Chapter 26 - Hands

— Tris

I don't pace this first night.
I just lie in the embrace of Tobias and reflect on everything that has happened the past twenty four hours.

I only have to go to PT once a week.
I'm home with Tobias and all of these people I trust.
I'm engaged.

Okay, so it's a short list when I put it that way, but those are three huge things I didn't expect to happen in the same day!

This time last night I was most likely pacing back and forth in the living room of my brother's apartment.

Not once would I of thought that the same time that next day I would be here in the arms of the man I love, knowing that one day we will be wed.

I find myself growing lost in his scent and soon doze off.

However, sleep never holds me long.

I don't recall the area that I am standing, but yet, I feel as if I know the space like the back of my hand.

The room is full of females, only a few males with weapons all over them walking around with their heads held high over everyone.

Especially me.

Looking around, I am the shortest one here by a lot.

I don't recognize any faces, but for some reason I know not to ask who they are.

All I know is that one of them is out to get me.
One of them is in this crowd surrounding me and she wants me dead.

There's no way I can find a potential attacker with the amount of people and the amount of noise in the large room.

I panic, running to a corner and crouching down.

This way I can see all sides of me, half of my vision taken in the corner where no one can come up behind me. Maybe if I'm down low I will see and hear their feet before they see me down on the ground.

My eyes scan frantically, my ears listening for a quickened pace of footsteps.

Someone begins walking towards me.
I hear it before I see the feet.
It's one of the males.

"What the actual fuck are you doing down there?" The voice booms.

The tall man with very dark skin bends down and grabs the collar of my uniform. He holds me up against the corner I was hiding in.

"If you're going to survive out there, you can't spend your time lying in the corner," He spits.

His fist finds its way hovering over my head in a threatening stance. I thrash around as if my life depends on it.

I know my life depends on it.

My foot finds the man's groin and he doubles over in pain.
I take the opportunity and I run.

My mind races and I try to locate something to hide under.

I don't want someone being over me, so I will fit somewhere where they are too tall to be.

There is a heavy iron table on the other side of the room. I know exactly where it is, and I know it's far from my location on the other side of the room.

I have no other option.

Trying to not draw attention my my panicked antics, I run quickly across the room by following the border of the training area. My plan is to make them think I'm going for a jog instead of running for my life.

I harmed a male who's in charge.
I could die for that.
As long as they don't notice...

I arrive at the table and duck under it. My back is against the wall the table is near and my knees are to my chest.

"Beatrice Prior." A voice roars across the large training room.

I can't help my trembling.

They've hurt me before.

"Find her." The voice tells it's minions.

That's what we are here for.
None of us females know each other, and yet, we are forced to follow orders together.

If that means we kill another, we kill another.

The hands find me.

I scream.

They begin pulling me out from under the table and I hold onto the foot of the table, my sweaty hands shaking.

"Please don't." I hear myself mumble under my shaking breath.

The hands always win.

.

"Tris," my eyes snap open.

Where am I?

"Tris, it's me. You're alright. It's me."

The hands.

My mind knows it's Tobias's hands who stroke my face.
My mind also sees the hands of the man I kicked in the groin. They see his hands sadistically push my hair out of my face before taking his knife and pressing it to my jawline.

I roll out of the bed frantically. Without even a single crutch, I make a run for it balancing on the wall.

"Tris, you're going to hurt yourself!"

'I wouldn't want you to get hurt, Beatrice.' The man says.

I see the couch. There's a small amount of space under it.

Hide.

I can't make it far without the wall, and the couch is stranded in the middle of the room with no wall.

I hobble two steps before I'm crashing to my knees, crawling to the couch.

You're going insane in here, Tris.

I hear Tobias's voice, but I don't make out what he's saying.

All I can focus on is the couch.

"Tris!" He yells loudly and I screech.

Protect yourself.

I feel the knife along the scar on the left side of my jaw.

It bleeds a lot; the blood pouring down my neck.

I just barely fit under the gap between the couch and the wood floor. Once I'm underneath, I instantly feel safe.

No one will get to me down here.

I shake uncontrollably, I cannot control the sobs leaving my mouth.

I'm safe, but I'm paranoid.

They always find a way to get me out.

The hands, they always win.
They always pull me out of my safety.

"Tris," I hear Tobias's voice. He sounds scared.

"Are you okay?"

"Are you hurt?"

"Please answer me."

I jump when a little snout pokes under the couch. The snout lets out a whine and disappears, only to return closer to my face.

Remember where you are, Beatrice. My mind comes back to me.

You're home.
You're not there.
You're here.

I open my eyes again and see Tobias lying on his side, half of his face visible from under the couch.

"I'll always protect you, Beatrice. Please, just give me the option to do so. I can't protect you if you're under there."

"Tobias," I barely whisper.

"I'm right here."

His hand makes it's way under the couch and I jump, trying to push back further under the couch.

Hands.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he frantically apologizes. I see a tear fall down his face.

I feel myself breathing heavily. It's as if I cannot get oxygen to my lungs. And whatever oxygen is getting to my lungs is filled with dust from under this sofa.

"Tris, breathe."

I panic.

Held up by neck against a wall.
A singular hand holds me there.

"Tris, come back to me."

'You're lucky I don't kill you.'

"Tris."

'You're an insult to this program.'

"You're alright."

'You'll never learn if you don't suffer.'

"Don't give up."

'I don't care if you don't have a choice to be here. This is where you ended up.'

"Tris. Come back."

I scream.

The voices are too much.

My lungs burn until there is no air left.

When I'm silent, the un-accusing voice speaks again.

"You aren't alone in this, Tris. I love you."

My heart is racing.

"You and I, we've been through a lot."

I feel dizzy.

"This isn't anything we can't handle."

I feel each breath enter my body.

"Don't give up, Tris."

I open my eyes only to meet his dark blue ones on the other side of the couch.

"But either way, I'll never give up on you."

Ok so things are usually gonna be going happily from now on, but more depressing chapters like this are needed in there, so don't hate me!!

PTSD is an actual mental disorder, and a lot of authors don't give it a good run when it comes to fanfiction. You guys know my style by now, I like the facts and logic and I like to experience things with the characters. Tris's PTSD isn't going to magically go away in this fanfic like it seems to in a lot of other fanfics.

10k reads!!

See everyone next Friday!

Thanks for reading!

All the love,
Kat