Chapter 20: Redemption

ORION

News flash, I like Angel.

It's a new feeling, and I hate to admit it, but my intellect tells me I like her. Who am I to deny it? My wit is unparalleled; I know that. Yet, I find myself trying to convince myself that I feel nothing. That I'm just bored, because, damn it, I was. Pinipilit ko ang sariling isipin na wala akong nararamdaman. That I was just bored, because damn yes, I was.

But Angel pops into my mind randomly, and I always find myself smiling.

Wait, should I make her queen of hell? I don't think she'd agree to that, kahit pa kaya kong ibigay lahat ng hingin niya sa akin.

But what is this? Why do I have to court her? I mean seriously, hindi niya ba talaga ako gusto? I am charming, very charming! How is that not enough for her to say yes?

Tiningnan ko siya habang tinitingala ang mga bituin sa kalangitan. After our dinner ay niyaya ko siyang maglakad-lakad and she chose a riverside park. She looked fascinated at the night sky, which made me laughed because of her simplicity.

Nagtatakang napatingin naman siya sa akin. "Anong nakakatawa?"

"Wala naman, it's just that you seem amazed with this darkness. Imagine how much more captivating it would be if you stood in a field of stars." Proud na sabi ko.

"You stand in a field of stars?" Nanlalaki ang mga matang tanong niya.

"We used to," sagot ko. "My brother Dearil and I would even have a contest of throwing stars and stuff like that."

"Maganda bang tingnan ang mga bituin mula sa taas?" Tanong niya, curiosity dawning her face.

"Everything up there is beautiful," sagot ko.

Was I sad?

No.

I don't regret the life dad chose for me... I will do as he pleases, pero mukhang kinalimutan na niya ako because he's got a new favorite.

Yup, worst parent ever.

She looked at me with tenderness in her eyes. "Orion, you're crying..."

Kinapa ko ang pisngi. Damn it, it's wet. And if I wasn't trying to establish a good personality for her, I would have told her it's my cum flowing.

But Angel hates that, so I have to control myself.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin ay pinahid ang mga luha. "Don't mind me, I guess I had faulty tear ducts."

I felt her pat my back in a gentle manner. "It's okay to be sad."

But I am not sad. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nararamdaman ko. I know I have the worst daddy issues I can't get over with.

"I am not sad," sagot ko. I'm sensitive about this topic kaya ayaw ko sanang pag-usapan ang tungkol dito. But I don't have to tell her that dahil siya na mismo ang umiwas sa paksang iyon.

"I wish I  could see what you used to see up there," narinig kong sabi niya.

I frowned. "Meh."

Agad niya akong nilingon. "Why, hindi ba ganoon kaganda?"

I stared at her. Gusto kong matawa na pinangarap niyang makita ang langit mula sa taas. If one's from up there, it doesn't seem that special dahil iyon ang araw-araw na nakikita namin.

"It's great, but you know what's greater?" Tanong ko.

Her face lighten up, at excited na nagtanong. "What?"

"Hell." I grinned.

Nawala ang ngiti sa labi niya. "You know exactly how to ruin the moment, don't you?"

"If you come with me, hell is not bad as it seem," pangungumbinsi ko sa kanya. I am the king of hell, I have all means to make her comfortable in my empire.

Napabuga siya ng hangin. "Orion, I am not going to hell."

"Boo, what a shame." Nag-isip ako ng mga bagay na magugustuhan niya roon. "Do you like bowling? I have a great alley where we can play."

Saglit siyang nag-isip. "I've always wanted to play bowling."

"Great!" Excited na bulalas ko. "I'll call unicorn and let him prepare the skulls—"

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya. "The what?!"

Opsie. I guess skull as bowling ball is off the table.

I crossed my arms. "Alright, how about we replace it with an actual ball?"

She shook her head. "I am not playing bowling in hell with you."

Agad akong napanguso. If I am not trying to establish a good image for her, I would have insulted her. What's not fun in playing bowling in hell?

But hey, she looked extra pretty today so I am not saying anything. Pero sa totoo lang ay naiinip na ako. I was getting impatient in this playing nice charade. I mean, has she seen my face? What's not to love about it?

Pero kailangan kong magtiis. Hindi na mapakali amg mga paa ko. My foot keep tapping on the ground, trying to release my displeasure in this playing nice game. Hello, I am Lucifer, I am the embodiment of beauty, bakit nagpapakipot pa siya? Now I'm convinced something is wrong with her head.

Tiningnan ko siya nang masama.

"What?" She asked, feeling uneasy with my stares.

"Something's wrong with you. Is it your vision?" I moved closer so I can look at her eyes. She froze on her track, lalo na nang halos magdampi na ang mga ilong namim dahil sa lapit ng aming mga mukha.

"Orion, what—"

"Shhhh." Tinakpan ko mg daliri ang bibig niya. I stared at her eyes like I always do with others. By doing so, I can see people's deepest and darkest desires, but when I looked into Angel's eyes, it was like diving into a bottomless ocean. I stared deeper, but it felt like I was drowning in nothingness. I pulled back, and she seemed to snap out of it.

"What was that?" Tanong niya nang makahuma.

I looked away, a little bit pissed. "Nothing."

"Nothing?" Tanong niya. "Bakit parang galit ka?"

I'm not angry. I just hate to realize that I'm not even in her deepest and darkest desires. It's almost as if her thoughts are serene and empty, like she hasn't sinned in her entire life. There are minor disturbances, but the serene, bottomless thoughts cradle me like a baby.

And I hate it. I've never seen anyone as clear as her. Every soul I've looked into has its deepest, darkest desires.

Money.

Power.

Women.

And many more.

"Orion, what was that?" She asked, clearly irritated. "Did you—"

"Look into your thoughts? Yes. Find anything useful? No."

She blinked, staring at me as if she were weighing whether to believe me or not. "Don't do that again."

Don't do what? Doesn't she want me to know what she's thinking? "Why? Don't you want to let me know what you desire?" Deep down, it annoys me that I couldn't even see what she's truly thinking, and I couldn't find myself in her desires.

Huh, she must be blind.

Still, I have to act nice.

"What's your impression of me?" I asked her. She seemed a bit surprised by my question, but I needed to know why I didn't even cross her mind. She can make me kneel in her thoughts, but no, I wasn't even there— which made me want to sulk about it.

"Impression?" Naiilang na napatingin siya sa akin.  "You're mean."

I frowned. "Which part of 'I am the devil' suggests that I'm nice?"

"I know you still have goodness in you, Orion."

I scoffed. "Don't expect too much."

"I also think you want to be loved," she said.

I averted my gaze. "Nah, I run hell, everyone there loves me. What more could I ask for?"

She shrugged. "True love."

"No, thanks. I'm good," I replied. Love, huh? Why would I want it when I was thrown out of heaven despite my dad's claim of love for me? The worst father ever just made me develop trust issues.

Naramdaman kong hinawakan niya ang kamay ko. "We should get to know each other. Kung... k-kung totoo ang sinasabi mong liligawan mo ako."

I raised a brow. "Why? Don't you already know me? I thought I'm the infamous Lucifer. I know you've heard a lot about me."

Tumango siya. "Marami akong narinig, pero iyon ka ba talaga?"

I didn't answer her question, but I pondered it. Am I really the person people think I am?

Well...

I don't know.

I don't care.

"Hindi ko kailangan patunayan ang sarili ko," sagot ko sa kanya. "Look, I'm not playing nice just to get in your pants. You know me as I am, so don't expect me to suddenly become a saint just to get a 'yes' from you. I could snap your neck for a 'yes,' but I won't do that. I'm bored, so I'll go along with this damn courtship thing."

She smiled. "I know. Alam kong hindi mo kayang magbait-baitan."

I crossed my arms proudly. "At least we're clear. So, can I get your 'yes'?"

She looked shocked. "What? That's not how courting works, Orion—"

"Oh, forget it. I told you I can't play nice." In one swift motion, I pulled her in for a kiss. She was stunned, but she didn't move away. My kiss was chaste and slow, ones that I ever give anyone, but Angel seem to like it.

I was more of a hungry kisser, but surprisingly, slow ones with her were satisfying. it was sweet, slow and gentle, as if I was afraid to break her. she was the first to pull away, ngunit mabilis ko siyang hinawakan sa baiwang upang hindi siya gaanong lumayo.

"Orion, you cannot just kiss me any time you want," namumulang sabi niya. sinabukan niyang mas lumayo pero dahil mahigpit ang hawak ko sa kanya ay hindi na siya nagpumiglas pa.

"Oh, I know you like it."

She looked away, tila ba nahihiya dahil nahuli ko siya. "Still, you cannot j-just do it any time."

Napansin  ko ang tila nababahala niyang hitsura. kinagat niya ang pang-ibabang labi, na para bang pinipigilan ang paghikbi.

NOW I FEEL BAD! DID I JUST MAKE HER CRY????????????????!

OH, SHIT.

"No, don't cry--" 

She already did.

Now I want to punch myself in the face.

"What now, Angel?" naiinis na tanong ko. Sa katunayan ay mas naiinis ako sa sarili ko. I just made her cry. what the fuck is wrong with me?

Well, I always make her cry, so bakit big deal sa akin na umiyak siya ngayon? It's not like this is the first time that she cried! Ugh, maybe I'm out of my mind already.

Pinahid niya ang mga luhang nag-uunahan sa pagbagsak. 

"Look, if it's because of the kiss, I hate to say this, but if it makes you feel better, then I AM SORRY." I raised both hands to show her I am not touching her, afraid of hearing more of her cries.

Come on, I AM LUCIFER. 

I've committed numerous wrongs, and not once did I express remorse.

So why should I apologize for kissing her?

DAMN ME.

"I'm sorry," pag-uulit ko.

She looked at me with tears rolling down her cheeks. Her lip quivered as she tried to tell me something, and she was darn endearing that all I wanted to do was console her and wipe away those tears with tenderness.

"Am I... bad for enjoying the devil's kisses?" tanong niya.

I laughed and pulled her in for a hug. She continued sobbing, and now I feel bad about it. 

"I give the best kisses, so that's completely normal," sagot ko sa kanya.

But deep inside, I was troubled.  She's too pure for this world, while where I am from, there was torment and chaos. I had always seen myself as one who sought amusement above all else, reveling in the suffering of others—a devil's nature, or so I thought.

...because for the first time, I yearned for something I had never considered before—redemption.

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