5. Break

"Welcome home, Drew." an older male smiled at me.

Huh? My body moved, stepping into the home my mind told me was unfamiliar to me. (My body, however, knew the house like it was their own.) Taking off my shoes, I stepped into the house, jumping into a surprise hug.

"I'm home~!" I heard me say--was this a girl's voice?

"Did you have fun?" Eve chuckled, patting me on the head gently, returning the hug briefly before we broke apart.

(How did I know his name?)

"Yep!" I replied.

Another male showed up from the kitchen--Zen, my mind told me--and calmly called out to us both. "Dinner's ready. You're hungry, aren't ya? we got work today."

Eve took my hand, and we made our way into the kitchen.

We passed a mirror, and I stole a glance--A girl? Her hair was black, and the girl had eyes the same colour as mine--a bright, serene shade of harlequin green.

-----

I woke up with a start. My breathing was laboured; my eyes had widened; my fists were clenched. I took a second to recover my surroundings--

An unfamiliar ceiling. White sheets. Different clothes. An IV drip. A breathing mask. The beeping of a heart monitor?

A hospital room.

I quickly pushed myself up, my lungs burning at the sudden movement. I cringed at the pain, reaching up to remove the obstructive mask over my face. I caught sight of a small mirror on my bedside table.

Quickly, I picked it up. I saw a boy--a boy with hair a peculiar shade of sandy brown. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Calm down, Rei, I told myself, That was just a really weird dream.

"But," I was a little surprised at how much energy it took to speak, "What happened?"

Someone was at my bedside. Her head laid on the bed and her lower body slumped on the floor, she was asleep--soundly, but the corners of her eyes were red.

Sae, I realized.

The door opened. I turned to it quickly, to see Sui standint here, a mortified expression on her face. She dropped what she was holding--a school bag--and ran over, diving into me.

"Rei," she called softly, sniffling and crying, "Rei, I was so worried."

I put my hands on her head, rubbing her head gently, ruffling her hair soothingly. I bit my lips--her eyes were red, but there were visible eyebags under her eyes. what kind of brother am I to make her worry like this?

"I'm sorry, Sui," I brushed her bangs away and planted a kiss on her forehead.

-----

Sae and Sui were at school, and I felt well enough to get up, so I decided to take a walk around the hospital. However, I heard Mama Lula and the doctor speaking on the other side of the door.

What exactly is wrong with my body?

(Will they tell a seven-year-old like me?)

((Have they ever?))

I leaned my ear against the door, listening into their conversation.

"The father of the child has not informed you, I see." the doctor said, "Well, he actually has a very peculiar lung condition."

How cliche, was my first thought. I quickly brushed off the thought and listened as the doctor continued talking.

"He was born with a lung that only worked when it wanted to." he started, "it's kind of like acute respiratory failure, the only difference being his lungs just doesn't want to accept any air into them."

Acute respiratory failure: when fluid builds up in the airsacs in your lungs. When that happens, your lungs can't release oxygen intoyour blood. In turn, your organs can't get enough oxygenated blood tofunction.

(Again, the random information I shouldn't know floats into my brain.)

"It's the first time we've ever seen something like this," he said, "we'd love to keep the boy here for longer, especially since we have absolutely no idea when he would experience another attack, or even how to deal with these attacks, but we have virtually no right to keep him in here for research purposes."

What he said struck me. That part. We have no idea how to deal with these attacks.

"Up until now, the attacks would stop when we administer CPR, but we have no clue as to whether it would work forever."  the doctor said. 

"So basically, he can die at any moment right now, and there's nothing we can do about it."

-----

"So basically, he can die at any moment right now, and there's nothing we can do about it."

I sat on my bed, staring out of the window. My mind was blank as I quietly repeated those words in my head.

How would it feel to die?

A while ago, when I had that attack--it's a little faint now, not very clear in my memory, but I remembered one thing--It hurt. A lot.

Would dying be like that? Was I experiencing death? Would death be the same, the only difference being I won't wake up again?

If I was gonna die, why was I born into this world?

Questions flooded my mind.

This is stupid.

Why me?

Why do I have to die again?

...

(Again? What do I mean, again?)

-----

"Thanatophobia, the fear of death." she was flipping through a book. She was reading up a list of phobias as if they were the most interesting things in the world. "Thanatophobia--Thanatos, the Greek God of Death." She mumbled.

"Why would people fear death?" She wondered out loud, "It's not like we've ever experienced it before. Why would we be scared of something we don't know?"

She flipped the page.

"Xenophobia, the fear of the unknown." she read out. She rested her chin on an arm as she sighed, "Irrational fear caused by negative thinking which arises from anxiety."

She continued reading, but I could no longer hear. I was thrown into a soundless world, where I could see her mouth move, but no sound reached my ears.

"Hydrophobia, also known as Aquaphobia."

I could suddenly hear. I looked up, to see the girl standing before me, the book gone, her eyes staring straight into mine.

"The fear of drowning."

-----

I woke up. When did I fall asleep? I may never know, but the sun was setting. Sae sat beside me, reading a book quietly. When she noticed me, she smiled sweetly and greeted me with a soft good morning.

Sitting up slowly, I greeted back, returning the smile.

It's just a stupid dream.

It's just a stupid dream.

I'm fine.

-----

"Rei-chan, are you okay?"

Sui asks me. I nod, although my head felt heavier than ever. I could feel the heat from my head, causing a slight throb whenever I moved it.

"You fever isn't going down..." she mumbled, worried. She replaces the wet cloth on my forehead, and I feel my eyelids closing against my will.

No, I told myself, I don't want to sleep.

I'll see dreams about that girl again.

-----

A circus. Although there were only three performers, I was definitely in a circus tent. This time, I wasn't looking from the girl's point of view. I wasn't a spectator either. I was just there--a ghost, a spirit wandering about in the crowd.

The first clown wore a peculiar green tailcoat--I vaguely recognized her as the girl. She was shorter than the other two, whom I guessed to be Eve and Zen, her older brothers.

The girl was incredible. She threw off her tailcoat to reveal something akin to a bodysuit, then proceeding to the trapeze. Despite being alone, she pulled off an utterly magnificent and flawless performance, earning a roaring standing ovation from the crowd.

The girl beamed brightly. A smile so innocent and sweet, so childlike and pure.

A smile so very happy.

-----

Who was that girl? No matter how much I wanted to ask, I had no one to ask. No one would answer me. No one could answer me.

All I could do was watch her life through my dreams.

It's been two weeks since the start of these dreams, and each dream was different. As I watched, I couldn't help but wonder--why was I watching these? Why me, Why her?

What is so special about the two of us?

-----

I found the answer to that question today.

I watched as she fought with her brothers over something trivial--and she stormed out of the house, taking a long route to school.

I watched as she was dragged into the alley. I watched as fear flooded her senses. I watched as they shattered her limbs--I watched as she screamed, yearning for help that never came.

I watched as she drowned, helpless.

I watched as she died.

-----

This time I woke up, tears were in my eyes. My fever broke, but Sae and Sui weren't around. School, I guessed. I wiped the tears away with my sleeves.

Everything makes so much sense now.

Memories began to resurface--I don't need dreams anymore, do I?

Drew Cite is dead.

I died.