WHEN MY MOTHER left me, my life took its time to descend into complete and utter madness; took its time to be annihilated by the monsters and demons crowding my mind and soul as it gnawed away every happy part of me.

It didn't take long for me to succumb to the monsters. It didn't take long for me to become a soulless vessel; to become a living corpse.

I was present in a human body, performing daily tasks as every homo sapien does. My body was present, but my soul wasn't.

When I dealt with Ander's gangsters, I was no longer a mere vessel- for the first time in a long time, I could my heartbeat pulsating rapidly, I could feel my ears and face becoming flushed with fury, I could feel myself seething with rage, and I was ready to explode.

I remember I only exploded when the burly teenage guys kept taunting me relentlessly by ridiculing my scrawny size, and pitying how I was basically an orphan even though my father and brother are alive.

"Poor things. Some orphans live a more prosperous life than you do. Especially those adopted ones. Your life is one of the shittiest ones I've ever known, which is really something you know? I've met punks who are druggies cos of an abusive dad, or wimps who try and defend their mum's worthless honour. But all of those people are living better than you do.

You know why? They actually have a family that cares. Ander's sole woe in his life would be how to get noticed by Anderson Silva and get an MMA apprenticeship. Your dad is lovesick and so ill that he can't tell left from right. Such a shitty life you have."

Provoked by their incessant taunts, I snapped. For the first time in 6 years after my mother left me, I became so overwhelmed with a myriad of emotions that I just lost all control and fought against five burly teens.

Despite being malnourished and underweight especially for a tween at the age of 12, what I lacked in fats was made up in my muscles. I was an absolutely hideous sight back then- imagine a tall girl with ratty and long, light chestnut brown hair with a skin-and-bones build.

The curves and more proportionate body is all thanks to Patricia's befriending me. If it won't for her, I'll never have a proper meal in my life and die before the age of 20. Still, if I wasn't poorly-fed as a wee child, I bet my body type would have been the attractive, curvaceous kind instead of a slim one.

Nevertheless, I credit my successful fight against the teenage boys despite my gawky body as even back then, I had a will of iron and was obstinate as a mule. If I wanted to win, I would.

With that mindset, I naturally won the fight despite losing a tooth and coming home with a split lip and bloodied nose.

My father didn't even bat an eye. He took one glance at the ghastly, injured mess of his young daughter and harrumphed before returning his attention to the television. "Don't get your blood on the floor, girl. If you do, you better wash it up with soap properly. Don't want the house to get stinkier." he had ordered, and hadn't even looked at me when he did so.

Ander was no better. Shortly after I received my father's command, Ander went running down the stairs and stopped short when he saw his bloodied sister. His eyes went wide and his jaw had dropped; back then, I was still pure enough to think that his reaction was due to genuine upset and anxiety.

I was wrong.

I'll never forget the next sentences that he had proclaimed as he collapsed into a fit of laughter, crackling, "I AM A ROLE MODEL! Hell, even she has decided to follow in my footsteps and become an MMA fighter." To me, he continued, "You imbecile. Not anyone can be like me. Got yourself into a fight, did ya? Imbecile. Fight people your own size- oh wait, you'll never be able to fight then. You are the size of an ant! HAHAHA!"

His rambunctious laughter echoed throughout the tiny, dilapidated home and yet I did not do anything. The adrenaline I had gotten from the fight had long vanished; I was emotionally and physically drained. It was at the moment when I gave up on getting love and concern from this family. It was then when I made the most important promise to myself: to prioritise myself first, and find someone to love me truly. To find someone to live with and to have that someone love me unconditionally.

With Joaquim Korl, I have achieved that promise.

I don't know if he loves me unconditionally, but one thing that I can guarantee is his real love for me. I know that things will be different with him- I've known him for almost a year now, and Joaquim is someone who is one of the most true-hearted, and has steadfast loyalty towards everyone he chooses to befriend for life.

He is the only other person other than Pat who has stuck by me through thick and thin, witnessed first-hand my abominable mood swings and has somehow not been scared off by them. Both Pat and Joaq are like needles in a haystack- I dare you to find someone else who you can definitely rely on.

Things will be different with him.

I know it.

I can feel it in my bones.

Things will be different.

___

"Iri, hey," a mellow voice calls me and I turn around and I blush when I see him. Even though I've seen the same face of his for the past 11 months, I feel that there is something new about him, something that I've noticed before.

I gaze at him and my cheeks redden further when I realise that he has cut his hair into a new hairstyle. Before he asked me out- wait, I asked him out- his hair was a side fringe one, which gave him a sort of a guy-next-door look. But now, with his hair fashioned into an undercut hairstyle, he has a new air of sexiness and the haircut accentuates his jawline, making me realise for the first time on how sharp it actually is. He did something else too... What did he do? Ah! I know. He shaved.

Gone are the beginnings of a beard.

After shaving and cutting his hair, Joaquim has a more clean-shaven and even sexy appearance.

It's not fair.

How am I not supposed to die by just looking at him? "I may get a cardiac arrest just by looking at you," I tease as I kiss his cheek. "What's with the Miguel Bernardeau look?"

"Heh, I thought I'll cut my hair for a change. It's been the same old boring hairstyle for almost a decade."

"Any special reason?" My heart flutters when he places his hand around my waist and tucks a rogue strand of my hair behind my ear.

"Yes. For you," he replies and we just stay in that position for a while, and I take the chance to lie on his arm while we embrace each other tightly.

___

"Are you off your lunch break now?" Joaquim queries when he catches me slinging on my bag and donning my heels on.

"Yup. I'll be back at 4pm to help you with the new client."

"Nah, it's okay. Come back at 4.30pm, and have a great lunch with Pat okay?"

"Okay, I will," I sigh contentedly as he quickly gives me a peck on my cheek.

This is the life.

___

"Sooo... spill the beans, babe. You are glowing! Did you finally ask Joaquim out?"

"Am I really glowing?" I self-consciously pat my face as I ask, and for the umpteenth, feel the telltale signs of a blush coming when my cheeks start to burn.

"I've never seen such a radiant Irina Pan in my life! You look absolutely ravishing. I love how your cheeks are pinker and how your lips keep twitching upwards unconsciously. What naughty thoughts are you having?" Pat jokes as she squeezes my cheek. "Did you put on lipstick?"

"Yup. That's the only cosmetic I'm willing to put on my face though. I love Joaq, but foundation, mascara and eyeliner are not things I'm willing to spend on- what? Why are you looking like the cat that ate the bird?"

"Canary, you mean." Pat corrects while smiling slyly at me.

"What?" Chary of her peculiar behaviour, I take my Samsung phone and examine my reflection. "Gosh, my cheeks are pink! I swear I didn't apply blusher! Cross my heart and hope to die."

"That's not it, and you can't die, not when you're finally feeling the bliss of dating someone you truly love."

"Love? I never said anything about love."

"Are you sure?"

Love? Thinking hard on our conversation, my brain searches frantically for any possible slip-ups of me saying the 'L' word and-

"Did you put on lipstick?"

"Yup. That's the only cosmetic I'm willing to put on my face though. I love Joaq, but foundation, mascara and eyeliner are not things I'm willing to spend- what?"

Oh my god. I actually did use the 'L' word.

Do I love Joaquim?

"Oh my god, Pat, I didn't know that my feelings for him run that deep."

Pat pats me on the back proudly. Her voice is thick with love and emotion as she congratulates, "I am so proud of you, Iri. You've been through so much in your short life that I was always worried that you'll never open up. And look at you now. You are even capable of loving someone other than me. I am so very proud of you, Iri."

HAHAHA those hoping for their first date don't worry! They'll be having one soon!