Chapter 41 - You Are Loved

— Tris

"They seem nice," my mother stands in the doorway to my bedroom, the long blue ice pack in her hands. "Here," she hands it to me as I lay back on the bed.

"The guy, Zeke, he was one of the two guys who found me in the Pire rubble. They're both the same age as Tobias and they met during initiation. They're both Dauntless born though."

She nods, sitting on the foot of the bed, picking up the dirty grey backpack. "They brought you things?"

"Yeah, they had to get into the apartment anyways to get Indy, and I guess Christina had broken into my office for fun and they got me some clothes and stuff I guess. I haven't looked inside yet, open it up." I prop up on my arm a little bit.

"Here," she stands, taking the pillow from behind me and resting it on the wall. She leaves the room for a moment and returns with another pillow. "Scoot over," she laughs lightly sitting propped up on the wall next to me, the backpack in her hands.

My mother had loosened from her previous Abnegation traits since returning to the city. She is more outgoing and less reserved unlike the woman I grew up to know.

I see myself in her.

I take the bag from her, and now I realize it is one of my backpacks I got when out with Shauna.

She had insisted that I kept loosing things and needed a purse or something to carry everything with, so I opted for this small bag. I never used it, but it was nice to have if I ever did need it, I guess.

Sitting on top is a picture from my desk, a picture I see every day that does not phase me.

Today, it makes my emotions run high. My hand covers my mouth as tears immediately fall from my cheeks.

My first Christmas in Dauntless was special.
Early on in the month of December I had taken one of Chris's big red hats with a white ball at the end of it as a joke. Somehow, I have yet to return it to her.

Tobias had found one for himself, for visiting week had landed at the first week of December that year, and the leaders and ambassadors had Christmas attire planned and scheduled all week for each day.

We hosted Christmas at our house that year, five Decembers ago. Shauna took this picture of Tobias and I in our red hats, Indy cooperating for the picture sitting between us.

"So that's the infamous Indiana I hear so much about," my mother smiles at the picture.

"I'm so glad that they're both okay. I miss them," I cry hysterically.

"Oh, honey," my mother pushes my head to her shoulder. "This is only the first frame," she laughs lightly pushing the bag aside.

"My gosh that is beautiful," my mother pulls out the next frame and holds it between us.

I break into another fit of sobbing uncontrollably.

Christina had her camera ready the day that Tobias proposed, the day that I returned from Erudite. I'm pretty sure she had bribed him to telling her what he was planning.

The moment I pressed my lips to his, as a way of saying yes, she caught the moment on film to last a lifetime.

"God, I miss him," I find my voice through my tears.
My emotions have been strung so high lately, it's as if I am a different person.

I just hope returning to Dauntless will make it easier; fix the homesickness I have.

"Look at this one," my mother pulls out another frame.

"What?" I take the frame from her. "I only have that one on my desk!" I motion to the one of Tobias, Indy and I that has been set aside.

The next frame is of just Indy and Tobias.

"I've never seen this one before," I laugh at myself as I cry.

The picture captures a moment of Tobias holding Indy as a puppy, a big blue bow on the puppy's head that is almost the same size as him.

"This must have been when he got Indy," I think out loud. "It's been six years now." I hold onto the picture tightly.

My two boys.

"Would you look at that," my mother pulls out the next one.

This one is just of Christina and I, and I think it was just taken last week when it was her birthday.
My eyes temporarily dry as I look at the picture and laugh at the height difference between us.

"Oh, you have to get me a copy of this one!" My mother gushes over the next frame that she pulls from the bag.

"When was that taken?!" I set aside the frame of Chris and I and move my attention to the frame in my mother's hands. I'm holding my six year old niece on my hip, smiling at her in my arms.

I haven't seen Bea in so long.

"You look like you could be her mother in that picture!" My mom remarks. "Don't tell Cara I said that," she nudges me.

"This must have been the last visiting week when they came to stay with us for two days." I comment, more or less thinking my thoughts out loud.

"I think there's one more in there," my mother looks in the bag and I reach down and pull it out.

My eyes are no longer dry.
Neither are my mother's.

I wasn't conscious, but I know the exact moment this memory was captured.

Tobias carrying me into Erudite Medical, on my return to Chicago over five years ago.

I can't control my sobs, and my mother holds me tight.

"I can't believe... They did all this for me." My emotions run off the wall as my mother holds me tight.

"You're loved, Beatrice."

+ + +

It took over an hour for me to shower with the assistance of my mother.
It's getting easier for me to move around, but it was still hard for me to step into the shower, and get the temperature right so that it wasn't hot on my bruise.

I resulted in taking an almost lukewarm, cold shower, just because of any temperature warmer feeling like molten lava on my bruise.

"It's healing really well," she comments as she helps me dry myself. "You're lucky."

"I know," I remark.

"She brought you pajamas too?" My mother exclaims looking in the bag we brought in the bathroom. She pulls out a pair of sweatpants and a baggier shirt I own that I usually sleep in. Shauna, and whoever may have helped her pack the bag, also packed me two pairs of clothes with an extra bra, socks and underwear.

In a little plastic bag I see that she even included some pads and tampons if I needed. I mentally think back and wonder if I will need even them, and I know it's been a while since I have needed them, but I shrug it off accepting that I have no clue for I keep track of that stuff on my calendar at home.

She also found my toothbrush, hairbrush, shampoo, soap, and basically anything I could have ever needed.

"They weren't sure what I did and didn't have, I guess," I think out loud. "I mean, they took this bag all around, from Candor, to Amity, to here. I guess if I were anywhere else other than here, it would've been questionable if I did have anything I needed."

I'm able to get my underwear and pants on by myself, slowly but productively. I'm glad my mother is there in case I were to have lost my balance.

Not even asking if I could do it myself, because I am sure I could not have, she pulls the shirt over my head and slowly I am able to get my arms through the sleeves, gritting my teeth while doing so.

My mother has always been taller than me. Not by much, but by enough height to be a few inches over me.

Everyone in my family seems on the tall side. My father and Caleb are tall, my mother is taller than I am, and then there's me, just standing inches over five feet.

With ease, she runs the brush through my long hair and down my back.

I've never been happier to have washed my hair.

I hear the front door open and close from the floor below.

"Is that dad?"

"I'm sure."

"Go check, please."

"Honey, I'm sure it's him."

"But what if it's not?"

"I lock the door even when I'm home, Beatrice. Only your father has a key."

I hear someone moving up the stairs, probably my father, or whomever else might have come in the front door.

"Please, just make sure it's him. I don't want to make his upset shouting to him in the house," I grab the counter, ready to move to the stairs or defend myself.

My father has not changed his Abnegation ways like my mother has.
He would still look down upon me shouting to clarify that it is him, or just being loud in general.
It draws attention to me.

"Honey calm down," she looks at me as she backs out of the bathroom and looks down the stairs at the hallway.

"Hey," I hear my fathers voice, immediately relaxing my grip on the countertop of the bathroom sink.

My parents make small talk at the other end of the hallway and I move back to my bedroom, my one hand on the wall for support, the other holding the backpack.

I pull the string on the single light in my bedroom, darkness taking over the area as dusk turns to night outside.

I look at the frames that Shauna brought. I had found a small note at the bottom of the bag that said that they were from her and Chris, stating that they needed something to focus on during the hours that the compound was still on lockdown with the exception of people needing medical treatment.

I run each picture over with my fingers, taking in each little detail as they rest at eye level up on my old empty dresser.

You are loved, Beatrice. I hear my mother's words in my mind.

You are loved.

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Hey all!

Ok wow this is a real whirlwind updating this consistently twice a week... it's still planned to go strong until New Year's Day!

16.1k reads!

Thanks for reading!

All the love,
Kat 💚