My eyes wandered across the stars above the sky. The conversation I had with Alaric earlier today won't stop rewinding in my head. I closed my eyes and caught my lower lip between my teeth. Why am I feeling guilty when I've done nothing wrong? Nah, scratch that, I am guilty because I've done nothing at all.

I am his wife. I should've been there for him, but I wasn't. All because I didn't know. And that won't pass as an excuse. I should've known. As soon as I opened my eyes to the darkness ahead of me, tears escaped, never ceasing. I can feel my heart aching for Aidan. Where is he?

I tried calling his phone, but just like the other time, he won't pick up. I'm so stupid, Aidan came here he came for me, hoping that I might mend him, but I didn't. Because bullshit, I know nothing!

"Aidan," was the first word that escaped my mouth when I heard the buzzer of my unit.

My heart thumped automatically inside my chest in both excitement and anticipation. It must be him, it must be Aidan! Rushing through the door, I wiped my tears away. If it was Aidan behind it, I don't want him to see me broken, not when he isn't stable.

Fingers fidgeting, I twisted the knob open, and my instinct didn't fail me. Standing before me is my husband. My eyes matched his. His bloodless gaze made me shiver; what had I done to those warm and welcoming, beautiful sets of eyes?

"Aidan," I called out his name, trying so hard to keep both of my hands on my side. Trying so hard not to throw myself to him.

I stepped back to give him enough space to come in, and he did. The moment he stepped his foot inside, he owned the place. His massive presence instantly filled the room. My chest ached, letting go of the knob and letting him close it.

He stood there, he has all the emotions of wet concrete. His facial muscles are just as loose. There was no anger, no sadness, no joy or resentment.

"H-How are you?" a voice barely came out as I asked him that; obviously, he was all but okay. "I-I've heard about everything, I was trying to call you but you're not picking up. I'm all worried, Aidan."

"I'm not fine," he admitted in a callous manner. "Don't think I will ever be fine."

"Aidan, I'm not sure what to say but I want you to know that I care." I stepped near him, but he didn't move. I want him to know how I'm reaching out. I want Aidan to know that I'm with him.

"How bad do you care, Paris? As bad as you care for Wendell?" even with that question, he seemed impervious. "I know, Paris, I know everything you think I don't..."

My forehead knotted a frown; I shook my head; Aidan's not himself tonight; whatever it is, he's thinking it must've been clouded with his emotions.

"Where were you last Saturday night, Paris?"

I shook my head, "Aidan-"

"You at home?" his eyes changed in a squint, I could see anger passed through it. "Just where you're at the previous times I go check on you? Last Monday night, you said you were about to sleep, little did I know an hour after you were down at some grill having date night with you friend. That Tuesday, I tried to ask you where you gonna have lunch, you said at school cafeteria but you made a fool out of me, burgers downtown. Isn't that right, Paris?"

I bit my tongue, staring at him. He's looking at me as if he's reading my mind. Has he been stalking me?

"Yes, wife, I'm stalking you..."

I slowly shook my head. That Monday night, he was saying, it's true. I was about to sleep, so I said goodnight to him, but I received a call from Wendell after a while. He sounded distracted. His mother just died, and God knows what he has in mind at that moment. I thought about calling Aidan but decided not to, thinking that he might be busy then. That wasn't planned, but alright, I'm taking the blame, it was my fault.

Tuesday, he sure asked me where I'm gonna have lunch, and yes, I've planned to have my meal in the school cafeteria like I always do, but Wendell later on asked me if I can join him and have burgers downtown. There's a fear in his eyes that made me so afraid to say no. Again, I've never planned it out but the blame is on me.

"Look, Aidan, it's not what you think it is-"

"Then tell me, Paris, what is it?" he snarled, throwing something in front of me.

My eyes went down to what was shattered on the floor, and it went wide when I saw what was down there. "T-this is not true-"

"Kung ganoon, Paris, ano ang totoo?" I flinched when he reached my arm and scooped me in one forceful move.

He's now angry, Aidan was never angry. Never at me.

"Saturday night, Amanda. I messaged you that Saturday night." Mahina niyang sabi. "I've asked you where you were, you said you're locked up in your apartment, you lied, again-"

"You?" Mabilis akong umiling. "I thought you were Icen!"

"Even if, Amanda! I was with Icen that night, we were hanging cool because I needed some air from everything that's happening in my world that pretty moment. I saw you, I saw you walked in that pub with that Wendell shit he is." Humigpit ang hawak niya sa'king braso, I know in a few minutes that area will earn a bruise, but that's nothing compared to the pain hovering my insides. "It was Icen's cell I used, you lied. There's no point in lying, Paris. Kung wala lang iyon. If he is your friend, you shouldn't have lied about it. But for heaven's you did!"

Lumuwag ang hawak sakin ni Aidan bago niya ako unti-unting pinakawalan, I saw the gleam of pain and sadness crossed his eyes before it turned into none. My head is aching, my heart is breaking, I couldn't speak, don't want to speak.

"You never like lies, baby..." he whispered. "Remember the Oxytocin you were always talking about? I know you weren't a liar, but what's with that guy that has turned you into one?"

That Saturday night, it was true; I had no plans of staying out until I got a call from Wendell. He was crying; he sounded so broke, telling me that what he and Karen Hanover had already ended. He needed an ear at the moment. I had to make mine available. Icen texted me. You can't expect me to tell him that I was helping out a heartbroken friend of mine he never approved of, so I had to lie. I did lie. And I did take it against me.

I looked down at the photos scattered on the floor. Those are the discreet shots of what happened that night, but it won't tell the whole story because of some missing pieces.

"I can't believe you're that gifted that you were even fluent in lies and bullshits!"

"I love you, Aidan..." That's all that I've said; it's all up to him if he'll believe me.

"Yeah, you do, Paris..." he looked at me with contempt in his eyes and a smug smile on his lips. "And cheating is the most disgusting, hurtful and disrespectful thing you could do to someone you say you love."

And I never cheated. Not on Aidan, not on anyone. With his words, I feel like my soul is pouring out of my body. I got it bad, so bad. My insides were screaming how I badly needed to explain myself to him, but there was no voice coming out.

Those photos of me and Wendell have probably caused him enough to believe everything he's thinking. On that angle, no one will ever tell that Wendell isn't kissing me, and with my hands on his shoulder, nobody will ever believe me when I'll say I'm not kissing him. The illusion of a kiss that never happened.

Wendell was fast and almost caught me off guard, but I'm quicker to have kicked his balls right in time. But there's no photo taken from that incident. I have no proof that I'm telling the truth, and seeing how Aidan is reacting right now, I know he wouldn't believe me. I'm a liar, he now knew.

"I came here, Paris, because I needed you more than anyone. But all the lies you've laid between us made me think that I might've stolen the youth in you. Did I, Paris?"

I looked up at him; he was standing a little distance from me. His expression is as hard as nails. I love Aidan. I want him for myself. I want him like I never wanted anything in my life before. I need him. So much that I'd beg for my place in his life. But right now, it's not me that he needed.

I've hurt him so much that I can barely see the man I love in the man standing in front of me. Not a trace of him was my Aidan. Then I remembered Alaric asking me to send his brother back home; maybe that's what he needed this time: a family. I couldn't be that because I'm a good-for-nothing liar.

Life is unfair, maybe for me, at least. I've always sought goodness in everyone, but I always took the wrong judgment from everyone. Did I really appear so shallow to them that they'd think so low of me? I don't blame Aidan or anyone if that's how they see it. But I can't help but keep my heart from aching. Am I really good for nothing in everyone's eyes? Maybe this is how it is.

I grew up with everyone thinking that I was nothing but an insecure twin sister. I grew up with people thinking the worst of me. I let them. As long as I know that I was loved by my mom, I'm happy. As long as I know that Reid and Dad cared about me. As long as I know that my sweet little Romee sees me differently, I'm all okay. I don't care about everyone's judgment, I only care about the people I love. Because love means the absence of judgment.

And I'm in love with Aidan Zeus; that's why his words matter so much to me. That's why I care. That's why it hurts me.

"Maybe you did," I whispered, keeping my voice steady; no, I don't wanna sound weak, not when I'm this broken.

Tila hindi niya inaasahan ang aking naging sagot, he might've thought that I'll be on my knees asking for forgiveness instead. I would've done that if it was just me and if I had stopped considering people who depended on us.

"Damn, Paris, I love you..." Aidan lost it. He reached for my hand and gripped it tightly.

I wanna rejoice at the thought that he loves me. This is the first time I ever hear him say that. But my heart isn't rejoicing at the moment; it is breaking. Aidan might've fallen in love with my flowers but not my roots. We love each other but cause each other nothing but trouble and pain. This toxic love was the last thing I wished to have. I can't decide if Aidan is bad for me or if he's too good for me, and I can't handle it.

"You can't love someone you don't trust, Aidan..." I shook my head weakly, trying to release my hand from his grip. "I don't blame you if you'll believe all thoughts that you've formed in your head, but Aidan, your kind of love is the last thing I needed at this moment..."

LIE! Dammit, Paris, you made a good liar, and you deserve an award. Every love I could get from Aidan is all for treasure, but if I let him love me, either of these two will happen. Aidan will stay with me and watch me succeed, or I'll fly home with him. And both couldn't happen.

They need him there. I need to be here.

We can't make this apart. We tried, but we ended up hurting each other. Maybe long-distance relationship isn't for us.

"Paris, let's go home. Kakalimutan ko lahat, we won't talk about it again, I swear, I'll never... sumama ka na sakin. Iuuwi na kita, doon nalang tayo kay Ricos, c'mon... Paris. I will do everything, just please, give me a peace of mind and come home with me..." he begged. I didn't expect him to get on his knees and beg. No, he came here all furious. I never thought he'd...

We both know I can't let that happen. I need this. I need to do this. This isn't just some dream I wanna achieve. This is bigger than life.

"Aidan, I need this! This is me before you came, this is what I have to do..." Pilit ko siyang hinila patayo, I don't know how to handle him this way. Mas gugustuhin ko pa na galit siya, sa ganoong paraan mas na matibay ko siyang malalabanan. Not in this state, where I only want to throw myself to him, be with him and promise him everything that will make him happy. But I can't do that. They need Aidan more than I need him. "Maybe you're right, we both took the youth in each other. I'm sorry, I'm choosing to stay... I'm staying..."

"What about me? Paris, paano ako?" tanong niya sa paos na tinig.

"Anong paano ka, Aidan?" I bit back the tears that were about to fall, and I had to show him that this was what I wanted. "Hindi ko alam sayo, you're old enough to carry yourself, act as one, Aidan! Ayoko na."

"Dammit, no!" he held my arms tightly as he stood up. "Hindi pwede iyon, Paris. Hindi pwedeng ayaw mo na. Putangina, anong ayaw mo na? I was hurt! I am hurting, pero ni minsan hindi ko naisip na ayoko na. Na ayoko na sayo, why you're all that I want! You're all that I need!"

Marahas akong umiling kasabay ng pagtulo ng luha saking mga mata. "Well, Aidan ikaw iyon, ako 'to! Ayoko na! Bumalik ka na sa pamilya mo, they need you there! I know you were hurting, but Aidan wake up, people may get you that you're mourning, they will surely understand your pain but the world will never understand you for not moving."

"Paris, don't do this to me..." he held me in his arms, and I almost lost it. I'm so weak, so so weak.

"Not because you're breaking, you'll let everything else break with you..."