[quick author's note: hey guys how are you? I hope you have been well! If you haven't seen my announcements, Alexander Street was completed on 3 May 2020! (I hope you all don't mind my withholding the remaining chapters!) So let me know if you want me to update more regularly! Hope you enjoy this chapter!]

WHAT'S THE BIGGEST no-no for any couple, regardless of whether they are married, long-term or not?

It's leaving a heated, massive argument unresolved.

Why? Imagine after you finish brushing your teeth, you go to bed. Separate rooms, even. Your heart is not filled with awe or love for your partner, but rather, fury. Fury for you are angry at the harsh blows that they forced on you, fury for having to deal with those cruel words and having to parry them away. 

You become angry at yourself too for doing the exact same thing.

Your mind wanders to poisonous places, places where couples should avoid at all costs but always end up anyway. Your mind visits Purgatory, where your brain so nicely provides you with detailed examples of the consequences of leaving the fight unresolved. 

The first place in Purgatory that your mind visits is the dreaded Break-Up scenario. Of course, in that moment where you are mad and steaming, breaking up is not something you dread so much. In fact, you may find it calming even.

That's the same thing for me. 

In my mind, I see us breaking up, a world where the ship name Irim does not exist. I see Joaq tearfully packing up his luggage, taking back his house key and giving me mine back. He waves a last wave, but it is not returned. The resignation and pain in his eyes is heart-wrenching, but I do nothing but stand still and watch him leave. 

I see myself, numbed by heartbreak, closing the door shut quietly and heading for the refrigerator. I reach out and gulp down a can of Jolly Shandy beer, only to throw it on the floor when the irony of it dawns upon me. I don't cry when I find the small touches of Joaquim Korl that once adorned my minimalistic loft gone, and I don't cry when I find piles of dirty dishes left in the sink. 

I see myself breaking down however when I see the messy bedroom and broken vase at the corner of the living room. The memories of us fighting and exchanging curses instead of kisses breaks me, and I see myself sinking down on my knees and sobbing relentlessly.

And that is just the first-case scenario.

The second one that I see is in some ways, even worse. We are still together, but we ignore the huge fight and remain as lovey-dovey as we were before. We still go to the stores we usually frequent- 'Judge Me by My Cakes', 'EN&D'- but there is strained, volatile tension between us, and we are not sincerely happy with each other.

It's a relationship, yes, but more like a relationship in Hell.

A gradual ruin for two people who do not deserve it, especially him.

No wonder people say they'd rather descend to the fiery pits of Hell itself than be trapped in Purgatory. At least in Hell, you know what to expect, and know that you'll be tortured mercilessly in every way imaginable to pay for the sins you committed in your life.

But in Purgatory, anything goes. You can be shown painstakingly crafted moments down to the most miniscule and trivial detail and be unable to differentiate whether it's real or false; you can also be forced to revisit moments where you never wanted to see again.

Purgatory. 

I am exceptionally savage and barbaric to myself, my brain letting me wander in Purgatory, making me see every possible outcome that I do not wish to ever know in my thoughts and dreams. I can't unsee it, and that makes things worse.

It makes things worse because while I know that the consequences of not communicating or apologising to Joaq is devastating, I also cannot forget the heartless words he had dealt me so viciously in a cold-hearted manner. That was not the man I fell in love with.

That night, that man was someone else who I had never met before. A monster.

A monster, just like my mother had predicted.

"Carina (darling in Spanish), dear, do you remember the scene in the Disney movie, Rapunzel?"

"Disney? What the hell has Disney has to do with our estranged relationship? You made it this way- don't try any tricks up your sleeves. I am leaving."

"Carina, you are such a fool. Mothers know best, carina. I am your mother-"

"YOU ARE NOT MY MOTHER!"

"- and even Disney acknowledges that fact. You think Joaquim Korl loves you? One day, when you get into a huge fight, you two will lash out at each other and say words that you think that you do not mean. But here's the thing, carina. All the things you say in the heat of the nuclear-like moment, are as truthful as the ones you spill when intoxicated. You think, 'Oh, my sweet Joaq can never feel that way to me. I should apologise to him and patch things up'. You think, 'I love him even though I am hurt by those ugly words'. You will try every trick in the book to manipulate yourself into thinking to delay the inevitable break-up. And you may succeed for a few months.

But carina... the monster in him will explode one day, perhaps in a matter of years even, but the monster will show up. It always does, at the moment when you least expect it. There's a monster in all of us, like a ticking time-bomb, waiting to feast on your insecure and vulnerable side. As proof that I love you and always have your well-being at heart, here's the most valuable advice I can give you, and the only one that you may accept: leave him when you think his inner monster has shown up to save yourself."

Monster.

Did Joaq's inner monster show up that night? Or am I letting my mother's words get to me despite my hatred for her?

Monster. 

Why do I have to remember her words at such a moment like this? Oh, god, what do I do? Someone help me.

Monster.

___

I head to work in spite of everything the day after those thoughts that ought to be banished floods my head.

I am not clear-headed during work, and I make countless precious mistakes as a result. Understandably, Libby is incensed by all of these and even reduces my salary to a meager one. 

During break, she tells me, "Something is going on between you and Joaq. Did you think that I would not notice? Libby's Bath did not survive this long just because I'm a daughter of a billionaire. It's because I'm ruthless in this competitive, cut-throat business, and have never taken a blind eye to any of my employees's misdeeds. I cut off people who have personal affairs with other staff, but only the weak links. Fix this, Irina, or else you will be cut."

I will be cut. 

"Did you think that the world you're living in is an utopia? Funny, isn't it, that you accused me of living in one when you first sat down? All maybe well, Iri, but what makes you so certain that your friends won't bid you farewell when they've reached their tolerance for you? One day, they will leave you. In this world, you can only depend on yourself."

Everything my mother is saying seems to be coming true. First, my precious and treasured friend Lae leaves me, then Joaq's monster gives me a surprise visit. As if those two incidences alone weren't enough, Libby reduces my salary and threatens to cut me off. What's going to happen next? What is the next precious thing that I will lose? Joaq, to the rest of eternity? Pat?

No, not Pat. Please, not Pat. Patricia won't leave me too, will she? I can't survive if she and Joaq deserts me... I can never imagine a life without Patricia Sils. Pat is my one constant ever since I was 13... what if she... 

Fear grips me hard, strangling me and sucking the life out of me in the process. Fear, sated by its success to get another helpless victim to succumb to its will, leaves gleefully, knowing it has won. 

obviously much shorter than the previous chapter... so. What do you think is going to happen to Joaq and Irina? Do you think that there is still love between the two? Will #Irim survive this? What's your predictions for this?

Hope you enjoyed this chapter guys!