ass of yours checked,"
She kicked his cramped leg and oofed him away.

"I HATE MY LIFE, MY LEGS HURT, I CAN'T BREATHE, I STILL HAVE TWO MILES TO GO AND THIS SONG SUCKS!" A love song was playing on Kate's headphones.

"Mom? MOM! I'M DYING! GET ME WATER AND A FEW VITAMIN TABLETS! AND TURN ON THE HEATER IT'S FUCKING COLD! WHERE'S THE TOWEL? I'M SWEATY! MOM!"

Kate was getting annoyed by his own voice and felt like slapping himself but his mom did it for him.
"Can you be polite? I'm your mom, I gave birth to you! Show some respect! It's my house!"

Don't worry Kate, I hate it too when my mom pulls out that "I birthed you" card.

"STOP SHOUTING AND DO YOUR HOMEWORK! YOU HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED, HAVE YOU?!" Mrs Roberts shouted.
"...No"

"And clean this up. Why am I always the one doing all the cleaning? It's our house!"...What a hypocritical, uncultured woman. But that's how all classic moms and memes are and we love both of them.

"I'm leaving for a garage sale. It's my only day off so I wanna enjoy it! You should be done with your homework till I return!" She left. Kate threw himself on his bed. He looked at his laptop and his books.

"I need to give that essay on 'Happiness is the greatest treasure to humanity' tomorrow. You expect me to write about happiness while you give me so much homework. Whatever! I'll just lie here on my bed because it's not tomorrow yet.

... AS IF! UGH! I need to start."

He was too lazy to move his hands so he just stared at them.
"I don't know why God invented masturabation. It's fucking weird."
Kate, you're becoming weird now. Please don't creep me out.

He opened his book and switched on his new laptop because the old one was trashed. He took out a pencil, wrote half an alphabet and the point broke. He began giving deathly stares to the pencil and the pencil broke completely.

Kate, son, it's about time you know you have got your hands on the power of the gay gods.

For ten minutes, he searched for the sharpener and found it in his boots. He sharpened the pencil and the point broke and fell continuously. One eternity later, the pencil was finally sharpened but had great reduction in size. Kate knew he could pull it off but the moment he pressed the pencil on the paper—the point broke again.

THAT'S FUCKING IT!

CALL MY LAWYER, IMMA SUE THIS MOTHERFUCKING PENCIL COMPANY—THEY HAD ONE FUCKING JOB!

Kate threw the pencil on the floor and went to Anna's room to beg for a pencil. When he entered his room, he stepped on that one centimetre long pencil and severely wounded himself. He dropped Anna's pencil and jumped on one leg.

Finally, he stepped on Anna's pencil, the pencil rolled and gravity gave him a painful hug on his back.

Small things usually give you the biggest pain.

He got up and picked up Anna's pencil. He saw that its tip was broken too so he decided to sharp it but the lead from the previous pencil got stuck into the sharpener and he just couldn't get it out. He begged Anna for a sharpener next.

Finally, he asked her to sharp the pencil and she did. He brought it back to his room. He started writing after all this and then made a mistake within the first word. He looked around for an eraser but it was nowhere in sight.

He begged it from Anna and began erasing that shit but the page turned black. He rubbed further and the page tore.

"FUCK, I'LL JUST USE A PEN"
He filled the entire essay assignment with a pen. He worked hard for two hours but finally his homework was done. He rechecked it and at the end of the page it read,
"Please fill this assignement with a pencil. No pens allowed"

He tore away the assignment sheets and threw them in the dustbin. He placed an order and grabbed a toy mic.

"Fuck you!" He shouted at the pencils "NO LIKE LITERALLY FUCK YOU" He doing a rap battle with his pencil, where else could you find such a legend? He made an entire diss track on his pencils.

Soon, the doorbell rang and a man brought Kate an entire truck, full of pencils.
Our boy had ordered a truck full of pencils, that's how triggered he was. I can understand him though.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE MORE ANNOYING?

"Kate!" Anna barged inside his room as if she owned it. I was just thinking about you.

"If it's about the truck, it's a long story," Kate's room was filled with heaps of pencils. It was practically flooded.

"What truck? Hey, I wanna tell you something. You know I had a blue brasserie, it was my favourite! I can't find it anywhere. Help me find it,"

"Let me tell you a story, once upon a time nobody gave a fuck, the end" Kate said.
"AW COME ON! HELP ME! PRETTY PLEASE?" She said.

"Who do you think I am? Some kind of undie cop? Fuck off, ask mom," Kate said.
"She's an undie cop? Why am I so unaware?"
"Anna—"
"But I asked her, she doesn't know," She said, "I think it's a thief"

"An undie thief?"
"YES! A PERVERT! KATE, PLEASE FIND IT!" She said. That was it to light Kate's big brother side. You know Kate, your luck isn't very good today. You should stay home.

But he's stubborn.
And that's what gets him fucked every time. If at once you don't succeed in dying, death is not for you.

He searched the house for an hour and finally found the brasserie in the bushes of their neighbours' house. Anna, what were you doing in the bushes with your brasserie opened?
We have another MJ here.

Kate picked up the brasserie but something pulled him towards the bush. And finally a fish catching net landed on him.

"WHAT IS THIS?!" He struggled under the net. THIS is what real struggle is, not building careers out of your dad's fame. Get this right.

A boy came out of the bushes and picked up the brasserie. It was that English boy, Ralf Kaise.

"Ralf Kaise?" Kate said.
"Kate Roberts?" He said.
"So, you're the undie theif?" They both said together.

"Ew! Pervert!" He said.
"I'M NOT A PERVERT! And give me back that brasserie!" Kate got up and threw away the net.
"What are you saying? It's mine,"

"Who's the pervert now?"
"Not me," He said.
"YEAH YEAH! AND I WON'T BE LABELLED A PERVERT EITHER IF I OWNED A BRASSERIE" Kate said.

"No, you'd actually...look good in one though," It's scary how serious he looked while saying that.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, I'M A MAN!"
"I'm not interested in American men,"
"WHAT THE FUCK? BRUH. I'M NOT ASKING YOU OUT! And the hell you doing here, bastard?"

"I was goin' ta catch the bloody undie theif by using my brasserie as a bait," He said. My?
"Well, then you caught the wrong dude. I'm not the undie theif,"

"No, it is you. Just accept it and it'll be our little secret," He winked. Kate looked disgusted.
"SHUT UP! I THOUGHT IT WAS MY SISTER'S BRASSERIE THAT'S WHY I CAME TO GET IT!"

"One word—Incest"
"YOU—"
"If you're not the undie thief, help me catch the thief" He said.

"Why do you wanna catch him?"
"Because he's stealing my lingerie,"
"You're not supposed to have lingerie in the first place but okay. I've seen a lot of weird shit in the past few months, I'll just see some more just for the sake of it,"

No Kate, no.
Fuck you, dude. Don't cry when shit hits you hard! You literally look for trouble. Like bruh—What the fuck!

This is going to be a mess!

-To be continued

Ralf Kaise
All I Want Is you baby