THE FIERY, UNFORGIVING pits of Hell greets me in a searing embrace. Darkness looms in every corner with an ironically saintly patience as it waits with a hunter's ease for a new target.

A new target where the darkness can practice their skills of Machiavellian cunning to get their chosen targets to fall under their inescapable influence. Different demons coexists in Hell.

First off, there are the demons that I like to call the 'Sadists', for for every reaction they get from their victim after inflicting severe pain and barbaric forms of physical torture, the Sadists will cheer raucously and continue to experiment on the victim. The bliss in their eyes whenever the victim writhes or moans in agony lights up and grows with a sadistic gleam.

Aren't they aptly named?

Would you believe me if there's another group of demons that are far worse than them? Would you believe me if I admitted to you that I'll gladly take on the Sadists any day as long as I can avoid the next group?

Even if you don't now, you will.

The next group is probably the vilest and despotic of the lot. To me, they are reminiscent of the Dementors from Harry Potter, those ungodly creatures where they literally suck all of your joyous memories out of you and leave with you with nothing but the cold, woeful moments of your life. But even the Dementors have nothing on them- to call these particular group of demons mere 'Dementors' is an awfully magnanimous thing to do to them.

These demons are Dementors and the simulations from the Hunger Games combined. They are so sly that they can never be compared to a fox; so deviously scheming and perfectionistic that their form of pyschological torture is inescapable. You'll need to be equipped with a will of iron and be mentally fit and confident to beat these demons at their inhumane game- it's the only way one can survive the arduous ordeal crafted by them.

Even if you do survive the mental torture they forced on you- which as likely as me reuniting with my mother-, you'll likely be somewhat broken and never really whole again. That will always be the aftermath of their affliction on you.

I call them 'Tormentiers'.

With my life in shambles, the Tormentiers are likely actively seeking me out, for I am the best prey possible for them right now, especially with my current state of mind being especially weak. Without the love or support that I had become used to, I was vulnerable to being viciously attacked by the Tormentiers.

If I never met Joaquim, Laetitia or Libby, would I ever be in this piteous state?

If I never fell for Joaq and remained guarded around him, would I never have to experience this excruciating pain that I am feeling right now?

One of the promises that Joaq and I had promised each other prior to us dating was that we would always be honest with each other, and never leave an argument unresolved, no matter the issue.

We had always firmly believed that communication is key and without talking to each other properly or hearing each other out, a fallout- or worse, a break-up- was almost inevitable.

To keep a romance youthful and let it flourish, communication is key.

And yet, look what we ended up doing anyways. Like countless couples out there, we hurled insults and hurt each other in the heat of the moment where we knew was their sorest point, and left in the end without a 'sorry' or make-up.

I have no idea where we stand with each other now. Hours have passed since the fight, and neither of us have bothered to reach out.

Has he given up on me? On us? Is this how much he really cares for me? Is this how my first real romance ends?

I do love tragic romances, but that's not what I want for myself... Sighing remorsefully, I watch as my phone screen blackens, and with it, the picture of Joaq and I in an amorous embrace fading into the darkness too. 

___

It has been days since Joaq and I last talked as a couple or even as a pair of close friends. What we have done is communicated the way recently acquainted colleagues do- genial yet formal. 

So painfully formal. 

We were never in this stage of formality even when he first called me or when we first met in real life. During the call, we even swore at each other and I even attempted to scam him. During our first meeting, I even fought him and he even flirted with me.

Now our conversation is mostly talking about clients or resolving some problems for the company instead of solving our own. Joaq will usually ask me things like, 'Did you get the file? Did you contact the client?' and I will reply quickly, 'Yes, yes I did, the problem is solved' or 'Don't worry, the stocktaking is in order.' 

I reply as fast as lightning in the hopes of securing a real chat with Joaq and yet he always manages to find a proper excuse to leave and continue on with his work. 

I feel like we are standing on an iceberg that is about to collapse, and only one of us can survive on the iceberg while the other will drown in the icy sea. And this time, it's Joaq who's pushing me into the water and I'm the one struggling and doing my best to hold on to him. If I cling on to him any longer, he may die with me too.

The question is, do I want to drag him down with me and ruin his life? 

My mother left my father for a better life. If I ever leave Joaq, it will be for his happiness.

I really am not my mother's daughter.

But I have no plans of leaving him, not just yet. I will still cling on to him and if need be, force him to talk to me, to his girlfriend. 

And we'll see what happens next then.

___

The day does not improve even after my shift ends. Here I was, packing up my bag after rearranging the display items and Libby calls me into her office.

I must have had an inkling of what is to come for I was babbling about the stocktaking even on the short way to her office and only stopped when she commanded me to.

"Irina," she had said, her addressment of me as emotionless as an outsider's. Her eyes betrayed no hidden emotion, and she was so business-like in her manner of speech and demeanour that I felt weak in my knees. "What's going on between you and Joaquim must end quickly or either be resolved as soon as possible. Yes, the business is not affected, but anyone can feel the tension hanging it in the air whenever you two are around each other. Anyone can see the longing gaze the two of you throw at each other too. I don't want customers complaining to me about me being ridiculously lenient enough to allow my employees to have a workplace romance.

I refuse to be accused of being unprofessional.

Do you think it is a simple task to be a female CEO of a budding retail store in this industry? The backlash that I will have to shoulder when people find out that I regard you and Joaquim as my close friends will be so great that even I, Miss Confident, might waver and fall."

Libby closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. When she opens them, the hazel orbs are brimming with emotion ranging from sadness and despair.

"Please, Irina, do something about this. I care so much about the two of you, but Libby's Bath is my baby. It is my world. I am her parent. And there is nothing a parent won't do for her child. So, Irina, please. Resolve it or end it." 

___

Resolve it or end it. What an ultimatum. 

It's not like I am not trying. I am.

But Joaquim isn't. 

If only Libby knew how much her observation- the one where she told me that Joaq and I were apparently both stealing longing gazes at each other- ignited hope in my poor, neurotic heart.

If Joaq was still doing that, he must still harbour some form of love for me. I know that I am so unlike myself now, and so freaking weak. But this is what love does to you.

You do anything to hold on to your partner's love, even if both of you may have doubts about each other.

Love, my friends, is both Hell and Heaven. And sometimes when you find yourself in heartbreaking situations where the circumstances may be devastating, it is Purgatory. 

So... how do you think Alexander Street will end? With a happy ending?

What do you guys think about Irina's character development? I am really curious about this. Please let me know by commenting!

Also I went with a slightly shorter chapter this time just in case you guys didn't like those really lengthy ones. 

Not gonna lie to you all, this chapter was written on 18 April 2020 (I am sorry I didn't publish this sooner but please look from my point-of-view. I am having lessons now and rarely have free time... and if I do, I am trying to write good chapters for Alexander Street. That's why I have to with-hold chapters. I am really sorry about this but if I release everything at once, you guys will have no content for WEEKS. And that's the last thing I want to do to my loyal readers so please forgive me...🙏)