"And you need us to try and track this guy down, why exactly?"

We hadn't exactly been too forthcoming on our reasonings for trying to pinpoint my biological father's location when it came to Lincoln and Taylor, mainly because I didn't know either of them well enough to divulge my deepest secrets with them, but I figured it was time to let them know at least something if I wanted their full cooperation.

"He's my biological father."

Taylor and Lincoln pinned me with an identical surprised stare from their position on the large couch in Lachlan's cabin, the small home seemingly filled to the brim with people as our entire group minus Jenna was in attendance.

Holden, Sloane, Taylor, Lincoln, Blythe and Vera were all sat on the couch while I stood and Lachlan held his position sprawled out on his bed, Evan sitting on the wingback chair in front of the always roaring fireplace.

It had only been a few hours since learning of Ian's death and I realized that I just needed to stay busy, keep my mind occupied. That would keep me from anguishing over it, I was positive of it.

"Holy shit, you're trying to track down your real dad? I mean, we all knew you wanted to do that for the longest time because Sloane was talking about how it upset your mom, but we didn't think you'd actually find your birth parents."

My eyes flicked to Sloane at Lincoln's words.

"She was upset that I was trying to find my birth parents? After the way she treated me, she honestly didn't understand why I wanted to find them?"

She rolled her eyes and shoved Holden's arm off of her lap as she stood to face me.

"Maybe that's why she started acting so bitchy towards you to begin with. It was all you would ever talk about, and every time they'd shut you down. I honestly think they knew this whole time that he was bad news and what he did to your birth mom-"

"Sloane!"

Sloane cut off her tirade after realizing just how much she'd let slip and I just sighed and looked to everyone else and decided that since Sloane had pretty much let the entire cat out of the bag, it wouldn't be too bad of an idea to tell Lincoln and Taylor the entire story.

"Wait, so you already know who your birth parents are? And they're not good people? And you want to find them...why? I'm lost here."

I started off with the first thing I could think of to answer Taylor's question.

"I went looking for my birth family using the DNA website. My birth father found me, then started harassing me..."

I continued on telling them about the car wreck and Ian's subsequent death which I still hadn't processed properly, and ended up at the present, where we needed their computer skills to track the man down.

Their dark brown eyes were wide with surprise and concern, and then Lincoln jumped up to give me a quick hug which surprised me more than anything he could have said in response to my story.

"I'm really sorry about your friend, Kate. What can we do?"

I faced Taylor and Lincoln and posed the question that terrified me more than confronting my birth father on my own.

"I need your help to find him, and then I guess I'm going to California for Ian's funeral."

Lachlan cleared his throat and I looked to where he sat on the bed.

"Correction. We're going to California. We're not going to let you do this alone, Kat. You're not alone."

Lachlan stood as he spoke, striding to me in the middle of the cabin as the room fell under a hush as they watched the two of us in rapture.

"I know. But this wasn't what I wanted. If any of you get hurt-"

"Then it will have been our decision, and something that you can't blame yourself over. Right?"

I sighed, realizing the truth behind his words.

"Right."

He leaned forward and brushed a strand of hair behind my ear before leaning in to press a gentle kiss on my forehead.

"Okay, so we heard the story behind everything else, but what's up with the two of you? Are you guys like...dating now?"

My cheeks heated to a million degrees as my wide and embarrassed eyes met Lachlan's, caught off guard completely by Lincoln's question.

"Uhh, I think that's a discussion they should probably have in private. Lincoln, Taylor, see if you two can get started on Kate's phone to track down her birth father and Sloane and Holden will go with Blythe to try and figure out an itinerary for this weekend since the funeral is on Monday, according to Ian's mom who called Kate about an hour ago. I'll go with Evan to try and get some parental permission, but we're obviously not letting them know the extent of things, or probably exactly where we're going. Lachlan and Kate, you two will stay here and pack up your things that you need since we'll be leaving soon. It's Saturday so we'll need to be there by tomorrow. Okay, everyone know their plans? Good. Let's get going," Vera commanded while I shot her a thankful smile for saving me before having to answer the embarrassing question that Lincoln had asked.

A few more seconds and suddenly we were alone.

"I'll just get started packing my things up and then we can go to the room you shared with Jenna to grab anything you might need."

"Okay, we'll need to stop by my mother's house. The temps in California are a lot different than here."

"Okay, we can do that on the way out. I'll just go call my brother and ask him where he's at with the jet tonight, see if we can get one of our pilots that are on call to get to the runway by tonight."

And then I was alone.

With my thoughts.

Not a good combination...

I sat on the edge of the bed with my head in my hands as Lachlan gathered his toiletries from his bathroom.

The tears just wouldn't come. I conjured up image after image of Ian's smiling face, his smirk, his jovial laughter...but nothing. It was like there was a gaping chasm where the hurt from his death should have been.

It was different than the numbness that spanned my mind after I learned of his death, different than the faux mask of indifference I'd put on after learning of my parent's deceit.

This was just...nothingness. Maybe it was better that way, though. That way, the sting of his absence wouldn't get in the way of what I needed to do, what we needed to do.

Once upon a time, I had been so happy to escape New York, the Sloane and Holden drama eating me whole, not to mention the need to get away from Lachlan and his teasing, cruel words.

Once upon a time, I had been just a girl with boy problems, albeit a bit troubled without the knowledge of my birth family, but I should've just realized that ignorance really was bliss. Because this...this wasn't bliss. This was far from it, though the past few days with Lachlan had been the closest thing I'd felt to that emotion since I discovered the truth about my parents, both real and adopted.

I'd been happy, blissful before. My childhood was filled with light and was so easy, so much easier than the trials and tribulations I'd been facing for the better part of of my seventeenth year of life.

I was so desperate for love and for affection that my family wasn't giving to me that I latched onto the first person in California who'd given it to me- Ian. I should've seen through the connection, considering my father was the one who set up our initial meeting.

Back before I knew the truth about my father's shady business dealings, everything seemed above board and like he was just letting me date his new prospective business partner's son, but I should've seen right through it. That naïveté and too trusting Kate was washed away in a tsunami of lies and bullshit that almost drowned me, but somehow I kept my head above the water, the waves cresting over my head but still I bobbed to the surface.

Ian had always been so light and funny, so easygoing and carefree, someone that I used to look up to especially after I found out the truth about my birth parents. In my own twisted way, I stuck to him like glue because he was my light in the darkness, the person who didn't know the truth, the person that I could pretend with.

I had used him, and that made me feel worse than any shared heritage with my birth father ever could have made me feel.

Ah, there's the tears. I knew they'd be coming sooner or later, it was just a matter of which one of my self deprecating thoughts would lead my mind to them.

I was on a downward spiral that I couldn't stop, but it wasn't like I wanted to stop them in the first place. I needed to break down, I needed to feel something, because if I kept it bottled up then it would explode in the worst possible way at the worst possible time, the only problem was that I couldn't keep the panic attack at bay that wanted to surge up right along with the monsoon of tears.

And of course Lachlan chose that moment to return to the main living area, eyes finding mine shining with tears and chest heaving with the exertion that it took to keep on breathing, when all I really wanted to do was inhale my salty tears and drown in them.

He strode close to the bed, his long legs making the trip in two steps, and then he was kneeling in front of me with my face in his hands.

"You loved him. He was loved, and he was so lucky to have that from you."

I shook my head and his eyes filled with confusion before blurring as more tears fell. God, I wish I didn't have to cry so damn much.

"No, I didn't. I mean, not in that way. That's the problem, he loved me in that way and I didn't feel the same way about him, but I kept him in my life in that way because of how shitty I felt about my family drama. I'm not even really crying because he's dead, it's almost like I was preparing myself for it this whole time after I found out what my birth father did to him. I'm crying because I used him, because the whole time we were together I could've told him that I didn't really love him in that way, and then he wouldn't have gone after him when I came back to New York. If I had just-"

"Listen to me. It doesn't help you to go back and say 'what if' or think of things that you could've done differently. There's so many times I ask myself if I could have just been a better son, acted right, not questioned my dad on this or that, and maybe he wouldn't have started hitting me. But the truth is that you don't know what actions would have caused what, or stopped something else from happening. All it will do is torture you in the end, because when it comes down to it, it was someone else who ran him off the road, it wasn't you. You'd never do that to anyone, and you had no idea that this man was after you in this way, so no one would ever hold you accountable for this. Do you understand me?"

"How do you do it? How do you keep from second guessing yourself and not asking yourself those questions?"

He sighed and dropped his head as he thought over that question, my tears lessening though my heart ached in my chest like a lead weight.

"It's hard, but I just focus on the here and now. I understand that letting my mind go to those dark places, to blame myself for the actions of a monster, will only hurt me and the ones I care about even more because I can't be my normal self when I go down that rabbit hole, so I don't do it for me, I do it for them. My family, my friends...If I let him have control of my mind then he wins. And I won't let him win, Kat. And you can't let your monster win, either. Promise me you won't let him win," he asked me as my breath stuttered in my chest.

"I-I promise."

He kept his gaze locked on me for a few moments before standing up and unbuttoning his pants.

"Umm- what are you...?"

"I want to show you something."

As his fingers deftly undid his pants and slid them to the ground I was five seconds from bursting into flames of embarrassment before he began to explain.

"You remember the scar on my thigh? This one?"

He had his pants on the ground and his boxers shoved to the left of his leg showing off that scar that I had noted the time that he had dropped his towel in front of me.

"Yeah, you didn't like me looking at it. What's the story behind it?"

"I got this the third time my dad hit me. He said he was going after Blythe next and I snapped. I lost it on him, started wailing on him and blacked out. He got his letter opener after me when I wouldn't stop and I lost a lot of blood. I refused to let him go after my little sister, all because he's a homophobic prick that can't stand that his daughter isn't straight. I swore after that day that if he ever touched me again, I wouldn't stop until he had to use it on me again, and he hasn't since."

Tears for a whole different reason welled up in my eyes but he continued on like he didn't see them, which I was grateful for.

"I'm not telling you this to brag that I took on my father and that you still haven't, but to tell you that it's possible to slay your own demons. Sometimes you can do it on your own, and other times you need help. It's being offered, so take it. I didn't have any help, and I damn sure would have accepted it if I had the chance. I am so fucking sorry that you've had to deal with all of this on your own for so long, and I wish you would've told me sooner, but we have a plan and you have so many people that care about you that will make sure you're okay. You can lean on us, on me. You don't have to do it alone anymore and it damn sure isn't your fault."

I didn't respond for a few moments as I soaked up his words. It hadn't really sunk in that I wasn't alone anymore, almost like it was surreal that I didn't have to hide secrets and only say half truths in fear of letting something slip. But what Lachlan had given me, what I had shared with him and allowed him to give to me in return, was safety and reassurance and so much more than I had ever hoped.

"Thank you."

His lips tilted up as he said, "You're welcome," but as the last syllable left his mouth, the door to the cabin opened and Lincoln and Taylor strode in with the rest of the gang filing in right behind him, eyes wide and snickering at what they saw, which was a pants less Lachlan standing directly in front of me.

"It's- it's actually not what it looks like," I tried, but Vera's laugh cut me off.

"Yeah yeah, you're the ones who didn't knock," Lachlan said while pulling his jeans up, a secret wink thrown my way which was almost enough to make my heart melt the cold ice that had wrapped around it after hearing the news of Ian's death.

"Okay, with that awkwardness out of the way, why don't we hit the road? Did you get in touch with your brother," Vera asked, hiding a not so secret smirk.

"Yeah, I called him. He's in town with the jet, he doesn't go back to England for another week. We have five days to do what we need to do. Taylor, Lincoln, what did you guys find out?"

"Well, the guy isn't great at covering his tracks. We were able to pinpoint one of his locations in Mexico but after that it got a little iffy, we'll know more with a better setup."

Blythe stepped forward after hearing Taylor's words, her eyes still trained to Lachlan's thigh.

"Lach, what happened to your leg?"

Lachlan stiffened up in fear, and I knew that he didn't want his secret outed, so I was about to cover for him when he did something I never expected.

"I'll tell you when we get there. It's a conversation I've needed to have with you for a long time. If I can tell Kat, then I should be able to tell my sister, too."

"Okay but what-"

"Guys we really have to get going. Kate, you're not even packed, Lachlan has his bag ready to go and you have nothing with you!"

I raised my eyebrows at Vera waiting for her to put two and two together.

"Oh, all your stuff's at your old dorm."

"Yep. I was actually just going to go to my mom's house, see if I could sneak in there. I have all of my old clothes from California there anyway."

"Okay sounds good to me. We're all riding in two cars, five in one and four in the other. Everybody split up. We're meeting at Kate's mom's house."

We all shuffled to the door but Lachlan's arm grabbed me on the way out.

"Hey, what are you going to say if you run into your mom?"

I didn't even have to think for a second about his words.

"I'm going to tell her the truth, and then see if she thinks she can stop me."