Alexander leans against the backrest, refusing to sit down. "Are you going to break up with me? Because I ain't having that," he says defiantly.

I recoil. "I'm not breaking up with you!" I exclaim, louder than I wanted to.

Alexander takes a seat. "Alright. Then we can talk, sure."

I'm still recovering from him thinking I'm going to break up with him just because of this. The thought hasn't even crossed my mind and he threw me off guard here a little. "Okay, so I was thinking," I start and Alexander gets that look on the face that tells me he really hates it when I start my sentences like that. Well, suck it up, tough boy!

"You should start racing again if that's your wish."

Alexander leans back on the chair, letting out a long exhale. "No," he says.

My eyebrows knit together. "No?"

He watches me carefully. "Say I do go back to racing. What does that mean for us?"

I shrug. "Nothing." Except telling my inner peace goodbye. "I'm not going to give you an ultimatum and make you choose between me and the racing. That would be completely unfair of me to ask. I know if I wanted to do something, you wouldn't stand in my way, either."

Alexander gives me that infamous half-smile of his. "Gabrielle, baby, who are you fooling? I mentioned the racing this morning to you and it made you not talk to me for the whole damn day. If I started with it again, it'd drive you away. And if I have to pick between you two, I'm choosing you, with no doubt and regret. Because I want you more than racing. Got that?"

"But –"

"No," he cuts me off. "We're ending this subject and we're not talking about it again. Now get over here, sit on my lap and show me how much you missed me."

"But I feel like we should –" I protest, but I don't get anywhere.

"Gabrielle. Come. Here. Now."

We have a staredown until I finally release the cup of my untouched tea and go over to him, sitting on his lap with my legs on either side of him.

Alexander cups my face with his hands, looking deep into my eyes. "We ain't gonna argue again."

"We weren't–"

"Gabrielle."

"Yes, babe, I promise we will never ever disagree on something again until we die."

He grins, pecking my lips softly a few times before he kisses me, his hands wrapped in my hair, holding my head in place so he can get his way with my mouth. "You smart-ass," he says against my mouth before kissing me once again.

˙˙˙

Going to the parties always makes me frustrated because I never know what to wear. I don't own clothes that are suitable for the parties. I have normal jeans, T-shirts that cover everything they need to and normal, boring shoes. I don't own mini leather skirts, crop tops and high-heeled boots.

When I parade in front of the mirror with the third outfit in my hands, holding it up to my face, Alexander finally looks up from his phone from where he's laying on the bed. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Choosing an outfit for tonight." I drop the outfit down with a disappointed sigh, not feeling this one either.

I go back to the closet. "Maybe I should call Sam and ask her if I can borrow something from her," I say more to myself than Alexander who's probably not paying any attention to me anymore.

"What's wrong with the clothes you have in the closet?" Alexander asks.

"There are going to be girls in only their bras on and with skirts so short they're going to show more than hide and you expect me to go in jeans a shirt?"

"Yeah because you are sure as hell not going in a bra and that tiny skirt. You look hot whatever you wear, so why even bother?"

I look at him from over my shoulder. "You're obliged to say that because you're my boyfriend."

He sits up on the bed, his eyes narrowing. "I ain't obliged to say shit."

Alexander says this in such a way that it makes me grin. He's such a guy. And I love him so much. "But wouldn't you like to see me in a nice crop top and a tiny skirt? Or maybe shorts. And high boots." I wait for the image to settle into his brain.

I can see from here how his eyes get hooded. "I like to see you wearing nothing, but that doesn't mean you should go out naked, now, does it?"

I roll my eyes in exasperation. Honestly, all this dressing up isn't for me, anyway. I don't feel comfortable showing too much of my skin and I have no one to impress anyone anymore. Alexander has seen it all and still sees it every day. Others don't have to see anything. I don't have to be like them. I need to remind myself this more often.

Well, if I forget to remind myself, Alexander always does it. He fell in love with the way I was, not the way he wanted me to be.

I am putting on make-up, at least. And I might curl my hair, for the sake of it. I almost never wear make-up because, in all honesty, I'm too lazy for it. I would much rather sleep those extra minutes than spend doing my make-up just for going to classes.

But when going out, I do feel self-conscious sometimes. I feel less so if I put at least a little bit of make-up on.

Alexander eyes me, but he doesn't say anything. I hear him merely sigh but he doesn't know how it is. He puts on his jeans, shirt, leather jacket and boots, ruffles his hair a little and is ready to go make every girl's day by just walking past her because he looks damn hot.

I start putting on foundation, covering the green colour on my face that the jealousy just brought out.

˙˙˙

When Sam has a party, she goes all in. You can never expect something small of her. I don't know most of the people here and even Sam doesn't know everyone. She just likes to party, no matter with whom.

Sam bumps her hip into me when she sees me standing alone, probably looking a little unsure while I look around the room, pretending I'm enjoying myself. The thing is, I don't do parties. I don't even know what to do. I don't drink, I don't dance and, most certainly, I don't flirt. Well, I do. With one person only.

"What's up with you?" she asks me. "Where's your boy?"

I shrug. "Somewhere talking to his friends probably."

Sam raises her eyebrows and I roll my eyes. "Seriously, I don't have him on a leash. We don't have to be together all the time."

Sam nods, taking a sip of her drink, looking at the cup and trying to hide her smile. "Uh-huh," she says, not believing a word I just said.

Since she's here and mostly sober, I take the chance to ask her what's been bugging me still. "Do you think Alexander wants to race again?"

"Wait, close your eyes," Sam says.

"What?"

"For a second only."

I close my eyes for just a second before I open them and look at her questioningly. "Damn, your eyeliner looks bomb!"

"Thanks," I beam. But then I remember what I asked her and that I'm yet to hear an answer. "So, do you?" Sam looks at me with confusion. "Do you think Alexander wants to race again?" I repeat the question again.

"Girl, I don't know. Did he say anything?" she asks me, looking behind my back.

I turn around to look who caught her attention and I see Alexander talking with a few people. What I also see is that there's a girl trying to stand very close to him. I can see the way she looks at him. I understand her, no doubt, but ... it doesn't mean she should. I just sigh, turning back to Sam. "Yes. He said he wants to start racing again."

"There's your answer then," Sam says in a tone that says she doesn't know what the hell I'm asking her for.

"But he said he's not going to and it's because of me. Do you think it's selfish of me? I don't know what to do," I admit to her. It's been bugging me for days now, ever since Alexander brought it up and I fear if he's holding back because of me, that he'll hate me later because he felt like he couldn't do what he wanted.

Sam gives me a serious look. "Honestly? Yeah. It's selfish as fuck because racing was his whole damn life before you came here. But that changed and I know that he'd rather die than to hurt you. If that means giving up racing, then that's what he's going to do."

I didn't expect anything less from Sam than to be brutally honest and I always appreciate her for that, no matter how much the words sting sometimes. Sometimes, you just need someone to tell you how it is with no sugar coating.

I look at Alexander again and I see the girl made a move and she's standing right next to him now. I see her casually trying to lift her hand and put it on Alexander's chest, but he steps away before she could touch him and he gives her a weird look.

"Thanks, Sam. I'm going back to him now before one of the girls try to kidnap him and take him away from me." I wink at her.

I remember the first party we both went to after we officially started dating. That party was so awkward and weird for me because I didn't know what to expect from it and from him. It was the summer before we started university and we were dating for a few months, yet we haven't really gone out to a party as a couple.

From the parties I've been at before Alexander and I were a thing, I know how these things go. I know the way he liked to party. With his group of friends that included girls and cigarettes. And alcohol, of course, although he wasn't big on that.

We were at someone's house, I don't even remember whose, but I know that Sam was there and as soon as we came there, I went to Sam's side because I thought Alexander would want to still appear that cool guy that, yes, maybe he has a girlfriend, but she's not clingy enough to take his coolness away.

I don't know what I was thinking, really. It was just weird and I didn't want to bug him the whole evening, so I bugged Sam instead. She was glad about it, but Alexander wasn't.

I'm walking after Sam like a little kid walking after mother when she doesn't know anyone.

Sam grabs a few drinks, says hi to a few people and heads to the couch where everyone is seated. Alexander is among the people there, sitting with his friends and having fun, it seems. He looks at me when he notices me walking to them.

He has an empty space beside him and I look at it, but I don't sit down beside him. I notice a few of his friends watching me cautiously, following my every movement which makes me nervous.

Sam sits down next to Snake and I sit down beside her on the couch across where Alexander is sitting. When I look at him again, he's blatantly glaring at me. I fidget in my seat and look away, but he doesn't turn his eyes away from me.

Sam notices Alexander looking at me and she looks at me, a small smile appearing on her lips. "You mad at him?" she asks me.

"No," I say slowly, frowning. "Why?"

"Because he's there and you're here." Sam raises her eyebrows.

I cast a look at Alexander and see he's still looking at me, even though one of his friends is talking to him. "Well, I ... don't want to bother him? I don't know." I shrug. I feel weird. I don't belong to the parties and I know that. I don't know how all this works, especially with Alexander.

I see Sam has to hold herself back so she doesn't burst out laughing. "Girl. I think he wants to be bothered."

I look at Alexander again and he raises his eyebrows at me, his head slightly cocking to the side.

We didn't talk about this. I don't know how to act around him when we're out in public. I clear my throat and just try to not look too uncomfortable and blend in. I try to blend in and listen to the conversations, smiling politely and enjoy it, but I feel like an outcast. Sam has a full-on makeout session next to me with Snake and I suddenly don't know where to look and what to do with myself.

I twist my hands in my lap, looking at them until I hear someone ask Alexander question that makes me look up and take an interest. "Sin, you two are over? Or what?"

I look at Alexander and notice him looking at the guy who asked the question. He's smiling mischievously, no wonder he's asking this with intent. "What's it to you?"

The guy just shrugs, his eyes darting to me. I quickly look at Alexander to see how his body tensed up. "She's never going to even look your way," Alexander sneers.

The guy sits back comfortably, feeling like reeling Alexander up, apparently. "She just did, Sin."

My body freezes.

Alexander is quick on his feet, and so am I, automatically. Even Sam stopped making out with Snake and is looking at what's going on.

I go to Alexander, grabbing his arm. "Why don't you sit back down?" I suggest to him quietly, my heart beating fast because it seems like everyone in the room is looking at us.

Alexander points a finger at him. "Don't even think about it if you want your face to stay whole."

Alexander puts his arm around my shoulders, bringing me closer to his body before he sits down, basically making me sit down next to him so close, I'm almost sitting on him.

"You really need to stop picking fights with people," I say to him quietly, aware that almost all eyes are on us.

Alexander doesn't care about anyone else in the room. His hand goes under my hair, to the back of my neck, resting there. "You need to stop making me want to fight with people."

I give him a look.

"So, what? You don't wanna hang out with me at parties? I haven't seen you for the whole evening and then you go there and sit with Sam even though I've been saving you a seat."

My heart warms and I beam at him. "You've been saving me a seat?" I ask happily.

He looks at me with a look that clearly says, "Are you really asking me that?"

He kisses the side of my head. "I don't like being ignored and I especially don't like when you're somewhere I don't see you."

And with that, he answered all my doubts. It's fair to say I haven't stayed away from him at parties from then on.

I walk to Alexander, stepping so close to him that our sides are touching and I wrap his arm around me, beaming up at him. I try, I really try not to be the jealous girlfriend, but it's so hard sometimes. Everywhere we go, Alexander gets looks from the girls. Everywhere. Some even dare to go and talk to him, especially when I'm not around.

I trust him and I know he wouldn't do anything with them, but it's still hard. And weird. I'm not used to this. I'm not used to being with a guy so hot he gets attention everywhere we go.

Alexander leans down, kissing me, claiming me in front of everyone and my insides twist happily because he's claiming me in front of Miss Itchy fingers there.

"Enjoying your company?" I ask him sweetly and Alexander gets that glint in his eyes that tells me he knows. Of course he knows. He reacts the same way, if not worse. He doesn't even try to hide his jealousy.

"Now I am," he tells, giving me a flirtatious smile. "How about we go home early?" he suggests, his eyes running over my body.

"It's Sam's birthday," I point out.

"So?" Alexander asks boringly.

"We can't just leave," I try to reason with him.

His head falls back and he lets out an exasperated sigh, making me grin. "I'm going to the bathroom," I tell him, standing up.

Sam gives me a wink from where she's seating and she stands up, too, but she goes into the other direction.

There's a long line for the bathroom and I sigh to myself, leaning against the wall. I wrap my arms around myself, looking down at the floor. I always hated waiting in bathroom lines because I have nothing to do with myself and the time just doesn't go anywhere.

The line finally moves forward. The girls – two of them – that are standing behind me grab my attention when one of them putts her hands on me. I swiftly turn my head to look at them, straightening up.

"Hi, this might come out weird, but are you dating Sin?" The brunette one asks.

"Uh, yeah. That's me," I say with a small smile, eyeing them both.

The brunette gives the blonde a look that I don't know what it means before she gives me her attention again. She gives me a bright smile, taking a lock of my hair between her fingers. "You have such a nice hair. You're cute overall."

"Thanks ..." I say, a little taken aback. This is very random and I have a weird feeling. "Do you know him?"

"We went to his races and we saw him at parties," the blonde one speaks now.

I nod, acting as if I understand, although I don't know if I do. Or if I even want to. I suddenly get this weird feeling inside, some kind of a realisation that there might be some girls here tonight Alexander hooked up with in the past or had any kind of relationships with them and I immediately fall into a foul mood.

I also feel bothered by these two girls calling me cute. Because they're not cute. They're hot. And I know they're the kind of girls Alexander used to go for before.

I'm just putting myself into this weird mood here, overthinking and over-analysing this, yet I can't help but feel insecure when I'm around people like this – girls mostly.

I go to the bathroom when it's my turn and when I get back out, I see Alexander. He's leaning against the wall with his shoulder, his arms crossed over his chest. I see the two girls looking at him, talking to each other and smiling. I get a weird feeling in my stomach, especially when I see Alexander looking at them, eyeing them up and down, not seeing me at all.

*

Fair warning about this story; you're going to hate Alexander a lot and this is going to be far from a perfect relationship (I mean, hello, we have two complex characters still dealing with unresolved trauma from their pasts) BUT the story has a twist and is all for a reason.

Nothing in life is perfect, not even relationships and, sometimes, people don't even know how toxic they are for each other until they come to their breaking point (spoiler alert ooops).  But it was just unreal to expect a perfect person and Alexander turning a puppy from a wolf just overnight because it just doesn't work like that in real life and I'm all about difficult characters anywayyyy