Chapter Eight - I Wish

—Tobias

"I really miss her." Christina's eyes meet mine, her hand laced in Will's.

She was planning on visiting her yesterday, but I got a call that she was still unconscious from surgery and isn't allowed visitors until further notice.

Yeah, I miss her too. My eyes can't help but meet their laced hands. I miss having my girlfriend. I miss her not being in pain every time I see her.

I miss her sanity.

"I do too."

"You saw her like what," Christina shoves her attitude at me, "Three days ago? Four, I haven't seen her in like five months!"

"And you think I can help that?" I shove an attitude back at her. "I can't help what is wrong with her and why they don't allow everyone to visit her. I'm not making those damn calls, Christina."

Will places his hand on her shoulder; a simple gesture to tell her to stop. Her eyes hold their glare at mine before turning and following Will towards the Cafeteria.

"What was that all about?" Amar comes up behind me.

I grunt. "Normal Christina bitching mannerisms."

"Over what?"

The person you became with her is a person worth being.

I don't answer, the space of a few seconds seems like years.

Will was able to make Christina stop picking a fight.

I'm loosing myself without Tris around.

I'm becoming my father.

"You alright there, man?" He puts his hand on my shoulder.

"In all honesty, no. I'll talk to you later." I turn and walk down the hall towards my mother's place.

The walls of the dauntless compound are all gray, rough cinder blocks. They reflect the mood of my life. Basic and rough; tough to crack.

She had surgery four days ago.

It's been almost five days since I've seen her.

I find myself staring at my mother's door to her apartment.

Do I go in and pour my heart out? Tell her everything on my mind and expect to gain something out of it?

I turn and run.

My lungs burn as I dash through the compound, cutting turns and avoiding people on the dimly lit unpopulated halls of the compound.

I burst through the south side door and run through the streets of my city; the city I've come to know like the back of my hand; the place I call home.

Erudite is a solid ten minute drive from Dauntless.

I bet I could run it in twelve.

April is an odd month. It's not cold, as of today, tomorrow, however, it might be freezing.

Soon it will be May, and Tris will have been back home for almost seven months.

She still hasn't seen Chicago; seen the world outside of that damn hospital.

The chilled air makes my eyes water as I turn down another block. I feel my pulse in every inch of my body; pulsing each time my foot hits the ground.

It's not until I come within a block of Erudite Med that I slow my pace.

People don't move very fast in the Erudite Compound.

I look at my watch.

Fifteen minutes.

I could do better.

I walk up the ramp and into the hospital. A man at the front desk gives me a smile as I make eye contact with him.

"What room is Beatrice Prior in?"

He says nothing, typing into his computer and scrolling through lists.

"She was being transferred today, so I can't be sure where she is. Check R313 first, or else come back to be and I'll track her down."

"R313." I repeat to myself, slightly winded. "How do I get there?"

"Take the elevator to the second floor, follow the signs saying Rehabilitation, then it's the third floor of the Rehab center."

"Thank you." I walk to the elevator, impatiently waiting until it arrives.

Elevators contain my two favorite things: they bring you to an increasing height, and they're super small.

The only reason I don't take the stairs is that I have no clue where they are.

I don't look at the signs as I make my way to the Rehab center. It makes me comforted to know that she is in the Rehab like she was a week ago, for she was happier here than anywhere else I had seen her.

A woman at the entrance to the center stops me, asking who I'm looking for.

"Beatrice Prior."

"She was just moved in today. We don't allow visitors to those who have just moved in."

"Look." I lower my voice. "I have to see her. I won't stay over an hour."

"What's your relation." She keeps the same monotoned professional voice she's trying to fool me with.

I'm visiting Tris no matter this bitch wants me to or not.

"I'm her boyfriend who carried her away from her death. The man at the front desk already told me what room she's in, so if you don't mind I will get going now."

I walk past her and she doesn't object.

Good. She has a third of a brain then.

I knock lightly on the door before reaching for the knob.

It's locked.

"No one is in R313 as of today." A nurse walks by me. "Could I steer you in the right direction?"

"What room is Beatrice Prior in?"

The nurse goes to the next door over, R312, knocks, then opens it. "Beatrice?" She pokes her head in the door.

"The guy at the front desk has been sending people all over the hospital today. However, he's only ever off by a room or two. He's dyslexic. Here she is."

"Thank you."

My heart is filled the second I see her sitting upright.

"Tris." I walk up to her and gently wrap my arms around her. Her head is heavy on my shoulder, she feels cold despite the warmth of her room.

We sit in silence, my hand in hers, stroking her hair that continues to get longer since they cut it in the hospital.

She's sitting upright, but pale as ever, she looks like she hasn't been eating again.

"What happened?" I ask her.

She looks at me, her thinned face making her seem ages older than the nineteen years she has, one could confuse her for a frail grandmother.

Her eyes are bloodshot red, making her pupils seem like a darker blue than grey.

She says nothing, and I wonder if she hasn't been speaking again.

"Please, say something."

She slightly shifts her head as to say no.

"What's wrong?"

I'm scared my questions are making her feel attacked.

Does she not remember me?

"Tris." I stroke the side of her face.

She swallows, and such a natural task seems to cause her pain.

"Do you want me to get a doctor or someone?"

She continues to just look at me and I feel myself begin to panic.

Panicking only makes her panic.

Tobias calm down.

You're only going to make things worse.

STOP!

Her hand is gripping mine tightly, and I wonder if it's the only thing keeping her here; keeping her conscious.

Pressing the button on the wall will call doctors: many doctors. That will make her panic, and panicking will make things worse.

But if I don't call the doctors she could pass out and then things will be really bad.

"Can you see me? Blink once for yes, two times for no."

She blankly looks at me.

"Tris?"

She exhales deeply, and I almost find my hand on the red button.

"I love you." She says weakly.

I feel the pulse in her hand as she drifts off and I know she's not unconscious.

I never had to press the button.

Her scream drew every single medically trained person to the room.

I wish there was more I could do.