"Mommy, where is dad? I haven't seen him for," Ricos pouted and started counting through the little fingers of his hand, from his pinky finger to his index. "Four days! Where is he? Is he studying far away, too? Like you did before, mom?"

I stopped. I didn't know what to say. Seeing the downward curve on my son's face made my heart twitch in pain. I can even feel the tightening of my throat. It's been four days since I came out of the hospital after being confined overnight. I was advised to take complete bed rest. Dad took me home. He's still completely mad with Aidan and even mom can't do anything with it. I'm kind of scared that he might lose his temper if Aidan forced his luck. Dad wouldn't like it. And when Red Santa de Leones doesn't like things, it's not a good idea.

"I miss him, mom. He said he loves me, but he also said that if you love someone, you can't go a day without seeing him." Patuloy ni Ricos. "That's why we always video chat before, because you love us. But why is dad not even calling? Maybe he doesn't love me anymore."

"Ricos," my voice broke when he started wiping the corner of his eyes, but that didn't stop the tears from falling.

"I'm a good boy, I've always been a good boy. Now, I'm practicing to be a best big brother because dad said that's what you need me to be," he cried. "But where is he now? Doesn't he miss me?"

After packing our things, I climbed above the bed where Ricos was sitting. I reached for him and enveloped him in my arms. Cradling like a baby that he is. I closed my eyes tightly. Goodness, what am I doing to my son?

What happened days ago was ruled by my emotions, and I shouldn't have let that! I am pregnant, alright. My hormones have gotten taller than my head. Within the days I've let my body rest and my mind be at peace, I have realized all that is happening and where all of these are going.

Same things that happened before are repeated in different circumstances. It wouldn't be wise if I'd let it fall the same way it did before. Aidan and I need to talk to straighten things out. If he ever cheated on me, that's his loss. If he didn't, someone should start looking for a fine casket. But before that, I have to convince my father first. That I can do this on my own. Which will surely require a major talk.

"Your father loves you, Ricos. We all do," that's all that I could say.

"If he does, then where is he?"

Three consecutive knocks before the door of my room opened, Mom came in with Dad's arm wrapped around her waist. Ricos was immediately distracted, and I was silently thankful because I didn't know how to answer his question without lying.

"Papa!" he jumped off the bed and ran towards Dad.

"Why is our baby angel crying?" Mom asked.

Kinarga ni daddy si Ricos at ito mismo ang siyang nag-punas ng mga nito. Ricos then hugged dad as if he's his life saver.

"I miss daddy..."

"Really?" Mom smiled and caressed Ricos' back. "You don't have to cry, you'll gonna see daddy soon..."

"Chiara," Dad's voice held a warning that Mom simply ignored.

"So if you really wanna see daddy, you should get yourself ready. Take a bath now and freshen up, we're going somewhere."

"Really, mama?!" Ricos beamed. "I'm gonna see daddy now?"

Mom shrugged and flashed her a smile. "Go to your Yaya Lorry and take a bath,"

"Oh! I will!" He looked at Dad. "Papa, bring me to Yaya Lorry, please?"

Muling binalingan ni daddy si mommy ng isang matalim na tingin, but mom just smiled at him mischievously. "Sige na, Red. Go and take your grandchild to his nanny, baka abutin tayo ng gabi sa daan kung hindi pa tayo aalis ngayon."

Dad's eyes went in slit, his brows furrowed. "You're so dead to me,"

Natatawang itinaas ni mommy ang kaniyang mga kamay bago bahagyang itinulak si dad at Ricos papalabas ng pinto. "Go now, Red. I won't misbehave, I swear."

When Mom closed the door, I heaved a sigh and stood up from my bed to continue packing our things. "Mom, you shouldn't have told Ricos that he'll see his father. Aasa 'yon."

Matalino si Ricos, hindi siya tipikal na bata na mabilis makalimot. It's like he got every word you've said engraved in his head. Siguradong mamaya ay hahanapin nito si Aidan, he won't see Aidan. And I'm afraid he won't be seeing him for quite some time now. I'm packing because today we're going to Monteguerro, where Dad is planning to have us stay for some peace in the middle of this chaos. He said I may need some fresh air and beautiful scenery for my pregnancy. I'm cool with that, although I plan to return to the city after a week. Maybe by then, I will have restored enough strength for my baby and me.

"Bakit, Paris? Wala ka na bang balak na makita pa ang asawa mo?" Mom gave me a suspicious look.

"Mom, it's not that. What I'm saying is, hindi naman niya makikita ang daddy niya ngayon. You know, Ricos. He'll hope and he will get disappointed later on. I can't bear seeing him that way," sabi ko habang iniisa-isang iayos ang mga damit ni Ricos sa luggage, mom helped me.

"If you can't bear seeing him sad then do something, Paris."

With that, I looked at her. Her eyes were directed at the clothes she was holding. Pasimpleng kumibit ang mga balikat nito.

"You know, Paris, there is no perfect love. Because if you come to think of it, everyone has their own perspective of perfection. What's perfect for me might not be perfect for you. So, if you believe that you'll find a perfect love in this lifetime, I'm afraid you'll die waiting for none" makahulugan niyang sabi. "Walang taong perpekto, Paris. Your dad is right, he never cheated. Not in any form. But that doesn't mean he never hurt me. And it's because, he's not perfect. Ganoon din ang asawa mo, hindi siya perpekto at masasaktan at masasaktan ka niya. Sa maliliit mang bagay o sa mas malalaki. Pero hindi ibig sabihin ay hanggang doon nalang iyon,"

"Mom, I was hurt. I'm hurting-"

"Didn't I know that? Paris, I'm your mom. The pain you're feeling hits me double. But you have to realize that sometimes, mas na tayo ang nakakasakit  sa ating mga sarili kaysa ang ibang tao." she said. "Don't you think Aidan isn't suffering right now? Asawa mo siya, Paris. Anak niya si Ricos at anak niya ang dinadala mo. Higit sa kaninoman ay ikaw ang dapat unang nakakaalam kung gaano kasakit ang mawalay sa pamilya, may it be days, weeks, months..."

Mariin kong itinutok ang aking mga mata sa damit na nasaking kandungan, kahit pa ang buong atensyon ko ay nasa sinasabi ni mommy. What she's saying is right, I agree, alright. She's making sense. She always make sense.

"Paris, for years that I've known your husband, I can say that he's a good man. I'm not defending him in this issue or even taking his side, because I know nothing about the truth. But darling, the poor guy deserves a chance. If you're gonna ask me, I don't think Aidan will do that." Doon ako napabaling kay mommy, her eyes speaks so much understanding. "We all knew he had a reputation, kaya nga ganyan ka na lamang kung protektahan ng daddy mo. But that was then, things have changed. Your Uncle Zanti was way more womanizer than your husband before he married your Aunt Dana. I couldn't believe he had changed into someone better, more ideal, and more responsible. It takes one person to unleash the better version of ourselves. I have watched Aidan as he fathered Ricos. He's more than what I've expected him to be. Maging sa pagiging asawa niya sayo, Paris. Pero hindi perpektong tao si Aidan, masasaktan at masasaktan ka niya."

Again. Mom is right. Aidan isn't perfect. I don't need him to be perfect. I want him real. And I couldn't think of an instance where Aidan faked things out. He said he loved me. I believe it's real. He loves Ricos. He loves us. And if he does, he won't cheat on me. Then, something is not right.

"Love isn't about if and because, it's about even though and in spite of." She reached for my hand and held it. "Aidan is flawed and so are you. Talk to him, Paris. Walang mawawala kung makikinig ka, then you'll decide. Whatever your decision will be, I got your back."

"I have it all planned, mom." I sighed. "Maybe in a few days, I'll be ready to talk to him. I don't know how, but I will. We will talk. That's for sure."

Isang nakakaunawang tango lamang ang isinagot roon ni mommy bago pakawalan ang usapan. She helped with our things and made sure that the baby and I are doing okay before she left me after hearing that Romee is downstairs.

Nang matapos akong maligo at mag-bihis ay sumunod narin ako sa baba. Ricos is with Romee and he seems very excited, ngayon pa lang ay iisip na ako ng mga dahilan para sa mga magiging tanong sakin ni Ricos mamaya. Mom keep his hopes high, he'll definitely feel sad about it.

"Good that you're ready," Dad said, keeping his phone in his pocket.

"Mildred, pakibaba na ang gamit nila Paris" nakangiting sinalubong ako ni mommy nang makababa ako ng hagdan, nakita ko pa ang palihim niyang pag-irap kay daddy na nagpakunot sa noo nito.

"Did you bring your boots? We'll go horse riding!" Romee told Ricos.

"I did! It's on my luggage, my Rowrow" ngumuso si Ricos bago luminga sa paligid. "Where is Uncle Reid?"

"Uncle Reid is also busy studying how to be a best big bro!" Malakas na halakhak ni Romee bago tuluyang tangayin si Ricos palabas ng kabahayan.

I shook my head, si mommy naman ay nanatili lamang na nakangiting nakatingin sakin. And dad is on the other side of the room, staring at mom with a squint.

"Mom, you're starting to creep me out," I rolled my eyes.

She just giggled and clung on my arm. "Let's go,"

Kung anong ngiti niya sakin ay siyang simangot niya kay daddy.

"Halika na, Red. Gagabihin tayo kung tutunganga ka lang diyan." Masungit pa nitong sabi.

Hanggang sa sasakyan ay nanatili akong tahimik. Well, we're all silent except for Ricos and Romee na hindi na siguro matatapos pa sa pag-kkwentuhan. I'm seated near the window and Romee is on the other end. While Ricos is in between us. Dad is driving the car while mom is on the shotgun. Because we have Ricos and because I am pregnant, dad didn't let a driver do the job. He's just very protective. Malumanay rin ang pagpapatakbo nito hanggang sa marating ang malaking gate na nag-sisilbing bungad ng aming mansyon.

The huge Mediterranean gate automatically opened when our vehicle passed, but on its midway, Dad had to stop the car. Good thing we're all in our safety belts.

I immediately turned to check on Ricos. He was smiling and raising his thumb finger.

"I'm okay!" he shouted, letting everyone know that he was.

"Son of a bitch," Dad muttered a curse before pulling out his gun in the compartment.

Mabilis na natakpan ni Romee ang mga mata ni Ricos, agad kong nilingon si mommy nang bumaba si daddy ng sasakyan. There's a strong kick inside my chest that made me jumped off the car and followed them. Susunod pa sana sakin si Ricos nang haklitin ito ni Romee.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Dad's anger clouded the vicinity.

"Sir, I-I'm begging for my chance. Just let me talk to your daughter,"

I froze. Aidan. That's Aidan! I quickly went there and saw him on his knees, begging.

"Aidan..."

Mabilis niya akong binalingan. The longing in his eyes is unbearable. It's too painful to handle. I've missed him.

"Paris!" Akmang tatayo siya upang sana'y lapitan ako nang tumunog ang isang kasa ng baril.

"Dad!"

"Red!"

Magkasabay naming sigaw ni mommy. But dad didn't seem to hear anything, he's directly looking at Aidan. Muling lumingon sakanya si Aidan, muling nag-makaawa.

"Sir, nakikiusap ho ako. Hindi ko hinihingi na paniwalaan niyo ko, pero kailangan kong makausap ang asawa ko. You can shoot me later sir, in all ways that you have in your head, I just need this chance to talk to your daughter. I have to,"

My tears instantly fell from my eyes. I couldn't bear seeing Aidan this way. I don't need him begging!

"And what made you think that I'll give you a fair suck of the sav?" Dad is every bit dangerous.

"Paris," nilingon ako ni Aidan. "Paris, just hear me out. If you won't believe me, then your dad could kill me. Mas gugustuhin ko na iyon kaysa malayo sainyo ni Ricos. Paris don't kill me this way, please?"

"Dad," I called dad. He turned to look at me and shook his head.

"Red, put your gun down," Mom said in a low voice before she held Dad's arm and stepped backward. "Let your daughter handle it,"

He gave Aidan a sharp glare that could've killed him immediately. "Five minutes."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Aidan nang mag-patianod si daddy kay mommy pabalik ng sasakyan. Walang inaksayang sandali si Aidan upang tumayo at lapitan ako. Mabilis akong nakulong sakanyang mga bisig, and that made me cry even harder.

"Paris, I love you... damn baby, I love you. I will never cheat on you."