COVER CREDITS:
The beautiful art of Ahsoka and the boys is by Rexisbabe on tumblr. <3

FIRST OFF

i might take this down within two seconds of posting it because reading this is *cringe* for me

i'm never trusting my 3 am self again

or nessie

idk what she was talkin bout but this aint it hun

ANYWAYSSSSSS

translations are in bold at end of paragraph. any foreign language is mando'a <3

Only the slow, pained beating of the distraught Jedi Padawan's heart could be heard over her muddled thoughts. At this point, a path had been chiseled onto the ground of Ahsoka Tano's sleeping quarters, and the soles of her boats were now threadbare. On the occasional times that she'd retreat to her sleeper, she'd merely rest on the very foot of the mattress rigidly, raking her palms across her quadriceps until her skin was raw and her tunic is worn thin. Her restless glancing between the door and the chronometer certainly didn't help either; her stress only grew as she watched the hours of the night tick away. This had to be a new record for her: 400 hours.

From there, she'd push herself back onto her feet and pursue the state of pacing. This time, although, Ahsoka introduced the habit of running her dry, thick tongue across the back of her teeth. When it encountered her fangs harshly on mistake, she hissed in pain and collapsed back onto her sleeper.

The linen and blankets themselves were wrinkle-free; only the very edge she had been returning to provided evidence that someone had ever occupied the quarters. Normally, even though it was technically against G.A.R. regulations, Ahsoka would gravitate towards the clones' quarters of the Resolute. Sometimes it would be to jest with the more relaxed clones, like Fives, Hardcase, or Jesse, and other times it would be to mourn the loss of fallen brethren. Thirty minutes would turn into an hour, an hour into several hours, and several hours into her falling asleep on a vacant cot.

Nobody ever said anything about it, though. Truth be told, all of the troopers viewed Ahsoka as their sister- their vod'ika- and having her bunk with them only felt natural. She provided them just as much comfort and security as they did to her, so usually nights spent with the Commander were less nightmare-plagued. Something about her warming presence reminded her of a female family member they never had, whether that be a sibling to the older clones, or a motherly figure to the younger. (little sister)

Tonight was different. Ahsoka didn't want anyone to see her in this restless, weary state, and, quite frankly, she didn't want to see anyone herself. Especially that of the male gender.

Don't interpret her feelings wrong, though. She wasn't mad or spiteful towards them (okay, maybe she was at one, but that was beside the point) as much as she was confused and saddened.

Master Ti had warned her about this phase of her life several weeks ago, given that Anakin wouldn't be very invested or knowledgable in matters like these. At the time, Ahsoka had been dismissive and somewhat uncomfortable at the conversation, but now she wanted to slam her montrals into a wall for not being more attentive.

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Ahsoka changed her course to the refresher, spitting out the salty blood that had pooled in her mouth from slicing her tongue. She leaned over the sink, flicking the faucet on and allowing water to gather in her cupped hands. She tentatively brought it to her mouth to wash out the blood, but hesitated when some splashed onto her face. The icy feeling of the water refreshed her face and mind, much to her pleasure. She sighed in content after splashing even more water onto her face, then reluctantly moved to turn the faucet off. Her eyes caught the sight of mascara streaks in the mirror, causing her to frown and attempt to wipe them off. Nobody could be made to think that she, the brave commander of the 501st, could've possibly been crying at something without a good reason to.

She only remembered small excerpts of the conversation with the older Togruta.

"...will be a lot different..."

"...confusing..."

"...us Togrutan women are affected the most..."

"...conflicting..."

"...Jedi Code..."

"...instinctual..."

"...flushed lekku..."

Ahsoka pressed her fingers firmly against her temples in attempts to conjure any other traces of advice, but it was futile. She was left to struggle with her overwhelming newfound emotions on her own, and it was becoming unbearable. There wasn't a single female on the entire Resolute besides her, so she was practically stranded.

She couldn't even explain the way she was feeling. It was something between loneliness, gentle passion, and a fiery burning for someone to comfort her. Then again, it was also laced with pure frustration and anger at her last mission.

Such strong emotions were certainly against the Jedi Code. However, despite all of her attempts at washing her mind free of her thoughts and feelings away, her soul simply refused to let go. There was only one instance that was comparable to this reaction, and that was the way she had known how to hunt without any teachings. What did Shaak refer to that as? ...Instinct? Was the way her system was overloading on emotions naturally programmed into her?

A soft rapping on the metal door drug her out of her stupor. The rhythm of the taps held firm for the first few beats, then ended with a quick trill. That meant there was only one possibility of who could be standing on the other side of her door, and he was someone she certainly wasn't in the mood for conversing with at the moment. Besides, why would he be up at the hour anyways?

Ahsoka held her breath and remained silent, hoping that he would think that she was asleep and return to his quarters. Despite her wishes, his presence never left the door.

"I know you're awake, Commander. Please allow me to enter your room."

The Togruta sighed in defeat and unlatched the door with the Force.

"Come in, Captain."

Rex slipped through her door and strode up to Ahsoka, pausing a few feet away in case she wanted personal space. "Is everything alright, sir?"

She was confused at Rex's behavior, to say the least. (Which, on top of all of her other overwhelming emotions, was no joke.) How would he know that something was wrong? Why would he be so concerned?

"Yes. Everything is fine," she replied, perhaps too sharply. Normally someone would be miffed at her dismissive tone, but Rex understood it as a current weakness she was trying to hide.

"With all due respect, I don't believe you." Rex crossed his arms in defiance, an unimpressed look wrote on his face. "Why don't you just tell me what is going on?"

"That's not very professional, Captain."

"Keeping me up into unreasonable hours of the night with your fretting isn't very professional either, Commander," Rex quipped back, a trace of a smile spreading on his lips. "Besides, aren't we a little bit closer than that? I'm a bit hurt, vod'ika."

Ahsoka knew Rex was merely joking with her, but she still couldn't shake the guilt she felt from his words. Still, with a wave of her hands and shake of her head, she argued "I don't think you would understand..."

"I can try," Rex insisted. "Please, if not for yourself, do it for me, sir."

Ahsoka fidgeted uncomfortably at the foot of her bed, tracing her fingers along her bracers and tapping her foot in a rapid cadence. She knew she shouldn't drag Rex into her personal conflicts, but getting the heavy burden off her chest would be so relieving.

"It's just," her voice wavered and she hesitated, pursing her lips in thought. "I don't know Rex..."

The captain's heart throbbed with sympathy for the Togruta. If Ahsoka appeared to be so troubled, he knew that something big was going on. His commander was never one to act overly-dramatic or be sensitive to such small matters. Whatever she was going through, he knew she needed someone's help.

"Hey, it's alright." Rex gently shuffled over to her sleeper and sat beside the girl, offering her a warm smile. With the way she had been responding to his presence earlier, he was genuinely expecting her to flinch, but she rather seemed to bask in his proximity. So, with a relieved smile, he draped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer. "So, what's got my little vod all distressed? I don't need to go scuff up some di'kut, right?" (sister, idiot)

"No-" Ahsoka giggled at Rex's temperament. Despite her protests against being around company, being around the captain had already put many of her nerves at ease. "That wouldn't solve anything. I'm just a bit confused, I guess."

"About..."

The Togruta drew a long sigh and swung her head around to face Rex. He was dressed in his blacks and had deep circles underneath his eyes, hinting at the fact that his efforts to fall asleep had been to no avail. For reasons unknown to Ahsoka, her fretting had been keeping the clone awake.

"My feelings," she answered openly. "I know I'm supposed to suppress them, and I'm trying-"

Rex cleared his throat loudly, abruptly interrupting Ahsoka's sentence. She rose a marking in confusion as he spoke.

"I might be disrespecting the Jedi when I say this, but I don't agree with your peoples' way of thinking," Rex scowled. "You can't just ignore emotions. That's a one-way road to losing yourself. I would never want to see that happen to you, Commander. Why don't you get them off your shoulders?"

Ahsoka spared a grateful smile at Rex's words before relaxing into his side. "I just feel like... I'm lacking something? Like there's a part of me incomplete? The Order and Jedi Code demand that I live without attachments, which is supposedly the way the Force wants me to exist, so why does ignoring this feel so unnatural?"

"Ignoring what, exactly?"

A prolonged silence ensued while Ahsoka tried to form together her thoughts. How could she even begin to describe it to Rex? The emptiness, coldness, and weakness?

"I think it's best to start about when this began," Ahsoka articulated. "My last mission."

Rex thought back to the assignment Ahsoka had just finished. Given that she and Padme were warm acquaintances, if not friends, she had been chosen to be Senator Amidala's security escort to the Separatist and Republic sanctioned meeting. While nothing was resolved, he couldn't particularly remember any details about the mission going completely awry.

"Well, I suppose, after my mission. I'm not sure if you were aware of this, but late Senator Bonteri's son, Lux, was present at this meeting. Well, he was slightly a friend of mine, so when he got himself caught up in a bit of trouble I decided to help him out."

"Did he get you hurt?" Rex inquired harshly. If some stupid kid got Ahsoka tangled up in his mess, resulting in her getting injured, they would have a problem.

"No," Ahsoka assured him. Then, she added with a smirk, "Are you saying I can't handle myself, Captain?"

Rex wasn't phased in the least. "Absolutely not, sir. Tinnies run in fright when they hear the psychotic padawan of General Skywalker is in the vicinity."

"Psychotic?" Ahsoka echoed in disbelief.

"There's no other way to explain your insane tactics," Rex shrugged.

Ahsoka brushed off the comment with a small chuckle. "Well, then..."

<3 ~ <3 ~ <3 ~ <3 ~ <3 ~ <3

"HE WHAT????!"

"Wait no no no... Rex, don't get mad! If he didn't, then we would've been exposed!" Ahsoka pleaded.

"He could've just put a finger to your mouth, or shook his head, or anything besides mureyca gar! Ibac etyc ik'aad. Ni kelir Hokaanir Lux's videk!" (kissing you! That filthy child. I will slice Lux's neck!")

Ahsoka paused and watched in horror as Rex switched to his native tongue, rapidly shouting words in fiery wrath. She only caught a few of the words being said since she wasn't very fluent in Mando'a, but those few were enough to scare her senseless.

"I don't know what part of Lux you're slicing open, but please, let's refrain from violence," Ahsoka nervously laughed.

With a straight face, Rex said, "Simply his neck."

"Either way," Ahsoka continued, her voice firm and much louder as she pretended to not be mortified, "we're not doing that. But this is all besides the point."

"You're telling me that what you're fussing about isn't that di'kut harassing you?"

"Not quite."

Rex stared at her in disbelief. He had no clue how she could be alright with someone blatantly disrespecting her and dragging her honor through mud, but if that's how she chose to react, then so be it.

"You see, while I wasn't fond of the kiss, it made me realize something."

"Oh God. You fell in love with that slimeball. Commander, how could-"

"I did not fall in love with Lux," Ahsoka shook her head in amusement at Rex's sigh of relief. "No, I fell in love with the idea of love, and it kinda broke my heart."

Rex blinked several times, eventually tilting his head in confusion. "Okay, repeat that again, but at about a tenth of the speed."

"Lux unveiled an entire emotional side of me that I didn't even know existed. To be completely honest, I kind of wish he hadn't. I now know what it's like to be held by someone, to feel like there's someone that will stand by your side when you grow weak... but now..." she trailed off and looked down at her boots. This is what had been bothering her the most. Not Lux, not the kiss, not her restless state, but what she was about to say.

At the sight of how miserable Ahsoka was, he tightened his arm around her and flashed a soft, reassuring smile. "You don't have to say anything if you don't want to, vod'ika. Just know that I'm here for you."

His embrace sent ripples of relaxation across her tenses muscles. With a hollow, bitter sigh, she finally admitted, "now I realize that I will never be able to love. I will never be able to fill that small, empty void in my heart that Lux has uncovered."

Ahsoka dejectedly buried her head in Rex's chest, quivering in both exhaustion and sorrow. She knew that her lack of sleep was probably causing her to blow her issues out of proportion, but there still wasn't much that could console her.

"I'm sorry Captain, I knew I shouldn't have dragged you into this, and you've probably lost all respect for me as a commanding officer..."

"'Soka..." he hushed her, resting his chin between her montrals. "I have nothing but respect for you. You're more human and compassionate to my brothers than anyone else I've met before. We're a family. We get through everything together, just like how we're going to get you through this."

"But there's no way to get past the fact that I'm going to live alone like this for the rest of my life," Ahsoka responded.

"But you aren't," Rex openly stated.

"What do you mean?"

The clone gently slid to the side, allowing Ahsoka to prop herself up. Standing up, he turned to Ahsoka and outstretched a hand. "Let's go on a walk."

Ahsoka flashed him a quizzical expression, but eventually took his hand and allowed him to pull her up. Together, they exited her room and began walking down the halls.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

"Well, what are we going to do there?"

"You'll see."

Rex secretively slid a comm out of his pocket and pushed a series of buttons on it, then continued on with his firm stride. Ahsoka quirked an eyebrow marking at his behavior, but overall decided against questioning him.

Ahsoka had sunk back into her distressing thoughts when Rex abruptly halted, causing her to be jerked to a stop.

"Well, were you planning on walking right out of the ship?" Rex laughed, causing Ahsoka to look up and see that she was inches away from plowing into a wall. "We're here, by the way."

The Jedi instantly realized that they were standing at the entrance to the clones' quarters. "We can't go in there! They're sleeping."

"They shouldn't be," Rex scoffed. "I left that duty to Fives, and he's generally very efficient at it."

"You what?!"

She didn't have time to finish her sentence as Rex swung open the doors and pulled her in. Sure enough, every light in the room was shining brightly, and clones were milling about.

"Sir, I woke them up in record time," Fives reported, skipping up to Rex and letting out a small snicker.

"Rex," Echo grunted, dragging himself behind Fives. "Next time, I'm begging you, let anyone else have that responsibility. Even me. But not," he paused, dramatically waving a finger at his brother, "him."

The captain cracked a grin at Echo's exasperation, but redirected his attention to the men of the 501st.

"Alright, listen up boys!" He paused, allowing everyone's attention to fall on him. "Everyone is aware of what to do in a Code Vod'ika, right?"

Everyone's heads bobbed up and down, almost excitedly. Ahsoka glanced at him in confusion, but her expression was missed as he continued his announcement.

"Well, boys, the time to carry out that procedure has come."

Echo and Fives shuffled next to each other and began conversing eagerly. The latter of the two rubbed his hands together, smirking broadly. "Oh yeah, this is gonna be good."

Ahsoka walked up to Rex and gently nudged his side. "What's going on?"

Her question was ignored as Rex simply sidestepped and revealed her small frame to all of the clones. Almost instantaneously, a glint of enthusiasm sparkled in their eyes and their bodies were barely remaining still. At the mere nod of their captain, they charged forward like a herd of banthas, barreling straight towards the Togruta.

"Wait! Whoa whoa whoa, guys hold on!" She squeaked in shock, closing her eyes and flinching as she anticipated the harsh impact. However, instead of them knocking her down, they launched themselves into a group hug. Clone after clone piled on top of each other, all vying against each other to wiggle in closer. The Togruta burst into laughter and basked in her troopers' affection. Of course, no one would ever be able to torture the truth out of her, but she did end up having damp eyes.

"You'll always be loved," Rex yelled over the other clones' whooping and chattering. "You don't need some random kid to be there for you. You've got us, your vods. Your aliit." (family)

Ahsoka pondered his words. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that the vacantness she had felt in herself earlier was melting away, simply to be replaced with the affection she felt towards her brothers. They would be strong for her. They would believe in her when she wouldn't believe in herself. They'd stand up for her on the off days that she wasn't a complete sassy queen.

"Yeah," she slowly agreed. "This is my aliit."

<3 ~ <3 ~ <3 ~ <3 ~ <3 ~ <3

Rex drowsily raked his hands across his face. His eyes were burning from the lack of sleep and every single muscle in his body was going to give out at any given moment, but he had to press on. Even though it was currently 600 hours, he had to finish what he had started before he could fall asleep.

"Almost... done..." he mumbled, scowling and muttering something underneath his breath as his lamp began flickering on and off. It was currently the only source of light in the clones' quarters since everyone else was fast asleep. The hug had lasted a good while, but a wave of exhaustion had hit the entire 501st all at once, causing them to wander back off to their bunks.

"There." He smiled in satisfaction at the notice he had written on a holopad. At the top, it proudly displayed the most recent picture of Lux Bonteri he could find, and then it was captioned with the following:

Lux Bonteri. If found, apprehend by any means necessary, then deliver to CT-7657. Occasional torture inflicted on given being is acceptable as well. (Note: he messed with our commander.)

Rex knew that the information given on the notice was plenty. If the clones knew that he had wronged Ahsoka, not even a small bounty would be needed to convince them. If you messed with their Togruta, then you messed with the entire 501st.

He slid off of his sleeper, then shuffled over to a small table that was stationed in the middle of the quarters. He gently laid the holopad on the surface, turned on the projection, then smugly strode back to his cot for the night. Lux Bonteri's career had just been ended.

On his way back, he paused at a set of bunks that had been pushed together to form one enlarged sleeper. A multitude of clones (most of which being his closest comrades, like Jesse, Fives, Echo, Hardcase, and Kix) was piled up on the tiny mattress with the tiny Togruta tucked in between them.

While he chuckled in amusement at first, he was mostly just relieved that she had been able to fall asleep. Sometimes he really did worry for her; she was just a teenager, and being subjected to this war while being raised by such heartless people was too much for anyone at that age. He knew without a doubt that he would do anything it took to keep her mentally stable.

"Goodnight, vod'ika."

(Note, the picture in the media is relevant to the result of Rex's wanted poster hehe)