I had a bad dream.

It couldn't quite be a nightmare, because I qualify those as dreams where I wake up feeling scared or hopeless or empty or numb; when I wake up and can't move or can't stop moving.

I don't feel dark right now, and I actually have to leave soon, but I don't want to journal.

I used to love how the ink danced on paper.

But now I'm always on my phone.

Anyway.

The dream.

I was in a rage, more infuriated and violent than ever before.

I was supposed to make thanksgiving dinner, but refused, so my father and his older sister came in to do it. Of course, they messed up. I had to come back and save them, but they hated me, and I hated them. I was screaming in fury and rage, indistinguishable sounds leaving my throat. Until, then, I screamed about what a villain my father is, his gaslighting and atrocities. They were speaking badly of my mother, so that is when I threw knives. She is an angel, I said.

Perhaps I was crying, perhaps my eyes were dry; I don't remember.

Even when they finally left, I would break down into violent screams and fits of rage as I was making the green bean casserole.

This was the only normal part of my dream.

The rest was a man in chains and a human mask.

I was married to an abusive man. I fell or slid - or something - off of a massive bridge and got three chunks taken off my body by a shark.

When I woke in the hospital, the husband said it was $250,000 to heal me. He was upset.

I think he bought me the man in chains. The man was beautiful; dark and large with longer, raven hair; I believe he was Thai.

Because of the shark bites, I had trouble changing the lightbulbs in my parents' room on their ceiling fan. It was hard to reach up, because one bite was on my left rib.

I wanted to ask the chained man for help. I found him and my mother's little sister talking in the living room, so instead I refilled their cups with water.

Soon, my mother came home.

I don't remember much of what happened then, I believe she tried to calm me. It worked slightly, but still, it was horror.

8-11-22