"Sorta, I'm repainting my bedroom. What's going on?"

"I really need to talk- I can give you a hand?" you offer.

Her voice is softer when she responds. "Come on over. I'll leave the door unlocked so you can just come in, alright?"

You're ridiculously relieved at her response. You don't waste any time throwing your car into drive and taking off, making it to her door in under twenty minutes.

You've been to Garcia's apartment plenty of times, but it never fails to amaze you. It's full of exposed brick and the pinks and blues that compliment it. The parts of the walls with drywall are packed with photos and knicknacks. You pause for a moment to look at the photos beside the door, the last thing she sees before she leaves for the day. It's a black and white frame with pictures of the team. There's one of Morgan that must be from 2004 with how dated it looks, and he's sitting on top of his desk, laughing at the camera- no doubt he was really laughing at Garcia pulling out a camera in the middle of a conversation. Another shows Reid blowing out birthday candles on a cake with two melting candles reading "24". You must have 23 when that picture was taken. Somewhere, he was celebrating his birthday with your future family and you were probably writing a paper for your master's. It's weird to think that the team existed without you, but also comforting. It's nice to be a part of something bigger than yourself. Another shows JJ throwing darts at a bar in the lowest cut pair of 2000's jeans you've ever seen. She isn't looking at the camera, but at the board with her steely focus. Another shows Gideon and Hotch both turned and giving small smiles to the camera while a black and white movie is projected against the office wall. One shows Elle, who left the team only months before you joined, leaning over Garcia's kitchen counter, propping her head up with her fist on her chin. The palate of the kitchen includes a hell of a lot more lime green than it does now. There's one that's clearly taken with flash, lighting JJ and Emily as they push through a door that shows blue and purple lights behind it- a girls night, and by the drunk look on their faces, it must be the end of the night. There's one of Rossi on the jet, covering half of his face with a paperback and raising an eyebrow dramatically over the top as he peaks at Garcia. The last in the set shows you, laughing with your eyes shut tight, as Morgan holds both of your hands and playfully pulls you along with his back to the camera. In the background, you can see Emily and JJ laughing too. You remember that afternoon- it was your birthday last year and you were going to stay late at work. The entire team begged you to go out with them and you gave in after they herded you away from your desk.

The other walls include some snaps of the team, but there are plenty of people you don't recognize. Your heart aches, seeing how much joy she shares with so many people. One of the kitchen walls displays a frame dedicated to only one photo, larger than a standard photo size. It shows JJ, Will, Henry, Penelope, and Spencer. They're sitting on JJ's front porch, all wrapped up tight against the late november cold, and the winter sun beats down on them.

"I thought I heard something." She says, poking her head out from her bedroom doorway.

"Hey," you smile. "Sorry, I always get caught up looking at your stuff. These photos are beautiful, Penny. And the one from my birthday is new! I didn't know that photo existed."

"I know I got caught by the FBI, but I am fairly sneaky still." she winks at you. "Come on in, do you need water or anything?"

You shake your head and toss your bag on the bench by the door. You walk into her bedroom, which is half painted the palest shade of mint that you've ever seen.

"Never thought I'd see you pick a soft color." you tease.

"It's supposed to be calming. Apparently staring at a screen all day isn't good for your eyes, so this is my compromise. Soothing colors and I swore to my optometrist that I wouldn't bring any screens in here."

"Does he know you spend about a quarter of your time staying up late at work on a screen anyways?"

She frowns. "That's why he's making me get new glasses with a blue light filter. But!" she perks up. "This is a great excuse to redo my apartment and possibly my look- depending on how my new frames go with my closet."

"You'll never let go of anything in your closet, let's be real." you tease.

"Speaking of clothes- you're not going to paint in your work outfit, are you?"

"Why not?"

She gestures at herself. You probably should have realized before now that she's covered in streaks of paint, from her ponytail, to her FBI t-shirt, to her checker patterned socks.

She yanks the plastic covering her furniture away and slides a wooden drawer open. She tosses a t-shirt and pair of shorts to you. You look at the top.

"When did you go to Glenwood Springs?"

"Never. One of my stepbrothers lives out there, he sent it to me."

"Are you sure I can get paint on it?"

She shrugs. "He sends me one every christmas. Be my guest."

You strip to your underwear in the doorway and throw on her clothes. You fold your work outfit and set them in the hallway, away from the potential splash zone.

Armed with a roller, you start on the larger sections of the wall while Garcia tapes off the moulding. You work for a bit to the sounds of pop blasting through the speakers plugged into the already painted wall. It's calming, enough that you almost forget why you came here.

"You know I love you and that you're always welcome here- but can I ask why you needed to talk tonight?"

You pause your rolling and glance at her. She's still peering at the corners she's taping, so you take a deep breath.

"I'm really worried that JJ is upset with me."

Immediately, Garcia is cooing "Oh, baby, it'll be alright. What happened?"

Another deep breath. "When I told her I was thinking about having a baby with Reid, she gave me a hard time about how Reid wasn't marriage material and I'd get left behind. She thought I should wait for somebody I want to marry. She just seemed off today and she wants to have lunch tomorrow."

"What do you think she's upset about?" Garcia prompts in a judgement free tone.

You wipe at your brow with your forearm and smudge paint on your face.

"I think she's mad that I didn't get her permission before I got pregnant."

"That's her problem now, isn't it? You don't need her approval to do things and she'll have to learn to cope with that."

"I don't want her to learn that. I just wish she already knew that. I tried to talk to Reid about it and now he wants to talk to JJ. If they start fighting, I don't know what I'm gonna do."

"Why would she and Reid fight?"

You sit down on the floor and roll your paint roller against the foil tray on the hardwood. "Penny, do you ever get the feeling like Jayge still has a thing for Spencer?"

Now her focus is completely on you, roll of tape forgotten on the window sill.

Slowly and carefully, she tells you "She loves Will. I don't think JJ wants to marry Reid, but I think she doesn't want him with anyone else." She shrugs, "People hate change. JJ has probably thought of Reid as an option for her since he started at the BAU. Now he's off the table, and JJ is blaming you for that. It's scary to lose a safety net, no matter how much you don't need it or how unfair it is to keep it."

"I'm not taking him off the market." you mumble.

"You're not?" Garcia raises an eyebrow at you.

You forget the roller entirely. Rubbing your face with your hands, you explain that you're sticking with the "friends with kids" plan.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Penny."

"If he said he wanted a relationship with you, what would you say?"

You hesitate. "I don't know. We slept together last week."

"What?" she gasps.

"I don't know! My sex drive is back now and I've got all these hormones and my stupid body just reacts to him."

"Well, then what?"

"What do you mean? We slept together. I told you that."

"No, I mean after. You've obviously spoken since last week."

"We got Thai food and didn't talk about it."

"You didn't?"

"What did you want me to say?"

"How about "you're my best friend and we have sexual chemistry and I'm bearing your spawn so how about we get married?"'

"I am not going to marry him, Garcia."

"Why not?"

"JJ was shocked that he wanted a kid with me- she said he could never let another person in enough to get married." you say miserably.

Garcia throws her hands up. "Forget about whatever JJ said. She's biased, we've established that. Why aren't you going after him?"

"What if things change? What if we change? What if he stops acting like my best friend and then we break up and I have to leave the BAU and I don't have anybody-"

She sits down on the floor in front of you, and you're fairly certain that she got paint all over the back of her shirt when she crouched down. Her hands sit on your shoulders.

"Y/n, slow down. You can take things as slow as you need to, but I think that if you want to be with him, you need to start believing that it's possible. If things change, you can back out, no hard feelings. You can just be friends with a baby. But don't you owe yourself a chance with your best friend? If it goes horribly, you know our team would never let you get kicked out over something like a break up. If anything, they'd kick the genius out."

By now, you're teary. Sniffing you tell her "They'd never kick him out."

"Fine, they wouldn't. But they would lock him in an office with me and just patch him in when they have questions. Hotch wouldn't let you leave the team just because Reid can't be civil. He'd much rather pull Reid from the field."

You nod and think for a minute.

"What do I tell JJ tomorrow?"

"Depends on what she says to you. Just be honest and stand your ground. It's your life and your decision. I know it sucks now, but she'll come around."

"Thank you." you sniffle again. You desperately needed her words.

She pulls her hands from your shoulders to your cheeks and presses a kiss to your forehead.

"Anything for you, my love. But right now, you owe me some manual labor." She rescues the roller from it's minty, watery grave. "Ready?"

You take the roller from her. "I'm ready if you are."

A/N: I don't have any technical notes, but here are some thoughts

*right now, I'm sleeping in my teenagehood bedroom, which is, in fact, painted the palest mint green I could find

*My dad had a major photography hobby when I was a kid, so the house I lived in front birth-17 had literally hundred of photos on the walls and I miss it so much in the new house. everybody who came to my door always mentioned my giant photo wall. at this point its like my love language lol, filling my space with pictures of ppl that i love. i like to think garcia, with her office and closet of cheerful things, would think similarly

*if you're in love w your best friend good luck lol bc this shit is rough

I have a playlist for this story, maybe at some point ill make it public if yall are interested???

also happy tuesday!!!!! mwah

"We don't learn to love in a linear path, from self to family to friends to spouse, as we might have been taught. We learn to love by loving. We practice with each other, on ourselves, in all kinds of relationships." Adrienne Maree Brown