[quick author's note: this is going to be a long chapter... sorry about this. The lengthy length of this chapter is crucial to the plot of Alexander Street, so I hope you understand.]

"Give me a chance to be your mother again."

"I will give you a family again. A new one, with Ander and your stepfather and step-siblings."

GREED. HUBRIS. 

THE hubris of humankind is undeniably linked to greed. Even if we can have all the things that we want in the world, there is always bound to be something else out there that can capture our attention and make us want for it.

Perhaps if you're filthy rich, you might be tempted by a piece of the moon? A piece of a satellite rock? Some people find that owning something literally out of this world to be extraordinary and amazing. It makes them feel special, and another thing for them to have massive pride in. 

Perhaps if you're of the most common class- the middle class, you may dream of owning the newest smartphone, or winning the lottery. You may have a strong desire to own a branded car.

It varies from class to class as well as the age group.

 I have greed of my own too. One of them was also my deepest, hidden yearnings- to be with my family again. Not the one that was so neglectful, uncaring and dismissive that it left me with a disparaging impression, but the one that I sort of remember when I was six. 

Though they were few in numbers, the memories that I had must have been what I was once very fond of as they still lived on in my mind. Those rare, genuinely sunny times where my heart was filled with exuberance and I was a bubbly little girl. 

My mother and dad hugging me. My dad tossing me into the air, catching me in his arms. Flowery peals of laughter echoing throughout the small park.

My mother pushing me lightly and gently on the swing to ensure that I wouldn't fall on the rough pavement. 

Ander being in one of his rare merry moods and sloppily braiding my hair while teasing me. Ander playing dolls with me. Ander playing soccer with me.

It's the minor things in your life's moments that count.

The things that you do may be the most common and menial ones in life, but those precious moments always end up making the most ebullient rays in your life and memories.

And now, my mother is offering me a chance to return to those euphoric days. The only catch seems to be that she plans to integrate Ander and I to her new family. Stepfather and step-siblings. 

A new father. New siblings. I may even have a sister or brother. Considering that my mother was already 41 when she left us, I'll have three new siblings at most.

A chance to have a second life in the same lifetime. And this second life was as rare as finding true love. How many will waste away a chance like this?

Should I accept it? 

I can have the best life I possibly can with my mother and her new family. Perhaps her luxurious life and connections can make Ander happy. Perhaps Ander can get whatever he longs for and he'll be the attentive brother I once knew.

Can money really buy happiness?

Gosh, what am I even considering? Irina Pan, don't forget what this foul woman did to you. You always knew she left you for money, and she basically confirmed it yesterday. Are you really going to return to her like a pushover of an idiot? Don't do it.

I pull my hair and fall on my knees and I can feel myself being on the verge of tearing up. I told you all, didn't I? Nothing good comes when my mother, Sidonie Triston, enters my life.

Nothing good ever comes out of it.

___

That night, the gang is in my home again. For two reasons- one being because of my mother, the other because of Laetitia. 

Laetitia is leaving. "The time has come," Lae declared after we toasted her. Downing her wine like a tequila shot, she dramatically swished her hair and refilled her glass of red wine. "I am going back to my parents, going back to my lavish and extravagant life. Lissa," Lae points to Lae and clicked her tongue, "I hope to see you visit our parents soon. Joaquim, take care of my pupil. And to my dearest Irina... I will miss you." 

With that and a brief dinner, Laetitia left the mostly blithe chapter of my life, my new doorbell playing the same saccharine tinkling tune that I had first heard when we first met at Libby's Bath. 

She hadn't said anything about the appearance of my mother, and didn't give me any advice on how to deal with her like I thought she would. Instead, she told me one thing only. "Deal with the crisis with elegance, and never leave Joaquim, no matter what he does as I can see that he is good for you."

Nothing good comes when my mother, Sidonie Triston, enters my life. Nothing good ever comes, and with Lae's departure, I wonder who will leave me too. 

___

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

"IGNORANT! YOU'RE IGNORANT AND SELFISH."

"NOT YOU! DON'T CALL ME THAT, JOAQUIM KORL!"

"SELFISH! IGNORANT!" Joaquim roared, looking right into my eyes unflinchingly before he stormed off in a huff. The echoes of the main door slamming echoed throughout the spacious loft, and so did the horrid exchange we just had.

Words may be just words, but depending on who you heard that from, they can either harden you or destroy you.

Joaquim destroyed me.

He was flinging rocks at me, swiftly and constantly. I was nothing but a porcelain vase, standing there silently and wishing I was strong enough to stand upright. But his rocks were too strong, too powerful, and they smashed me into smithereens, never able to piece myself back again.

Only he could do that, and Joaquim was definitely cognizant of that too. And yet, he chose to leave. To slam the door so hard that it even echoed- it was as if he wanted to hit me harder and see the vase collapse into dust.

"Carina... the monster in him will explode one day, perhaps in a matter of years even, but the monster will show up. It always does, at the moment when you least expect it."

My mother's ominous words from our last conversation suddenly appeared in my mind. It was a small part, one that I had tried my best to forget and drive it down to the deepest depths in my brain.

Obviously, I didn't stow it away well enough. If I did, I wouldn't be thinking about this now, would I?

It's so ironic that I am thinking of her now. She was the reason why we even bloody fought in the first place.

Remember how I had shoved her the moment Joaq opened the main door? He had been appalled by my behaviour to my birth mother, which really is understandable from his point-of-view. I mean, she was so caught off-guard that she even fell down. Presumably, Joaq's anger grew when I left him to talk to my mother in private.

That's the reason why he was so infuriated. She is the sole reason for our fight, the reason for Joaq and I becoming distant.

Was it really so wrong of me to push her? Can he not understand my feelings? As my boyfriend, shouldn't he support me and back me up?

Why can't he see that my hatred for my mother is something that never will go away? Why can't he see that my reaction was an expected one?

I mean, if you were in my shoes, I'm pretty sure that you would have done everything in your power to ensure that your nemesis never set foot in your house. I highly doubt that you will remain civil and polite and be like 'Oh, come in, sit down in my chair that I bought with my hard-earned money'.

Honestly, my mother was lucky that she didn't get slapped by me. The nerve of her showing up uncalled to my doorstep! The nerve of her trying to bribe me into being with her filthy rich family.

The nerve of her, using my weaknesses and innermost desires against my will to even imagine a life where I am reunited with the Ander I knew as a 6 year-old. The nerve of her, managing to snake past my defences and temporarily lurk in the shadows of my fortress, manipulating my subconscious where I am weakest at.

And Joaquim...

As for Joaquim...

I lie in a fetal position on my sofa and hug my knees tightly. I think of his chiseled face, red with anger as he yells at me. The fact that he flung the word 'ignorant' at me stings the most.

Ignorant.

"I am nothing but ignorant, Joaquim Korl. I am never ignorant." I say aloud to the imaginary stern-faced Joaq that I see sitting at the edge of the sofa.

You're ignorant. You're just like Jon Snow- pretending to be all-knowing when really, you know nothing.

"I know nothing? I know when to leave a ruinous place when I am aware that it is bad for me. I know when to abandon people for my own sake so that I can live a life that I deserve. I leave for myself. I know to surround myself with good people so that I can flourish. I know how to survive even when my world comes crashing down at 6. I know to do things that benefit me most."

Self-centered. You're incredibly ignorant and selfish.

"I agree that I am selfish to a small extent. But ignorant... stop calling me that!"

Joaq doesn't stop it despite my pleas. Ignorant, he repeats as if it's a chant that will save his life. Ignorant.

You're so ignorant. If you accepted your mother's deal, this will be good for not only you, but for us too, Irina...

The damned deal again. If only I hadn't told him...

Flashes of the moment when I told him about my mother's proposal came swarming towards me without warning, overcrowding my thoughts and assuming claim as the only one.

"So, what did you do after she told you that she wants to reunite with you, Ander and her new family?"

"I didn't answer her. I left after hearing it. I was mostly silent throughout."

Joaquim rests his head on his hands and sighs. "Well, that's understandable. It's a lot to take in."

"A lot? That must be the understatement of the year. Anyhow, I'm pretty sure she got the hint that I had no wish to reunite our family." 

"Yes. Why can't I? It's my life, after all. This is what's best for me. We've been estranged for so long, and it will be really awkward to live with her new family..."

"Irina. Accept her deal. Can't you see this will make our lives perfect?"

Is my boyfriend possessed? Where's the Joaquim Korl that I know and love? "Perfect? What the hell, Joaq? Have you lost your marbles?"

"No, you have! Just because I'm usually mild-tempered and calm doesn't mean I don't get frustrated with some of your choices. For one, the thing with Libby. Gosh, I really didn't get why you were so upset about the idea of a workplace romance. I had full confidence in us and that nothing will disrupt the flow of business into Libby's Bath, and yet you were insecure. I tried to see from your perspective, and if it wasn't Pat, I wouldn't have succeeded. Even now, I can't believe you thought that we might break-up because of a stupid workplace romance!"

I am stunned into silence.

Pat. Pat was the one who persuaded him into going with me to tell Libby that we're dating? It was my best friend's doing and not of his own will?

"Irina, don't you see that if you accept your mother's proposal, our future is guaranteed? I know you've met and spoken to my parents... but Iri. They may like you, but they have always needed me to marry rich. The Korl family is losing money because of our business. It's more competitive, we're losing investors... Iri. Your mother married a tycoon, right? A billionaire or whatever? She must have plans to give you some of her money in the form of inheritance. Accept her plan. Visit her and make nice with your new family, Iri. It won't be forever. You know I have plans of marrying you... I really do love you. And you accepting the deal will be the best thing you can do for us."

And you accepting the deal will be the best thing you can do for us.

That sentence alone broke my heart.

Was this how little he thought of me? Was my station in life a factor that actually bothered him? Is this Joaq revealing his true colours?

"How can I be so blind? You're as flawed as everybody is, Joaq."

"No, Irina. LISTEN TO ME. This is a foolproof plan. You reunite with your mother, and by law you should get some inheritance from her. She clearly feels guilty towards you, so you're bound to get quite a sum of money. You having her money means that you're rich. My parents already like you, and your wealth will seal the deal of our marriage. It's a win-win, Iri..."

My hearing is suddenly muffled, and all I hear is this empty, deafening silence. I'm looking at a man that I do not know, and I do not wish to know more about this person. Not this side of him anyway.

"No, Joaq," I say, my tone full of resolution and determination. "I will not accept the deal. We can work hard together, Joaq..."

"You're so ignorant, Irina! Your idealistic way of life once appealed to me, but now it's grating on my nerves. You have the chance to obtain a sizable sum and live one of the most fulfilling lives in your lifetime... why aren't you taking it?"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

"IGNORANT! YOU'RE IGNORANT AND SELFISH."

"NOT YOU! DON'T CALL ME THAT, JOAQUIM KORL!"

"SELFISH! IGNORANT!" 

hey guys, I'm going to be really busy from 20 April onwards as I have online learning for my school (FINALLY GOT INTO THE SCHOOL AND COURSE THAT I WANTED!😍😍😎🎉🎉) so I won't be able to update as regularly as I did earlier this year. But don't worry I will try and manage my time as best as I can. :)

hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I would love to know how you feel about this development. Please share your thoughts with me by commenting! I am really curious.