Crush

This is insane. Is it even possible to fall for someone you've just met?

I must be out of my mind. Maybe I just find her unique. Her smile is bright and genuine. Her eyes speak of pure innocence. I met a lot of girls when I was in mid-school, but none of them piqued my interest. Of all people, why would someone like her disturb my life?

"Puwede ba kitang tawaging Puppy? Kasi 'di ba Kitten ang tawag mo sa 'kin? Para quits na tayong may pet name sa isa't isa."

I like the way she talks to me. It's as if I could listen to her all day. She's carefree and clever, like a kitten. I feel free and more alive whenever I am with her. It was odd, but she brings me extraordinary comfort every time she smiles at me.

"You like her, don't you?"

Timothy's question caught me off guard. I sighed and looked away. Napainom ako ng alak. Tinabihan niya ako sa terrace. Hindi ko man lang napansin ang paglapit niya. It seemed like the thought of Divine made me unaware of my surroundings.

"I just find her adorable," I mumbled, trying to convince myself.

Timothy grinned. "You can't hide anything from me, Kuya. You just got her name tattooed on your chest. If it's not love at first sight, what could it be?"

"Since when did you become interested in my feelings?" I hissed.

He laughed. "You even got scared because you thought she was drowning in the pool. Hindi mo ba alam na muntik na niyang makita 'yang tattoo mo? You should thank me for covering up for you."

I rested my hand on the railings. I couldn't help it. Akala ko talaga nalulunod siya. My protective instinct made me jump to the pool to save her. I didn't even mind I just had a fresh tattoo on my chest. She scared me to death, and it was the first time for me to feel that way toward a girl.

"Okay, fine. I have a crush on her, but that's just it. She's too young for me. I'm turning twenty-one, and how old is she? She's barely fifteen."

I blew a deep breath. I can't believe I even got a permanent ink of her name on my body. I couldn't think straight. Her smiling face keeps popping in my mind. It was too late for me to realize what I have done.

Well, I guess this could be something to remind me of her. She's the first one to make me feel inferior about my age and my looks. I feel like I'm not good enough for her, but I like to be with her.

"There is nothing wrong with your age, Kuya. You just met her too soon."

I was surprised to hear something like that from my younger brother. He's already indeed a grown-up.

"You were always rough around the edges. Since when did you become sensible?" I told him.

Uminom din siya. It's half past nine in the evening. I'm tired but I can't bring myself to sleep.

"I know about a lot of things. Hindi mo lang napapansin. You were always busy."

Dad has been training me to run the business. Lagi ko siyang sinasamahan sa mga meetings niya. Madalas ako pa ang nakikipag-usap sa mga potential investors. Mabuti na lang nakabalik kami rito sa Pilipinas kahit sandal lang. I also think I need a break.

"Tell me. Do you think she will also fall for someone like me?"

My brother laughed a little.

"You are not confident? First time 'yan. But, how about Shelley? Dad and his friend have been putting you up together. Huwag mong sabihing wala ka talagang feelings para sa kanya?"

I emptied my glass and looked up at the sky. I never want to go back to the States, but we have no choice.

"Shelley is just a friend. I have no intention of dating her, let alone marrying her."

My brother sighed as well. "How about you? Who's Zia Lynn? Why did you ink her name on your chest as well? Don't tell me you're dating someone. I didn't see you hanging around with any girls when we were in the States," I queried.

"She's Divine's best friend." He then smiled like an idiot.

"What? Did you meet her friend? How?"

"I saw her picture in Divine's wallet."

I almost shrieked. "At ipina-tattoo mo na agad ang pangalan niya? You didn't even get to meet her. How could you?"

He tapped my shoulder like he was older than me. 

"I'm sure you understand me very well, Kuya. Besides, babalik ako rito after my studies. Kahit pigilan pa nila ako ni Dad. I'm sure I'm going to meet her when the right time comes."

I shook my head in disbelief. I'm a little envious of him. He can do whatever he wants. Minsan naihiling kong sana siya na lang ang panganay sa aming dalawa. Dad has been putting too much on my shoulders. He wants me to run the family business when he retires. I'm not even sure if I get to have time for dating in that case.

"So, are you going to tell her how you feel about her?"

I glared at my brother. "Do you want me to scare her? I can be accused of taking advantage. Besides, I don't want to entertain this feeling. Mawawala rin siguro ito kapag hindi ko na siya nakikita."

Right. This might be just a temporary affection. I can't like someone like her. She's too young for me. She wouldn't understand. I will just bring her unnecessary trouble.

"Do you remember our family's curse? Every Bustamante ends up with their first love. Who knows, you might end up with Divine someday."

"Naniwala ka naman? Nagkataon lang 'yon."

But deep inside I am hoping that it will come true. Kahit na mukhang malabong mangyari 'yon.

"I really can't like her. This has to stop. Babalik na tayo sa States in a few days."

I sounded helpless, but this is the only way for me to forget about her.

"I don't understand. Bakit mo naman pinipigilan ang sarili mo, Kuya? If you like her, then you like her. You don't have to tell her, because it's inappropriate. Pero hindi mo kailangang parusahan ang sarili mo. I wanted to stay for a few more days. Mauna ka na kaya?"

I gasped in between my breaths.

"You really don't understand. The more you like something, the more you will lose it. Because you will feel the pain when it's gone."

If I will stay here a little longer, I might fall for her even deeper. She can't be mine, and that will bring me more pain. I have to stay away and forget about her. I have to stop this affection before it could turn into something I couldn't control anymore.

"I can't believe I've heard such a thing from you, Kuya. Divine is pure and honest, I'm not surprised na nakuha niya ang atensyon mo. In that case, I will be rooting for her. You can ask Dad to revise his will and come back here with me after a few years."

"Easy for you to say, but you are not in my shoes. Ang problemahin mo kung paano mo mapabubura 'yang tattoo mo. You haven't met the girl yet. Are you sure she will like you back when the time comes?"

"This is permanent. This can't be erased. Besides, kung hindi niya ako magugustuhan may paraan naman ako para magustuhan niya ako. Don't underestimate what I can do, Kuya."

That rendered me speechless. I can't believe this lad has been bewitched by a woman he hadn't met his entire life. I'm just hoping he'll be happy with whatever decision he makes for himself.

"Let's leave for the States as planned. You can't change my mind," I just said.

I traced her name on my chest. If I do not end up with her in the future, I'd rather be single until I die. I feel helpless. I want to forget my feelings for her, but I also want to keep her in my heart. How can she drive me crazy like this?

Am I really out of my mind?

I felt jealous when I saw her being too close to my brother. I couldn't help it. I also want to get close to her and casually talk to her, but it feels like there's a line between us. I can't cross it. I'm afraid I might disturb her carefree world.

"Bye, Divine!"

Timothy bid her goodbye. I didn't.

I was afraid to look at her. I was afraid I might pull her into a hug. There's a part of me that wanted to stay with her a little longer, but my mind was telling me otherwise. I felt her looking at me while I was getting inside the car. It made me happy. I looked at Nanay Sol to avoid her innocent eyes.

"Mag-iingat kayo, hijo!"

I waved goodbye to Nanay Sol. I winced when I felt something gripped inside my heart. Nakita ko siyang tumakbo pabalik sa loob ng bahay nang maisara ko na ang bintana.

I thought I would feel relieved when we leave the country, but I was wrong. I kept thinking about her all the time. I can see her face everywhere I go. I can hear her voice even when I'm busy. I can't just get her off my mind.

Perhaps Timothy was right. Shyr Divine has already invaded my heart. She has already secured her spot before I could even realize it.

~~~

A/N: The rest of the special chapters will be available in the book. Please see pinned post on my Facebook page on how to order. 10 days left!

©GREATFAIRY