38. The Road Home

       “…have any chance at boarding the train, hurry up and get packed!” Jade pushed me. She was practically shoving me through the door. She definitely didn’t want me to miss the train. Johanna, Harper, and Alden filed in after us. Not wanting to get nagged by Jade further, I jumped into my room and packed…what? What was there to pack?

            Realizing there was nothing to pack; I entered the main room where Alden, Harper, Johanna, and Jade were all waiting for me. They all stared at me. Harper looked to be in near tears.

            “Aren’t you all coming with me?” I asked.

            “I’m afraid not,” Alden said sadly. “Harper and I are going to stay here.”

            “Why?”

            “I have to stay here and work on your Victory Tour outfits.” Alden smiled. “Harper wants to help.”

            “It’ll give me something to do,” Harper piped. “I need to keep busy. If I want to find a job in fashion after the Tour, it’s better to home in my skills now rather than later.” She looked down at her hands that she wrung.

            “And what about you?” I looked at Jade. “Where are you going to be after all this is done?”

            “Who knows?” She shrugged. “Back in the Capitol probably, trying to find work.”

            “I bet anybody would love to hire you.” I grinned. Jade’s lips twitched up into a thin smile.

            “Oh, before I forget…” Alden muttered. He trotted to the couch and picked up an outfit bag. I shook my head at him. “Just a homecoming outfit. Need to look your best when you’re back in District Seven. Don’t open it until you’re close to home.”

            “I won’t, I promise,” I vowed, taking the bag from him. Alden hugged me, squishing the bag between us. With a squeak, Harper flitted to us, making it a group hug. Even though I was still in my post-Games outfit, I felt comfortable in their embrace. I felt like I was leaving family, because I was attached to them both. “I’ll never forget either of you.”

            “I would think not. We’ll see you in a month or two,” Harper sobbed. I rubbed her arm. Johanna touched my shoulder.

            “Ready to go?” she asked. I nodded.

            It took some effort by Alden to restrain Harper from tagging along with Jade, Johanna, and I, but he managed to keep her confined to the apartment as we three left. As we headed for the elevator, my heart thumped. I was close to home that I could almost see it. I knew being back home wouldn’t be the same, with the fame and all. But I knew what would make living back in 7 difficult: being able to look at the Kinsley family and only see three members instead of four.

            While the elevator made the quick descent to the ground floor, my thoughts went to Ewan. I didn’t want to think about how miserable he was ever since he saw his twin die in the arena. I wondered if he felt guilty for not volunteering for Daniel. If I ever got the courage to visit that family again, I’d definitely have to ask him. But if he was thinking about that, he was probably punishing himself for not doing so when the chance presented itself.

            With a light hand on my back, Johanna urged me out of the building and to the train—the train that would take me back home to District 7. I swallowed, trying to ignore all the clicks and flashes of the cameras that hoarded me. Johanna tried to back them away from me. She knew that I had been through a lot and didn’t want the attention right now. She understood—she was a victor herself.

            We were the last district victor group to enter the train. The clicks faded behind the closed train doors.

            “Insane people, paparazzi are,” Jade snorted as the train slowly moved under our feet. “Always hungry to snap a picture of a celebrity.”

            “I don’t feel like one,” I mumbled as we found our familiar part of the train. I shifted the outfit bag in my arms. “I just feel exhausted.”

            “Oh, of course! I’m sorry for my babbling, Bridget,” Jade whimpered. “You can go to bed.”

            “When do you think the train will be in Seven?” I asked them.

            “Probably by morning,” Johanna mused. “Don’t worry; we’ll be notified when we’re within a half hour of Seven.”

            “Are we the first stop?”

            “Yes, lucky us.”

            I was going to reach home first. That was a good thing for me, sort of. As delighted as I was to be going home, life wouldn’t be the same for me. I’d have to go back to my normal life—which wouldn’t be normal anymore, not if Daniel didn’t exist. When I’d step foot on District 7 soil, my life would be different.

            My life had been different enough in being reaped for the final Hunger Games. I wondered if things would ever settle down and seem normal ever again. Of course things will, I tried to convince myself. I wouldn’t truly find that answer out until I got older—much older.

            Tired, I sauntered into the bedroom compartment, lay the outfit bag under my bed, got dressed for bed, and slipped in. I kept wriggling uncomfortably on the mattress. I didn’t have this much discomfort on the bed in the apartment. I had the sense of déjà vu again, not being able to adjust.

 I was going to have to adjust to things all over again.

***

            District 7 was just beyond the train doors. Blood was pounding in my ears nervously. I didn’t know why I was so nervous, I was home. I was separated by a sliding door from my birth place. I could hear the cheering crowd outside, just dying to get a close up of me for the first time since the reaping.

            When the door slowly slid open, the cheers intensified. Whistles and applause flooded my ears. I gave a smile, but it wasn’t genuine. What I wanted right now was just avoid the homecoming by 7 and go back to my house. As I got congratulated, shook hands, and received pats on my back, I maneuvered through the crowd.

            My fan base was still cheering even after I made it out through the crowd. I slipped away back to my home, where Dad and Troy waited for me. Squeaking a happy sob, I leapt into their embrace.

            “Great job, sweetheart,” Dad said. “You did us proud.”

            “Honestly, kiddo,” Troy mumbled, “I thought we were going to lose you. But we didn’t.” He smiled. “You’re a hero to some of us; those people out there adore you. Dad, we’ve got a celebrity in the family!”

            “I don’t think so,” I said.

            “Your mother would be proud of you,” Dad whispered.

            “I think I want to go see Ewan,” I suddenly decided.

            Dad and Troy looked at me, then at each other. My head tilted to the side. They knew something I obviously didn’t. They both looked solemn. “What do you two know that I don’t?” My voice quivered slightly.

            “He doesn’t want to see you,” Dad said gently.

            “What?” I squeaked. “Why not?”

            Dad and Troy looked at each other again. Why did Ewan, one of my best friends, not want to see me? Was it because of Ariel, who didn’t want him to hang around other girls? I’d kill her, because he and I were best friends long before he met her. Or was it because of Daniel’s death in the arena that he didn’t want to see me?

            “What happened?” I demanded. “I can take it. You saw what I faced for the past eighteen days!”

            “Well,” Troy started, rubbing the back of his neck, “we all came together most of the time to pull for you and Daniel to win the Games. They stopped coming when he died. Then when we all saw that you were a victor, his dad told us that if you asked about him that we should tell you that he didn’t want to see you.”

            “But why is what I’m asking,” I pressed. “Did his dad tell you the reason why or not?”

            “He did,” Dad croaked. “Ewan believes that you are the reason Daniel isn’t back here with you.”

            “WHAT?” I shrieked. Dad and Troy both jumped at my outburst. “That’s insane! I did everything I could to keep him safe! There wasn’t much that I could do when he was dying! The best I could do was make him comfortable! But I guess Ewan doesn’t remember that part of the Games at all!” I paced furiously around the house, muttering to myself.

            I couldn’t believe this. Just because Daniel died, Ewan blamed me for his twin’s death? What could I have done? I had nothing to heal him with because the pack was demolished in the explosion! I wasn’t a doctor, so I couldn’t just whip out the right medicine to cure Dan and save his life!

            “We really didn’t want to break it to you, squirt,” Troy said carefully. “But it was better if you knew now rather than when you decided to visit over there.”

            “Well I’m never going to again,” I spat, stopping my pacing. I breathed heavily through my nostrils. “I would’ve expected Ariel to suggest he never see me again because she’d be a jealous bitch.”

            “Bridget!” Dad scolded me.

            “Oops, sorry.” I blushed. I had been on such a verbal rampage that I had almost forgotten that my dad didn’t tolerate foul language in the house. Oh well, he and Troy could get away with it—but not me? I wasn’t getting younger, I had the right to let slip a few bad words every now and again.

            “Maybe this was a bad thing to bring up,” Troy considered. “I mean, you just came back home from one of the most grueling experiences nobody wants to go through, and you’re trying to cope with his death still.”

            “If Ewan wants no part of me anymore, then I guess that means he and I aren’t friends,” I concluded, shrugging. “Fine. He can mope around all he wants. I don’t want him to come crying to me when he realizes what a jerk he is!”

            With Troy and Dad not bothering to calm me down, I stomped right into my room. I kept the door open, jumped on my bed, and curled into a ball. First Daniel died in my arms, and now Ewan blamed me for his death, terminating our friendship.

Things definitely did not get better on the first day back of being home.

***

            I almost had to pry my eyes open with my hands; my eyes were stubborn to open. I looked around in the dark room. The sheets were tangled up all around me, almost entirely off the bed. I didn’t know how long I had been out—I didn’t even remember falling asleep. I didn’t feel like I had been asleep for very long, because it felt like not too long ago I was getting ready for bed.

            “I’m over thinking this,” I mumbled to myself. “Nothing drastic like that will happen. I’m just jumping to the worst scenario possible. I have to think positive.” I tried to think positive; it wasn’t working out for me.

            Snarling, I tried to get comfortable once again. I didn’t want to have a dream like that again. That would not be what would happen when I’d set foot back in 7. Things would be much different. At least, I hoped they’d be.

*       *       *

            Jade got me up early the next morning because I had an hour left until the train stopped at District 7. I almost threw a pillow at her because I felt extremely irritable like a bear being woken up during hibernation. Somehow, I managed to get my lazy ass out of bed. I stared at Alden’s outfit bag me passed onto me last night just before leaving for the train. A quick shower wouldn’t hurt, I considered.

            A bunch of emotions were swimming in my body as I steamed up the bathroom. I was excited because I wouldn’t have much left to do with the Hunger Games for a while, nervous because I wasn’t sure what would be ahead for me, and extremely fatigued because I never caught up on my sleep since I had been reaped for the Games. Hopefully everything would work out fine, my fame would die down, my future would be bright, and I would be caught up on my sleep (if that even seemed to be possible).

            Alden’s homecoming outfit for me was something I’d wear on any given day: a dark blue shirt with cotton Capri’s. Add in a pair of sneakers and my tribute token and the outfit seemed pretty casual. I guess that what was he was shooting for. I personally didn’t mind looking normal. I wasn’t really in the mood to arrive home in 7 in a dress and heels.

My hair was dripping wet when I made it to the breakfast table. The table had shortened considerably. A lot of food was on the table. Jade welcomed me with a warm smile while Johanna was in the middle of eating. I sat down, grabbing a good amount of food. The only upside to these whole Games was definitely the food. Of course, being in the arena for eighteen days with little to make do with, any food was good food. I was lucky I hadn’t overflowed my plate, because the minimum that I took was enough to fill me up, though I was considering seconds.

            When the five minute mark came about until arrival, Johanna, Jade, and I all left to go stand at the doors. Jade fixed my hair up for me: a ponytail braid. For some reason, this was weird for me. I had always imagined myself brought back to the district in a body bag or something, if the Capitol was ever an ounce of nice. I had the goal of coming out alive, but I never expected to achieve it.

            I knew for a fact that the torture I underwent in the arena was just the beginning. I knew for a fact I would be haunted for a long time, possibly for life. I couldn’t even explain how it felt to be in that arena, to see the things I saw, to do the things I did. Being in the Games is one of those experiences where it’s impossible to describe unless you actually live through it. Nobody could truly know what I had gone through unless they participated in the Games themselves. The only person who understood what it felt like was Johanna.

            I can’t believe it. No more Hunger Games. The full impact of it just hit me. There would be no more reapings, no more children being picked to kill each other, no more families having to watch the Games every night in fear that their child might be killed. All of that was finished for good. This was a sign that President Nolan was doing something right, by ending the Games.

            When the train stopped at District 7, I inhaled deeply. Time to be welcomed home, I thought tiredly.

            “You ready?” Jade whispered to me.

            “I don’t know,” I whispered. “I should be, but I don’t feel like I am.”

            “It’s because you have to readjust again,” Johanna mused.  “You never feel the same once you’ve won the Games. I would know.”

            “Now that the Games are over, there’s no reason for districts to rebel against the Capitol, right?” I asked carefully.

            “I see no reason for them to.” Johanna folded her arms over her chest, staring at the train door. “After all, it’s not like the thing you, Sutton, and Seraphine did was to defy the Capitol.”

            “I bet some people saw it that way.”

“Nah, not if this is the last Hunger Games. People will think of this as a gracious gift from the Capitol.”

            “It’s funny,” I sniffed, “I always pictured this as just a dream, winning the Games, Daniel by my side…ready to be w-welcomed b-b-back…” I covered my mouth, shutting my eyes. Jade hugged me, shushing me gently.

            “I bet he’s proud of you, Bridget,” Johanna said softly, rubbing my shoulder. “I miss him, too. You two are the children I never had.”

            The train squeaked to a halt under our feet. The cheers were muffled by the door that separated us. My heart thumped. This was it. I was pretty much home. I quaked in Jade’s arms, not from fear, but from excitement. I wasn’t excited because of the attention I would get, but the fact that I’d get to see Troy and Dad again. I’d be able to live in the house…

            “Wait a second,” I realized. “I get to live in the Victors’ Village now…”

            “You do,” Johanna agreed. “You’ll get to be my neighbor. Your family can move in with you as well. As long as you’re there, they can stay with you.” I knew Dad and I would be in that house, Troy…not so much. He had a girlfriend, and he was out on his own.

            “I wish I didn’t have to leave you, Jade,” I sniffed.

            “Oh, honey, don’t worry about me,” Jade murmured. She finally stopped hugging me.

            “She’s going to live with me,” Johanna said. Jade and I both looked at her in shock.

            “Really?” Jade gasped.

            “Mhm.” Johanna bobbed her head. “I’ve got lots of space in the house, lots of spare rooms. You can take one if you like.”

            “Oh my gosh, Jo, that’s so nice of you!” Jade squealed. “I think you and Daniel made her soften up more than you think.” Her lips were at my ear. I snorted a laugh.

            Now I wondered if Johanna was willing to give up more spare rooms for Alden, Harper, and my prep team, or maybe even Daniel’s. I bet it’d drive Johanna crazy, but if she softened up as much as Jade thought she did, Johanna would give them a room of their own.

            “Ready to bask in your homecoming?” Johanna asked me.

            I shut my eyes, inhaling. Only seconds away from home, just moments away from breathing in that woodsy scent that I lived with all my life.

            “Yeah,” I whispered.