**i'm very proud of this one hehe**

"What the hell were you thinking?" Shota asked as we entered his apartment. Or, I guess, our apartment now.

The entire way home was silent and solemn as everyone tried to process what had happened.

I was seconds away from killing my father, and although he had been calm and loving in the moment, it was obvious Shota was on the verge of losing his cool.

I walked away to change out of my hero costume, feeling more like a fraud than ever.

I wasn't a hero, but I wasn't a villain either. I was trapped somewhere in between, and I didn't know where to go.

I didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't even know who I wanted to be.

Shigaraki told me I had lost my edge, and he was right. Before this job at UA, I would've killed my father on sight without a second thought.

I had imagined it so many times. The thought of his blood running down my blade, splattered on my clothes.

The sound of his cries as he begged me to get it over with, but I wouldn't. I would drag it out so that he felt every ounce of pain I could manage to pull from him.

So, why couldn't I finish it?

"Y/n," Shota called as he walked into the room as I changed.

"What?"

He grabbed my arm and forced me to look at him once I had finished pulling up a pair of black leggings, "Don't ignore me."

As I stared into his dark black eyes, I felt a wave of panic rush over me.

He was the reason I couldn't kill my father. And I didn't know whether I loved him or hated him for it.

"What do you want, Shota?" I stared at him coldly.

His mood changed as he looked into my empty eyes.

He brought his hand to my face and held it gently, "Please, tell me what happened."

"I want to kill him, and you..." I trailed off as I tried to keep my composure. "You stopped me."

"I know you're angry, and I know you're hurting. But Y/n, you don't want to kill him. That's not who you are."

I pushed his hand off me, "Then you have no idea who I am."

"Yes I do. And you're not who they want you to be. You're not a killer."

I laughed, letting myself lose some control, "But I've already killed, Shota. So yes, I am."

I watched as his jaw clenched and his eyes pierced into me. Good. I wanted to him to hate me. I wanted it to hurt less for him when I left.

"You don't think I knew that? Do you think I'm some fucking idiot?"

My eyes widened at his response. It definitely caught me off guard.

"Me, Nezu, All Might, Hawks. We all know. You're not as mysterious as you think, Amaterasu," he hissed at me.

I couldn't help as tears formed in my eyes, "Then why do you all care so much if you know who I really am?"

"Because!" he grabbed my both of my hands in his. "Because that is not who you are!!"

"Then who am I, Shota?" I let the tears escape. "Because I sure as hell don't know anymore."

He stepped closer, only inches away from me and pushed a small piece of hair behind my hair, "Let me remind you."

I closed my eyes as his rough, strong hand moved to behind my neck, pulling me into a deep kiss.

As we pulled apart I completely broke down. I sobbed out onto his shoulder as he held me, rubbing my back gently.

I wanted to deserve him. I wanted to deserve his love and acceptance, but I didn't.

And every second I spent in his arms confirmed it. I felt my body go completely numb.

Our life would only lead him to disappointment, and I needed to feel something other than that. I couldn't keep letting him down like this.

I pushed him off of me as I wiped my eyes, "I have to leave." I rushed past him and went straight for the door.

"Y/n!" he called after me.

"I'm sorry, Shota," I grabbed my jacket that hung near the door. "I have to go."

"Where?!" he yelled and it killed me to see the tears falling from his eyes. "Where are you going?"

I opened the door, "To feel something else."

"What?" he looked at me with hurt and confusion. "What does that mean."

I just shook my head, not even sure how to explain myself.

"Do you love me?" he asked softly.

"You know I do."

"Then please. Don't leave."

I paused for a moment, but soon shut the door behind me, walking out into the night.

He was better off without me anyway.

That's what I tried to convince myself as I carried myself through the sleeping city. Now all that was left to do was make sure he'd never forgive me.

Make sure that he'd never want me back.

My legs moved themselves, taking me back to where I used to spend most of my time all those years ago.

I hadn't been there since before America, and I didn't know if it would still even be the same. I had no idea what I would find, but I couldn't think of anywhere else to go.

I ended up in a part of the city that was mostly abandoned, except for a small building of apartments.

Probably one of the worst parts of town, but I had no reason to be afraid. There was no one here who could ever be a real threat.

I took a deep breath as I stood in front of the familiar door, 2B.

This is crazy right? There's no way he would still use this place... But it's not like I ever told anyone about it, so it was possible.

I knocked softly as I closed my eyes, afraid of what would happen next.

My heart pounded as I heard the door unlock.

"Y/n..." the voice was low and quiet, definitely as shocked to see me as I was to see him.

"What're you—"

I cut him off and immediately grabbed his shirt and pulled his lips to mine. He didn't waste a single second as his arms wrapped around my waist, letting his mouth move effortlessly with me.

He tasted like cigarettes and alcohol, and it was heating up every part of my body. The cold piercing of his tongue driving me wild just like it used to.

I ran my hands through his hair, making him groan as I wrapped it roughly in my fingers.

We both pulled apart, gasping for air, and I stared into his bright blue eyes that were burning with desire.

"Dabi. I need you to make me feel something," I breathed out desperately. "Please."

I closed my eyes as he traced his fingers across my lips.

"Fuck," he mumbled, and I looked at him through half-lidded eyes, licking my lips softly.

"Dabi?" a familiar voice called out from inside the apartment, and my eyes widened as I heard it.

"'You've always had terrible timing," he stared at me, letting his eyes wander back down my lips.

The door that was almost completely shut flew open, revealing the last person in the world I expected to see.

"Y/n? What the fuck..." he trailed off.

My heart was about to pound out of my chest.

"Keigo."