You let out a soft sigh as you take one last glance at the picture frame sitting on your desk. Nodding your head, you grab your bag and start exiting your apartment to meet with Jisoo.

Once you're out of your apartment, you enter the elevator and press the button leading to the lobby.

After this, you wait outside of the apartment building.

Jisoo: Just got a taxi. On my way to pick you up!

Y/N: See you soon!

You look around and patiently wait for the taxi.

After a few minutes, the taxi arrives and you smile as you see Jisoo leaning out of the window slightly. She waves her hand in your direction, signaling for you to go over to the taxi.

You make your way towards the taxi and plop down on the seat next to her.

"To the restaurant please!" she says to the driver. He nods before letting out a sigh. "I'm already dreading being home. I always say I miss being home while we're travelling but every time we end up back here, it feels like I'm a background character in a movie that no one ever pays attention to." You let out a soft laugh as she says this before rolling your eyes.

"I love being home with my parents' things but it makes it so much easier to feel alone." You state, tilting your head to the side as you stare down at your feet.

Jisoo stares over at you before giving a comforting smile. She rests her hand on your shoulder.

"Hey, at least our breaks are at the same time now and I can cheer you up when you're feeling lonely." She states. You shrug and nod before sighing softly.

"Don't you think I should learn to be okay with being alone though?" you question.

"Why would you need to learn that?" she questions. "You've been alone since you started working, I think that's more than enough time of you spending your life sad. You're acting as if you rely on others for happiness." She states.

"It feels like I do sometimes." You respond.

"You don't." she states. "You know how to be happy without others near you all the time."

"Yeah, when I'm holding a stuffed animal that my dad got me when I was little," you state. "Or when I'm looking at old pictures of my family."

"It's not like doing that is unhealthy, Y/N." she states. "There isn't a set time period for grief. You need to realize that everyone grieves in their own way at their own pace." She advises.

You grow quiet as you think about this.

Is it normal though?

The only thing keeping me happy lately has been Hoseok, the guys, and Jisoo. I can't help but feel like I'm using them for my happiness.

"If it worries you so much, you have a few weeks to talk to someone about it." She says while looking over at you as you silently stare out of the taxi window, deep in thought. "I know you didn't like your last therapist but you have time to research some new therapists and find the right fit for you."

"That's true..." you state.

"Alright, we're here." The taxi driver states. Jisoo smiles and politely thanks him before handing him enough money for the ride along with a decent tip.

"Thank you for driving us!" she says. You give him a polite smile as a 'thank you' as well before starting to get out of the car. Jisoo does the same.

You two walk towards the restaurant.

As you walk next to Jisoo, you notice how she's dressed in a short, black skirt with a t-shirt. Her hair is tied up and she's wearing some light makeup.

At the restaurant, you two just talk about other things including the shows you two want to catch up on now that you're back home for a while. It's a good distraction from the loneliness that you were feeling a few hours ago.

However, the distraction doesn't last.

Once you two are finished eating, you both get a taxi together and go your separate ways once the taxi arrives at your apartment building.

Giving Jisoo one last wave, you make your way back into your apartment building. In the elevator, you check your phone to see if you have any new messages from Hoseok.

Nothing.

Sighing, you look up and see that the elevator is now on your floor.

You go to your apartment and sigh as you sit down on your couch.

While on the couch, you take a few moments to go on your laptop. As you look through it, you start doing searches of the therapists nearest to you. You bite onto your lower lip as you read through reviews and check whether or not your insurance would cover the visits to these therapists.

Maybe it is time I try to find some help with my issues.

*-> *-> *-> *-> *-> *-> *-> *-> *-> *-> *-> *-> *->

It's been two weeks since Jisoo suggested that you see a therapist.

Hoseok and you have been speaking but not as frequently as you would like. You understand it's the fact that he's been busy rehearsing and performing every day.

However, that doesn't stop you from getting scared about the whole sasaeng situation. You haven't heard anything from your boss or from the boys' manager.

This has been giving you slight stress the past two weeks. The boys said they'd try to get you back as soon as possible but how soon will that be?

You were sure that you would've been back on a plane with them.

While in your thoughts, you glance around the room you're currently sitting in. You shift uncomfortably as you sit on the leather sofa in the therapist office. Fiddling with your fingers, you press your lips together and take a deep breath.

You're currently waiting for the therapist to come into the room.

Dr. Kang was probably the sixth doctor that you researched. She seemed like the best fit for you based on her reviews.

Biting onto your lower lip, you take out your phone and check for any messages from Hoseok.

Nothing today. You spoke to him on the phone yesterday and all of the members seemed very exhausted.

You asked them about their schedule and they have a TV interview, some rehearsals, and they're meeting with an artist they're doing a new song with.

They also asked you about how you've been doing and what you've been up to.

However, let's be honest, there hasn't been many interesting things besides you taking the extra side job of babysitting your neighbor's child and hanging out with Jisoo.

"Good afternoon, Y/N." you hear. You look up and see Dr. Kang walking into the room as she gives you a kind smile. You smile back and give her a quick wave before silencing your phone and putting it away.

You awkwardly shift on the couch and stare up at the woman as she makes her way towards her chair across from the couch you're sitting on.

"How are you feeling today, Y/N?" Dr. Kang questions. You shrug your shoulders.

"A little nervous, a little anxious." You say.

"Because of this?" you nod. "Is this your first time in therapy?" you shake your head.

"I've had other therapists who were never a good fit for me. They either would subtly judge me or would push the boundaries that I set per session." You state. She nods while taking notes on this.

"Okay. If we're speaking about boundaries, let's set them now before we start anything to ensure that you're comfortable with me." she states. You nod and smile softly.

"I don't like discussing too much on one day. I tend to get overloaded with emotion and will end up leaving here feeling like I'm being reminded of my past mistakes and the misfortunes that have happened to me."

"Noted. I understand that. When therapists bring up too many things at once, it's usually because they want to link different events and see how they fit together to make you who you are today. If I'm ever pushing too far, you can interrupt me at any time and stop me from discussing anything further. These sessions are meant to benefit you." She states. You nod. "Are there any other boundaries that I should be aware of?"

"I try not to bring up my mother and father simultaneously."

"Okay. We can discuss them separately. Do you not have a good memory of your parents together? Were there a lot of fights or potential emotional, verbal, or physical abuse?" You shake your head.

"Both of my parents passed away. I don't like talking about how I lost both of them at the same time because it just reminds me of how lonely I am." You say while bringing your hand up towards your mouth, taking the fingernail on your thumb into your mouth as you bite onto it. She nods and writes this down.

"Ah, I see. I'm very sorry about your losses." She states. "I won't ask about them simultaneously. I'll try my best to focus on one parent at a time to ensure that you feel comfortable and safe in confiding in me." You nod while looking down at your shoes.

"I've never stuck with a therapist long enough to know if there are any other boundaries, so I think that's all for now?" you state, unsure if you're forgetting anything.

"Okay. If any come up the more we talk, all you have to do is let me know and we can set more boundaries." You nod as she says this. She gives you a small smile before gently setting her notebook onto her lap. She places the pen down as well and makes eye contact with you. "So, how have your previous therapists started your sessions? I want to ensure that you're as comfortable as you can be right now."

"They usually ask me about myself. Hobbies, career, love life, family. That's where things end up going wrong."

"Well, we've already set boundaries, so we won't be having that issue any time soon." She states. After a few seconds of silence, she speaks again. "Would it help if I introduced myself first? I know it can be annoying to have someone prying into your personal life without you knowing anything about them."

"Yes, please."

"What would you like to know?" she asks. "I'm an open book."

"What made you want to study psychology?" you question. Her eyebrows lift and her eyes shine as you ask this.

"Ah, that's not one I was expecting but I'm willing to answer it." She states while smiling. "I decided I wanted to study psychology because I grew up with family and friends who all had their own issues. My friend was in an abusive relationship, another friend was severely insecure and lacked self-love, my mother never allowed herself to express emotion, and my father had a mistress because of my mom's lack of emotion."

Her saying this causes you to widen your eyes.

"Oh my gosh... that's a lot." You state. She smiles softly.

"It really was." She states. "When seeing the effect these different things had on relationships around me, it made me think about how these people are people I care about dearly and how they each have their own issues, with the exception of my father. In a way, you could say that they inspired me to want to have my own office to help others with their problems, like I have now." She says while smiling softly over at you.

"So, in a way, you figured that these people closest to you deserved to get help because they deserve better for themselves?" she nods.

"Yes, pretty much. Seeing people you love or care about not letting themselves care enough about themselves the way you care about them is really heartbreaking. I wanted to help whoever I could help."

"Was it hard studying psychology?"

"It was at times but when you have an interest in something and set your mind to it, it's worth it in the long run and it eventually gets easier to understand as you go." She says while grinning.

You stare down at the floor for a second, unsure of what to ask her next.

Looking up, you see her patiently waiting, not pressuring you to ask more questions.

"Um..." you start before scratching the back of your neck. "How many clients have you helped with things like depression or abandonment issues?" you question.

"Gosh..." she glances up at the ceiling, trying to remember every client she's helped. "In total? Or lately?"

"Whichever you could estimate." You state.

"In total, probably dozens. Lately, only one." She states before leaning forward in her seat. "Why?"

"Just curious." You state.

She silently analyzes you for a second before nodding her head.

"I don't think I have any other questions to ask." You state. "I think I'm ready for you to start asking me things." This causes her to nod and smile. She now lifts her notebook again and picks up her pen, jotting down a quick note.

"Okay, Y/N. Let's get started, then." She smiles while clicking the top of her pen.

*****
Now, onto the news:

Trigger warning

There was a woman by the name of Lauren Smith-Fields who died after meeting a guy on Bumble. She went on a date with him and ended up dying that night from a bunch of different substances in her system. I have a bad feeling the guy she went on a date with has something to do with it. However, he's a white man so he's not being held accountable because she's a black woman. Her death was in December but it never got the media attention it needed because of the Gabby Petito case. So hopefully it can get the attention it needs so we can figure out the full story of what happened to her and so her family can know what happened.

Also: Roe v Wade has been reversed and states in the US now are deciding their own rules in regards to abortion. Regardless of how you feel about abortion, even if you would never get an abortion yourself, there are so many women who have so many different circumstances where abortion is the only option. Women with health issues who will die giving labor, women who were sexually assaulted and don't want to have to re-live their trauma by having that child, women who don't have the money to support a child (and no, the US doesn't have good resources to help mothers take care of their babies. We're literally in the middle of a baby formula shortage. So, don't try that argument with me.), etc.

I'm pro-choice. Not pro-abortion. I'm pro supporting any women to have a right to choose and say what they can do with their own bodies. I want a say in what happens to my body as a woman. I want every woman to have a say.

Pro-lifers were so "my body my choice" when it came to vaccine mandates yet want to force women to have babies when they don't want to. Don't be idiotic hypocrites. Just admit that you hate women and move on so we don't have to listen to your bullshit.

The overturning of Roe v Wade also caused the Supreme Court to bring up the possible discussion of getting rid of laws supporting gay marriage and contraceptives/contraception. So, basically, the overturning of this law is now going to make us travel back in time to where all of these things might be considered illegal. And it's fucking depressing.

Now, onto what's been going on with me personally because I didn't update on schedule this week and not all of my readers follow me. I want to update those of you who don't follow me in case you got worried.

I experienced another loss in my life of a very important family member. One who helped me become the person I am today and one who supported me and loved me unconditionally for most of my life. The loss of this family member made me experience a hurt that I have never experienced before in my life. A hurt that made me lose interest in the majority of things in my life for a few days. This loss affected me so significantly that I had to take a few days to myself and not post for a bit.

I'm still grieving so I may or may not have moments where I postpone updates. It just depends as I'm just trying to make it through one day at a time.

Thank you for those who sent me their thoughts and prayers. It meant a lot to me.

I hope all of you are doing okay.

I purple you,
Kim