114. Closure

To say she had bad timing was an understatement. Things never seemed to go right with Drew. Every mistake she made would always be executed in the worst possible timings. And each time-- she doesn't anticipate the consequence until it's glaring at her rightbefore her eyes.

It was terrifying.

Would the next time she wake up be a wrong decision too? If I open my eyes now,  or if the next time I saw Sae, I cried rather than smiled, would that erupt a severe consequence? 

Half a hour after Yuuichirou left the room, a pain burst through the right of her chest-- liquid form of agony filled her breath, rose to her throat, and showed itself with a retch of red vomit.

Her brain split itself apart, her eyes squeezing shut as the light burned her corneas. She heard something screeching in her ears, an exploding frequency bursting through her eardrums. Her nose was clouded, and she threw up blood as if there were gallons to spare.

Reaching a hand awfully tainted with crimson splotches, her arm shuffled to the side of the bed. Her consciousness waning, her impulse struggling through the constant throe-- she found it. A remote-like object at the corner, with a few buttons she couldn't see.

But she knew which button was by memory. With a shivering thumb, she made it to the nurse call button before her throat flared up and she was retching again.

-

-

"Drew, is it true you're being bullied in school?" Eve interrogated, his brow furrowed and his gaze threatening.

Fourteen years old, Drew was lying on the sofa and reading a book. "It's no big deal," she told him, picking up a potato chip, "I mean, the most they're doing is avoiding me and calling me disgusting or something."

"Drew, that IS a big deal!" Eve argued. Taking off his apron and coming to the couch, he leaned over with a look of anger. "How did this come about? Why did they start and when?"

Drew shrugged, "last year? I don't even know why it began, it just kinda happened I guess. I do have my own friends, so it's nothing to be fussed about, geez."

Zen, materializing before her, flicked her in the forehead.

"Ow! What was that for?" Drew whined, on the verge of tears.

"Who do you think I am?" Zen asked, his voice cold and dark, solemn and absolutely haunting-- "Do you think I'll let anyone step all over my younger sister?"

Ah, Drew froze up as she suddenly remembered, Zen was a notorious delinquent in is high school days.

"Enough, Zen," Eve crouched down, his voice calm and gentle now, and sighed. "Drew has her own form of pride-- one that we haven't found yet. Indifference is her strongest weapon."

Pride... that was a word Drew very often saw around. Did she not have any? Well, she was always unaffected and hard to shake. To her, she seemed to have pride just fine. She just wasn't affected by things like these...

"Maybe you just aren't aware of it yet," Even smiled, "But one day, I hope you'll find your pride."

I hope you'll find something you're willing to die for.

-

-

"I'm sorry, Rei," 

Drew was awake. An oxygen mask that fogged up rhythmically masked her face, and her entire body was numb. The lights above her eyes were blurred. She could not move, but she came to realize the amount of IVs she was connected to had increased.

But it didn't seem Amano noticed her consciousness.

"He can't hold on any longer, Amano," Kunomasu spoke, "if we don't do it now..." 

"You've got to be kidding," Amano sounded sarcastic, a mad laughter laced in his tone, a cry escaping his throat, "please, you can't make me do this."

"Perhaps it was meant to be like this all along," Kunomasu was solemn, "the coincidence is miraculous after all."

"Kunomasu, just stop." Amano choked out, "there's gotta be a better way, a better option."

"Amano!" Kunomasu's tone was sharp and his voice was raised. Taking the man by the collar, he was fierce. "You're a doctor, aren't you?" 

The nurses beside them were startled by the violence and began to panic.

It seemed Kunomasu was right about to sob, "there's a life here that can be saved. There's a miracle that can occur at this moment, Amano. Are you going to let Rei die like this?"

-

-

"It seems we're really going to die, Drew."

Drew snapped her head toward the boy behind her. "Rei!" she called, breaking off into a run. Rei was curled up in the void ground, his face buried within his arms. 

The emotions that overwhelmed her-- relief, gratitude, regret... she wrapped her arms around him. "Rei, I-"

"I'm such an idiot," Rei whispered. His arms reaching to Drew's back and returning the hug, he sniffled. "I made a whole big show with the Varia too. I looked so stupid back there."

"No," Drew spoke back, "You were cool. You tried your best and you stood up to Xanxus. Nothing's cooler than that!"

But Rei was trembling. "Hey, Drew, how did it feel to die?"

Drew froze. This was the first time Rei had asked her a question like that-- a question about how Drew felt, not Drew and Rei.

After all, all this time it had gone without saying that they shared emotions. They shared experiences, they shared their lives.

Drew found herself sobbing. Wailing from a pain in her chest she couldn't suppress. Emotions bursting out through the thick poker face she thought she could hold onto.

She wasn't Rei. And Rei wasn't her.

They are two completely different beings-- maybe they were once, but now... now, they were separated. Age and experiences had led to them two splitting away down their own roads. Rei was beyond her now-- Rei was no longer hers to claim. Rei was his own personality now.

Rei was his own soul now.

"It was hard." Drew told him, rubbing away the tears that kept coming, "It was painful, it was frustrating. It was unfair." She couldn't look at Rei anymore, "I left behind so much. I didn't get to do so much. I had so much to regret," she sobbed, "And I can never get it all back again."

Rei paused in place.

Had he ever seen Drew in this state? So emotional, so broken? Rei didn't think so. This was his first time. Drew, in his heart, was always strong and happy. She held her calm, and expressed her sadness with pure melancholy.

"But you know, Rei," Drew forced out a smile, "I think I'm alright now."

This made Rei raise an eyebrow. 

"After coming into this world, you were here," she intertwined her hands with Rei's, "and you never left me. You brought me places, and I had something to be because you were always around for me."

Rei felt his cheek flush at those words. "N-No," he said, "It was the other way around for me, Drew!" he frantically denied, "I wouldn't have survived if--"

"Rei, think about it." Drew looked him in the eye sternly, "If I was never around, you wouldn't have suffered at all. You wouldn't be Drei, you'd just be Rei."

Rei froze. It was hard to think-- was he supposed to deny it? Defend her? but he knew it was true. He didn't want her to feel like this-- but what could he say in return?

Seeing Drew like this made him feel-- infuriated. Why was she being like this? Why is he letting her feel like this? Who put these thoughts into her head? Drew-- Drew had suffered enough already!

"Stop it!" he rasied his voice in anger. "What if my life would be better without you? My life without you wouldn't be my life at all! Right now in the present, I'm here, and you're here with me, isn't that the only thing I need to know?"

Drew felt her heart filled with a conflicting sense of joy that flowed as tears. Holding Rei's hand tightly, she cried. "Sorry," she said, "I'm so sorry for everything, Rei."

She apologized and sobbed for a very long time. Rei, arms around her back, soothed her patiently, waiting for her to calm down.

"But, Rei," Drew choked out the words, "I wonder if everything would have turned out differently if you were in my place."

"Me, the younger sibling of the Clown Troupe?" Rei chuckled, "No way, no way. Eve and Zen were so protective of you because you were a girl, Drew."

Drew giggled back, "Nah, you're so adorable I think they'd love you too."

That made Rei wonder for a long time-- that time, when he met Eve in the future-- Ah, he noticed, Drew and I... we don't think in synch anymore. We've separated. We're no longer one.

Why?

"You be you, and I be me," Drew whispered, "I think we would've gotten along well even without this connection."

Was it me that changed? Or was it Drew? Somehow, in some way, we began to think differently, in a differentiating consciousness?

"I love you, Rei. But what kind of love-- I can't tell. All I know is that I treasure you from the bottom of my heart."

Did it begin in the Kokuyo Arc? The first time Drew surfaced?

"Rei, if you could live on, would you?" Drew asked, "Live on, as Ninomiya Rei, becoming what your future predicted you?"

No, I was the one that changed. I began to change because I started having things I held dear. Drew had nothing, but I began to have something. That's why we separated.

"I would." Rei admitted, "I have so much now, I have so much I have to do, so much I haven't."

It's frustrating to die not having accomplished anything.

"I have Sae, Sui, Takeshi..." Rei felt a tear escape him, "I didn't apologize to Dad. I haven't proven Xanxus my worth. I couldn't speak to Mukuro, either. I can't leave now."

Drew seemed to smile in pride. Looking up, Rei noticed she was crying too.

"Attaboy," she whispered, "That's my Rei."

Maybe you just aren't aware of it yet, Eve's words rang in Drew's head, but one day, I hope you'll find your pride.

The realization was brimming as a bell ringing in her head.

"I think I know it now," Drew simpered, "the reason I'm still here." Why am I here, even after I've separated from Rei? She wondered and she was frustrated by it-- but now she knew the answer.

She was forgetting something. She was lacking something in her life-- the one thing she failed to seek  and obtain in her previous life. Void knew that as well-- that's why she was here. Even after Rei broke apart from her, she remained here-- simply because she hadn't yet realized.

Maybe that was the reason she was sent into this world, into this fantasy world, where pride took precedence over life; where resolve and determination were your strength.

For a child that did not understand pride; did not possess her own-- Void had sent her here to find a pride she could call hers. To search for a resolve, her dying will-- something to her that was so important, she would wordlessly die for it.

It was so simple, she realized. So, so simple yet it took her so long to figure.

"Hey, Rei," she smiled, "you're gonna be Varia's Cloud Guardian, aren't you?"  

Rubbing the tears from Rei's eyes, she gave Rei a kiss on the forehead. Letting go of Rei's hand, she picked herself up to her feet.

Rei was taken aback by the action. What was this, all of a sudden?

"A kiss on the forehead's a kiss of blessing!" she grinned, pointing at her own forehead, "remember that, alright?"

Rei nodded hesitantly.

"I hope you'll find your pride one day, Rei." Drew's smile fell into her poker face once again, "after all, you can't say you've lived until you've found something you're willing to die for."

Rei's eyes widened.

"Wait, Drew-!!"

-

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-

.Closure.

ˈkləʊʒə/(noun)

  ❝a sense of resolution or conclusion; a feeling that an emotional or traumatic experience has been resolved.❞