"Even when you have gone as far as you can

and everything hurts,

and are staring at the specter of self-doubt,

you can find a bit more strength deep inside you,

if you look closely enough"

– Hal Higdon

                                                                                         ABBIE

"Rise and shine sugar!" Josie announces, as she gently sits on the edge of my bed crossing her legs with a steaming cup of coffee in each perfectly manicured hand. Before leaving, Wyatt slipped her his spare key, so she could check up on me. Even when he can't be here, he is still looking out for me.

It's been three days since Wyatt and her husband, Christian flew out with their unit. Josie is without a doubt an ISFJ personality type, Modern day Mother Theresa. Though she comes off as completely put together. she is never judgmental or pushy. She is sweet, graceful, naturally meticulous in all she does, and loyal. Introverted yet, social in the means of reaching out and helping others. I know this is her way of coping, by staying busy, but she doesn't treat me like a "project", she is patient and treats me like a friend.

"Josie," I groan "what time is it? Is the sun even out yet!" I mutter, burying my face into Wyatt's pillow, breathing in his scent still embedded in the soft fabric, as I outreach my hand beneath the cold pillow that has remained untouched beside me until now.

"Ten to six! by the time you get your running shoes on and brush your teeth, the sun will be greeting us!" she pats my shoulder blade playfully once confirming the time.

Still extending my hand to the cold underbelly of my pillow, my fingertips butt up to something foreign and hidden. What is that? I question to myself before rushing to sit up, tucking my hair back.

"That's the spirit! I read cardio can release endorphins too, so a crisp morning run, will help keep you positive while Wyatt is away."

"uh..yea..sure, Josie." I say not meaning to blow her off or tune her out as I reach under the white cotton pillowcase to reveal, Wyatt's journal to me.

"What's wrong? Did you hear me? About cardio?" Josie's low voice chimes in, forcing me to cut my teary eyes from his book to meet hers as she stands near my nightstand holding my pair of tennis shoes.

Her once chipper smile leaves her face at an instant as it quickly forms to match mine. Gently placing my shoes against the baseboard aligned with the others before smoothing over the comforter and sitting on the edge of the bed once again, perfectly postured, only closer to me, taking my free hand into hers.

I trace my fingers along the countersunk letters written on the leather cover spelling out Abagail.

"He left this here, perfectly placed, in case he dies. Our first fight was over this damned book. And now he placed it here for me to read? What gives? Other than the sole reason of dying and letting me keep this." The words spill out rushed in my frustration.

"Oh sweetie, I'm certain that's not the case." She pauses before lifting my chin, greeting me with a bright confident smile that seems to ease my waves of worry. How does she do that? Mother Theresa. "He placed it there for you to find, so you can have his words with you until he returns! Plus, you said you gave him yours too, and that the gesture did mean dying. It meant to come home."

She was right, yesterday when I gave him my journal it wasn't because of some ulterior motive, like. "In case you dye, I want you to have this." I was what it was, me giving him my heart, letting him completely in.

He was giving me his heart, letting me in completely.

As I wipe away my tears, letting her words sink in, Livi's fresh tennis shoes squeak across the living room causing her firecracker ways to burst through the air. "Oh, forget this crap!" she shouts in frustration "Abbie, switch shoes with me pleaseee!" she pleads causing my murky mood to dissipate as Josie and I chuckle from Livi's outburst. Perfect timing and without a clue. She waltzes is in the room claiming ownership of the shoes Josie had neatly place against the base boards, tossing her pink Nikes on the bed before striking a pose.

"Let's go ladies! This ass doesn't look this good from sleeping in!" she chirps followed by smacking one of her cheeks to add effect. Liv always has had a way of energizing a room.

Most of Nederland's residential areas are surrounded with ample winding streets, giving us the ideal terrain needed to develop a good burn, the hills are perfectly spaced, seeming to plane out just in the knick of time before my legs give out.

I hate running when it's too cold, I can't stand the burn I get in my throat, as my nose starts to run from my heart rate and increase body heat. I hate the feel of not being able to catch my breath.

Running with a slight scowl on my face, I notice Josie in my peripheral, matching my pace, I didn't feel like running today, I didn't feel like getting out of bed. I just wanted to mope; Wyatt was miles away. And quite frankly I was a little pissed. Pissed that I was alone, that Wyatt couldn't come home every day.

I can tell she isn't trying to push herself, trying to be supportive with over stepping. Livi on the other hand is already to our middle way mark jogging in place next to the stop sign. Waiting on me as usual.

"Come on bitches, feel the burn!" she mocks, checking her time and pulse on her Fitbit. I want to choke her fit ass. Just the motivation I needed.

As if channeled in, Josie picks up her pace with mine.

"Atta girl!"

Our arms pumping with perfect formation as we start to close in the distance to our destination, our shoes hitting the white line in sequence. The sudden stop has me placing my hands over my head as heavy breathing escapes my heaving chest, my lungs burn. I take a second to pace my breathing all while sniffling my now running nose. Unable to control it, it pisses me off, fueling me for my second wind.

"Heyy! Wait for us!" Livi shouts chasing after me.

"No pain, no gain, right?" I chortled over my shoulder, not giving her the satisfaction of gaining on me. 

With Liv and Josie on my heels, I can't help but to feel free, unstoppable, this must be the endorphins Josie was bragging about. I've done morning runs with Liv, but this time it's different, as my arms pump and I gain speed, my spirit lifts. Each sprint feeling more invigorating. As I soar freely like a bird in each airborne motion between my heels colliding with the asphalt before I'm flying again, my hair dancing in the wind.

Wyatt wouldn't want me to mope, he would be back soon. And this run has given me the clarity I've been needing. I need to burn off this bottle anger and worry.

Slowing down at the scopes, I push myself around the last bend, I can see the finish line between the trees. I can feel my emotions lifting away with each strid I take. When the tip on my left shoe greets the top of the concrete curb, my body collapses to the sad grass that still remains on the front lawn, my legs feeling like Jell-O.

"Damn, Abs, you've been holding back." Liv complains, crawling on the grass next to me with a heaving chest.

I shake my head before tossing it back into a laugh between my panting. As Josie approaches giving me knuckles before she plops down to my right, resting her head on her knees.

"Oooh, come on ladies, feel the burn, right Liv." I tease, throwing Liv a taste of her own medicine.

"Oh, hush twerp, I meant in my ass and legs not my damn lungs! This fucking hurts." Her pissy demeanor brakes just short of this. And we all burst into laughter.

Josie finally chimes in once catching her breath. I'm surprised I gave her a run for her money. Josie just seems perfect at everything. 

"When Christian is away, I try and stay busy, surrounding myself with people, projects of sorts, running." She tosses her hand to a half gesture pointing to the street as she stands up from the damp grass.

"Anyway, they are having an open mic night at the tap room across town, the small on third street, you should both come, it's tomorrow."

"You had me at tap room! And I'm always down to listen to some live music!" Leave it to Liv to be up for anything, I love her.

"You killed it on the track today Abbie, I could really use you and that of type of energy! I can see your spirit is higher today, I'd love to keep it going, keep you busy."

"Yea Abs, you down for karaoke?"

"Ah, I don't know, it feels wrong, going out and having fun without Wyatt. It makes me feel sorta guilty."

"It's completely normal. I felt the same way during Christian's first deployment. But I wasn't as luck as you to have friends by my side." She sits back down, taking my hand in hers.

"You are surrounded by so many people who love you, Abbie. Let us be here for you."

"Only if I can there for you." I reply back squeezing her hand.

"Sooo, you'll come?"

"Yes!"

"Yes! Ladies' night! I'm so excited!" Liv shrikes tackling us back into the grass in a group hug.

Standing near the entryway we squeeze in behind Josie, searching for a path in the packed tap room. Before Livi finds an in, guiding us by hand as she weaves through a slim opening. It's amazing watching how easily man respond to Liv, how a simple smile or batting of her lashes can just about get her anything she wanted. She easily gets three seats to open in minutes, with a simple hair flip and an offer for a round of beer. How is she so confident all the time? How did she know they would agree to her terms, and not just brush her off?

Through the shouting and shoulder to shoulder movement, the room still seems lonely without Wyatt and Weston here. I have second thoughts of being here. This feels wrong.

I miss hearing the siblings getting under each other's skin, five minutes after walking in the doors, Liv calling Wes a twerp. How she would tease him of flirting with me every time he so much as spoke in my direction after his third beer, how red Weston's face would get with each protest, as if Wyatt or I really thought he was.

"I am not Livi, stop making up stories. I swear, I can't take you anywhere!" He'd defend back as always, crossing his arms with a pout.

But what I miss the most is Wyatt of course, his playful smile watching as Liv would tease her brother. I miss the way he would look at me from across the bar when he thought I wasn't looking or when he would leave our table for more beer. I can still feel the red on my cheeks just from memory. As he leans into the bar just glancing in my direction, turning away as if I hadn't noticed, and of course his devilish approach and smooth lines. "I couldn't help but notice you from across the bar, can I buy you a drink?" Or the ever so cheesy but sweet "Can I have this dan-?"

"Can I have this dance?" But this time the voice isn't a distant memory, it's real. Just not Wyatt. This man was a few inches shy of Wyatt's height, with sandy blonde hair and freckles, sporting a lighter brown chin strap of thick facial hair.

"Sorry, I don-t-"

"Oh, come on, what's a pretty girl like you, dressed like that doing all by yourself? Let me buy you a drink." He presses further, leaning onto the back of my barstool, a bit more persistent than the last.

"I'm not alone, I'm here with friends."

"Oh, really now, because the only girl I see in here, is you."

"Look again, cowboy-" Alivia declares, walking up from the left side of the bar, with three full shot glasses in her hand.

"I'm looking" he clarifies giving her a slow once over, "And what's your name?"

"Ah- first off, gross..." She tosses her index finger up, holding it in the air, immediately followed by an over exaggerated eye roll. Was he really attempting to flirt with the two of us at the same time?

"And secondly, that's where I'm going to stop you before you finish that sentence with sweetheart or baby. Now I'm just catching what I know is the tale end of this little conversation, but I'll go ahead and save you some time sugar." She pauses squeezing his forearm with her free hand as she mocks out the pet name, tilting her head to the side. "This is our girls night, so why don't you find someone else to flirt with, kay?" Flashing a quick smile, she climbs onto her bar stool, placing the shots on the bar, and crosses her legs to face the man who seems unable to take a hint.

"oh darling, don't-"

"look dude-"

"The lady said back off, do we have a problem?" Liv and I both whip our heads around, equally as confused to find Sean. Giving me a polite and subtle wave, he soon shifts his undivided attention to Alivia."

"Hi uh, Ms. Young. How are you?" his question edgy and tense, I could see the panic building in his eyes as the lump in his throat grew with each second, trying to sound smooth as he mustards up the courage to speak to her

This poor guy was a bundle of nerves.

"Don't be silly, Liv, please." She quickly demands practically pouncing off the stool and into his arms, greeting him back with a hug.

"Let me buy you a drink Sean!" she playfully begs, effortlessly wrapping her arm in his, as if it belonged there all along.

By the time the bartender makes his way to our side of the bar, Josie appears, her voice pulling me back to reality. I hadn't realized I was mindlessly watching Sean and Liv's instant love connection.

"Sorry I was gone longer than I intended." She expresses, sliding onto the stool beside me, "I saw some people I knew by the signup sheet."

"Are you kidding, it's totally fine! We are here to have a good time! When do you go up?"

"In a few minutes, I came to check on you."

"It's a little lonely without him, but I'll be alright!" I answer honestly, flashing her a smile to ease over any worry. I really was having a good time, and I knew Josie suggesting this for me was to help me, to keep me out of the dark funk so many spouses and mates fall into during their partners deployment.

"Oh, I almost forgot! Shots for good luck!"

"Ready? One,"

"Two"

"Go!"

After tossing back the ones Alivia had ordered moments ago, she squeezes my hand, requesting I "wish her luck", before leaving her now empty stool to go on stage.

"How's everyone doing tonight? I know you all have been eagerly waiting on eight for Open Mic so without further delay, give a warm welcome to one of our returning favorites, Josieeeee Murrayyyy!"

"Josie, Josie, Josie!"

Cheers amplify along the standing crowd as they stomp their heels on the hard-concrete floors causing echoes to bounce off the walls, the ceiling too low to be forgiving to the noise that ripples through the crowded air. Instantly clearing as if a gust of wind blew it away. The crowd goes hush at the sound of Josie's voice as she humms along to the piano. Alivia and I stare wide eyed at each other before turning back to Josie, as she effortlessly sings.

"Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?"

In awe, I close in the space between us, as Liv rests her head on my shoulder, and we sway along to the soulful vocals swirling in the crowd. Lighters lift in the air one by one lighting the dim room like scattered stars of the night sending chills down my spine.

https://youtu.be/7iyewomin3c

What song did you imagine Josie singing?

What is your drink of choice?

Favorite cheesy pick up line?

Hey to all my lovelies, thank you so much for your continued support throughout my entire writing journey. I would have never imagined writing and enjoying it this much. I am forever thankful that God blessed me with such wonderful readers! Please remember to Vote and recommend my book to other readers like you! 

AS always i look forward to all of your comments!

Debating on doing the next two chapters in Wyatt POV , can you handle not knowing Abbie thoughts for 4000+ words? lmk!❤