With each contraction came a pain that dominated my entire being. In those moments, for those seconds that stretched into infinity, there was nothing else. I could hear noises from people inside the room, yet I made no sound at all.

When the pain passed it was only for a minute or so and I breathed with closed eyes, unwilling to re-engage with life outside of my own body. The room might as well have been empty for all the awareness I had, and when they did talk, touch, gain my attention I found it so hard to reply, I had to find myself from the deepest recess of my own mind and drag myself forward, to use my voice, open my eyes.

The doctor was telling me that is was time, time to push. And my husband is encouraging me to do the same, repeatedly kissing my temple, holding my hand tightly.

With a guttural grunt I did so and was told to stop, one was enough. I felt the baby crowning, the hot stretching of flesh and held my breath. Without any further effort the baby slid into the hands of the doctor. There was elation, a baby boy at last, and in seconds he was there, nascent eyes opening, mouth rooting for milk.

"Ricos Anton, my Ricos Anton..." I whispered, staring at the flat screen hanging on the wall when the camera focused on crying Ricos', held by the doctor.

"Sabi ko na nga ba, it's you that's in here."

Napalingon ako nang marinig ang tinig ni Romee, she smiled at me and so I smiled back. Pinatay ko ang tv bago muli siyang harapin.

"Why? May iba ka pa bang binigyan ng access dito sa unit mo aside from me?" I fished, grinning.

"Silly," tumatawang naupo ito saking tabi atsaka pinuna ang pinapanuod ko. "You still watch that?"

I nodded. "Aside from mom and dad's wedding video, that's my favorite. And I still wonder how the hell did you film it?"

"You made it sound so impossible, Paris." Lumingon ito sakin. "You tell me, do you really think impossibles are impossible when you're a Santa de Leones?"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "Now you sounded like mom."

Natawa na naman ito. "Bakit ka nga pala nandito? Tapos ka na sa hospital duty mo?"

Marahang tango ang tinugon ko dito. Romee gave me an access in her pad so I can crash in anytime I want. Katulad ng siyang ginawa ko ngayon.

"We'll have a family dinner tomorrow, mom called me earlier." Her worried eyes met mine.

"Yeah, tinawagan niya rin ako kanina." I sighed. "Hindi ko pa nasasabi kay Aidan, mamaya siguro."

"Speaking of Aidan, nakausap mo na ba siya tungkol sa plano mo? Did he agree?"

I smiled faintly. "Hindi pa, but I'm sure he will."

"Paris, annulment isn't always the solution for everything." Nagpakawala ito ng nababahalang buntong hininga. "Are you really sure about this?"

"Yeah, I know that. But Ro, this is the solution to our problem." I averted my gaze to somewhere distant. "We've been separated for two years now, annulment is just for legalities."

"And what about Ricos? He's too young for this. He doesn't deserve this. You know how hard it is for us when mom left home years ago."

"Alam ko naman iyon, tingin mo ba hindi ko naisip si Ricos? Siya ang unang una kong naisip sa desisyon ko, alam kong ganoon rin si Aidan. Pero ayoko naman na mulatin namin si Ricos na meron siyang masaya at buong pamilya.."

"Oh, Paris..." Romee sighed and pulled my arm to give me a hug. "I still can't believe it, buong akala ko, you and Aidan are having a good relationship despite of your long distance. Dahil panay ka naman niyang binibisita roon, kahit pa nang umuwi ka rito sa Pilipinas. Kasama ko siya na sinundo ka sa airport with Ricos. Though, I kind of noticed na hindi kayo nag-uusap, pero akala ko naman simpleng married couple fight lang. I didn't know that you guys broke up. Isa pa, inuwi ka niya sa bahay niyong dalawa..."

"No one knows about it. When we separated, ang akala ko'y sasabihin niya iyon kahit man lamang sa mga magulang niya. But he didn't tell anyone."

"Because he respects you, Paris. He protects you and Ricos. Aidan could easily free himself from your marriage kung gugustuhin niya, but he never did. Hindi mo ba naisip na baka hindi naman ito ang gusto ni Aidan kagaya ng siyang sinasabi mo?"

"Pero yung dapat. I don't wanna jail him in the situation, Ro."

"I could just imagine your pain, Paris. I should've been with you then, had I known..." malungkot nitong sabi.

"You're with me now, that's what's important." I smiled at her.

Tama si Romee, hindi madali. Mahirap. Sobrang hirap. Kung babalikan ko lahat lahat ng nangyari noong araw na iyon, sa apartment ko sa New York, sa kung paanong sinukuan ako ni Aidan dahil na rin sa pakiusap ko, all the nights I've spent crying over my broken heart, all the days I've tried to live... sobrang hirap pero kinaya ko, ng mag-isa.

And now that I have Romee, I'm thankful, that I now I have someone whom I can share my pain with. Si Aidan kasi iyon dati, but he's my pain now.

Romee invited me for dinner pero tinanggihan ko na, bukod pa sa darating si Ethan ay inaantay naman ako ni Ricos sa bahay. Kaya naman nang dumating si Ethan ay nagpaalam narin ako sa mga ito.

Nang iparada ko ang aking sasakyan ay nakita kong naroon na ang kay Aidan. I can't help but to feel sad every time I think of him.

When I was studying abroad, I used to miss him every single day. Now that I'm practicing my residency and now that I'm living under the same roof with him, I'm still missing him. He seem so near yet so far.

"Mom!"

Si Ricos ang agad na sumalubong sakin nang makapasok ako sa kabahayan, he's holding a toy car when he went near me. Napansin kong bago iyon, magtatanong palang sana ako nang magkwento na ito.

"Tito Master Tol gave me a new toy!" Maligayang sabi nito.

I kneeled to level our faces, inusisa ko rin ang hawak hawak nitong laruan. "Wow, ang big naman ng toy mo. Medyo heavy, ilapag mo muna."

Ricos is referring to Trigger. He's really fond of Trigger, ganoon rin naman ito sa anak ko. And I thank him for that. Once you're a mother, you'll thank every people who treats your child warm and light.

"Kaya ko naman mom, I'm strong like dad!" Hindi nito iyon binitawan, nginitian ko na lamang ito dahil kitang kita ko kung gaano siya kasaya na hawak hawak iyon.

"Pag-hawak mo iyan, hindi mo naman mahuhug si mommy. Ano ba yan?" Kunwaring nagtatampo kong sabi.

Lihim akong napangisi ng bitawan nito iyon at agad akong yakapin. I hugged him back. "Sorry, mom. Wag ka ng sad. Sabi ni dad, you're our queen and we should always make the queen happy..."

"I'm not sad..." lalo ko pa siyang niyakap. "I love you, Ricos..."

"I know, mom." He giggled. "Dad told me that you came back because you love me, that's why you're here and I'm gonna see you everyday na not just in skype."

Ginulo ko ang buhok nito atsaka pinupog ng halik ang magkabilang pisngi. "You talk so much!"

Lalo pa itong humagikgik nang kargahin ko ito. "Mom, put me down. I'm a big boy, I can walk-"

"Whatever, Ricos. You're my baby and forever will be." Pinisil ko ang tungki ng ilong nito, nasa ganoon kaming sitwasyon nang lumabas si Aidan mula sa bungad ng komedor.

Mabilis na nagtama ang aming mga mata at ganoon rin naman kabilis na ibinaling nito kay Ricos ang atensyon.

"Na-prepare ko na yung apple pie mo." Sabi nito.

Namilog ang mga mata ni Ricos bago ako masayang binalingan. "Tara, mommy! I know you love apple pie, sabi ni daddy sa apple mo daw ako pinaglihi, but what's lihi?" Binalingan pa nitong muli si Aidan. "What's lihi, daddy? Hindi naman iyon bad? I don't wanna be bad kasi."

"That's not bad, do you really think dad will say something bad to you?" Sagot dito ni Aidan, bago gumuhit ang isang malambing na ngiti para kay Ricos. "You're my tag team, I won't harm you."

"If that's what you say so..." he shrugged his little shoulders and looked at me. "Tara na mom, kain na tayo."

The happiness in my son's eyes is the only thing that warms my heart now. Nagpababa ito sakin atsaka tumakbo papalapit kay Aidan, looking at them is a mixture of pain and happiness.

"Konti lang ang kainin mo ha, baka mamaya hindi ka na makapag-dinner sige ka, magiging weak ka. Hindi mo na ma-ch-chokeslam mga kalaban natin."

"Opo, hindi naman ako nag-mimiss ng meal, dad! Bad iyon, e. Hindi po ako bad!"

Romee is right, Ricos doesn't deserve any pain. But what about Aidan? Hindi ko naman kaya na habang buhay siyang matali sa ganitong klaseng sitwasyon, he's a good man and he deserves something better than this.