[author's note: you guys have no idea how much I struggled with this chapter... I have never dated in my life, not even have those primary school dating relationships so I am absolutely clueless about this kinda topics. So I hope that as you read this, you will be able to give me constructive criticism so that I can make it into a more realistic romantic relationship. What you're reading is the result of my hard work and constant research about dating.]

"PAT, WHAT am I going to do? Joaquim and I... we're really doing this. We're really dating." I scroll up and down and try to control my emotions and calm down. "We're dating for real."

 "Okay, chill babe. I don't see the issue here. Why are you so stressed out?" I can hear the slurping sounds of noodles on the other end of the line, and my stress ebbs and is replaced by frustration. 

"PATRICIA SILS. ARE YOU SERIOUS? I'm having a midlife crisis right this moment and you're eating noodles?"

"Babe, unless you suddenly turned 45 and not 23, then I believe that you're having a midlife crisis. Also, I'm not eating noodles. I'm eating indomie. There's a huge difference." I don't know whether to laugh or cry when I notice Pat placing an extra emphasis on the word 'indomie'. Indeed, she has her priorities straight.

"Instant noodles over friend? Okay, girl, okay. ANYWAYS can we address the issue at hand? I'm dating Joaq. Joaq is my friend and colleague. Libby is my friend and boss. Joaq and I are her friends and employees."

Silence at Pat's end.

"So? I'm pretty sure she knew this was coming."

"Pat, don't you see? It's a workplace romance, Pat. A workplace romance."

Please, Pat, don't you sense my urgency? Don't you see that Joaq and I may fight as our relationship progresses? What if our fight impacts our mood and work performance? I don't want this to harm Libby's business in any way... please, Pat, tell me you'll come over.

"Oh. Oh no. Okay, let me finish my indomie and I'll come straight over."

"Thank you," I breathe a sigh of relief and am once again full of gratitude towards Pat. I swear, I won't even be a teeny bit shocked if Pat ever admits to me that she has the rare gift of mind-reading or telepathy to me. 

She always seems to know what I'm thinking.

Leaning lazily on my couch, I let my mind wander. I know that some might think that I am kicking up a fuss for no reason, but ever since I started working at 'Libby's Bath', I know that I have changed a great deal.

Once upon a time, I used to not give a crap about anyone or anything. There were times in the past where I couldn't even be bothered if Pat called me and told me that she is upset. There were times when I purposefully caused a ruckus in my workplace just to receive punishment from my boss.

Back then, I had a fetish for any form of adrenaline. 

But that troublemaker is long gone. 

I am no longer the former Irina Pan who was most used to being cold and uncaring to others. 

I am no longer the Irina Pan who can leave places with an air of nonchalance after being a disservice to people. 

I am no longer the Irina Pan who had nothing to lose. 

If only I was the same person as I was, I wouldn't be so unsettled and take a paranoid stand on this. I mean, after all, it is stated on the official website of 'Libby's Bath' that dating in the workplace is permitted. And yet, I can't help but think that I must have lost my marbles when I agreed to date Joaq. I never thought about the aftermath of dating him. What the hell was I thinking?

Honestly, I wasn't. I was blinded by love and followed my heart instead of my mind. Will my and Joaq's relationship come to a halt so quickly? Can I even bear the pain?

No, I can't. I like Joaquim too much to stop dating him. On the other hand, I am unable to resign from my current job as I actually really enjoy what I am doing. Oh, what am I to do? 

It was a mistake working at 'Libby's Bath'. It was a mistake meeting Joaq... oh, I should just put an end to all of this. Everything. 

Wallowing in self-pity, I lie on my couch and wail, praying for someone, something, anything up there to give me a hint or sign as to which direction I should proceed in my life. I sit up again as a thought passes my mind. 

I race to my bedroom and take a coin out of my wallet. I throw the coin upwards in the air and tell myself that if the coin lands on tails, I will break up with Joaquim but try my best to remain as his close friend. If the coin lands on heads, I will have a heart-to-heart talk with Joaq regarding this major topic.

Please don't land on tails, please don't lend on tail-

The surface of the coins winks at me.

It's heads!

Exuberant at the results, I jump around and whoop for joy. Who would have known that I, the Queen of Cold-Heartedness, would have resulted in such drastic measures to save her friendship with employer and friend and relationship with my boyfriend? 

___

Pat brings along Laetitia and I feel like we have convened a secret meeting just to discuss and plan for the future of my and Joaq's relationship. I know that I should probably involve Joaq into this but I feel like it'll be better to talk things out with my friends first. The situation is bound to improve after I plan things out with the worldly Laetitia and all-knowing Pat.

"Laetitia, Libby's your sister. You know her best. She says that she is fine with her employees dating, but what's your take on it? Do you really think that Libby thinks that way?"

"Call me Lae, please. And Lissa... Lissa is Lissa. Sometimes she says things that she doesn't mean and sometimes she means it. I think that for this dating topic, it belongs in the latter category. In my opinion, Lissa is cognizant that a business will never be at the top without the loyalty of their employees. Thus, she gives allowances such as letting her workers date even in the workplace.

But the one thing she will not tolerate will be if you bring your personal issues into her business. For Lissa, there is a very clear, distinct line between love and work. Once you cross that line, good luck. She only gives her employees one chance. The first, she will reduce your salary and suspend you from work for a week. After that chance is used up, you better tread waters carefully with her. If her buttons are pushed again, you're as good as gone."

___

"I can't do this anymore. Let's break up before you throw in another caustic comment in my face. How did we even end up together when we're so obviously incompatible?" I punch the wall in frustration and throw my hands up in the air. 

"No, I can't let you go. All I ever wanted was to live an arcadian life with you. Maybe even move to the more idyllic parts of Orina... Iri, please. Why are you being this way in the first place?"

I gaze into Joaq's eyes and find ennui in them. Once upon a time, those brown orbs used to smile at me with an impossible affection, used to convey to me all his thoughts and feelings. Once upon a time, I would be caught up in a whirlwind of emotions just by looking into them. 

And now.

They reflect the same listlessness in mine. 

"I absolutely detest this, Joaq. We keep arguing and disagreeing on so many topics. Even little things like what jam we want to put on our bread. Let's face it. We've grown bored of each other, so we should break up on amicable terms. Let's remain as a platonic relationship in both our work and private lives and save Libby trouble."

"No, Iri, please! We can get through this-"

"Joaquim, we can't. Let's have a clean break, okay? I don't want us to be the cause of 'Libby's Bath' downfall."

I wake up from the wretched nightmare in a sweat, and find myself trembling from head to toe. My heart is in immense pain and I shudder at the false memory of Joaquim's and my breakup.

How can I have such a dream? We've only been on one date. One. What an ominous omen to receive at the start of our relationship. Is this hinting something to me? Will Joaquim and I really break up because of arguments?

Why am I having such a dream? My worries about starting a romance are really getting into my head. Knowing myself, I stroll to my kitchen to get myself a glass of water to collect myself.

When I was younger, I used to date around mainly because I was curious what love felt like. Pat once told me that there are three different types of love: familial love, platonic love and amorous love.

It's safe to say that I gave up on ever feeling the first type of love, so I started dating when I was 14 to feel amorous love.

My first boyfriend, Tristan, gave me my first kiss at a local park. It was nothing special and unremarkable. Our only displays of affection was holding hands and kissing. When I got tired of it, I broke up with him by telling him, "Tristan, if this is what amorous love is, I don't want it. There's no point in smooching when we have nothing in common and are clearly annoyed by each other." Don't worry though. Despite my savage comment, Tristan took it well and immediately began his hunt for girlfriend no. 2.

What a player.

Then there was Cole, a horror fanatic who I dated at 16. Pat had always tried to talk me out of it by adducing that Cole 'had the sixth sense' and 'could see ghosts'.

"Is that what you want for a boyfriend, Irina? A ghost hunter? Do you think you're on Ghost Adventures or Buzzfeed Unsolved? Date someone normal, or even another player like Tristan."

It was easy for Pat to say, especially when she knew where her parents were and how they were doing. I didn't- well, not for my mum anyway. I figured that if a private investigator couldn't find my mother, Cole could.

No matter how well I hid it from Pat, my yearning for my mother was something that I found it hard to deny to myself.

For some reason, I wanted my mother most when I was 16. Maybe it's because daughters are supposed to receive a special gift from their mothers to mark their beginning of womanhood. Maybe it's because Pat's mother threw her a lavish birthday party for her 16th birthday.

Or maybe it's because I missed my mother.

Nevertheless, my main reason for dating Cole was to see if he could see the ghostly form of my mother. Cole dated me because he found me to be a rare gem as according to him, few girls are interested in gory or scary movies.

"Girls don't date me because they are worried I'll curse them with the sixth sense too," he told me in such a pitiful voice than even I, the Ice Queen, sympathised with him.

"I'm not like other girls," I replied, and that's how we began dating.

We lasted five months when Cole became exasperated with my constant questioning of whether he saw my mother yet or not.

Thus till this day, I have no clue regarding my mother's whereabouts. Truth to be told, I was getting tired of Cole anyway.

Honestly, Iri, the only reason you broke up with them is because they weren't meant for you. It wasn't fate. Joaquim is kismet. Get over your insecurity, Irina Pan. Joaquim is it for you.

this chapter was so hard to write guys... but I did try my best. 

I really hope you all like it and don't find it a chore to read. To those who have read this far, thank you so much. I would never have come this far without your support.