39. House Call

            The door slid open, blinding me with sunlight and a roar of cheers. I opened my eyes to see the entire district jumping for joy, hollering. Mechanically, I walked off the train only to be bombarded by a cheering crowd. They all patted me on the back, some shook my hand, and others were commending me on my bravery and strength in the arena. I really didn’t deserve all the credit, Johanna needed some for herself. But maybe she didn’t want the attention, so I didn’t bother to shove any her way.

            “Great job in the arena!”

            “Way to beat the odds!”

            “You’re a hero to us!”

            Those were just some of the compliments that were thrown at me, though the last comment about being a hero—that was debatable. Johanna and Jade flanked me, trying to control the frenzied crowd. I tried to smile at those who beamed at me.

            “Give her some space,” Jade bellowed, waving people back. “Victor of the Hunger Games coming through!”

            “Jade,” I whined.

            “Sorry.”

            “Don’t bombard her now,” Johanna snapped. Some people backed off instantly the moment they saw her. I bet some people were reminded of how fierce Jo could really be and decided to not get on her bad side. Somehow, Johanna and Jade made the crowd clear a path for me so I could move along without any problem. I couldn’t imagine what would happen if I was left to wander through the crowd alone.

            I scanned around me, hoping to find Dad and/or Troy. I wanted to be with them. I wanted to be with my family.

            “Bridget!” called a voice.

            The crowd soon became normal again, and I searched for the voice. I could still feel eyes on me from fellow district dwellers.

            “We’ll leave you to your family reunion,” Jo whispered behind me. “Enjoy it, Bridget. You earned it.”

The moment I saw Troy and Dad, I ran to them while Johanna and Jade headed for the Victors’ Village, my next destination. They both embraced me, and I sobbed into them. I was home, safe in the arms of my family. I felt one of them—I wasn’t sure who—quiver.

            “Nice job out there, kid,” Troy choked. I heard him sniffling.

            “Oh my gosh, you’re crying!” I whimpered, wiping his escaped tears. “This is new for you.”

            “I’ve just been so worried about you—every day you were in those Games…I thought I was going to lose you, sis.”

            “But you didn’t.” I grinned.

            “Somehow we knew you could do it,” Dad said. “Everybody else in the district doubted you, but you did it! You showed them that you’re stronger than you look.”

            “I owe a bit of that to you guys. If it wasn’t for you both, I don’t think I would’ve been able to make it.”

            “I bet your mother is proud of you, sweetheart. We certainly are.”

            Thinking of Mom, I knew what she’d say: That’s my strong girl. I’m proud of you, baby. The thought of her not being able to celebrate with us made my face fall. When I thought of her, my mind went to Daniel. He could’ve been here in the arms of his family. That was a goal of ours: to both make it out alive. Only half of it was accomplished.

            “What’s wrong, kid?” Troy asked.

            “It’s just…” I blinked back tears fiercely. “Dan…he’s gone. He and I were s-supposed to m-make it out t-together…”

            “It’s okay, it’s okay,” Dad crooned as I couldn’t hold back my tears any longer. “He’s in a better place than he ever could’ve been in that arena. You did all you could for him, Bri. Nobody is blaming you for his death, so you shouldn’t either.”

            “I’m not. W-where’s Ewan?” I wiped my eyes. “Where’s Dan’s family?” I looked around for them now.

            “He’s been going through a hard time, Bri. They all have,” Dad said carefully. “They figured it was best to for Ewan to stay home and avoid all the madness.”

            “I need to go see him,” I decided immediately.

            “Whoa, not right now,” Troy stopped me.

            “Why not?” I panicked. Was Troy about to tell me what my worst fear was, that Ewan didn’t want to see me anymore?

“We’ve got other things to do first.”

            “Like?”

            “Move into the Victors’ Village of course!” I let out a silent breath of relief.

            “Wait, you said ‘we,’” I realized. “Does this mean my big brother is staying with us?”

            “Until something unexpected happens, yes.” He grinned.

            I would’ve given a squeak of joy, but I couldn’t muster the strength to do so. All I wanted right now was to not move from our home into the Victors’ Village. I just wanted to lie down in my bed and try to overcome the shock and the terrible images that I knew would forever haunt me.

            Dad and Troy kept to my sides as they helped me back to the house. Since I couldn’t make myself function properly, Troy helped me to my room, where I sat on my bed, hugging myself. I stared into space, images of the Hunger Games from the reaping until the Games were over flashed by. I was oblivious as to what my dad and Troy were doing. All I could see were so many images: me being reaped, followed by Daniel; meeting Johanna, who looked to have a stone heart; the opening ceremonies, where we tributes were dressed up to be shown off like livestock at a fair; the Training Center, learning crucial skills and trying to form some sort of alliance; the interview with Caesar; when the Games first began, and how it was a constant roller coaster ride from there…

            A soft knock on my wall made me thankfully snap out of my daze. Troy was in the doorway, looking concerned.

            “Time to go, squirt,” he said softly. “We’ve got everything packed. All we’ve got to do is hike on up to the Village.”

            “Packed already?” I asked. “We must’ve not had much. You might as well carry me there, because I don’t think my legs will do that on their own.” My voice fell into a whisper.

            “Everything’s going to be okay, Bri.” Troy came to sit on the edge of my bed. It squeaked under his weight. “We’re starting over. I know it’s hard for you, but for right now, you have to be in the present. I know you’re still in the past, I can see it in your eyes.” Troy knew his baby sister all too well. That was the thing I liked about Troy, he understood me better than Dad did.

            “I don’t want to let go of the past, though. I mean, I do for certain reasons of course, but…you know why I don’t want to forget it just yet,” I whimpered. Letting go of the past was letting go of Daniel. I wasn’t quite ready to do that yet. Actually, I don’t think I could ever let Dan go if Ewan was still around. Dan was a part of his brother, and that was something I couldn’t erase.

            “It’s going to have to happen sometime,” Troy said carefully. “Now, come on. The Village awaits.”

*            *            *

            Troy and Dad made themselves at home in the house we moved into. I couldn’t, not yet. I still wanted to see Ewan. I didn’t care if I had to walk there, because I would. I wanted to see him, see how he was doing. I was pretty sure he wasn’t doing so well, given the circumstances his family was going through at the moment.

            I slipped out of the house before Troy or Dad knew I had disappeared. By the time they’d figure it out, I’d be gone. I fast-walked as quickly as I could. Finally, their home was before me. I knocked, and Mrs. Kinsley let me in. She was a kind woman, she was where Dan and Ewan got their blue eyes from, their dad the hair. Mr. Kinsley was out working, so it was just the Mrs.

            “How is he?” I whispered as I searched for the pathway to his room.

            “Not well,” she replied gravely. “He hasn’t been the same since Daniel’s…passing.” I saw her flinch.

            “I want to see him...if that’s alright. I’ll understand if you don’t want me here—”

            “No, it’s alright. His room is down the hall.”

            “Thank you.” I started to walk down the hall, but she stopped me.

            “We know you tried your hardest to save him,” she murmured. “Don’t blame yourself for losing him.” It was like she assumed that I was. I hadn’t blamed myself for his death when in the arena, why would I suddenly now?

            “If there’s anything we can do to help, let us know.” My family and the Kinsleys were tight. We were always there for each other, like one big family. The family just lost another member; my mother had been the first.

            I continued and found Ewan’s room. His doorway was open. He sat on the bed, head in his knees. I almost let a sob escape me on the spot. I knocked on the doorframe.

            “I don’t need another speech,” he mumbled. “I’d rather be alone, like I told you before.”

            “It’s me,” I whispered.

            Slowly, Ewan’s head perked up. I had almost choked out Daniel’s name, but stopped myself. Dan wasn’t alive; he wasn’t back home in 7 like I was. I was surprised Ariel wasn’t in Ewan’s room trying to comfort him. That showed how much she really cared about him.

 It was awkward, staring at each other for minutes in silence. Ewan looked as if he was debating on whether or not this was real. Then it was as if we both were on the same brainwave, because he and I hugged each other.

            “I really missed you,” he mumbled into my hair. I don’t think he’s mad at me. Let’s keep it that way.

            “I’m so sorry,” I whimpered. Angry tears leaked from my eyes. “I tried my hardest to save him.”

            “I know. I’m not mad at you.”

            “Y-you’re not?” I looked up at him.

            “No. Bri, you tried. You couldn’t control what happened. What could you have done anyway? There wasn’t anything you could use to help him. I’m glad, you know, for you doing what you did for him. If you weren’t there, I don’t think anyone would’ve done anything for him.”

            “I’m glad I did it. Let’s sit,” I suggested. We both sat on the bed. “What’s happened? Surely I missed quite a bit.”

            “A lot.” He chuckled dryly.

            “Wait, why isn’t Ariel here? I thought she’d be trying to cheer you up.”

            Ewan winced at his girlfriend’s name.

            “I broke up with her,” he mumbled.

            “You did?” My voice didn’t mask my shock.

            “Yeah.”

            “W-when did this happen?” I wanted some details!

            “Not long after Dan’s death.”

            “Why do I get the feeling there’s a story to this?” I said uneasily.

            “There is. It started when they showed you with him until his death. Ariel was with me at the time, Mom and Dad were out—your dad was a very nervous wreck, not even your brother and his girlfriend were enough to calm him down. We never did anything except watch the Games. Do you know what Ariel told me when we saw Dan dead? She told me, ‘That’s the best thing that ever happened to this family.’ And she tried to pull it off as a joke,” he spat coldly.

            My mouth dropped. How could Ariel be so heartless, saying something so evil and then try to pass it off as a joke? If she was here, I’d kill her. That would be the best thing that ever happened to the Kinsley family. I always got the feeling that girl was trouble. I was glad he let her go, realizing what a monster he had been dating.

            “That’s horrible,” I sympathized.

            “I lost it. I yelled at her. She thought I was overreacting, but I know that she knew she had said the wrong thing. I told her that we were through and I kicked her out. She didn’t cry, she just said I lost a good thing. She was probably crying when she got home so she would make me think that she was strong,” Ewan continued. “Dan was right, she wasn’t good for me.”

            “I think we all knew that, you just didn’t realize we were right,” I said carefully. “What happened after?”

            “I told my parents about everything, and I ended up rooting for you. I lost my brother; I didn’t want to lose you. At least I got that wish—that I didn’t lose you both. And ever since Dan’s death, I’ve felt…different, like I’ve changed.” He looked at me.

            “How so?” I asked hesitantly.

            “I don’t want to say.” He pulled his gaze away from me.

My brows furrowed. “Ewan, you already spilled a lot. You might as well give me the rest.”

            “You’ve heard enough,” he growled.

            “No, I haven’t,” I said stubbornly. “Tell me what’s wrong if anything.” Ewan didn’t meet my eyes. He looked around the room and down at his feet. My brows knitted in determination. “You didn’t hurt yourself, did you?”

            “No!” His gaze snapped to me. “Why would you think that?”

            “I was guessing!”

Ewan sighed irritably, putting his head in his hands.

“I’ve felt nothing but extreme guilt,” he snarled. “I should’ve taken his place in the reaping; I wouldn’t have lost him then.”

            “But he could’ve lost you, and I would have too,” I said quietly. “It’s bad enough knowing and seeing him die in my arms, but to think of you being in his place…it’s just as bad. I should be the guilty one out of the two of us.”

            “Why you?”

            If anyone knew the answer to a question I had about Daniel, Ewan would be the right person to get the answer from.

            “Do you mind if I ask a question about him?”

            “We’re talking about him, so I think you can.” Ewan picked his head up.

            “When did you know?”

            “Know what?”

            “That—that he was in love with me,” I choked. If anybody would know about Dan’s love situation, it would be his twin brother.

            “Oh.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “A while.” I stared at Ewan until he gave me an exact amount of time. “A few years.”

            “Why did he never attempt to make me feel that way about him?” I probed carefully, wringing my hands.

            “He didn’t want to risk your friendship.” Ewan shrugged. “He was afraid you’d want to friend-zone him forever.”

            “I would’ve given him a chance,” I said. “All he had to do was get the courage to say it to me. I would’ve listened.”

            “That’s what I told him, that you’d listen, but he was afraid you wouldn’t.”

            “I wouldn’t have turned him down.”

            “I know you wouldn’t have. You’d never hurt him.”

            “I did in the end, ignoring all the obvious signs. I must have a disability when knowing that someone loves me more than just like family.” There was a pregnant silence between us. “I think this is therapeutic for us,” I realized. Ewan looked at me in befuddlement. “Talking about him.”

            “Can we move onto something else?” he asked carefully.

            “Sure.”

            “Am I not going to see much of you anymore now that you’re a victor and live in the Village?” he teased.

            “I doubt it,” I said honestly. “You’ll still see me. Besides, you’d go insane if you couldn’t see your best friend.” I playfully punched his arm. “I made the walk out to see you, so I have no doubt you’ll still see me. Of course, I’ll be on the Victory Tour for a while—but after that, I’ll be here for good.”

            “I’m glad you’re back home, Bri.”

            “I am, too.” I hugged his arm, resting my head on his shoulder. I closed my eyes, enjoying being with Ewan again.

            I was too busy relaxing with Ewan that I nearly yelped when lips covered mine suddenly. They were extremely cautious. I picked my head up, actually going with this. What is this? Pull back, pull back! I didn’t pull away too quickly, but I still pulled away.

            I looked into Ewan’s eyes. I looked at him in disbelief. Maybe visiting him was too soon. Maybe I should’ve waited a while. If he was trying to make himself forget Ariel, this wasn’t the way to do it. He couldn’t be in love with me like Daniel had been. I couldn’t see it. Unless he used Ariel as a cover-up…no, that didn’t seem possible. Ewan had gotten together with her because he liked her. Maybe he’s not thinking straight.

            “I shouldn’t have come,” I whispered, scooting away from Ewan. His sea blue-gray eyes were panicked. “I should’ve known better. This was a bad idea.” I rose, ready to bail out on this awkward moment before it got any worse.

            “Wait, Bridget!” Ewan called. He grabbed my hand, making me stop in my tracks. I turned to look at him. Ewan was standing, too, looking at me with pleading, big eyes. “I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to do that. I don’t know what came over me.”

            “I should really go—” I pressed. The last thing I wanted was to stick around longer for Ewan to try and make our friendship have a wedge in it.

            “No. Don’t.” Ewan’s voice got extremely gentle and low. “Please. Not yet. I promise I won’t do anything out of line again.” I looked at him suspiciously. “Please, Bri. I’m asking you as your best friend to stay with me.”

            “For how long?” I dared to ask.

            “For as long as you want to, just as long as you don’t go right away.”

            I pondered the idea. I still had daylight left, and if I did stay over, I bet Mrs. Kinsley would let my Dad know that I had snuck over here to talk to Ewan. Dad wouldn’t care as long as he knew where I was.

            “Okay,” I finally whispered. Ewan let go of my hand and crawled onto the bed. A little uneasy still, I clambered on too, Ewan taking me in his arms. I was a little tense, but Ewan never tried to kiss me or make any moves on me again, just like he promised. “Just make sure your parents let my dad know that I’m here. The last thing I want is for him to run around screaming for me to come home.” I giggled.

            “I’m sure your dad will know where you are if my parents don’t notify him,” Ewan murmured.

            The awkward moment and tension between us eventually dissolved. This was crucial for us both in order to cope with everything that happened. Ewan and I needed this. We would move on, we’d get through our problems together.