So, I really need to talk about this because it is going to bug me endlessly if I don't vent about this now and in explicit length so I'm very sorry but anyway, whatever.

Okay, firstly; I'm very sorry I basically never update, and when I do I kind of...disappear for days, or a couple weeks, or even a whole month and update again. I can't help that. I'm sorry that I'm not one of those people who have an update schedule, but i am someone who writes when they're in the mood to write, which has not been very often lately as you can tell. I know that a lot of my followers kinda look up to me as a writer (which still boggles my mind tbh) but I'm...I'm struggling a little right now

Secondly, onto why I am struggling. Yes, I guess it's partly depression; feelings of uselessness and feeling severely out of place within the world. It's also partly because money situations which I won't get into. It's more so about what I want to do with myself where what I want to do is concerned (if that makes any sense...which it probably doesn't)

I've been saying for probably the past...maybe two-two and a half years that I've wanted to go to Uni and study creative writing. Lately though...I'm not entirely sure if University is for me. I can't see myself doing it anymore to be honest. Don't get me wrong; I live to write and I still have that 'i wanna be an author someday' mentality but I myself feel that University isn't my...thing I guess. But, this also poses a massive problem for me, because as if I wasn't already a disappointment, this is just going to make everything fucking worse.

I already feel so fucking useless; I'm 21 with very little work experience, I'm very lazy in nature, I'm indecisive as fuck and my favourite words are 'i don't know' and 'i wasn't thinking'. I think about a lot of stuff, but I have a problem with doing the things I think about and I also have a problem with not thinking at the wrong times. Why? I have no clue. I can't pinpoint a reason as to why I'm like this. A poor excuse would be because I was raised with my mother mostly for the majority of my life. I don't know what a better excuse would be but...yeah

I just...I don't know what to do, and it's making upset and easily emotional and very, very easily annoyed. Fuck, as I'm writing this I'm tearing up a little. Just please be patient with me, that's all I'm asking

Ily guys 😊