
Chapter Five
During the photo shoot, Clara had been checking me out. Outfit after outfit, the intensity of her stare became such a beautiful distraction. By the time we got to the studio, I honestly didn't know how much longer I'd be able to restrain myself from holding or kissing her once I managed to get her all alone. She's been thoroughly enjoying the experience. When she's not been busy asking questions or taking pictures of me, she's been busy staring and smiling at me.
Because Clara has been enjoying herself, I've been enjoying myself. As the day has gone on, I'm finding her more and more attractive; exceptionally attractive. But as the day has gone on, the more aware I have become of what little time I have left with the woman who somehow makes me want her without even trying. And I really do want her.
Not to just screw.
Or to just fool around with.
I want her.
I want to be with her.
I want Clara to let me into her world.
More importantly, I want to let her into mine.
So as I step into the recording booth, I deepen the intensity of my stare on her, wanting her eyes to be only on me as I record my music. Even when I close my eyes, losing myself to the lyrics and the melodies, I know her alert teal eyes are now locked onto me. When I sing, the words are always sung to the best of my ability. But now, every lyric is for Clara. Every tune now belongs to her. What I'm singing, now has the truest of meaning. With my voice, I want to captivate her attention and capture her heart. Using only this song, that is what I am trying to do. At an emotional part of the slow jamming love song, I slowly open my eyes, hoping that I really have managed to captivate her attention and capture that precious heart of hers. As she beautifully swims into my appreciative focus, I realise that I have. Her eyes are wide open, full of so much affection and awe. It was now that I knew, just as soon as I could, I was going to kiss her. I was going to give her a kiss that would make us both float. My still singing lips, tingle at the thought of them being pressed against hers; tingling with impatient anticipation. The song soon ends, but our strong gaze hasn't. So when I walk out of the recording booth, I head straight towards Clara. "How did it sound from where you were?" I ask with a broad smile, twisting off the lid of my bottled water.
With a complimentary grin in my direction, she pleasingly says. "As always, amazing."
Knowing that Clara loved my new song, makes me inwardly burst with pride, causing me to outwardly look shy. I've never cared what someone has thought of me before. I've always done my own thing, done my own music, but I care about what Clara thinks of me. It pleases me that I please her. Not wanting to look like a complete dick, I try keeping a lid on all that's going on inside of me. "Cool." I quietly say before guzzling down some of my water. The guys all come and tell me how great the new track sounds, even Cam. There's always a great vibe hanging around in the air once I've laid down some new music in the studio. The air is especially charged today because everything just seemed to effortlessly run smoothly – the vocals, the chords, the harmonies – it all came so perfectly together. The guys know when my mood is high, and it's higher than it's ever been. And I know why—Clara. She's the reason why.
There's just something about her that puts me in a good mood. I've had so much shit harnessed to my chest recently, I find it hard to enjoy anything other than my music. But I enjoy Clara. I enjoy being with her. My music has always been somewhere that I can escape to. Every chord. Every lyric. They help me to forget all the shit that I have to carry around inside of my head. But I've found another escape. In Clara, I know I could completely lose myself within those honest teal eyes of hers. So as I'm fooling around with the guys, I decide that I'm going to go all out to be with Clara.
Yeah, I'm breaking promises.
Yeah, I know it's really shit timing.
But just as soon as I've got this vlog out of the way, I need to speak with Clara. I need some alone time with her. Will quickly sets everything up, knowing that I'm on a high roll. In no time at all, I'm soon addressing my most loyal of fans. "Hey guys, I just wanted to do a quick vlog from the UK again. This will be my last one from here as I'm returning to The States on Sunday...have y'all missed me?" I laugh, energetically chewing my gum as I stare down the eye of the camera lens. "So, tonight is my last show. I'm excited but sad, you know? My time here has been great and even the press seemed to like me more this time!" I'm goofing around a little, looking at everyone laughing all around me as I keenly continue. "I just wanted to check in before the show tonight. If you have a good look behind me, you'll notice I'm in a studio, and what does it mean when I'm in a studio?" Cupping my hand behind my ear, I pretend to wait for their answer. "Hell yeah...I'm laying down a track! One that you'll get to hear real soooooooon!" Sitting straighter in my seat, I frown just a little. "Anyway, I guess all good things have to come to an end, right?" My eyes purposely drift towards Clara. What I've just said, is meant for her. Only her. But it's not only Clara who is staring back at me. So is Cam. And he can carry on glaring back at me all he wants. Clara may not yet know of my true intentions with her, but Cam, yeah, he sure as hell now knows. "Well, as I get closer to wrapping things up here in England, I'll also wrap up this vlog. I'll see you guys when I get back. Take care of yourselves, and each other. Big love to you all." Waving at the camera, I'm done. Now, I'm ready to speak with Clara.
Just as I'm about to move in her direction, I see her pulling out her mobile to answer a call. I watch her, talking with someone as she quickly leaves the studio lounge. And it's that someone who is holding up my urgent need to talk with her. When my impatience gets the better of me, I am soon striding out of the room to find her. "Hey, you ready to go shopping?" My tone sounds casual, even though I am feeling anything but casual.
Clara grins, obviously having a two-way conversation. "Yes and yes." She cheerfully says, so I return her gorgeous smile for one of my own before leaving her to hopefully wrap up her phone call real soon.
As I'm strolling back in, Cam is strolling the exact same way that I've just come from. "She's on the phone." I bluntly say.
"I'll just go and hurry her up." He must think that I'm a complete and utter idiot, I angrily seethe all to myself.
"I already have." My tone is blunter, more blatantly rude.
With a determined frown, Cameron ignores my silent warning to back the hell off from Clara. Instead, he looks boldly defiant. "Even so, I'll just go and grab her."
Now, I'm really pissed. "May the better man win." Comes my tight-jawed reply. I've now laid down the gauntlet. I've stupidly challenged Cameron to try and win Clara. I know, I know...I'm a total dick. As much as I know that something is happening between Clara and I, I don't know whether it's enough to take on Cam. He has this appealing suaveness about him. He's tall, Welshly dark and a genteel manner that the chicks kind of dig. He's competition, without a doubt. I said to Cam, may the better man win, which was a totally douchey thing to say, because on the face of it, Cameron really is the better man.
He's not famous.
He's uncomplicated.
He's undeterred.
Whereas I am very famous.
Very complicated.
And now slightly deterred.
What the hell was I thinking? I am usually a daring guy, but maybe this was a dare too far? Giving Cameron one last challenging glare, I confidently stroll back into the studio lounge with my confidence being stripped away with each step that I now begrudgingly make. The farther I walk away from Clara, the closer I know Cameron is getting. So I'm no longer just walking into the lounge, I'm now pounding the floor with every step that I take; anger burning into the balls of my sneaker-wearing feet. Will is soon beside me. "What's up?" He asks, tilting his curly haired head to the side slightly.
"Nothing." I don't mean to snap, but I snap anyway.
"Don't look like nothing to me?"
Will wants me to get into something that I don't want to be a part of. "Just leave it. I'm cool." I say that, but my head feels so furiously hot, I think it might actually implode. "Let's wrap everything up here." Grabbing my phone and my jacket with silent aggression twitching through my fingertips, I look to see whether both Clara and Cam are both back in the room with us. They're not. Shit! "Can we all please get our asses into gear...I have stuff to do." I throw filthy looks to both Jules and Will, feeling angrier by the second. I'm angry, and I don't even know why. Strike that. I do know why. Every second that Cam is out there with Clara, is a second that I'm not. I'm shitting jealous, and I have no right to be. Feeling this way, begins to unsettle me.
"Dude, what's going on?" Will pats my shoulder, trying to get me to open the hell up.
"It's nothing." Is all I quietly grumble.
"Like nothing nothing...or Clara nothing?" He cockily asks, wearing a smirk that's just begging to be smacked right off his face.
"Just leave it, Will." Again, I look to see where Clara and Cam are as I totally dismiss my longtime friend. Still no sign of either one of them.
"Seriously, Rhys...you can't be going there with Clara?" Will now looks gravely concerned, his forehead shifting into tight little frown lines.
Dismissing him again, my answer is nothing but determined. "I am and I will."
Will's eyes narrow, looking at me in a cautionary way. "Shit, you really like her, don't ya?"
Nodding, I'm unable to say what I'm just about to, because mom is calling my mobile. With a quick swipe, I answer her call. "Hey mom, how's things?"
"It's Maci, Rhys, she's walked out of her rehab and she's already got high. She did ring me but I don't know where she is now." Mom sounds breathless—breathless and frantic.
Sounding unnaturally calm, I try to suppress all of the anger that's bubbling around inside of me. "Again?" I ask on the back of an audible sigh of exasperation. Seriously, my day is turning to total shit. "When did she call you?" Is my next question, not that it really matters. This is what my sister does, she's just so unbelievably predictable—her drug habit gets worse, mom gets upset, I pay to put her in a top notch rehab, then Maci eventually walks from that rehab and gets high—it's the same old shit, again and again and again.
"Last night." Mom tearfully tells me. "I'm worried she'll go and do what she did last time, Rhys." Mom is referring to Maci's recent overdose. It was a close call by all accounts. I was in New York when it happened and I didn't even bother to go and see her. I just did what I always do; pay for her to see the professionals who try and fix her. But Maci doesn't want to be fixed. She likes doing drugs. She's not wanting to stop. I've been through every possible emotion that there is because of my sister. But I stopped giving a damn when I realised that she never will. Not giving a damn is just as exhausting as giving a damn, though. Because in the place of not giving a shit, is a tiresome anger. I get so angry with Maci. She has more support than most people will ever have, yet it's still not enough for her.
My funny and loving sister has been taken over by someone who is completely selfish and self-centred. Absorbed in only her addiction, Maci is slowly killing herself and unbelievably hurting our mom.
I'm tired of her shit.
I'm tired of mom being upset and expecting me to make it alright.
I'm tired of it all.
With my energy levels low and my anger levels dangerously high, I am quickly running out of patience with this stressed out call from my mom. "I don't know what you want me to say, Mom? Maci will turn up, she always does. You have all the numbers you need. There's not much I can do from here, is there?" More to the point, there's not much more that I want to do for my sister. I think I've done enough. I shield her and all of her problems from the entire world. Being seen at various different rehabs, has made the press all believe that I am the one who is secretly battling some addiction of some kind. When the truth really is, I'm just battling the addictions of my extremely selfish sister. Running my tense fingers through my hair, I try not to sound so short with my very worried mom. "Listen, I'll call you later. I've got my last show tonight and then I'll be flying home tomorrow. Just sit tight. Call who you have to call and I'll check in with you later on...okay?" It's all I can give my mom, right now. I was pissed before she called, now, I'm fiercely pissed. "Try not to worry. I love you." With an aggressive tap, I end the call with a mixture of guilt and silent fury.
"I'm guessing that call was about Maci?" Will asks, his frown lines deepening more across his tanned forehead.
Shoving my mobile into the back pocket of my jeans, I nod just the once. "Yeah, she's walked and used again." I don't need to further explain to Will, he understands what I'm talking about. He's been there many times for me in the past. He's seen my anger. My tears. My frustration. My disappointment. Will has always supported me as best as he could. He has listened. He has advised. He has brought beers and tried to lift my spirits. He has always been a damn good friend.
With a hopeful smile, Will softly raises his shoulders. "We'll be leaving tomorrow, so you'll be able to do more once you're back."
Sighing loudly, I agree with a heavy feeling of dread rolling around in my stomach. "Yeah, you're unfortunately right." Knowing that I'll be returning home to only more of Maci's shit, makes me not want to return at all. Talking of returning, guess who have both decided to walk back into the room. Staring at both Clara and Cam, I study their interaction with one another. They're both smiling, talking as they're walking. My displeased expression becomes tight. Picking up a fresh bottle of chilled water, my tone is abrupt. "I'm needing something to eat before we go shopping." My hooded eyes wander to where Clara now stands. "You like sushi?" My question sounds curt and offhand.
"I love it!" She annoyingly pipes up, seemingly unaffected by my obvious abruptness towards her.
"Good." Comes my reply before pounding the floor with more of my angry footsteps out of the studio. In the car, I don't want to talk to anyone, and Clara is now trying to work out why.
I just need some head space.
I need time to calm the hell down.
First her and Cameron.
Now Maci and her usual antics.
It's my last show tonight. I need to get in the right frame of my mind before I get up on that stage. My fans want me to deliver, so I will deliver, just as I always do.
**HEY LOVELIES...ARE YOU ALL ENJOYING READING AAA FROM THE GORGEOUS GLOBAL SUPERSTARS POV?? EVERY VOTE & COMMENT IS JUST SO GREAT TO SEE**
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