+ + +

Tom is exhausted by the time we leave Zeke and Shauna's. I carry him home and he falls asleep on my shoulder as Indy leads us home.

I sigh, entering the apartment and locking the door behind us.

I miss Tobias.
He hasn't called in two days, and I missed his call this morning.

I miss his face.
His voice.
His smile.
His love.
Him loving me.
Us making love

I miss him.
All of him.

"Mommy?" Tom slowly wakes when I lay him down.

"Shh, good night Thomas." I tuck him in and kiss his forehead. "I love you."

I close the door to his bedroom and move towards my bedroom. Unlike every other night, Indy isn't sitting outside of the door. I look over to see him passed out in his bed already.

My boys are asleep.
I sigh in relief of the fact.

Except, I find myself not the least bit tired.

I silently shut the door to my bedroom, it shutting completely with a quiet click.

His hands.
I miss his hands.
Holding my hand.
Touching my body.
Giving me pleasure.

I mentally groan at myself.
Tris, snap out of it.

Tobias will be home soon enough.
Soon enough he and I will be trying for another baby.
You'll get a chance to fulfill your needs together once he's back.

I sigh, opening my dresser and pulling out some pajamas and tossing them on the bed. I raise my shirt over my head and unclasp my bra, both going in the hamper of dirty laundry.

I sigh, turning around to the bed, a deep longing in the pit of my stomach.
I wish he was here.

My arm brushes against my breast when I reach for my sleep shirt. I sigh again, shaking my head.
I wish he were here in this bed with me.

I look at the made bed and can't help but lick my lips.
Snap out of it! I mentally scream at myself.

I stand, dazed, and I'm not sure for how long, just staring at the bed, topless.

Plenty of people do it, Tris.
Tobias says he has too.


That's selfish, Tris. Just go to bed.


You know you won't sleep; especially being this horny. There's nothing to be embarrassed about— especially with a husband as attractive as yours.

I clench my hands into fists, groaning quietly in frustration.

I look down at my breasts, finding my nipples extremely erect and I notice how much my heart is racing.
You've touched your boobs before. Jeez, you breastfed your son for over five months.

I take my hand and squeeze my right breast lightly, almost timidly. Moving my hand, I run my index finger over my nipple, during the process biting a hole in my bottom lip.

Come on, just do it.
You know you want to.

I place my thumb under my nipple, my index finger on top and lightly roll it, my hand trembling in anxiety and want.
I squeeze a little harder, my nipple throbbing from the attention.
It's not the same as Tobias touching me, but it will do.

I roll my other nipple more aggressively, my confidence in myself growing slightly stronger.
I never imagined I'd even consider doing something like this.

I drag my hands down my stomach, unbuttoning my jeans and sliding them down my hips with my underwear.

I take a moment to notice how heavily I'm breathing: how my heart is beating out of my chest and all I want is skin touching skin.

I use both my hands to massage my breasts, still too anxious to go lower where I throb with want.

I imagine Tobias over me, his lips on mine, his hand trailing down my hip, separating my legs.

I whimper to myself, passing below the equator of my bellybutton to my pubic region.

You've put in a tampon before, Tris. What's the difference?

Oh, there's a difference alright.

I can't believe I'm about to do this.


I move my bottom and prop myself up on my pillow a little bit, my nerves causing me to sweat.
I spread my legs slightly: not enough to have Tobias push into me, but enough for my small hand to fit between.

I sigh, my breath shaking as I drag my fingers up my swollen mound. The heat and moisture only grazes my middle finger lightly, leaving it slightly wet with my juices.

More confident, I use my left hand as well. Separating my lips, I run my middle finger up and down the entrance of my vagina. I sigh, feeling my clitoris throbbing.

I gasp, jerking my hands away for a second when I feel something sharp.
Tobias doesn't have nails like I do.

I sigh a shaky breath, resuming my motions and making a mental note to watch out for my left thumb that has a little nick in it.

I decide that I'm mentally as ready as I will ever be and cautiously dig my middle finger between my lips.
My hands are so small that the touch is nothing compared to Tobias's.

I moan, adding a second finger so that I can actually feel the movement I desire.
My hands shaking less, I remove them from inside me and use my middle finger to circle around my clit.

"Fuck!" I jerk, whispering to myself from my touch.
I slowly press down directly on my clit and feel it pulsating under my middle finger. Moving slowly, I decide that rubbing my nub gives me more pleasure than attempting to finger myself at a weird angle.

So this is what it's like. I can't help but think. Masturbating. Instead of telling someone what feels good or not, I can just change what I'm doing to what -I- want.

I groan, dipping my middle finger back down to my lips to collect moisture to lubricate my clit.
I imagine Tobias hovering over me, pushing his shaft inside of me, violating my folds.
This moisture was made for him; so he can fit perfectly inside me.

I bite my lip, closing my eyes and increasing the speed of my rubbing. I feel my passion build in my lower stomach, my head beginning to spin as I know I will come soon.

The direct stimulation to my clit doesn't leave much time until I feel sweat dripping down my forehead as I am no longer able to contain my movements.
I shake, keeping my moans at bay the most I can as my orgasm comes crashing over me.
My whole body tingles as I continue to stimulate my nub, the waves seeming to never end as my shaking slows.

And I sigh, slowly removing my fingers from myself. Laying still for a few moments, I listen to my heart race.

Wow.