The next day, you didn't show up to class. The nauseating worry in your ribcage didn't seem to disperse.

Instead, you gave Peggy a folded paper crane with a certain little message carefully written inside, who gave it to James Madison, who in turn, delivered it to its intended recipient.

"If he wants to act like it's an elementary school playground, who am I to deny him that? Take care of your inner child or something, whatever whatever."

At the exact time when you knew class would end, when James was scheduled to deliver your note, you texted Thomas.

You: Goofy ass

You: what time?

Jeffersnot: knew you wouldn't be able to resist my overwhelming charisma honey

You: more like overwhelming chlamydia

James sighed, rubbing his temples. Why did you HAVE to be so tactful? And couldn't you have been a little more considerate of his own wellbeing?

"Hey Jemmy-"

"Thomas, for the last time, I'll give it to you when class ends. I'm not about to do your projects for you again because you spend all class drooling over a couple of words."

Thomas almost WHINED, leaning his back over the chair.

"Can you at LEAST tell me her reaction?"

"... Fine." James relented. "She said it was charming-"

"Let's go!"

"Shut the fuck up, man!" Another student muttered. Thomas turned to glare at them, rolled his eyes, and turned back to his friend expectantly, who continued with a deadpan expression.

"-and corny as fuck."

"She thinks I'm charming, huh?"

Before you could continue your chat with Thomas, your smile faded. Now that you'd spent all day being paranoid and distrustful of your friends, interacting with them normally felt a little... wrong.

That little, fragile possibility still sat over in the corner of your consciousness, though it only seemed to reveal itself to further your conflict.

What if they WERE genuine? What if they're truly kindhearted, authentic people who wanted to form bonds with you? And you had the audacity to doubt them, when they've been nothing but kind to you.

Either way, you didn't fit.

Talking to them in a wholehearted, genuine manner, while secretly distrusting them and keeping your distance felt disingenuous, like you were the one using them.

It made you feel sick to your stomach. You disgusted yourself.

But this isn't anything new... is it? I've always done this. It's just what I've always had to do, it's just the behavior that environment called for. So why now...

-

"Can I come in?"

"Huh? Oh... yeah, 'Liza, go ahead."

Eliza carefully deposited a steaming bowl onto your nightstand, closing the door behind her.

"I noticed you didn't have dinner so, here's some soup."

You smiled.

"Thanks, Eliza."

Eliza sat down by your bedside and looked at you, searching your eyes. After a moment of silence, she shifted and sighed.

"You're not sick, Y/N."

You froze slightly. She continued. "You can tell me- you can tell us anything, you know?"

"I know." You murmured, and she tilted her head. Her warm eyes gleamed attentively. "Do you, though? I know relatively, to everyone else, you probably trust us more but... when we say anything, we mean like anything, Y/N. You could admit to cold-blooded murder and we'd have your back. Depending on who it was, Peggy might even join in on the action."

That drew a laugh out of you, and for a moment, everything felt normal.

"What I'm trying to say is, we're always here. And I guess just... people aren't as harsh as you may think sometimes."

You hummed and stirred your soup.

"I'm serious, Y/N. It's not in our nature. I mean, you have every reason to think that way, anyone would... you're always so afraid of what others will do to you, but you're the only enemy you ever seem to lose to. Even if you don't even feel secure in your own head sometimes, you'll always be safe with us. We're a family, Y/N. And we can finally live that."

"A family..." you echoed. The words felt strange in your mouth. Have you ever had this before?

After a moment of reflection, your friend continues gently.
"What's bothering you, Y/N? You don't have to tell me. I just... I just want to help."

If you were surprised at how fast your eyes filled with tears, imagine her own sentiment.

"The others-"

"What did they do?" And you felt like you were looking into the eyes of a different person. You never failed to feel shocked at how exceptionally fierce the second Schuyler sister could get. Even if it were only for a moment, when it came to those she loved, her gentle demeanor took a complete turn.

Sensing that you needed time, Eliza sat back and held your hand as she held back her emotions, and watched as you held back yours as well. Your suppressed cries made your chest shudder.

You sniffled and cleared your throat. "Nothing, they didn't- they're great. It's just-"

I'm not.

You paused again as you tried to hold yourself together. "Can you tell me about them?"

Taken aback, Eliza blinked. "...Huh?"

"Like... what do you know about them? What are some of your favorite things they do? Anything, just..." Afraid she would jeer at your strange request, you stopped, but you looked back up when she squeezed your hand.

"Of course. Well, I've known them for so long, where do I begin?"

-

That day, you learned a lot.

John fell from a tree once rescuing a cat. Angelica had to physically drag him to the nurse's office to stop him from playing the hero. If you look close enough, you can see the scar on the side of his forehead.

Hercules used to stay out in the pouring rain to save worms from an untimely death on the sidewalk. He never kept quiet when he was faced with something that wasn't right, even if it would save him from personal harm.

Alexander and Lafayette had only just met everyone around a year ago, but they quickly became thick as thieves.
Lafayette's family disapproved of him leaving France to attend college in the States, but that never stopped him from seeking something real to him, away from his stuffy life at home. The only kind of sweet he enjoys is Belgium chocolate.

Alexander doesn't like talking about his background. He has an interesting ability to talk so much but say so little, and leave the people he was conversing with feeling enlightened, but somehow never revealing anything about him past the surface. He can never keep his mouth shut and his hands still, and he has an insatiable thirst for knowledge. He has a huge sweet tooth.
"Now that I think about it, the two of you remind me a lot of each other."

Aaron Burr doesn't like admitting it, but he secretly prefers tea over coffee, and will throw a fit if it isn't done exactly the way he likes it. Countless parents have told them they wished he were their son, and despite his cordial nature, there always seemed to be something mysteriously reserved about him. He tutored people free of charge in high school.

If James Madison weren't studying law, he'd want to be a veterinarian or a writer. He doesn't say much at once, but when he does, it's always meaningful. He's meticulous with everything he does, and often wishes he were better with his words. He's the only other person able to get Aaron's tea right. He'll say it's just a coincidence, but he's been seen with the detailed steps scribbled on a notepad.

Thomas Jefferson cares about what others think more and is softer than he'd like to admit. He secretly resents the too-carefree lifestyle he led as a younger teenager, and often doesn't think enough before he acts. He cries easily at emotional movies and stories and is a complete lightweight.

"And well, you know us."

"I guess I do, huh? So...you're the most considerate person I know, Eliza. You're genuine and amazing with people, and you don't do enough for yourself. It's incredible how you notice these little things about others. I've never stopped wanting to be like you."

Your friend looked away, her cheeks flushed. "This- isn't supposed to be about me, Y/N..."

By the time your conversation had drawn to a close, the sun was sinking under the horizon. Somewhere else, Thomas was wondering how you were doing and how you would look reflected in the rich golden glow of the sunset. Eliza was wondering why you'd asked her for a biography about your friends.

"I've just been worried, I guess."

What's new?

"Um... Jefferson asked me to go on another little outing with him again,"

"He did?"

"In a letter." You replied with a dry smile. "The good old-fashioned way, I suppose. Well, James delivered it to me, and I guess that kind of... amplified? Something that I was already worrying about? That he was just being friends with me to play the wingman for Thomas, or to just use me for entertainment in some way. And then I guess that spread to everyone else."

"Oh, Y/N..."

"I just felt like I was being naive and walking into a trap if I trusted them, but then when I try to keep a safe distance and stay wary, I feel like an asshole. And I... don't know why. I've always analyzed and pinned down a reason why I feel and act a certain way, but recently... I haven't been able to as much. It kind of scares me. So I asked you about them as a sort of background check, I guess. You have so much shared history with most of them, and I trust you with this more than I trust myself. It gives me something to build upon, and I know it sounds shitty, but it's like proof that they're human with their own genuine human intention and emotions and stuff." Your words fell out of your mouth clumsily, but you forced yourself to stumble along. Just being able to speak about this was enough of a miracle on its own.

"No," She replied softly, "I understand. I mean, I don't pretend to know, the challenges you're facing, the worlds you keep erasing and creating in your mind, but I- I get it. You don't always have to explain what you're doing to make what you're doing valid. As long as it's good for you, then, you know. And I think the reason you're extra worried is just that, you care for them."

"Huh."

Eliza laughs gently.

"And they care for you too, Y/N. It feels like you've all already taken a liking to each other, and me, Angie, and Peggy couldn't be happier. They preach nothing but good about you behind your back, they think nothing but good of you, and their intentions are nothing but good. We do know them well, so I can guarantee that goodness is going to stay."

She touched your arm.

"This is permanent, Y/N."

"All I've ever wanted is for things to be permanent." You managed to croak out, and Eliza felt her heart break in her chest. She brushed a lock of hair out of your face and her hand lingered on the soft skin of your cheek comfortably.

"I know, Y/N. They will be. You deserve it to be."

By the time Eliza left your room with a hug and a wish of a good night, it was dark out, and you decided to take what you learned that day on a test run.

When you texted Thomas, you repeated everything that made him seem more whole in your head. He responded almost immediately.

You repeated everything you learned in your head as you apologized for responding so late, as you pointed out that he should be asleep, as you could feel the flirtatiousness through the screen when he responded that he'd wait as long as it takes for you.

You repeated everything you learned in your head as you scheduled a time with him and wished each other goodnight.

"Also, about Thomas. I know how everyone talks about him and what he's done might not leave the greatest impression on you, or anyone, but personally, I really think he's changed. I mean, trust your own judgment the most and proceed carefully. You can decipher people's objective intentions better than anyone I know, so you'll be fine, I just wouldn't feel the need to be completely wary of him. I think he does care, ...or care to care."

And so you repeated everything you learned in your head as you walked into the café the next day, the door chiming, and matched his pleased grin with a subtle smile of your own.