He was going to be late.

     He knew he was going to be late for the convention and Mr. Fitzs would not be happy, but he couldn't bring himself to move. It's happened before. Tony would wake up unable to lift a single finger for hours until his body decided it wanted to move. When it happened at college, Rhodey would come looking for him and try to coax him up. When that didn't work, his Honeybear would just sit there and run his fingers through his hair. It had felt so nice, but Rhodey was in military school, not down the hall in the dorm building. He was alone and he'd have to deal with it.

     This "stillness" was yet another thing he didn't understand - "You don't deserve to be called a genius!" - alongside Howard and social interaction. Tony felt like crying but he knew he'd used up his tears when he was locked up in the dark closet clinging to his feeble memories. Tony's eyes closed and he breathed deeply. He had to get up, he needed to get up but the signal seemed to be getting lost going from his brain to his limbs.

     Tony stared blankly at the wall. Dum-E must be terrified. The little bot he'd started at MIT was his prized possession. He'd built him from scratch, and every drop of sweat and blood that went into Dum-E was worth it. He had a functioning - albeit ditzy - learning bot. He was supposed to be happy about it, but his thoughts kept circling back. Was he so disgusting that he needed to make a friend? Was his worthlessness so blinding that the only thing that can stomach it has to be programmed by him? The countless trials he'd run on Dum-E had brought forth emotions he didn't know he could feel for someone other than Rhodey. It was terrifying how quickly he had gotten attached. Howard would kill him if he found out what he'd entered. He'd smash Dum-E to bits and tell him to focus on making weapons. That's why he had to stay a secret.

     Tony grunted when his arm started tingling. Tears welled up in his eyes and he wanted to cry again. Stark men are made of iron yet he couldn't seem to stop from crying with every passing second. If Stark men are made of iron why did he feel so pathetic, and so worthless, and like such a burden to everyone? He couldn't even make it to a stupid convention on time because he had no control over his body. Tony wanted to scream at his tears on their way down his cheeks.

     He could feel the exhaustion settling into his bones and he knew the episode was ending. He wiggled his fingers and moved his tongue around. His cracked lips were rough against the wet muscle but he felt infinitely better. As Tony brought his body back from the brink of shutting down, he tried to jog his mind to a more respectable speed. He had to be presentable if he was going to excuse his tardiness. Tony whimpered and eased himself off the bed. He held his pounding head in his hands and just sat. He did a few breathing exercises and mentally recited Planck's constant until it burned behind his retinas. He'd done his research after his first anxiety attack. He didn't want to be unprepared again or have an attack in public without access to Happy's janitorial closet. He might literally die of embarrassment.

     Tony felt the tiniest bit better and forced himself to stand. His knees buckled on the spot and he lay splayed on the floor. He was relieved Howard had these scheduled business trips. He felt as stupid as he looked. His arms shook under him and Tony whined at the exertion on his cramped muscles. He pulled himself to his feet and leaned on his dresser. Tony dressed quickly and stumbled into the bathroom. He splashed his face with water and pushed his glasses onto his nose when he decided his hands were shaking too badly to put his contacts in. Tony nearly tripped down the stairs and he was pretty sure he'd rolled his ankle.

     He took a deep breath and checked the time. He pinched his nose when he mentally groaned because it made his headache worse, and picked up the pace on his trek to school. Tony sprinted down back roads and across people's yards with his jacket snapping in the wind. His feet barely touched the ground during his run and his breaths came in harsh pants. He took a minute to compose himself before jogging through the doors.

     His breath caught in his throat and he fought the oncoming urge to puke. He flinched at the bright lights and loud voices. Everything turned muffled and blurry and hot, and he had to get away, get away. Tony excused himself to every person he bumped into. His blood rushed in his ears and he couldn't tell if he was the one breathing loudly or if someone was exhaling into his ears. He clamped his hands over his ears and fell against the wall. Tony struggled weakly against the hand pulling his jacket. He shied away from the voice before giving in and slumping tiredly against the figure.

     He settled his blurry vision on Bruce and he nearly melted into the older boy. His head lolled onto his shoulder as Bruce guided him away from the crowd. "No, no. I have to...Dum-E," he whispered.

     "You can take a break to get yourself together, Tony. You're not missing anything. He's doing just fine," Bruce assured. Tony wanted to argue but Bruce was so warm and way smarter than him right now. He nodded and let Bruce lead him away from the crowd. Tony sank onto the bathroom floor and pulled his hair. The lights flickered and buzzed, but it was an improvement from the crowded halls. The sudden change sent Tony scrambling toward the closest stall. His glasses skidded across the ground as his empty stomach panged. He dry heaved, and snot and tears ran down his cheeks. Bruce rubbed his back reassuringly and he wanted to fall through the floor. "Feeling better?"

     Tony shook his head and pulled on his sleeves. "Hot," he complained. Bruce raised his hand and Tony flinched. His hazy gaze wouldn't settle on one point and he was growing dizzy. "Don't touch me," he growled. Bruce frowned and raised his hands in a placating manner. "Just go back to your table. I'll be out as soon as I can," he muttered. 

     Bruce sighed and cleaned his own glasses. "I can't just leave you here." Tony leaned back against the stall before struggling to his feet. He was too tired to worry about being rude. He stumbled over to the sink and rinsed his face and mouth. He fished out his emergency breath mints and popped one into his mouth. Bruce caught him when he swayed dangerously. "You're not fine." Bruce pushed his glasses on his nose and checked his temperature. "You're burning up, Tony." 

     Tony shook his head harder and blinked. "Dum-E," he repeated. "Take me to him, please." Bruce looked like he wanted to argue, but Tony wasn't having it. "If you're not going to be helpful then just leave. I don't need you." Tony watched Bruce closely, waiting tensely for a reaction. It was his own test; he wanted to see if Bruce could be his friend. Or if he'd leave him to the wolves. They both jumped when Bruce's phone buzzed. Bruce fished it out and frowned at the notification. Someone must've texted him, Tony thought. 

     "Alright," Bruce adjusted his hold on Tony, "I'll take you there."

     Tony nodded curtly but his insides were jumping around anxiously. Bruce hadn't left. Tony bit his lip and looked away. He was growing attached. Bruce was just an extremely nice person - until he got angry - and this didn't mean anything to the boy. To Tony, it meant the world. He tried his hardest to sink into Bruce's touch, tried to soak in every piece of contact he was getting through his hoodie. Then they entered the convention. 

     People were bustling all around and they got jostled quite a few times. Bruce held Tony closer as they walked. Tony's eyes widened and he blamed his flushed cheeks on his possible fever. He didn't need to give Bruce directions because it seemed he already knew where to go. Tony's table was surrounded by the most people. He glanced at Bruce to see him smiling softly. Good, I don't want him to get jealous or anything, he thought. He bit his tongue to stop his thoughts from spiraling and focused on the now. Tony swallowed thickly when Clint locked eyes with him. He jumped off of Bruce and ignored the confusion marred on his face.

     Before he could stammer out an explanation, the sounds of clicks and whirs made him turn. Dum-E seemed to sense his presence and sped over much to the protest of the crowd. Tony quickly stepped farther away from Bruce and walked over to his creation. He smiled genuinely and grabbed the claw that was seconds from pulling his hair. 

     "Hey, dum-dum. Are you being good for our guests?" The crowd cheered with a resounding "yes" and Tony chuckled. Dum-E whirred and clicked. Tony patted his "head" and his smile grew. If they weren't in public, Tony would kiss Dum-E's arm. I love you. I love you. I love you. He was still afraid to say it aloud. "That's wonderful." The arm spun around and Tony watched his child roll back to the crowd. He's magnetized to the spotlight, Tony mused. He blinked slowly when Dum-E rolled over to Natasha and Barton. They were conversing quietly with Bruce, but Natasha had a hand lazily running over Dum-E's base. Tony reached out to them before stepping back and picking at his fingers. He shouldn't bother them. He needed to get control of this insistent friend-crush. 

     Dum-E's head picked up and he returned to Tony's side with the three in tow. Tony stepped back slightly. The claw nuzzled his shoulder until Tony gave him a soft pat. His hands trembled slightly but he ignored it when he felt Natasha staring. He pressed Dum-E behind him and looked up at her. 

     "Where were you?" she snarled. 

     Tony furrowed his brow at the annoyance on her face. Why did she care? "I-I don't...I overslept. Sorry?" He waited until she seemed satisfied with the answer before uncoiling the tension in his shoulders. She nodded and nudged Clint so discreetly he almost missed it.

     "Nice bot," Clint remarked. Tony's heart soared. "You made it yourself, right?"

     Dum-E wilted slightly. Tony frowned. "Him. I started him at MIT and finished in the robotics room." He waited for a trademark snappy comment, but Clint simply flicked his eyes between them before sauntering away with his hands in his pockets. Natasha pursed her lips and gave Dum-E another pat before following behind him in her clicking boots. Tony smiled shyly at Bruce, waving gently as he headed back to his table. 

     He spent the next hour simply interacting with his dearest friend. He shared bits of information about the human world to add to his memory bank and rolled a ball around for Dum-E to chase, sometimes calling someone out from the audience to participate. The crowd seemed to swell and he was in the process of formally introducing Dum-E when the mob grew quiet. Tony finished his sentence, but his eyes remained on the channel forming in the crowd. 

     Led by a tall ginger woman, a news crew shuffled through the tight crowd. Tony kept up his media smile, but he started moving toward Dum-E. Thankfully, his friend was very intuitive and rolled over easily. The ginger woman smiled sweetly and he wanted to relax if not for the SI keycard that dangled from her lapel. Tony felt a bead of sweat travel down his neck. The woman's dark strapped heels clicked to a stop right in front of him and the news people panned around. She cupped her sheath dress under her legs, the white fabric contrasting nicely against her bright hair. Her tailored ponytail draped over her shoulder and she tucked her bangs behind her ears. Tony admired her suit a bit longer before forcing himself to meet her eyes. 

     He wasn't surprised to find they were warm. She seemed nice, but looks could be deceiving. Tony gulped. "Pepper, right? Did Howard send you?"

     She nodded. Tony felt like puking again. "I'm surprised you remember meeting me. It's nice to see you again." She stood to her full height and held out her hand. Tony shook it steadily, just as he was taught. She turned his hand over in the light before dropping it and straightening rigidly. Of course, he remembered; he remembered everything due to his photographic memory. Virginia is Howard's prized assistant, a twenty-something woman fresh out of college who does paperwork better than anyone Howard's ever met. She's efficient and straightforward, but she was always kind when she needed to stop by Before. Before his mother died, Pepper was over a lot more often. He hasn't seen her in months. Tony's concerned for her safety if she keeps doing her job correctly. Howard might want more. "He's requested you do a news segment on your project. The crew is already here, so as soon as you're ready we can start."

     Tony held up a hand. "Pepper? W-What are you talking about? Why would Howard want me to do this?" He glanced nervously at his little bot. "This doesn't seem like something interesting to SI."

     Pepper's eyes softened. "He said it was of fatherly importance. He wasn't able to make it, so he wanted to see what had you so excited." She rubbed his shoulder and Tony subconsciously leaned into her touch. "Come on, let's not let him down."

     Tony nodded. He flashed his best media smile when the cameras started rolling and it didn't fall once. He repeated his speech, wondering how bored the people in the crowd were from hearing the same exact words again. He presented Dum-E and let the reporter join his side. He held her a little too close and a little too long, but it went with his media reputation and he couldn't deviate from that. When his face started to ache after two hours had passed, Tony was contemplating on changing to a smirk. Deep in thought, he didn't hear the question the first time. His head snapped up with his smile in place. "Could you repeat that, please?"

     The reporter nodded. "How does your father feel about this? The Stark heir making robots instead of revolutionary weaponry? Does he approve or is this an act of teenage rebellion?"

     Tony froze in place and blinked. He waved his hand and smirked. "Oh, well, I don't know his exact thoughts, but I do know he's proud of me. I'm sure about that. And I promise I'm not abandoning the family name or anything." He winked and the reporter giggled into her mic. "I just thought it would be more appropriate to build a harmless learning bot instead of bringing in a bomb. Don't want to blow up my new school. I like it here, guys." The crowd chuckled heartily and Tony relaxed slightly. Pepper sent him a thumbs up and joined his side. 

     "We're all really proud of Tony here. Aren't we proud of him?" The crowd erupted into cheers and applause. Tony smiled bashfully and waved them away. Pepper shook his shoulder softly and they wrapped up the interview. The reporter sent him a wink that iced over his core. He returned it with a cocky smile, excused himself, and speed-walked out the back door. 

     The breeze whipped across his skin and made his cheeks flush. He rushed to the back of the school. He hadn't even had a chance to look at the other tables. He wanted to see what Bruce had been working on, but the news crew had caught him by surprise. He didn't believe the lie Howard had sold Pepper. He was definitely up to something. Tony was hot and he felt sticky all over. Sweat beaded on every pore and the breeze chilled him to the bone. Tony rocked underneath the awning. 

     Howard was planning something and he was terrified. Tony dug his nails into the back of his neck and hiccupped. He'd been in the closet more and more these days. He was locked up for the simplest thing. Howard barely laid a finger on him and it felt like deja vu. He rummaged around his pockets for his phone. December 15th illuminated his face. Tony's breath caught in his throat and his phone slipped from his hands. His mother died on December 16th. This is what he'd been planning. He should have known, but somehow it was a surprise each year. He always got Tony anxious and needy and complacent until the big day came and he...he...

     Tony felt hot all over, but flashes of cold washed over him like tidal waves. He was shivering and sweating and his brain wasn't functioning enough for him to do a breathing exercise. He was in public and the one thing he wanted to avoid was happening. His panic seemed to worsen at that thought, and he turned onto his side into a ball. He needed to comfort himself. Wrapping his arms around his drawn-up knees, Tony rocked his body gently. He was crying freely and his breaths rattled in his chest. He'd probably sound like he was dying if anyone was out here. 

     "Stark?"

     "Tony!"

     Tony continued to shiver and whine and wheeze. His cheeks were flushed and his vision blurred around the edges. He hiccuped and gasped as footsteps raced toward him. The voices were muffled, extra chaos in his noisy head. He wanted it to stop, wanted them to leave him alone. Tony shook his head but the hand was already encircling his wrist and placing it on something soft. His head was pushed into the crook of someone's neck. He blinked at the red and nuzzled into Natasha's neck. He would apologize when he could breathe long enough to form words. She shouldn't have to touch him because this is only allowed to happen in private. She shouldn't be doing this. When Tony was reduced to sniffles, Natasha didn't let go and he was thankful. It was a sort of hug. Her slender arms were loosely wrapped around his back and he dropped his hands from her shirt. 

     "Thank you," he croaked. "I'm so sorry you had to see that."

     "You're sick," she stated, accent thick. "You're not in control. Do you want to get out of here?"

     Tony shook his head. "I should head home. I'll grab a ride with Pepper." He glanced up at Barton and Bruce. Barton looked confused and Tony didn't know what to do about it. He was confused too. Confused as to why these people were always around when he seemed to be falling apart. He wondered if they were stalking him. His eyes landed on Bruce and the boy rushed forward. Tony's eyes widened and he shook his head quickly. Bruce stopped at a respectable distance, but his eyes flicked over Tony so fast it was dizzying. 

     He opened his mouth to speak and Tony hung his head. "Are you alright? I've never seen someone have such a bad attack." Tony hid his flushed face from view and Natasha snapped at Bruce in Russian. Bruce quickly shook his head, waving his hands wildly. "I didn't mean any offense. I'm just worried. Are you alright? Do you need help finding Pepper?"

     Tony shook his head gingerly. "I'm fine," he said, voice small. "I'm fine. I'll leave you guys to whatever it is you were doing back here. Sorry about this, I really am."

     Bruce caught his hands and Tony couldn't keep the of surprise off of his face. "Don't ever be sorry for having a panic attack. It's not something you can control." He couldn't control anything. Panic attacks were the least of his control problems. "I never got a chance to answer your question in Chem."

     Barton crossed his arms and Tony cringed. "What'd he ask?" Natasha glared at Clint.

     Bruce picked around through his pockets until he retrieved a pen. He turned Tony's palm face up and smiled. "If I wanted to get together to brainstorm. I was going to accept, but Mrs. Simmons interrupted our conversation and I didn't get a chance to tell him. Then I realized I should give him my number to avoid this in the future." Tony tried to block out Barton's frown and the emotion in his eyes. Natasha smacked Barton on the head and muttered in fast Russian. He rolled his eyes and sneered when he caught Tony watching. The pen glided over his palm and he watched the scrawled numbers mold into his skin. Bruce capped the pen. "There. Now we can talk."

     Tony grinned and hummed appreciatively. "Can't wait. I'll see you tomorrow, Natasha. Uh," his eyes settled on Barton's tense form, "see you around school, Barton." He teased his lip between his teeth and turned on his heel. Tony giggled softly as he watched the numbers move with his skin. "555-897..." 

     He was having a good day.