After a tiring difficult day, my body was ready for a hot bath full of colourful bubbles and some relaxation.

But then i saw in the bathtub satan's pet.

I nearly fell in the bathtub before screaming in terror. WHY THAT THING WAS THERE!? WHY WHY WHY !?

"ALEEEEEEEEEEX!"

Don't freak out, don't freak out. Alex rushed in the bathroom thinking i was dying or something before having his glare fall on that evil thing. He crossed his arms chuckling deeply clearly unamused. Men are god damn men.

"Love calm down, it's just a sp-"

"IT'S SENT FROM THE PITS OF HELL!"

He rolled his amber eyes as i threw my arms on the air scared as hell, my eyes wide enough.

"Just.. Go to the living room.. I'll take care of it..."

"Oh.. Thanks, have i said how handsome you are today!? Have you done something with your hai-"

"Get. Out. "

I ran out smiling in the thought of that black thing dying in H E L L .

After what seemed like centuries Alex came back smiling. Jesus christ.

"So?"

"I befriended it!"

He stuck his arm out, that fucking thing walking on his skin.

"YOU DID WHAT!?"

I started thowing the sofa's pillows to him, holding my arms in defence.

"C'moon, it's cute! Can we keep him?"

No puppy eyes to me, Alexander. NOT TODAY!

"OF COURSE NOT, IT IS A SPIDER!

"What's your point exactly? A spider can be a good pet!"

"WELL DO YOU WANT TO SLEEP WITH IT TOO INSTEAD OF ME!?"

His face confused, turning to a smirky one. Oh no, he is grinning.

"Are you a jealous of a spider?"

"What!? Of course not! I-I would never be jealous of a tiny little thing! I mean, i am a human and that's an advantage! I am more beautiful and smarter! And plus i can be banged!"

...Why did i say that...

He brought his finger to his chin, thinking before shrugging it off.

"You have right, yeah a point."

He opened the door letting the spider out before closing it softly.

"A point? Only one?"

"Yeah! I mean the spider is equal beautiful and clever as you. But yeah, i can't really shove my dick into it!"

He walked away whistling.

Oh he didn't.

He didn't.

Actually yes he made a dick joke.

Kinda.

I will kill him.

Oh fuck this shit, i will move out, to Jason or Kristen.

"Fucking Hirsch.."

"I heard you."

"WELL YEAH DAAAH!"

"Don't "daaah" me woman."

"I will cut your penis off."

"No you won't and we both know that."

"Oh i will."

"Well try if you want so much."

"...Really...?"

"OF COURSEEEE! But don't argue with me the next time you'll find a bunch of spiders in your bathtub!"

"...I hate you..."

"Love ya, too darling."