"FIVE, SIX, seven, eight.

Step forward, swing and thrust your hips.

Repeat and five, six, seven, eight."

I listen attentively to Pat's instructions and follow her moves. Pat looks like a star dancing but I look like a father penguin waddling while huddling his kid to keep the egg warm.

Pat has used her guilt-card to steal me away from Joaq. According to her, after dating Joaq, I seemed to have forgotten about her existence. 

And I hate to admit it, but I sort of have. I mean, for the first time in my life, I have a steady, normal, compassionate boyfriend that I am crazy about. You can't really fault me for that, can you?

Nonetheless, I have promised her that I will hang out with her again, and- possibly as punishment for neglecting her- Pat has come up with her own choreography and is filming a music video starring Patricia Sils only.

Oh how I wish that was true. Her MV's is going to star Patricia Sils, feat Irina Pan, and to top it off, it will be posted on YouTube and the video link would be in famous Joaquim Korl's Instagram too.

Guys, whatever you do in life, never forget your friends even when you have a partner/made new friends. Trust me, if you do, the aftermath of your actions will be an extremely dire one, and you'll find yourself doing things you never even thought that you will do.

Like me, swinging my hips like a pathetic fool right now even though my hips are close to not existent.

Curse my slim figure.

Well, at least Pat is on cloud nine. The witch know she's pulling her wacky, sensual dance off and that her friend's struggling to hold on to the last strands of her dying dignity.

"Pat, I'm sorry I didn't hang out with you more. Please spare my life!" I give up on her insane choreo and collapse on her dance floor, gulping down water like a woman deprived of water. "I can't die at such a young age, Pat."

Pat walks over to me and strokes her non-existent moustache in a brooding stance. "Should I let you off the hook or not? Hmm..."

"If you do, Pat, I'll do anything you want."

Her eyes light up at that, and I instantly know that the wrong, blasted words have come out of my mouth. Maybe I should continue twerking and swaying my hips instead...

No girl, think of your dignity. Your self-esteem. YOUTUBE. It'll be on YouTube- everyone will see it. Billions of people, goodbye to dignity, Iri. DO ANYTHING SHE WANTS. ANYTHING. Think about it, how bad can it be?

In spite of myself, I consent to her terms. "Yes, Pat, anything. I promise."

Pat grins like a Cheshire cat and demands, "Then reapply for college, Iri."

Turns out it can be that bad after all.

___

It was surprisingly bold of Pat to name me reapplying for college as her condition. I mean, the girl is cognizant of how touchy I am when it comes to discussions about my higher education.

She knows why I ended it.

She's my secret-keeper.

Now, she's my pusher. Actively pushing me to a life where I can have everything I lust for, pushing me to a life where I am not lacking even a single thing. 

That's Pat for you, really.

I genuinely believed that I would fight about this if I am ever confronted regarding this topic, I would put up a tough fight and resist applying to college, and yet I find myself to be oddly at peace with it.

I don't have the urge to let loose a string of curses, storm out of Pat's house or break her furniture. In fact, my mind is wandering to places that I used to forbid it to even think about.

Right now, I'm picturing myself in a reputable, caring college, learning English Lit and having my works lauded by professors I respect like they used to. I'm picturing myself debating with my teammates about a certain aspect of our Lit text; I'm imagining myself scouring the gigantic library for more materials to analyse and study.

I'm envisioning a future where I finally allow myself to chase my dreams and be the person I've always wanted to be.

Perhaps it's time to overcome that fear, right? I mean, it is just a fear. I won't become like her.

I'm different.

Right?

Right.

"My dear friend, my babe, believe me. You're nothing like your mother. Blood may not always be thicker than her, and in your case, I really doubt that it will happen. She left you despite knowing and having a crystal clear idea of the kind of life you're gonna have. She left you to have success and have the life she wants. You're leaving nobody, nothing at all for those things.

You are nothing like her, Iri, so do it."

"Am I though? Pat, I'm her daughter. I came out of her womb. I was in her womb for 9 months. I am her, and I am an extension of her. Pat, how do you know I won't be like her? Children often follow in their parents' footsteps, which is why I never want to have kids." I gaze at my hands and grasp them tightly. My mother messed up and disrupted the way of life I was supposed to live.

"Pat, even you are echoing your parents' lives. I am only grateful that their lives are comfortable and free of sorrow and heartache. You are an sought-after interior designer, and your choice of occupation broke the mold of what you were expected to do. Like your mum, whose parents expected her to be a lawyer, she became a socialite. Your dad is a politician, and his parents thought he'll be a businessman. 

We all follow our parents' footsteps, so if I follow my mum's, aren't I destined to be a failure?"

"No, Irina, no. And honestly, if we did the same things they did, I'll be mingling with rich people and boring myself with affairs of the state instead of making the world a better place with my creative and bold designs. Iri, you do you. 

You will be nothing like your parents. You are not selfish. In fact, you are sometimes even selfless. You have your addictions- I mean, doesn't everyone?- but you will battle and quit them for people you love. You can do this. I believe in you, Iri."

Empowered by Pat's wise words, I nod my head and look into her eyes. "Yes, you're right. You always are."

Pat's hazel eyes wells up with tears, and they brim with a mix of emotions from pride and affection, and she pulls me into a tight hug. I lean against my friend, and close my eyes.

My heart is beating rapidly with such- I don't know, fear? Nervousness? Excitement? Adrenaline?-, and after letting myself be held by Pat for a few more moments, I decide to be proactive before my phobia gets the better of me. I search on Google for the steps to reapply to college. If it is possible to even do so.

The relief I felt when I discovered that it was fine to do so was so impressive that it had me spellbound.

Now, I can finally resume the life I was meant to have.

Now, I can reach out for my dreams.

I am free from the shackles of my fears.

I have my chosen family by my side.

I have all the support and love I'll ever need in this life.

I can finally be me.

This chapter was an easy one for me cos it has nothing to do with dating 🤣😂 I can also relate to Irina easier in this chapter too so perhaps that's why this chapter was simpler to write.

Lately, my dreams have become more vivid and real and takes place in the real world. I seem to be revisiting my memories of my travels and school-life in those dreams. Are you having dreams that takes place in your real life and world? What's your dreams like? Please let me know, I'm really curious.