37. Looking Back

       It seemed everybody except for Aria, Farah, and Nadine was in the waiting area backstage before the interviews with me. Sutton’s and Seraphine’s groups were there as well. We were all too into our personal groups that we never bothered to acknowledge each other. That’d change once we would be interviewed.

            Harper kept trying to make last minute adjustments on me. I kept fidgeting away from her.

            “Harper, I’m fine,” I said irritably. “Nothing is out of place!”

            “You have a black streak on your face. Have you been crying?” Harper grabbed a tissue, wet it, and started cleaning off my face. I sighed through my nostrils and let her clean me up.

            “Just a little bit,” I confessed. I looked to Johanna. “Any last-minute tips?”

            “Well, you’ll be taking a look back at the Games here on the TV as will all of Panem. I doubt they’d try to sneak cameras back here to get your reactions as you watch the highlights,” Johanna listed. “Once that’s all said and done, that’s when it’s show time. You’ll go out on stage, just like last time, only it’ll be a little different.”

            “As for the crowning?” I asked.

            “That’s immediately after the interview is over. It’s live of course. After that, you’re done.”

            “Really? That’s all?”

            “For now, yes. You’ll have a little bit of time after you get home to relax before the Tour.”

            “I don’t know if I want to watch the TV when they show the Games,” I said uneasily.

            “You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Alden said gently.

            “But she’ll hear it!” Jade complained. “We should’ve brought earplugs.”

            “If she can live through the Games, she can watch them,” Johanna hissed.

            “Living them is one thing, watching them is another,” I mumbled.

            “You don’t need to tell me that, kid. I went through it too.”

            My heart caught in my throat as all three groups huddled in front of the TV. Alden hovered at my side protectively. When the start of the Games was shown, I nearly screamed at the TV immediately for Bernard to not walk off the platform. That had been so long ago I was surprised I still remembered his name. Then Francois was laughing it up on his platform until he killed himself. I watched in horror as the tributes got sprayed with tribute flesh and blood. I shuddered, remembering when my skin was covered in tribute blood and guts.

            When the gong had sounded, it was like a feeding frenzy for sharks. Everybody charged, and I was keeping tabs on everybody but myself. I knew what happened to me. My heart ached when I saw Daniel hurrying away as fast as he could for the jungle area while I was fighting for the pack that would mark the beginning of my luck.

            It was horrible, watching it all. Most of the Career pack did most of the damage. The only one who hadn’t was Sutton. She would fight over a pack of supplies, yes, but only to injure the enemy, not kill them. Her pack members did the dirty work. I trembled when Meeka tossed District 12’s girl aside into the Cornucopia wall. She had knocked into it pretty hard; the back of her head was bleeding. She never twitched. Be thankful you didn’t stick around to witness that, I kept telling myself.

            The cameras didn’t hesitate to linger on each of the dead tributes’ bodies. Some were beaten to death, one had their neck twisted painfully, and a few had slit throats and stabbed stomachs bleeding to death. It could’ve easily been much worse than what I was seeing now. There had to be other Hunger Games that were much more violent.

But that was just the daytime; it didn’t go into the first night yet. The cameras spent a good few minutes watching the Careers gather everything and establish camp in the Cornucopia. I heard Sutton inhale shakily somewhere behind me. I wasn’t sure how bad this hurt Seraphine, but it was dealing Sutton and me a lot of damage.

            The cameras trailed the Career pack again into the first night, flickering to me hiding in the tree, then the little boy from 12 lighting a fire. I nearly screamed again as Eric impaled the little boy. Anger seethed in me instead of fear. How the Careers could just murder a young boy without hesitation…it made me sick knowing that the Career pack was like this every Hunger Games. I couldn’t complain at this point—all those murderers were dead now.

            I wanted to flee the room, but I couldn’t. This was part of being a victor; I had to watch the recap of the Games, what went on while I was trying to survive. I had to watch what happened while I was too busy worrying about coming out alive.

There wasn’t much that happened on day two of the Games, so immediately we rolled right into day three. That’s when Devlin—District 10’s girl—had been killed. Devlin had heard Seraphine in the trees, so she looked around. Seraphine disposed of her easily: one shot to the neck. Not too long afterwards, I saw myself stumble across Devlin’s body. It was weird, watching myself on TV. There was a quick shot of Kaya finding Noah. Immediately they cut it off after they starting kissing. I guess Panem didn’t consider their love story very intriguing.

            Day four had quite a bit to it. First was me wandering through the jungle area, looking paranoid as Kaya tailed me, keeping well undercover. They showed our fight and how quickly Kaya died. I winced and shut my eyes. Alden grabbed my hand, so did Jade.

            I opened my eyes to see me finding Daniel and him leading me back to his shelter. The cameras had briefly flashed to Noah, who emerged from behind cover, retrieving Kaya’s knife. Cameras later focused on inside the Cornucopia, while the Careers fought amongst each other. Eric—like Sutton had said—was firing off, wanting to rip Noah to shreds.

            “I know he murdered her,” he said, pacing. “When I find him, I’m going to kill him!”

            “You don’t know that he killed her,” Muhammad said quietly, trying to stop Eric’s pacing. Eric nudged Muhammad away.

            “Who else would it have been? She ran off, and I bet she found him. No doubt he got his hooks so into her that she couldn’t save herself!”

“Calm down. We’ll go after him soon enough. We’re hunting them all down anyway.”

            While those two were bickering, the camera zoomed in on Sutton trying to sneak off out of the mouth of the Cornucopia. Meeka trailed her, snatching her. My muscles immediately tensed.

            “What do you think you’re doing?” Meeka hissed at her.

            “I’m leaving, what does it look like?” Sutton snapped, ripping her arm from him. The rest of the Careers—even Eric—stopped worrying about Noah and focused on Meeka and Sutton. “I’m fed up with this! I want no part of any of you anymore!”

            “You can’t just back out like this.”

            “The hell I can’t.”

            “I always knew there was something wrong with you,” Kristi snarled. She cracked her knuckles. “I thought you’d be a traitor to us, I just knew it.”

            “How long did it take for you to figure that out?” Sutton hissed.

            From there, things went downhill. Like Sutton had told me, all except Muhammad took part in her beating. It was painful to watch for me, and I had no doubt it would be almost unbearable for Sutton. To watch yourself be attacked by a pack you were supposed to join but didn’t like was horrible. Looking at the TV, I wanted to desperately jump through it and launch myself in front of Sutton, to try and shield her from harm.

            We all watched Noah try to kill Daniel and me, how I hesitated to kill Noah, how I later regretted it on day six when Noah attempted to murder me because he knew that I was the reason Kaya was dead. I looked at myself at the TV, how badly the poison was affecting me. I looked terminally ill. I looked that pale and fragile. It amazed me how I managed to survive the poison.

            The footage then showed Sutton allying up with Daniel and me, and our trek through the woods while I tried to sleep. I hadn’t noticed that during all this, Dan was trying to make me feel comfortable. I nearly had a heart attack when I saw that I had slapped him over our argument about Sutton after I had taken the medicine that saved my life. Had I really slapped my best friend who had been in love with me for possibly years? I wish I hadn’t done that.

            The fire had seemed more massive when watching it herd us out of the forest and forcing us to hike up the mountain. Then there was the matter of us keeping watch. When I had conked out, Daniel had pulled me under the blanket, trying to do everything he could to make sure I didn’t wake from a nightmare or anything. Even when he fell asleep, he murmured my name a few times. I squinted my eyes shut and waited until my heart stopped aching before I could look at the TV again. I bet my heart was hurting just as much as Panem’s had when watching this live.

            I had no idea how the Gamemakers got cameras to capture me nearly falling to my death when climbing the mountain, but they had. I looked ridiculous when hanging onto Sutton and Daniel for dear life. They even had a camera or two inside the cave Sutton discovered when climbing through the small tunnel. It showed us three during the night, focusing on Dan and I curled into each other, him smiling in his sleep. I bet he was in heaven being able to be that close to me. I still slapped myself mentally for never knowing that Daniel loved me.

            Oh God, here comes the hard part. The chase between Dan, me, Sutton, Muhammad, and Kristi was very brief. It showed five seconds of us running, then us flying through the air. The action is what people really wanted to see, not a boring chase. I buried my head into Alden’s shoulder, trying to not look at the TV.

            “Tell me when it’s over,” I squeaked.

            I didn’t need for Alden to actually tell me, because I could tell when the worst part of the Games for me was done. I could hear my last words to Daniel, even though he was already gone by then. I’ll win for you, Dan. I promise. Sutton and me both. We’ll both make it out alive and prove to Panem that having more than one victor for the Hunger Games is not just a onetime thing. We had done just that, with the addition of Seraphine.

            I pretty much tuned out the rest of the Games only because I couldn’t bear to watch or hear it anymore. I knew what happened after Daniel’s death: I saw him a few times; Sutton and I stuck together; after I killed Jillian, Sutton left me with no way of defending myself, and I’d realized what I had actually done.

            I peeked from Alden’s shoulder to see what I really looked like to all of Panem when seeing Daniel. I looked like a total nutcase, talking to myself. I knew it was all in my head, but I didn’t convince myself of that during the Games. I convinced myself that Dan was still there with me, giving me advice. Even now as I watched myself become insane to viewers’ eyes, I wondered what Dan’s purpose was in popping up those times in the arena. At this moment, I wasn’t sure if I’d conjured him up because I’d been lonely or because I’d needed my conscience to help me out.

            After I witnessed myself go mad, I was able to watch the rest of the Games. I saw Kristi as mutts claimed her then hunted me down; Seraphine saved my life despite me suffering injuries; Sutton, Seraphine, and I formed an alliance; I got led by Daniel into the middle of nowhere only to be captured by Eric and Meeka; then there was the feast where I got yet again poisoned, and then Eric and Meeka’s deaths followed by Seraphine’s and Sutton’s pleading to end the Games so we could all live.

            The recap of the Games finally ceased. Eighteen days—if I counted today—was the time span the final Games went on for. Eighteen days. It didn’t feel that long. It didn’t feel short either. It felt longer than nearly three weeks, more like a lifetime for me. Watching the highlights made me feel like I had been watching for hours when really it was only a half hour.

The TV was now live, showing Caesar who was on stage in his orange getup. The other two victor groups dispersed.

“Showtime,” Alden said.

            “You’ll be fine,” Harper whispered, rubbing my scarred shoulder. I gave a bob of my head.

            “Welcome, ladies and gentlemen!” Caesar boom from on stage.

            “Go on, and be ready,” Jade urged, pushing me along.

            Mechanically, I was the first in line. I heard Sutton and Seraphine file in behind me. My heart was thudding nervously. This will be the last thing for the Games for a while. You’ll get a break. After this, you’re home, you’re back in 7. The only thing that would get me through this post-Games interview would be living back home in District 7.

            “What a way to finish the annual running of the Hunger Games, huh?” Caesar said to the crowd. “Not only did we get one victor, but three! The final Hunger Games gets three victors! It’s history in the making! Let’s meet the lovely ladies who beat the odds. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back Ms. Bridget Melina, Ms. Sutton Hanson, and Ms. Seraphine Grayson—our final Hunger Games victors!”

            Swallowing, I strutted out to the farthest white seat out of three. Caesar welcomed us all with a warm smile. I tried to give one back. I sat down, flattening out my dress. As the applause slowly died out, I looked at Seraphine and Sutton. I could hear whispers breaking out, too.

Sutton was next to me, in a strapless, knee length dress. Its colors were blue and pink, like a cotton candy swirl. The top of her dress was blue and sparkly. Everything about her was polished, as if she hadn’t sustained any of the injuries she had in the Games. Her hair was pulled back away from her face; she had feather earrings—blue and pink—dangling from her ears. She looked like a normal teenage girl.

            Seraphine’s dress really showed how skinny she was. Her cropped hair had midnight blue streaks in it, matching the flowers on her dress. The rest of the dress was black and had a strap on her right shoulder. Her dress flowed behind her more than in front of her. Like Sutton, her skin was flawless. I was the only one who looked roughed up.

            “First, I must say congratulations to all of you,” Caesar said. “You did something I bet all of Panem didn’t see coming. You’ve all done things that made you stand out from all the other tributes. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you three might just be legendary and talked about for years.”

            “Oh, I don’t know about that,” Sutton squeaked.

            “If you don’t mind me asking, Bridget…” Caesar shifted in his seat. “Why didn’t you choose to be cleaned up like your co-victors here?”

            “I didn’t feel that I needed to,” I said, shrugging. The crowd broke into murmurs. “It was my choice. I know victors have come out here after winning the Games looking as if they are in top shape. I didn’t want to show that I’m fine, because I’m not. Why not show proof?”

            “All of Panem saw the proof when you got attacked.” I shuddered.

            “What I think she’s trying to get at, Caesar,” Seraphine cut in, “is that it’s not only to show people how difficult it is being in the Games, but to prove to herself that she actually did it—that she lived through the Hunger Games.”

            “Exactly,” I said.

            “What brought this on—this alliance between you three?” Caesar prompted. I shifted in my seat. “Nobody saw this coming. The three most unlikely people to team up hold out long enough to win the Games.”

            “Honestly, we didn’t expect to ally with each other,” I confessed. “I think this kind of happened based off of what Daniel”—I winced—“and I had wanted to accomplish from the beginning: to both come out alive. When Sutton allied with us, I didn’t want her to be left out. When Dan…died, I made a promise to him and myself that I’d finish what we intended to start.”

            “And you had no idea that it would turn out to include these two?”

            “No. With Sutton, yes, but not Seraphine. She was a last-minute recruit.” I fiddled with the end of my braid. “We all wanted to achieve the same goal, we had the same enemies.”

            “Surely you all couldn’t trust each other that much,” Caesar pushed.

            “Sutton and Seraphine didn’t.”

            “Of course not,” Sutton butted in. “I thought she had been trying to kill you.” She looked at Caesar. “When I was trying to find a way to rescue Bridget from the mutts, I thought those darts were aimed at her, that the mutts were just in the way.”

            “Then how come you didn’t kill Seraphine when she came out in the open?” Caesar asked.

            “Why ask that when you know the answer, Caesar?” I retorted lightly. “I restrained her, in a way. If it wasn’t for me, Seraphine would’ve been dead on the spot.”

            “If I may,” Seraphine interjected, “I think the reason we’re all here is because of you, Bridget.”

            “Me?” I squeaked, looking at her.

Seraphine nodded. “Yes, you. You were the person we trusted. You were the reason we stuck together. You brought us together, and we stayed that way even after you disappeared on us. It’s true. Because of you, I’m still alive.”

            “Hmm…so from what I’m gathering here,” Caesar murmured, “is that you are the reason this all happened, Ms. Melina.”

            “I guess so,” I said, shrugging. “But I don’t see how.”

            “I must confess to you ladies that a lot of people loved you and hated you,” Caesar said quietly. “It was a constant back and forth, because many thought that you and Daniel would be together, Bridget, but you never once realized what he felt for you really!” Thank you for the lovely reminder, Caesar, I thought bitterly. Wasn’t it bad enough for me to realize it when Dan lay dying in my arms? “In your case, Sutton—”

            “I think I know the reason, Caesar,” Sutton chirped. “I’d prefer to not hear it.”

            “Very well, I won’t go against your wishes. Now, as for you, Seraphine, many wondered why you didn’t kill everybody, including these two. Many were just waiting for you to backstab them, catch them off guard. A lot of people were betting on you to win this whole thing, and they were partially right—you’re still alive!”

            “Well, you see, I’m not a violent person. I talk evil sometimes, but I don’t act. I wanted to go into hiding as much as possible throughout the Games,” Seraphine explained. “I didn’t want to kill anybody, but if I had to, I had to.” She shrugged.

            “That is true, because you had killed one girl early on,” Caesar reminded everyone. “Speaking of murder…how tough was it for you three to try and keep yourselves from going down that dangerous path as much as possible?”

            “It was very difficult,” I said stiffly. I wrung my hands nervously. “What people at home fail to realize is that when you’re out there facing twenty-three other dangerous people, you’ll do anything to survive—even kill. It’s that natural instinct for us to survive that drives us to believe that if we are to keep living, we must do what’s necessary to make sure we live—even if it means killing someone.”

            “We saw a dark side from you, Bridget, when you made a kill of your own. It shocked even me.”

            “Believe me, I shocked myself,” I grumbled.

            “None of you ladies came out of this arena with your hands clean.”

            “True,” Sutton sighed. She looked uncomfortable.

            “Excuse me, Caesar,” Seraphine chirped, “but can we please move on? I think this is a rather touchy subject for us all, especially Bridget.”

            “Oh, yes, my apologies to you three, especially you, Bridget,” Caesar said quietly. He cleared his throat. “How proud do you think your families are of you ladies?”

            “I don’t know about my parents,” Sutton said nervously. “With my actions, I’m not sure they’ll approve.”

            “My family will just be happy to have me back,” I said. “I’ve missed them every day since I left.” I touched my Dad’s bracelet on my wrist. “It’ll be nice to see them again after they’ve been the very thing that’s kept me going throughout all this.”

            “What about you, Seraphine?” Caesar leaned over.

            “I’m not sure. My family isn’t exactly intact,” Seraphine said carefully. “I don’t know what I’ll expect when I get home.”

            “But, going off of what you said about Bridget,” Sutton piped, “if she’s the reason we’re here, I bet our families will be forever grateful.”

            “Before we wrap up this interview, we’ve got one more thing to do,” Caesar said. “You three lovely ladies need to be crowned.” He stood up, looking into the crowd. “Ladies and gentlemen, please rise to welcome President Nolan as he crowns our winners!”

            President Nolan got a standing ovation as he strolled out on stage, a microphone attached to his suit. He looked worn out but tried to look as if he wasn’t fatigued at all. On the plush red cushion he carried were three crowns.

Seraphine, Sutton, and I all stood up respectively. This felt surreal to me, being up on stage once again, having President Nolan crown me, along with two other victors.

            “Ms. Melina, Ms. Hanson, Ms. Grayson,” said Nolan, bobbing his head at each of us, “first, I congratulate you three for winning the Hunger Games and making history. This was not something even I saw coming. You three ladies must be very grateful for having such a strong alliance, an unusual one that Panem has never seen before. Caesar, if you will help me…”

            Caesar took the cushion from President Nolan. Nolan took the first crown and placed it atop my head. I bowed my head slightly in thanks. Surprisingly, he smiled. He retrieved the next crown and put it on Sutton, who looked stiff as a statue. She tried to look calm, but her body language said differently. Seraphine stood quietly, eyeing the president. She gave him a bob of her head in thanks.

            “May your families be proud of what you’ve accomplished in the Hunger Games, and may your districts benefit from your victory!” President Nolan said, lightly grabbing each of our hands. I shivered when he grabbed one of mine; his hands were ice cold, as if he had been in a blizzard.

            President Nolan stood a little bit away from Seraphine as the crowd rose to its feet, whistling and cheering. I couldn’t believe this thundering applause was for Seraphine, Sutton, and me. We did deserve it, didn’t we? We beat the odds; we became the first three to ever make a Hunger Games crown three winners.

I looked off stage to my little entourage: Alden, Harper, and Jade all clapped furiously while Johanna just stood there, giving me a proud look. I grinned sheepishly, trying not to explode with joy on stage. I kept the grin for the standing crowd. From the corner of my eye, I saw Sutton waving. Seraphine tried to smile. I decided to wave.

            I did it, Daniel. I made it out alive. Somewhere, up in heaven, I knew Dan was looking down on me grinning and perhaps joining in with the crowd in cheering for me.