In a split second, all the heat in her body had been replaced by cold, blank horror. She turned around slowly, and found her worst suspicion confirmed.

"Cyril?! What-"

She could tell that his cheeks were probably about as flushed as her own, despite the fact that the transmitted video feed was tinted green. The flickering images and low resolution did not manage to hide the fact that he was very flustered indeed.

"Amy. We need to talk. In private," his voice resounded from the speakers, electronically distorted.

"That's sweet, but we were kinda talking in private here too, so, first come first serve, buddy," Nova chimed in, sounding oddly calm and composed about the situation.

"This is certainly more important than whatever the hell it was that you were doing there right now," Cyril snapped at him.

"Really now. Do I have to spell it out for you, what it was that we were doing?" Nova scoffed, pulling her into a tight embrace and glaring at Cyril over her head.

"Stop it! Both of you!" Null snapped.

She finally managed to snap out of her shock-induced paralysis, and shoved Nova away to climb off the control panel. As she turned around to face the projected image of Cyril fully, he threw her an odd look. It took her a second to realize that considering the layout of the video communication terminal it was most likely directed well below her face.

His gaze lingered there a bit longer than could still be considered accidental. Which was strange considering the man had probably seen her fully naked countless times during the numerous surgeries he had performed on her. But somehow, being before him in her bra right now and with him looking at her like that, she felt an odd mixture of anger and dreadful embarrassment. But her top had landed somewhere on the floor out of reach, and her urge to reach for it lost out against her urge to stay where she was and at least partially block Cyril's view on Nova's half naked body.

Nobody moved and an awkward silence descended. She stared back at the image of Cyril's face on the screen before her, her mind completely blank.

What should I say? What should I do? Lars, HELP! She yelled his name inside their mind.

Wow, he returned to her side slowly and lazily, as if he was getting up after a long nap, Now this... this is what I'd call awkward.

Not helpful! She snapped at him.

"So who's that guy, Pirate Queen, and why does he look like he wants to murder me?" Nova whispered close to her ear suddenly,  "Overprotective big brother? Stalker ex?"

He stood directly behind her back and put his arms around her to embrace her from behind as he spoke.

"He's my doctor..." she explained and shrugged off Nova's hands again.

"NC, to be precise," Cyril added icily.

She could feel Nova freeze up behind her.

"So that's how you...? I thought... they were all gone," he muttered in disbelief.

Everybody thought that there were no neuro-cyberneticists left. They were all presumed dead or retired, unable to practice after having been stripped and due to lack of hardware to work with. These days, only overly confident nano-engineers or very brave medical doctors attempted their hand at neuro-cybernetics, in places like Six and other rogue colonies - usually with moderate success at best.

Until they had found out about Blake and the Butcher, Null had thought the same. NCs had been among the first to be rounded up and stripped during the Purge. Some had refused, and had been killed. The rest had been hunted down relentlessly by the very organization whose headquarters they had blown to hell several hours ago.

Cyril was one of few, perhaps even the only remaining NC, who was able to do his job without possessing any hardware himself, so his skill set was especially sought-after. And while she had never fully understood the sheer extent of his loyalty to New Elysium, she knew that Cyril was serving Jack as much as Jack was protecting Cyril. That was why for all intents and purposes, everyone outside New Elysium believed that Cyril Harper was dead, and that there were no active neuro-cyberneticists left in known space.

Cyril seemed to realize his blunder that very moment, because the look of anger on his face turned into dismay.

Cyril, you idiot. Jack is gonna kill us if he finds out about this, Null thought.

Or he's gonna kill Nova. Lars added. Sorry. Not helpful, I know.

She threw Nova another glance over their shoulder, and her gaze fell on his scarred hands that he had curled into tight fists. A wave of guilt washed over her at the thought that without Cyril, their own left arm and hand would look like that too now, after their augments had fried on Hestia. She felt the sudden urge to apologize to him, although she didn't know for what exactly.

She gently put a hand on Nova's fist, "Nova... Listen, I-"

"Amy, I really need to talk to you," Cyril cut her off. "It's urgent."

"I bet it is," Nova mumbled.

He drew his hand away from theirs with a sigh, and for a moment she thought he was mad. But before he turned to walk away, he planted a brief kiss on their forehead and whispered to them to hurry up.

"Amy?" Cyril called out behind her, while she gawked after Nova in disbelief as he casually strolled through the door and left the bridge.

"Yes," she snapped her head around. "What?"

"You got hurt again..." he said and lowered his gaze.

"Huh? Oh, you mean these?" she looked down along their upper body that was bruised here and there, "It's... really not that bad."

He's concerned for us, Lars noted. That's cute.

He's hijacking our com channel unannounced, she concurred. That's creepy.

She fumbled for her shirt on the floor and quickly pulled it over her head again.

"No, I mean..." Cyril was clearly looking for the right words.

The expression on his face made her wary. She tugged the hem of her shirt down and eyed him suspiciously. She wished she could reach through the screen and grab his collar to shake him and make him spit out what was on his mind.

"Why did you call, Cyril? What's so important?"

"I saw your vitals drop several times over a short period of time, once or twice it even seemed like you were on the threshold of death," he suddenly blurted out. "The system report also showed an intense charge passing through the interface augments, and I-"

"What system report?" she cut him off. "What are you talking about?"

"The... eh.... system report...." he said sheepishly, "Of the remote tracking system... that I put into you during the last surgery."

For a second, she didn't understand a word. Then she thought she must have misheard. Then, the realization settled in.

"THE WHAT YOU DID WHAT WITH?"

"I'm sorry, okay? I knew you'd run off again to do something reckless, and I wanted to make sure that... well, I just wanted to make sure you'd be okay," he explained meekly.

"You put a fucking TRACKER in my body?" she yelled at him.

He backed away from the com terminal on his end. Even though there were lightyears between them, the look on his face was as if he expected her to jump through the screen and strangle him. And rightfully so.

Null, calm down, Lars said in a soothing voice. He only meant well... we did run off right after the surgery again. So he's not wrong.

That doesn't give him the right to-

No, it doesn't. But I'm certain he had no ill intent.

Then that's even worse, she explained.

She stared at Cyril, and slowly, her fury began to be drowned out by a dull and ugly feeling that she hadn't felt in a long while. It was disappointment and misery, mixed with dread.

Riga had no ill intent when he had Blake bring Evelyn back to life, she pointed out. And look what good that has done to everyone involved...

Null, this is nothing like what Riga did! Lars insisted, sounding almost angry. Riga was obsessed. Cyril is not like him.

And yet both men had done something to her that she would never have agreed to if given a choice, all with presumably good intentions.

I hate unwanted gifts, she growled internally.

"Listen Amy, I just wanted to-"

"Did Leah agree to this?" she cut him off.

Cyril shifted uneasily and evaded her gaze.

"Well... she knows about the system, but she didn't know that you don't. Or didn't, until just now." he stammered. "Amy, please... forgive me, but... I just wanted to see your face and make sure you're okay. I was so worried when I saw that data... What happened to you?"

She could feel the uncomfortable tingling behind her forehead that preceded a headache, and sighed heavily. She could certainly see what Lars had meant, and part of her could even understand Cyril's concern. She wasn't an easy patient, and she knew it. But she was beyond rational now. Too much had happened in the past hours, too much she had barely even found time to mull over herself and talk about properly with Lars. She was neither ready nor willing to talk to anybody else about it.

"You're right," she just said, forcing herself to sound composed. "I had another close encounter with death, but I'm okay again now. I'm certain you tracker could have told you as much."

"I... yes, that's true, but..." his voice trailed off and he scratched the back of his head, looking for words. "I'd really like to have another look at your augments in person, to make sure that they're integrated properly. So I wanted to ask you to come back and-"

"Thank you for the invitation, but I'll have to politely decline," she replied, "Good bye, Cyril."

She pressed the command to cut the feed, but nothing happened. She pressed it again, but it didn't react at all.

"Cyril, what the hell did you-"

"Wait, Amy, please! Just listen to me!" he begged her.

"Rutherford!" she called out angrily. "Cut that line!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that, ma'am," the AI's voice resounded through the room, "The feed carries a sub-signal that blocks me from accessing the com channel. But I will continue my efforts to find a work-around."

"You gotta be fucking kidding me," she growled.

That's not just creepy. That's fucking impertinent.

Cyril was fumbling for words. "I couldn't get through, so I-"

"I took the liberty to put all calls on hold because you seemed... busy, ma'am," Rutherford chimed in. "But the sub-signal circumvented the blockade, too."

Cyril had been about to say something else, but her furious look she threw him now made him snap his jaw shut again.

"Whatever. I've got no time for this nonsense," she grumbled and turned around to leave.

Behind her, Cyril called their name. He sounded worried and desperate, but she had no pity for him. She had no nerve for any of this right now. The tingling sensation behind her forehead had grown into a full-blown headache and she was feeling dreadfully cold all of a sudden. And at the same time, the knowledge that Cyril was sitting on New Elysium, light years away, monitoring her every fucking heartbeat, made her feel like a pair of eyes had their blazing hot gaze directed at her back at all times.

She barged out of the bridge, and as the door slid shut behind her and Cyril's voice calling out to her was blocked out, she took a deep breath. And then she spotted the reason for their headache.

A few meters down the corridor, Nova was leaning against the wall with his back to them. Even from behind she could immediately see that he was in pain. There was tension in his muscles and he barely seemed to be able to keep standing.

"Nova! What's wrong?" she called out.

She ran up to him, but she knew the answer to her question even before he turned around slowly. He was holding his nose, a thin trickle of blood seeping through between his fingers.

"Oh... no... Nova, you fucking idiot, what have you done?" she muttered.

His eyes did not seem to be able to focus properly as she took his face between their hands for a moment. His gaze was distant as she looked into his dark brown eyes. His pupils were so dilated they looked almost entirely black, but there was no white glow in them, his augments were offline now.

"Nothing..." he just mumbled.

He placed one hand over theirs on his cheek, leaning against the touch, and closed his eyes with a deep sigh. His skin felt hot against theirs, as if he was running a fever.

She had not noticed the connection being active before, but that was unsurprising considering the many other things she had felt. Now, a suspicion began to grow within her that perhaps not every thought of ridding themselves of their clothes had been hers. And for a brief moment, she considered the possibility that he had perhaps only done all that to make himself feel good.

Do you really think he'd do something like that? Lars asked.

I honestly don't know... she thought.

It seemed to her like the thought should have made her feel angry and offended, but instead it made her feel strangely sad and disappointed. And overall like an absolute idiot. But there were bigger issues to worry about than her hurt ego.

"We should get you back to the infirmary..." she mumbled.

"It's nothing, Pirate Queen, I'm fine," Nova replied in a slurred voice.

He's clearly not fine, Lars noted, sounding almost offended at Nova's attempt to convince them otherwise.

"You're a pretty bad liar for a master of bullshitting, Nova," Null remarked drily.

She put her hands on his shoulders to steady him and slipped under his arm to put it around their shoulders. But he straightened his back on his own, stretching to his full height and rolling back his shoulders.

"It's fine, really," he said softly with a smile on his lips, "Now that you're back...It's all better."

One moment, he looked down at them with a strange, absent-minded expression on his face. The next, he suddenly put his hands on their hips and pushed them against the wall. Lars surged to the forefront of the body reflexively, but neither of them were able to react. Their breath hitched and their heart skipped a few beats as Nova slipped one hand under their top and brought the other up to the side of their face as he leaned closer.

"So... why don't we go to your cabin and pick up where we've left off?" he whispered against their lips.

As he traced his fingertips along their jawline and down the side of their neck, a shiver of excitement coursed through their entire body. But she didn't need Lars to tell her that this was a very, very bad idea. Regaining control, she pushed Nova away at arm's length and looked up at him in disbelief, meeting his gaze.

"Are you completely insane?" she exclaimed, "Can't you see what this is doing to you?!"

"Well, there are a couple of things this is doing to me," he replied in a low and husky voice, "All of which we could much better discuss in your cabin..."

"Stop it, you idiot!"

She pushed him away, and he staggered back, looking down at them with a mixture of confusion and disappointment.

For a brief moment when she had touched him, the connection between them had flickered to life again, allowing her a glimpse at the true extent of his pain, beyond his slightly bruised ego. She gasped and almost stumbled. It felt like somebody was raking through his brain with a searing hot pitchfork. She had no idea how he managed to even keep on his feet, but she noticed now that his breath was shallow and it clearly took him effort to stand straight.

His pain was orders of magnitude beyond the tingling she felt on their own. Their own headache was such a pale shadow of his that she began to wonder if it wasn't all perhaps exclusively his bleeding over. And then a realization settled in.

I never should have let this happen, she thought. I should have known. I should have stopped him earlier. I should have realized it sooner. This... this is all my fault.

Your fault? Lars asked. How?

There was a reason Blue kept us isolated from the others during the fight on Six, she explained. Perhaps that wasn't just because the two voices would have confused them. And now, this connection... we're two minds in one body, Lars. That's already quite a lot to handle for my brain, and we have a CPU.  Without that...

Then it isn't your fault, but ours, Lars noted. But it's not like we have any control over it.

We don't have control, no, she thought, feeling a lump in their throat. But we have a choice...

Nova was still staring at her, and suddenly she couldn't bear looking him in the eyes any longer. She averted her gaze and bit her lip, trying to find the right words.

"This is me," she said in a low voice, "This is my fault...It's all my fault that you..."

"What are you talking about?" Nova asked.

Null, calm down, Lars said, sounding about as confused as Nova looked. It's not your fault, why do you think that?

"Don't you get it...?" she asked, unsure who she was actually addressing. "The connection, your pain... I'm doing this you and I-"

"Doing what to me?" Nova asked, "You're making me pretty crazy, alright. But other than that-"

"You asked about my flaws before? Well, there you have it. I hurt people. All the time. Everyone around me gets hurt, gets killed, or goes insane!" she blurted out, almost shouting at him.

"I really didn't mean that kind of crazy, Pirate Queen," Nova said sheepishly.

"I like you, Nova," she said, her voice dropping to a whisper. "I... we both do. But this... I cannot watch you getting hurt. Please. Go."

"Uh...What?"

He blinked at her in confusion, and the incredulous look on his face hurt almost as bad as his headache. Part of her had hoped that he would gladly take the excuse to leave. It would certainly have made things less complicated, and much less painful.

"Once repairs on your ship are finished, get as fast and as far away from me as possible," she reiterated.

With a frown on his face, he reached out to grab her hand, but she pulled away before he could hold on to her.

"Null. Please don't do this," he said in a low voice.

Having him address her by her name caused a shiver to run down their spine, and she regretted that she had ever told him. It only made it more painful to ignore him calling out to her as she turned around and walked away.

~ ~ ~

They were lying on their bed and looking up at the expanse of space beyond. Her mind was blank as she stared out into the black of space, but Lars could sense that on a deeper level, her thoughts where whirling and churning. He could sense something dark and destructive behind the veil.

Lars had difficulty understanding what exactly was going on. The flood of weird physical sensations he had been subjected to in the past hour still had him confused. He figured that about half of them, like their stomach being in a tight knot right now, were probably just physical manifestations of her emotions. According to their augments, they were physically fine. But Null clearly was clearly not fine.

I should have known that this was never going to work out, she said after a while. I mean... who am I kidding here... I was stupid to think I could...

Well, there's still Cyril, Lars said.

She didn't reply. It took him a few seconds to make sense of what she was feeling, and the full realization only hit him when the first tear dropped from their organic eye.

Oh... I'm sorry Null, I didn't mean to... I was just... he was stumbling for words. Oh no, please don't cry!

A feeling of dread and despair took hold of him as he realized what his stupid joke had done. He hadn't fully understood it before, that weird feeling in their chest. But now the fluttering sensation had turned into something resembling the pain of a blade tearing through their heart. A blade that was being twisted over and over again. He understood it perfectly well. It was the exact same feeling he experienced on the beach in their mind, when he had a heart of his own.

She was crying over the realization that she craved for something that she could not have.

Lars had just gotten a painful, brief glimpse at those sensations she was longing for. Even though her recollections were powerful, experiencing it in reality made her memories and dreams pale in comparison. He could barely begin to imagine what it could have been like to go all the way.

And for the first time ever since he had awoken with her, he wished he had never learned about any of these organic sensations at all.

For the next two hours, she shut herself off in a way that Lars had never seen before. It was as if she had grabbed everything that had been floating around in their mind and dragged it behind her side of the veil. He didn't know if she did it to keep it all closer to herself, or to keep it away from him, but it worried him. A part of him longed to talk to her on the beach, but another part of him knew that right now, it would probably make everything even worse. And he didn't know what to say anyway.

So he remained silent. Even when she suddenly got up from the bed and began to pace around the room. Even when she passed by their desk and her gaze fell on the shelf above it, where the necklace with the ring still sat, and more strange emotions began to flood her mind. She pulled those back and hid them behind the veil, too.

"Ma'am," Rutherford's voice resounded through the room, "I would like to inform you that Mister Nova has disembarked. We are ready to leave."

She didn't answer. She took the necklace into her hands and let the thin silver chain run through her fingers. It felt cold to the touch, but quickly warmed up. Lars remained silent, even as she put the necklace on, and left for the bridge.

When they entered the room, they spotted something strange about the ship's controls. As she approached, they realized that there was a piece of paper lodged into a gap between the interface panels. With a furrow on her brow, she pulled it out to unfold it. Silver-white dust trickled from the makeshift envelope, leaving a sparkling sheen on the interface panel. Inside, there was a Starseed flower in full bloom, the black seed pod embedded in its center glistening black. And on the inside of the paper, there was a message, scribbled in jagged handwriting.

I don't make promises I know I won't keep, but I never break the ones I make.
So if you ever need me, give me a call.
I'll have your back, come what may.
P.S.: Looking forward to our next date already. Can't think of many things to top blowing up the Reach, but knowing you, I bet you have another  fantastic and borderline insane idea in mind already.

He's still not giving up, Lars noted with a smile. That idiot.

As he broke the silence in their mind, a ripple danced across the veil inside their mind. The paper slipped from their fingers, and she sank to the floor. She leaned against the command terminal behind her back and cradled the flower in one hand, and moved the other to hold on to the ring that hung on the chain around her neck.

He regretted his words immediately, as he felt their organic eye well up with new tears.

It's impossible, her voice resounded through their mind, heavy with grief.

Despite the veil, he knew that she wasn't just thinking about Nova any longer. She thought about Nova and Cyril, about Riga and the hundreds of people they had killed, about Phil and Blue, and about Xenia and Neris. He finally understood why she was so reluctant to have an organic crew and pursue any kind of normal human interaction or relationship. Deep inside, she did not consider herself human any longer. Even after all this time, with every breath she took, she still felt like she was violating some fundamental laws of nature, merely through her existence. She felt like she didn't deserve any of it, any of this life, any happiness whatsoever.

Lars recalled what she had told him once, when he had told her that he only wanted her to be happy. Maybe I wasn't meant to be happy, in the way that other people are, she had said. He hadn't understood it back then, but know he did.

The sound of her quiet sobbing now filled Lars with equal parts misery and anger because he knew that he was the one who was responsible for all this. He thought again how he should have just left her, and the body, at some point after they had escaped from Riga's place. But he had gotten too attached to these sensations, had grown too fond of this body. He had grown too fond of her.

I'm sorry, Null, I-

Please don't, she cut him off.

Don't what?

Don't think about things like that... she whispered. About leaving me. Please, don't. You're all I've got, Lars.

Her words caused him to shudder, not just because she had apparently gathered more of his thoughts than he had been aware of.

And what good has that done to you so far? He asked her in a low voice.

She didn't answer. A faint noise startled them both, as from some maintenance hatch somewhere, Ensign Darwin appeared on the bridge. Lars had always known that cats were smart animals, but this one was particularly good at reading emotions. As Null looked up and met the cat's gaze, Ensign Darwin came over and climbed onto their lap. He placed his paws against their chest to stretch up and bonked his head against theirs forcefully.

The small gesture made her laugh. It was a soft sound, choked with tears. She pulled the cat into a hug and he cradled against her chest, purring softly. It eased her pain in a way that nothing else in the world could have achieved right now.

They sat on the floor in silence with Ensign Darwin for a while, until they could hear Higgs and Heisenberg enter the bridge.

"...you have to adjust the volume. You can't expect the man to tell you anything if he can't hear you ask the questions because his ear drums have ruptured," Higgs argued.

"Rutherford claims that the effect of high frequency harpinett tunes are lost at lower volumes," Heisenberg replied. "And it is said that these are the most effective."

"Yes, Heisenberg, but you want him to suffer just enough so that he will be grateful once you turn the music off. If you overdo it, he will go crazy. Then we won't get anything out of him at all."

"I don't understand," Heisenberg said meekly, "I cannot distinguish the subtle nuances of organic discomfort and pain-"

The two androids stopped dead in their tracks when they spotted them. It must have been an odd sight – their captain sitting on the floor with a tear-streaked face, cradling Ensign Darwin and holding a Starseed flower in one hand.

"Captain?" Higgs asked tentatively.

He pulled the spider legs at his back and the two appendages at his front close to his body, giving him an almost perfectly humanoid shape as he approached and bent down before them. Heisenberg appeared behind him, the lights on his faceless head flickering erratically.

"Clan Head? What happened to you?" Heisenberg asked, sounding agitated.

Neither Null nor Lars found the right words to reply. Higgs spotted the note on the floor and picked it up, but Heisenberg ripped it from his hands before he could read it.

"What has that foolish, infantile boy done now?!" he growled angrily, glancing over the note.

"Boy?" Higgs asked, confused. "Who-?"

"I think he is talking about Mister Nova," Rutherford chimed in, his voice resounding from the com system.

And I think he is not as bad as understanding organic pain as he thinks, Lars pointed out, and a bittersweet smile washed over their face.

Heisenberg made a sound that resembled a huff, and handed the note to Higgs.

"Milord, if you want me to kill him, just say the word," he offered.

"Kill him?" Null lifted her gaze and met the android's flickering lights that indicated determination and fury. A smile tugged at their lips at the sight. His disdain of Nova was strangely amusing.

"That's... very sweet of you, Heisenberg, but it won't be necessary."

"But he hurt you!" Heisenberg exclaimed.

"No, Heisenberg. Not more than I have hurt him..." she mumbled.

With a heavy sigh, Null got up from the floor, picking up Ensign Darwin along with her. She sank down into the Captain's chair, and the cat curled up on their lap again.

"Let's just get away from here," she said.

Higgs and Heisenberg exchanged a glance, but moved to man the ship's controls without questioning her order.

"Where to, Your Highness?" Heisenberg asked as he booted up the engines and a deep, low hum began to reverberate through the ship.

"I don't care," she said with a shrug. "Anywhere but here."

"Back to New Elysium?" Higgs asked.

"Anywhere but here or New Elysium," she corrected herself.

"I hear the colony on Delothia in the Berkesh cluster is particularly nice this time of their cycle," Higgs suggested, "White sand beaches, clear emerald water, and they make the best Mai Tais in this sector."

"Mai Tai? I don't have that in my database," Rutherford pointed out, sounding confused, "What is it?"

"You know how to brew fifty different types of black tea but don't know what a Mai Tai is?" Higgs scoffed.

"There's a type of sniper rifle called Manta-i, it was quite popular during the rebellion in the Jelon system," Heisenberg chimed in, "Due to its ability to withstand the humid climate on the colonies there."

"It's a cocktail, bullet brain!" Higgs exclaimed, "A human beverage!"

Null smiled at their bickering, and Lars noted with relief that the violent storm behind her side of the veil had calmed down a bit.

In the end, nothing has changed, she pointed out, Amy Larsson is still probably the craziest catlady in known space.... With an android crew just as insane as herself.

Ensign Darwin was still purring in their lap as she scratched him behind his ears, but he was on the verge of falling asleep. The soft vibration of the cat's purr and the ships engine were making them feel drowsy as well, despite the fact that they had slept twenty hours not too long ago. Perhaps a vacation was really what they needed. A break from all this insanity of their life as a space pirate.

From the corner of their eyes, Lars saw how Higgs noted the Starseed flower on the floor and picked it up. Seemingly unsure what to do with it, he placed it at the center of the control terminal, where it sat right below the view of the real stars outside.

Nothing has changed, Lars thought, and yet everything is different.