Chapter 68 -No Words

— Third Person

She couldn't hide after all the attention that Christina brought to her: it was the middle of visiting week, and she was the face of her faction.

She walked through the halls that morning with her eight month old son in her arms, his small head resting on her chest as the gaze of passing people always slowed on her.

It was hard to miss the swollen nose and purple eye by even a glance.

She knew the rumors spreading: how she antagonized Christina to punch her, how all the things Christina said were true, and how she deserved the random attack.

In reality, none of them were true, and all she was was a new mother trying her best to juggle too many things.

She always poured her heart into planning and executing visiting week each time it came to Dauntless. It was the least she could do, and socially it was hard enough with her constant mourning of Ian.

But as rumors spread that week, the amount of people of different factions inside the compound seemed to become thinner and thinner.
However, she didn't know that someone was working against her— changing all the times that she scheduled and spreading fake news that certain sessions were cancelled.

It was no wonder the faction consisted of mainly dauntless with a few exceptions to visitors; the events that she planned got cancelled and she didn't even know about it.
She didn't know Kaylee was working against her, and her plans to irritate Tris were so well formulated.

—Tris

People wouldn't miss the ambassador meeting. It's the same day of the week every year. I thought to myself as the clock passed three and only my Dauntless ambassadors sat around the large table with so many bare seats.

You've got to be kidding me. I feel my anger growing rapidly, changing to anxiety.

Why do the other factions hate me so much? I didn't throw a punch this week, I did nothing!

"Just go home guys," I sigh running a hand through my loose hair. "Take a packet if you want on the way out, but it's nothing you don't already know about."

I leave the room briskly, feeling tears brim my eyes in frustration.
Why do I even bother to stay up for endless nights preparing all of this when—

My thoughts are abrupt when I hear a female calling my name.

"Tris!" I turn my head to see Sarah jogging lightly to catch up with me.

"Sorry about that," I immediately ramble in embarrassment. "I'm just so frustrated and—"

"We can forget it," she holds my forearm tightly in hers and I take a moment to forget that there is about ten years in difference between us. "Do you know what's going on, where is everyone?"

She follows me to my office and I sit in my chair. I hear the door click and her sit in one of the chairs across from me.

"I'm not the most liked person, if you can't tell," I look up from my face in hands to see her eyeing me with a concern in her light blue eyes.

"Can I ask what happened?" She motions to my face and I shake my head.

"Can you tell me what you've heard? There's so many rumors circling and I can't keep track of why people hate me anymore." I almost sadistically chuckle at the end.

"What happened to Rose?" Her voice lowers. "She was trying to tell me something yesterday, but I don't want to believe her, and I'm worried."

"Did she tell you she's pregnant?" I'm surprised my my directness. Sarah nods and I sigh.
Thank you for finally taking my suggestion to tell someone, Rose.

"She's been staying at my place off and on since—"
"So it's true?!" Sarah looks at me in disbelief. "You saved her?" She starts shaking when I nod and I stand, moving over to the second chair and sitting across from the young girl.

"I got this from her sister, because her and I are friends and I didn't tell her about what happened." My voice is low when the girl's eyes search mine.

"That's sick," she shakes her head and I sigh again.

"But I don't blame her."

Sarah is quiet and I can see her trying to figure out what to say.

"Kaylee told me it was both of you."

"What?" I release my hands from hers for a second in shock.

"She said you went to find Rose, found her with that guy and he— he hurt you too. Then I heard from some visiting Candor that you fought Rose's sister and threw the first punch because you thought you shouldn't have had to be the one there to save her and that it was her job."

I sigh again.

What the hell.

"I knew none of it was true, but then I began to worry when people started leaving, and then Rose talked to me yesterday, and it seemed like the pieces kind of matched, but it still didn't seem right." I can't tell if she's actually crying, but it sounds like she is from the tone of her voice.

"Rose is safe, and so am I. Nothing happened to me really, but Rose needs us more than ever right now, especially with her sister acting out this way." I say and Sarah nods.

"I'm pulling the plug on visiting week tonight after story time. I'm not dealing with this shit anymore." I think out loud and Sarah looks up at me, her eyes red.

"What are you going to do?" Her eyes are wide like a dog's. "Everyone has been sharing theirs about the attack this past year, are you?"

"I don't know."

+   +   +

"I was going to get up here tomorrow night and tell my story about the attack. How I saw my best friend running to warn me before he was crushed to death my rubble. My best friend who signed his position to me when he died and neglected to even warn me."

"Not tonight, but twenty-four hours from now I was going to tell about how I was almost crushed to death as well, and how I didn't know that at the time I was carrying my son, and how my life from that point forward was made of disbelief because of how both he and I survived." I sigh, wanting to puke at the sparse crowd of clearly only dauntless members.

"I'm trying." I feel my voice crack.

"I'm trying to be like Ian was, I'm trying to be a new mom, I'm trying to deal with all of this bullshit, but if you don't want to be here, than just go home!" I feel myself growing louder with anger. "Yeah, I'm not professional, I'm not perfect, I'm not cookie-cutter attire, and I'm sure as hell not anyone other than me: Beatrice Prior, the girl with a target always on the back of her head."

I'm quiet for a little while longer, trying to find the words to speak.

"So just go," I'm soft now. "Go home and spread rumors. Tell people all about me, the person you think I am. It's not like anyone will ever come up and ask, so why bother showing up to make assumptions by watching me get punched by my best friend and then assuming that I'm a terrible person. I'm done, this week is over, go home, good night." I leave the wall in the pit, my blood boiling.

I've never been more upset by the results of visiting week, or story time, or myself.

.

"You're alright," I rub Rose's back as she vomits into the toilet.
Unlike my pregnancy, she gets sick every night before bed. Today I had dropped by her place before going home to talk about Sarah only to find her preoccupied.

"I want to forgive her," she says once she's finished vomiting, her face flushed. "I miss her as my sister. Not that you're not great—" she panics and I laugh.

"I know, I'm not offended." I rub her knee, sitting down next to her as her head rests on my shoulder.

And she was able to med her relationship with her sister much sooner than I was. I'm glad she was able to, for the last thing she needed on top of stress from Phillip and stress from being pregnant was dealing with shunning her sister.

"Gosh you're getting big," I hold Thomas on my hip. "Just a few more weeks and you'll be one, One." I laugh and brush his curls out of his face.

I look down at my phone when it buzzes, seeing a text from Rose asking me to meet at her place for brunch.

I sigh, not really wanting to accept, but not really wanting to deny my four month pregnant friend.

"Good morning, love," Tobias emerges from the bedroom, clearly having just gotten out of the shower from his moist body. I peck him on the lips before putting Thomas in his high chair and sprinkling out some cereal for him. He picks it up with his tiny fingers and chews on it with his gums, the look on his little face enough to make me never stop smiling.
"He's so perfect," I gush and Tobias chuckles behind me.

I tell him about my plans to go to Rose's, and I leave him with a very upset Thomas who's in need of a diaper change. I make my way out of the door and down the hall to Rose's place and knock before letting myself in.

And of course, Christina is sitting in her living room when I enter.

"I'm not doing this, Rose!" I yell to her in her kitchen once I lock eyes with Chris.

Not today.
I can't, just not yet.

"You don't have to talk to her," I see the plead in Rose's eyes when she chases me as I'm about to leave.

"No." My voice is stern and I step into her kitchen to avoid Christina's glance.

Rose follows me, her hands on her small bump.
I hate doing this to her while she's pregnant.
But I just can't talk to her.
I'm not ready.
I haven't found the words.

"I'm meeting Sarah in the cafeteria, and you're staying here," she tries to boss me around and I roll my eyes.

Whatever, I'll leave the second after she does. I flakily agree to her requirement of me being in a room with Christina.

"Behave." Rose barks to her sister who sticks her tongue out in response before leaving.

I lean against the doorframe, trying to act casual although I'm ready to bolt at any given second.

"I'm sorry, you know." Christina speaks after minutes of me staring her down, her voice smaller than I've ever heard it.

I don't reply.

I don't have anything to say, especially to her.