Goldie: Foxy, my old arch enemy.

Freddy: ... I thought I was your arch enemy?

Goldie: I have a life outside of you, Freddy.

---

Goldie: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.

Freddy: What if it bites me and it dies!?

Spring: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Freddy, learn to listen.

Bonnie: What if it bites itself and I die?

Chica : That’s voodoo.

Foxy: What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Freddy: That’s correlation, not causation.

Bonnie: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?

Chica : That’s kinky.

Goldie: Oh my God.

----

Goldie: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*

Freddy: If I had a dollar for every pixel
in this image, I’d have 15 cents

Goldie: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you

Spring: Actually I did the math, Freddy would have $225, not $0.15.

Freddy: Family I’m right here....

Bonnie: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)

Goldie: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?

Bonnie: Sorry I only have a dollar

Goldie: :(

Spring: Hey I just realized my dumbass Br*ther is right, Freddy would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent

Freddy: why did you censor brother?

Goldie: uh Freddy it's Br*ther!

Bonnie: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice

Spring: You can buy anything you want with $22,500

Chica : Yeah and they want soda and apply juice

Spring: Apply juice to what

Foxy: Directly to the forehead

Freddy: Great chat everyone

----

Foxy: Dumbest scar stories, go!

Freddy: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.

Spring: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.

Bonnie: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.

Chica : I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.

Goldie:

Goldie: I have emotional scars.

----

*The band right before Goldie's wedding*

Freddy: Well I have to go, I have a wedding to attend.

Spring: Wait... Oh! I have a wedding to attend too!

Bonnie: Oh, I have a wedding to attend as well

Freddy: it's your wedding....

Bonnie : oh I THINK WE ALL HAVE WEDDINGS TO ATTEND

Chica, panicked: I THINK I HAVE A WEDDING TO OFFICIATE

----

Shadow: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside

Glitch:

Glitch: Shadow, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn...

Shadow: *Sips coffee from bowl*

-----

Glitch: Isn’t it weird that we pay money to see other people?

Charlie: Plane tickets?

Puppeteer: Concert tickets?

Shadow: Prostitution?

Glitch holding his broken frames: Glasses.

----

Shadow: On the count of three, what's your favorite cake? One, two, three-

Shadow and Glitch, in unison: Chocolate cake peanut butter frosting with chocolate chunks!

Charlie: Our turn, puppy! One, two, three- vanilla!

Puppeteer, deadpan: I've never had cake, what is cake.

-----

Chica: Yo is Freddy sleeping or dead?

Spring: Hopefully dead, I hated his guts.

Goldie: Yeah, so did I.

Freddy: Okay first of all, fuck you-

----

Chica : On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

Goldie: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Spring?

Spring: Probably “road work ahead”.

Freddy: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

----

Freddy: I-

Henry: Before you say anything...you I think it's a terrible idea

----

Freddy , about The toys: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the pizzaria.

Spring: Are we stealing them?

Goldie: New or used?

Henry : Wonderful responses, both of you.

----

Freddy : I just ended a three year relationship.

Chica: Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?

Freddy : Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship.

*Goldie and Bonnie fighting from across the room*

-----

Henry : There is no future. there is no past. do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.

Freddy:

Spring:

Goldie:

Everyone Else At Henry ’s Surprise Birthday Party:

Freddy: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

-----

Freddy: What did you two do?

Spring:

Goldie:

Freddy: You’re not in trouble, I just need to know if I have to lie to the police again or not.

-----

Freddy: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me.

Goldie: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you?

Freddy: Yes!

Spring: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

-----

Goldie: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait.

Bonnie: You and me!!!

Goldie, tearing up: Okay.

----

Bonnie: *Accidentally hits Goldie in the face*

Bonnie: *Trying to decide between saying 'I’m fucking sorry' and 'Are you okay'*

Bonnie: ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!

Goldie: What’s wrong with you?!

-----

Shadow: Date someone who will drag you outside at 3am to look at the stars.

Glitch: If anyone, and I mean anyone, wakes me up at 3am to go look at the damn sky they will be removed indefinitely from my life.....YES EVEN FREDBEAR

----

Shadow: You fluffers don’t know about my knife stick. It’s a knife taped to a stick and it’s the ultimate weapon.

Glitch, not looking up from His book: Spear.

Shadow: BLOCKED.

-----

Goldie: You need more potassium, just eat yogurt then!

Bonnie: Yogurt is just fruit sperm. And I'm not gay.

Spring: But you are-

Freddy: it's not worth arguing with him

----

Bonnie: Hey Goldie could you read number 23 for the class

Goldie: No I cannot! What up, I'm Goldie, I'm 19, and I never fuckin' learned how to read!

-----

Goldie: You love me, right, Bonnie?

Bonnie: Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.

-----

Freddy: i-

Goldie: Freddy shut the fuck up

Freddy: Geeze what's up your ass this morning

Bonnie: *walks in* Hey!

Freddy: hm my Question just got answered

Goldie:     *turns red*

-----

Shadow: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.

Glitch: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.

Shadow: Death isn’t real, and I’m basically God.

-----

Glitch: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds.

Shadow: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!?

Glitch: No! Four to five seconds!

Shadow: Too late!!!

---
In the He knows AU (the one where goldie finds out about Fredbear):

Goldie: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.

Shadow: You're like 15 years old (he's wrong but okay)

Goldie: I MIGHT DIE AT 30!

I am enjoying these lol