The author is @CielSensei in case you want to check this book out. ~XOXO BUTTERBALL~

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Romance Book Review: Project Pegasus

Author: CielSensei

Title: Project Pegasus

First thoughts on the title: while the title does sound good it also sounds really generic. It doesn't pop or make me do a double take to look at the book again, it's just there. A better title might be Project Zero using the Zanki Zero font which is this:

OR you could do something similar to the zero escape series font like this:

my title rating is 5 out of 10. It's a very meh title.

Cover: So this cover isn't really amazing you know it feels almost generic as the title. It needs some color, some flare something to catch the reader's attention. While I do kind of like the cover it isn't something that has its own personality, which is important especially on wattpad. 4 out of 10.

Summary: Amidst having almost everything he wants, Hiiro Akira, a grade 12 student is still caged by the death of his first love, Haruka. Remembering her again, a strange loud sound suddenly made a disturbing noise. It came from a burning airplane falling towards him. Waking up, he found himself in an unknown, desolated place. The worst thing is that he became a skeleton of a familiar necromancer. Who is this girl who looks exactly like his first love?

Thoughts: Okay this summary is a bit clogged up with unnecessary things, you're revealing a lot of things to us that should be in the book instead. I'll help rework it for you. "Despite having the world at his fingertips, Hiiro Akira is still caged by the death of his first love, Haruka. After a horrifying plane crash, he awakens in an unknown and desolate world with enemies and friends around every corner will Hiiro be able to escape?" There we go, this version of the summary trims a lot of fat and leaves some secrets for the reader to find. While the grammar is okay it definitely needs a total touch up. 3 out of five.

First and second impressions:

1. So this book was rather confusing to read, things and actions happened so quickly without transitions to help the reader. I have ADHD so this was incredibly hard for example at the beginning I didn't know who's pov it was at first so labeling your pov changes is something you absolutely have to do. An example of your pacing issues reveal themselves in the first chapter when Haruka's father suddenly gets fired, her mother dies and suddenly without any transition, her father becomes an alcoholic.

It was like tragedy bingo almost all that was missing was an unnecessary rape/molestation scene. I recommend spreading out the awful events in Haruka's life across the chapters to show her mental health degrading and her despair building, when it hits us all at once in just the first chapter it doesn't give us time to know and sympathize with the character. When I first read that series of events I actually laughed for a second. Mostly because it was suddenly hitting a brick wall. Show a realistic depiction of Haruka, she could slowly start to care less and less about her appearance.

I actually liked the tail end of chapter 1 however where Haruka is reminiscing about all the things she loves about Hiiro and all of the things she's going to miss about him right before she commits suicide. I thought that was a really well written and touching scene which shows that this book has the potential to be amazing. I know that you want to get to the important parts but rushing it makes things worse.

2. When I started reading this it kinda felt like a generic slice of life anime. When you think of the word slice of life this book pops into your head. I would've liked more descriptions of the environment when Hiiro woke up. "It was dark, the enormous trees reaching up to block the sun. There was a rancid smell in the air like that of sewage and rotten food, it stung my nose irritating me. The cries of wild animals echoed around me." Another example of you telling instead of showing in chapter six, in the beginning, you give a description of a castle "The castle sat at the top of a cliff with magnificence. Fortified by walls, it was only accessible by two bridges. Enclosed by a stone wall, a large building was installed at the middle supported by four giant pillars." Instead of just describing the bare basics go crazy after all fantasy is anything you can imagine.

4 out of 10 while there were parts I enjoyed it was still a confusing read with many unnamed pov changes and almost frantic pacing. The pacing is so quick that it actually ended up doing a disservice to the book. I believe that if you sit down and really plan out scenes this will be amazing and that scene at the tail end of chapter 1 shows it.

Grammatical rating: 2 out of 5 Your main problem is the random unnamed POV changes and your pacing both are easy to fix. Place the name of the character at the top of their chapter like this -Hiiro- to let the readers know who's pov it is this chapter. You also have a habit of repeating phrases such as when you told us twice that Haruka and Hiiro are childhood friends. You should only do it once then show us that their close with their dialogue. You also need more dialogue tags as well so that the reader can see who's talking.

Genre Ratings:

Romance category: 1 out of 5 the romance between Haruka and Hiiro were completely unbelievable. A lot of their conversation seemed stilted and frankly odd. I know that you're trying to capture that high octane energetic feel of anime but this isn't the way. Hiiro being ostracized because he saved Haruka made no sense because most schools have cameras and security guards, I got that Haruka lied too because of Sakura but there has to be one person who isn't afraid of her family like the counselor or something. Even rich people with connections can pay for their crimes eventually. Haruka and Hiiro's chemistry seems incredibly forced, I just can't see them as a couple. However, at the end of chapter 1 I was surprised because Haruka's thoughts in that moment were captured beautifully and you can actually see how much she truly loves Hiiro. 2 out of 10 for relationship progression.

Subgenres:

Fantasy Category: 1 out of 5 The first is world building which you didn't do much of until a huge info dump on chapter 5.5 and info dumps are never good. They can be done organical such a character asking another character about certain things in the world. Here's an example from my book Lap of the gods:

"What are you eating? It smells strangely sweet." She asked her tail curving as she cocked her head to the side.

"Do you want some?" I asked as I reached into my knapsack again.

"Tell me what it is first." She said watching me.

"It's candy. Hard candy to be exact," I told her as I held up a piece of it in my hand.

Marta let out a snort. "I'm not a child why would I want something like that?" She huffed.

I rolled my eyes as I unwrapped the candy and grabbed her hand placing it in her palm despite her protest. She glanced at me before picking up the candy and examining it.

She turned it this way and that between her fingers, even holding it up to the sun for a moment or two. It was as though she'd never seen anything like it before.

She definitely couldn't have been one of my family's servants if she's never seen that candy before. They sell them everywhere back in Marchen, especially in spring.

I watched her carefully as she stared at the candy with slight wide-eyed awe. "You're exactly like a curious child," I taunted.

She glared at me briefly before finally tossing the candy in her mouth. The moment she did her eyes went incredibly wide before squeezing shut as her tail flicked out and thumped against the ground.

"It's sooo sweet!" She exclaimed as her tail flailed around in an almost frantic manner. "What is this made of? How in the world can you eat this?"

Despite all her protest and complaints, she didn't spit it out, however. I chuckled a small smirk spreading across my face.

"Its made from kreshelt berries that grow in the demon capital Marchen. Typically the berries grow year round but they're incredibly sweet and ripe during spring which is when this candy is at its best. I bought these back in Aurora, however since the berries don't grow there or anywhere else for that matter a merchant who had these was hard to find," I explained as I watched her.

She seemed to be getting used to the taste of the candy, despite the scowl that was on her face she had stopped flailing around.

This is one of the ways to organically introduce world building use character dialouge to your advantage! The rules of your world are never properly explained especially the magic system as Hiiro seems to instantly master it, let us see him struggle and earn his powers so that when he can use even one of them we get excited because us readers were with him when he finally succeeded.

4 out of 10 you created a fantasy world then did almost nothing with it. World building is important in both anime and books its why anime like Made in Abyss succeed.

Overall score:

Title: 5 out of 10

Cover: 4 out of 10

Summary: 3 out of five

First and second impression: 4 out of 10

Grammatical: 2 out of 5

Genre:

Romance Category 1: 1 out of 5

Romance Category 2: 2 out of 10

Sub Genre:

Fantasy Category 1: 1 out of 5

Fantasy Category 2: 4 out of 10

Final Score: 4 out of 10 This book while not unpleasant was a incredibly confusing read. Slow the pace of it way down, rewrite some scenes or add some scenes of Haruka's life tumbling down. Alter the dialogue a bit, think about how you talk with your friends. In the end, this book needs a lot of work to truly shine. Keep writing and working on it can be the best book it can be.