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Chapter 22 - Exactly

— Tris

"Auntie T!" Bea toddles across the room when Cara and I enter the apartment.

That's my name now, "Auntie T". I absolutely don't mind it at all. I mean, my niece is crazy adorable, and we both have the same name.

"Hey there," I smile through the pain of standing.

Why did I choose to take my crutches to PT today instead of the wheelchair? Such a bad idea.

"Beatrice, let your Aunt get around you to sit down please." Cara must notice my struggling.

I've never been more exhausted than I am in this moment in time.

I sit on the couch and attempt to prop my crutches up on the side. For now they stay, but it is sure to only be minutes before they noisily fall to the wood floor.

All I hear is Caleb cooking something in the kitchen and Bea's small feet going back and forth.

By now I know that means she's looking for something.

I know the sound of her footsteps like no other.

I shut my eyes for just a minute, appreciating that I don't have to make my way back to Dauntless after the rough session of PT today.

I can move my ankle with light weights now, and also I can put light pressure on my toes. Molly has me work by sitting in a chair where my foot can touch the ground and pressing my big toe, then my other toes onto the floor as hard as I can.

It use to hurt extremely, to the point where just my toes touching the ground would send searing pain up my leg. Now, I feel myself getting stronger.

I never sleep. I dose off for maybe an hour here and there, but most nights I pace or lie there.

My mind always is racing, wondering when I will remember something else, or even if I will ever remember anything.

I'm always wondering how many fears I actually have now, for I know I am living in fear.

Being in Caleb and Cara's apartment still hasn't grown to adapt for me. I'm anxious because I don't know the area, I have never been to the second floor of their apartment, and I feel hopeless.

Cara knows I don't sleep, and sometimes I question if she ever does sleep herself. Many nights she hears me pacing or comes in from her night shift in the hospital and sits with me.

She's good at talking, changing whatever subject my mind is on that keeps it racing.

I appreciate her and Caleb's generosity so much. I feel like such a nuisance to them, but they're always there for me.

I don't realize that I nod off, for my mind never stops running thoughts through it.

"Auntie T!" I feel a small hand tapping on my shoulder.

My eyes snap open to see the four year old standing there with a box of crayons bigger than her face.

"Will you color with me? Please!" She whispers as if it is a secret.

"Do you have paper?"

She toddles over to the table across the room, the large box of crayons sits on the couch next to me.

She comes back with a large notebook that is also very large and sits down on the floor by my feet.

"Do you mind if I just watch? I'll hand you the colors you want."

"Okay! You no good at coloring anyways." She says way too cheerfully, making me laugh.

"Auntie T!" My niece squeals laughing. "That doesn't look anything like a dog!"

My brother comes and looks over my shoulder. He also finds my attempt at drawing to be very hilarious.

"You can draw a better dog than this beautiful creature, Caleb?" I challenge.

"I guess you're about to find out," he smirks, sitting across from me on the ground at the coffee table.

My casted leg follows the table parallel, my niece sitting at the head to my right. Caleb picks up a brown crayon and gets to work.

I take a red marker and add some details to my not-so-horrible-looking dog. I give him a little tongue and a red collar.

"Alright, Bea. Who's puppy is better? Auntie T's or Daddy's?"

"What about Mommy's puppy?"

"She can draw one later too. But out of these two, which one?"

"Neither!" She cracks up at herself, falling backwards laughing.

I look at Caleb's drawing and start laughing at how equally ugly our drawings are.

It's pretty obvious neither of us grew up around colorful crayons and drawing puppies.

"What do I draw?" She asks, looking up at me.

"Hey, sweetie," Cara calls from the other room. "Why don't your draw something for grandma and grandpa. They're coming to dinner tomorrow with Uncle Four."

I cringe when she calls Tobias "Uncle Four".
It just sounds so bad.

My niece busies herself drawing different colors for my mother on one paper, then something that looks like a bird larger than the small house she drew on another sheet of paper for my father.

"What do I do for the other one?" She asks giving me the last sheet of paper.

I can't bring myself to refer to him as "Uncle Four". The sound of it makes me want to puke.

"Who is he again?" She asks.

"He's my boyfriend," I say.

"Uncle T?!" She says, her eyes widening with excitement.

Well, I guess that works.

"Yep," I laugh.

"He has a big brown dog with a black spot on his head," I tell her.

"Really big?!" She asks.

"Really big!"

"Like," she holds out her arms as far as she can. "This big?"

"Even huger." I chuckle.

"Woah!"

She's really smart, just like her parents. Sometimes I forget I'm talking to a four year old because of how much she talks.

She gets to work drawing a huge dog on the paper. The brown body takes up most of it, not leaving much room for the legs or head. She makes them fit though that poor dog would not be getting around too fast.

"Does he look like this?" She holds up the picture of the massive brown dog.

"Exactly like that," I smile.

.

Hey!

So, sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but Monday updates will end at the end of July...

This way, I will have more time to pre-write things and hopefully have less sporadic updates once school starts up again...

So there is one Monday update left, then only every Friday from then on, or until further notice!

I have been pre-writing a lot, and please stick around reading guys... there's a lot of fluff and not so dark and depressing stuff like there has been for a lot of this book... I promise, good is coming! (It's actually already written...!)

8.97k reads!

Thanks for sticking around guys!

All the love,
Kat 💚