We have feelings that are not visible, we do things to prevent ourselves from being miserable. Being honest is what makes us believable, for our feelings may not always be reachable. But sometimes, people just won't believe us.

Lumipas ang mga araw na may pare-pareho lamang na kaganapan. I let Aidan do whatever he wants to do, araw-araw ako nitong hinahatid at sinusundo sa ospital, kapag tanghalian minsa'y pumupunta ito sa ospital para sabayan ako, kapag naman hindi kaya ng oras niya'y nagpapadala ito ng pananghalian ko upang masiguro lamang hindi ako aalis ng ospital para kumain sa kung saan kasama ang kung sino. Other times, I'll find it sweet. But of course, I know what he's doing and why he's doing it.

My relationship with Aidan is still the same, no progress. He still doubt everything I do, I couldn't blame him. I lied for his peace of mind before and now that he's asking for some peace of mind again, hindi ko na alam kung sa paanong paraan ko pa iyon ibibigay.

Niyuko ko ang aking relong pambisig, it's almost lunch time. Kadalasan ay ganitong oras naririto na si Aidan, but today he's absent, maybe he find it hard to squeeze in his schedule today, which I completely understand. Ilang sandali pa akong nag-antay rito nang mapag-pasyahan kong bumaba nalang sa cafeteria para mananghalian, I don't have all the time in the world, hours later people will call for help and it's my duty I have to oblige.

On the back of my mind, I'm still hoping to see Aidan as I walk down the stairs, thinking that he's just a bit late. But no, Aidan didn't show up for lunch. Matatapos na lamang ako halos mananghalian ay wala naman ito, ni tawag wala. Not even a text message, maybe he's very busy.

After lunch, I went back to my office and was a little surprise to see Romee there. She smiled sheepishly at me and held her phone up.

"I was about to call you," she said. "Na-traffic ako on the way, I told Aidan I'll take you out for lunch but I bet you're already done."

Tumango ako ng marahan, I walked back into my seat and slumped there. "Yeah, you didn't tell me you have plans."

"You don't tell someone you'll surprise them, that won't be a surprise anymore." She rolled her eyes.

"Whatever," naiiling na nginisihan ko lamang ito at pinanuod na maupo sa leather sofa.

"Siya nga pala, on my way here I saw Skeet with that Wendell whatsoever I forgot his effin' last name, well that's how it is when you give less fuck to people, you tend to forget details of them.." kwento nito. "He looks okay, but you know what okay means for me. You can't blame me if I'll take Aidan's feature as the standard here and I might say, the Wendell guy won't pass. Or maybe I just don't like people with green eyes, they're not trustworthy, Paris. Believe me."

"Now, hold it!" Natatawang awat ko dito. "Don't generalize! Not every green-eyed is like Zander-"

"Who?" Irap nito. "I'm talking about that Wendell here, not someone I don't  know."

"Alright," natatawa ko paring tugon kasabay ng pag-tango. "Now, you chill down. You haven't had your lunch, gusto mo bang samahan kitang kumain? May time pa naman ako to spare."

"Nah, I know you're busy. Kasalanan kasi ng traffic, si Zach nalang ang tatawagan ko wala akong pakialam kung nakapag-lunch na siya kakain siya ulit just because he's left with no choice." Ngising sabi nito bago tumayo bitbit ang handbag nito atsaka lumapit saking kinauupuan. "Paris, if you don't mind me asking, when was the last time you had sex with your husband?"

Malakas akong napasinghap sa tanong na iyon ni Romee, agad ko ring naramdaman ang pag-iinit ng aking pisngi bago ito manghang tiningala ng tingin.

Napuno ng malutong na halakhak ni Romee ang apat na sulok na opisina ko. "Oh my goodness, you should've seen your face!"

"Romee!" suway ko dito na para bang may ibang makakarinig sa itinanong nito, I even roamed my eyes around.

"Stop blushing! You're not a virgin anymore!" Pisil nito sa pisngi ko na agad ko namang iwinaksi. "But I'm serious, P. Wala lang, I'm just thinking na you know, kulang lang kayo sa touch touch and everything. Hindi na kasi sapat sa panahon ngayon yung maganda ka lang, dapat malandi ka na rin..."

Kumunot ang noo ko rito, seriously? I'm not sure what she's saying.

"Okay, first of all.. I'm sorry for invading you and your husbands privacy."

Agad na napataas ang kilay ko nang makita ang pagbabago ng anyo ni Romee, tila ito naging isang maamong tupa. Her lips pursed in a cute way before she handed me her phone.

"Paris, I'm so in to you and Aidan's business because not only am I concerned to you but most especially to Ricos. I know what's going on, I know that Aidan is somehow jailing you, well not literally but he's doing the bantay asawa thing, if there's such..." she twitched her lips and that's when I took her phone and see what's in there. "so I did the same thing to him, call it bantay bayaw and whatever you want to call it. I hired someone to look after him, because I know you're not gonna do it yourself. For a week of spying, that's what I get. Do you know that girl?"

Nanatili ang aking mga mata sa litrato sa cellphone ni Romee. It was Aidan with a woman, he opened the car door for her. It's his car that was in the photo. I swiped my thumb to see the next ones, sunod sunod na shot iyon ng magkaparehong eksena.

"I didn't save everything on my phone but I got the files on my email. So do you know her?" ulit nito.

I shook my head and gave her back her phone. I leaned on my seat and twitched my lips. Who is that girl? And as if Romee is reading my mind, she gave me the answer.

"Based on my research, she's Viel Ferrer."

Viel Ferrer? The name sounds familiar. Seems like I've already heard it somewhere, I just can't remember where...

"Hey, I googled her name. Dang the woman is beautiful in the most generic way," she chuckled and shook her head before keeping her phone. "you know I'm not into showbiz rumors but when I told Kurtney the woman's name, she just couldn't stop laughing then she sent me a photo of that Viel for like years ago and believe me, I almost praised her surgeon."

My mind couldn't comprehend what Romee is saying, I'm just clouded with the thought of Aidan and that Viel Ferrer. Who is she? Why are they often out together? Well she must be a client, yeah that must be it...

"Based on the report, Aidan is always picking her up from Elizondo Network around two in the afternoon. Remember the tv network where Kurtney is working? Well she said that, Viel Ferrer is one of the network's artist. Still starting her career. I'm just not sure how is she related to Aidan? Might be a friend?" Kibit-balikat nitong imporma. "But you know what Paris, I'm not telling you this to doubt on your husband's loyalty and faithfulness... I'm telling you all these, to wake you up. Lalaki ang asawa mo, Aidan have both... the money and the looks. Women go crazy over him and that's a common knowledge, nowadays us women have to do something to keep what's ours... ours... and just ours."

Hindi ko talaga maintindihan kung anong gusto ni Romee na mangyari, no way. I should stop thinking about it. Aidan has his life and had to live it everyday. No way I'm denying him every fun he could get from living it his way. He's mine. Deep inside me, I know he's mine. I don't exactly know what's that something that I have to do to keep it that way, but I'm not doing it. I trust him. I believe in him and that's enough.

"Romee, stop..." I sighed. "I understand your concern, but please? Stop it, it's nonsense. Aidan is not cheating and he'll never cheat-"

"Hey! I never said that!" Umirap ito. "He shouldn't be talaga! Not with that woman! My goodness, he's so cheap naman kung ganoon."

"Basta, Romee tigilan mo na..."

"Alright, I will stop my bantay bayaw operation..." nginisihan ako nito bago humalukipkip saking harapan. "If! And only if, you'll do my if!"

"Hey!" I snapped and cocked her a brow. "Don't go Chiara Paula on me! I'm not Red Franco ha-"

"You're his daughter, girl!" mapanganib na ngiti ang ibinigay nito sakin. "I'll stop stalking your husband if, you'll start spicing up your marriage. Believe me, Paris, men doesn't like it boring..."

"Romee-"

"I just want my ParAid ship sail again, I'm on board from the start, you can't blame me." She rolled her eyes and kissed my cheek. "Anyway, I'll go ahead. I'll be checking pa my other ship if it's sailing na, you know the Tha is giving the Ger a hard time."

"What? Parade? Tha and Ger? What are you talking about?" Naguguluhan kong tanong.

"ParAid! Like capital P a r then A i d. Paris Aidan! The other one is for Thalia and Trigger!"

Hindi makapaniwalang napailing ako habang pinagmamasdan ito, this sister of mine has so much to say.

"Learn it. Live it. Love it." She winked at me and waved before leaving, I shook my head in disbelief my goodness Romee!

Pilit kong inialis saking isipan ang mga sinabi ni Romee sakin kanina nang bisitahin niya ko. I busied myself working, and forgetting about that Viel Ferrer. Whoever she is, I don't care... really.

Bandang alas-kwatro ng hapon nang sabihin ni Aidan na hindi niya ako masusundo and that he'll be home late because he had a party to attend. But he told me that he'll send someone to pick me up and send me home, I told him that he doesn't have to do that, that I can handle myself ngunit katulad ng dati'y minasama nito iyon.

Kaya wala na akong nagawa pa kundi ang antayin ang sinasabi nitong susundo sakin. It was their company car, tahimik lamang ako buong byahe. Hindi ko maiwasang hindi isipin si Aidan, I want to ask what kind of party is he going but I stopped myself. I don't like the feeling of being doubted to, kaya hindi ko iyon gagawin sakanya.

Nang makauwi ay kay Ricos ko ibinuhos ang lahat ng aking atensyon. Inubos ko ang natitirang oras ng hapon sa pakikipaglaro sa anak ko, after that, I cooked dinner for him and we ate together.

Just when I tucked Ricos to bed, my phone rang, it was Aidan.

"Where are you?" He asked.

"Home."

I don't know, but the conversation we're having seems pretty familiar, only that now I'm not lying.

"I'll hangup. I'm calling the landline in our bedroom."

Hindi na nito inantay pa ang sagot ko, kaya naman bumalik na ako saming silid. The phone is already ringing when I get in so I took the cordless phone and answered his call.

"I told you I'm home."

"I'm just checking." He said in a flat tone.

Nakagat ko ang aking ibabang labi nang maramdaman ang pangingilid ng luha saking mga mata. I inhaled deeply and cleared my throat to keep my voice steady. "Matutulog na ko. Ingat ka."

I ended the call without hearing his answers, doon ko na hinayaang malayang bumuhos ang luha saking mga mata.

Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.

Hindi na bago sakin dapat iyong ganitong pakiramdam, iyong hindi ka naman pinaniniwalaan. All my life, people always questioned my ability. Iilan lang ang naniniwala sa lahat ng mga kaya kong gawin. Pero hindi naman masakit, hindi kagaya ng nararamdaman ko ngayon.

I couldn't sleep, because my mind just won't stop thinking about things. I browsed my phone and spent time scrolling up and down the screen.

Hindi ko na napansin kung anong oras bumukas ang pinto ng aming silid, revealing Aidan. I stayed up all night to wait for him, I know in just a look that he's a bit drunk.

"Saan ka galing?" I asked.

"I told you, from a party."

"Birthday?"

Nakita kong tumango ito.

"Nino?"

Nilingon ako nito, tila ba hindi inaasahan ang mga tanong ko. "A friend."

"Sino nga?" Bumangon ako sa paupo mula sa pagkakahiga at binalingan ito, he removed his shirt and turned his back on me. "Viel Ferrer, diba?"

"Yeah."

"So, how was the party?"

"It was okay."

"Okay is not okay, should be great."

"Bakit gising ka pa?" Pag-iiba nito. "Matulog ka na."

"Ayaw mo ba? Pag-kwentuhan naman natin, yung party."

Diretso kong sinalubong ang tingin nito. Hah! Paris! Matapang kang simulan ang argumento kaya panindigan mo yan! You're not backing down!

"Have you had fun?" I smiled softly.

Hindi nito binitawan ang aking tingin, he nodded his head.

"You should!" I sarcastically exclaimed. "You really should!"

"What is this we're having, Paris?"

"Nothing but a little talk about how your extracurricular activity went..." I smiled again. "So, want to still share some more?"

Umangat ang sulok ng labi nito sa isang patuyang ngiti. "What is it, Paris? Pinagdududahan mo ba ko?"

"Oh! Who's doubting who?" I frowned and wrinkled my nose, grinning. "Kinakausap lang kita, Aidan Zeus."

"Matulog ka na."

Akmang tatalikuran ako nito para pumasok sa banyo nang muli akong mag-salita. Oh, no. Not again. We're talking, Aidan. We'll settle this shit now.

"Sige, Aidan... walk out on me and we're done here. I'm so sick of you walking out every time we talk, so you walk out and I'll walk out of your life!"