Carmen heard the shouting before she heard the lock turn in the front door. She had just reached the living room when her daughter walked in looking exhausted, almost caving under the weight of two school bags and what she assumed was a skull-splitting headache.

"Siena, for the last time, no means no!" Lora declared with a strained voice.

"You say no to everything! I hate you!" a fuming Siena screamed as she pushed past her mother and stormed off to the kitchen stomping her feet with each step.

Lora held the door open for a timid-looking Aiden and then shut it behind him with a groan. She rested her forehead against it and closed her eyes, hoping for a moment of relief. Carmen raised her brows questioningly at the little boy, who shrugged his shoulders in response and explained unnecessarily, "Ma and Siena are having a fight."

"Aiden, please," Lora sighed heavily as she turned around and dropped the satchels on the couch.

"Why are you fighting?" Carmen asked concerned. But Lora wasn't in the mood for questions. Her posture was slouched, her pupils were unfocused and she could almost hear her eyes rolling back like they used to when she was a teenager.

Meanwhile, her head was punishing her for the bottle of red wine she opened and drank by herself the night before and every fibre in her body was hating her for it. She hadn't even heard Jess come back from her date, though she knew it must have been late since it was well after midnight when she herself fell back and passed out on the sofa.

"It doesn't matter," Lora grumbled as she made her way through to her mother's kitchen where, to her great annoyance, she found an intrigued Marion crunching on a biscuit and slurping her tea. Lora's insides twisted at the excited glint in the woman's eyes.

Out of the corner of her eye, Lora saw Siena's arm reach sneakily for the plate of biscuits in the centre of the table. "Siena!" Lora snapped.

The tiny hand drew back, but its owner glowered at her. "What? I can't have a biscuit either?"

"Okay, that is enough, young lady," Lora turned to her daughter, resting her hands on her hips and looking positively dragonish. "What are you trying to accomplish first? Falling into a sugar coma or giving me a stroke? Because I'd say you're on to a photo finish!"

"Neither," Siena countered with an equally fierce stance. "I just want a life that doesn't suck!"

"Take a number and get in line!" Lora shouted back, exasperated at the girl's attitude.

"That's enough, both of you!" Carmen stepped in between them and slapped both palms on the table. The pair of them fell quiet, still looking murderously at one another but not daring to make a sound. "Now, what is going on?"

Siena's blue eyes flashed, and her lips curled into a vindictive smile that reminded Lora momentarily of her father. "Mummy had a fight with Owie and now he won't come to see us!"

Lora's eyes widened at her daughter's nerve. "Siena!"

"He was supposed to take us to the beach today," the girl went on. "Do you know how long it's been since we've been to the beach?"

Lora drew in a deep breath, forcing herself to stay calm and trying not to blush under Marion's curious gaze. "Siena, that's enough," she ordered through gritted teeth.

"Before Owie, we were stuck at home all the time! The only places we went to were the hospital or school or Auntie Janet's. Owie took us everywhere! Everywhere Daddy would have taken us to if he wasn't sick."

"But he's not Daddy, Siena!" Lora yelled, chest aching at the veracity of her words and mortified that her own little girl was telling the town's eyes and ears precisely what she feared everyone would think.

That her dead has husband was so easily and efficiently replaced. His perfect wife and his darling children had moved on and their lives were now better than ever. Everyone would guess, everyone would know the truth. No grieving widow would move on that quickly.

She could already hear the whispers.

Guess who's back on the market? And guess who already threw his cap in? That's right, he was her late husband's doctor. No wonder poor Jonathan was so bitter all the time. No wonder he made her give up her career. You can't trust anyone no matter how often they go to church.

"He's our friend too. He was teaching me how to make pancakes and he was showing Aiden how to defend himself against the bullies!"

"What bullies?" Lora whispered at the same time as Aiden hissed at his sister to be quiet.

But now that Siena had started, there was no stopping her. All forty inches of her body quivered with rage as hot tears finally overcame her and streamed down her cheeks. "Things were finally getting good. You ruined everything!"

Lora felt her own eyes sting. She stole a glance at her son and noticed that his hands too were trembling and that he was carefully avoiding her eyes. Nothing in the world could have prepared her for this confrontation and for once, Lora had no words to throw back.

"Siena, I... I..." she stammered, but Lora was too tired to think straight, and her daughter knew she had won. Instead of feeling vindicated, Siena was let down.

Her mother did not have a comeback. She did not have any solutions or words of comfort and that was the precious moment when Siena first came to the realisation that her mother could not fix everything.

She wiped her face with the back of her hands and stood up with her head held high. "Come on, Aiden, let's go start our homework."

Lora watched her grab her brother's hand and drag him behind her to the living room where their school bags were. Aiden didn't even bother looking back, confirming Lora's suspicion that her son's feelings matched those of his sister.

Lora fell into Siena's empty chair. What had she done? How could she have been so reckless involving her children in all this?

And then she felt it. The harsh, merciless judgement that always followed such hardships, and this time, it took the shape and sound of Marion's loud slurping of her last sip of tea.

"Don't worry, dear," she started in a honey-sweet tone. "She's just a little girl, she doesn't understand. She was very close with her father, after all. It's only natural that she tries to replace him with another father figure. It happens to the best of us, doesn't it?"

Lora lifted her head and forced her eyes to meet Marion's. "What?"

"And, you've all had such a hard time with poor Jonathan," she went on. "He wasn't the easiest of people on a good day, God rest his soul. So, really nobody could blame you."

Lora counted to three before speaking again, her anger simmering dangerously close to the surface. "Blame me for what, Marion?"

"Well, for moving on so quickly, of course. But it's okay. Have faith and He will guide you back onto the right path."

Lora felt the sting of her words. So much so, that she barely felt her mother's supportive touch on her back.

"What are you trying to say, Marion?" Carmen questioned with a cold tone that was entirely unlike her.

The woman's glinting eyes became round, wide and innocent. "Nothing, Carm-"

"Then why are you speaking?" Carmen cut her off.

Lora looked up and saw that the warm, friendly woman had transformed into the stern, no-nonsense, Catholic mother who raised her and her siblings and she was not to be taken lightly.

Marion's smile faltered for a split second before she plastered an even bigger, even faker one on her face. "Well, look at the time! I better go get ready for the four o'clock mass. Thank you for the tea, I'll see you tomorrow."

And she stood up and left with Carmen's eyes burning a hole in her back until she disappeared behind the curtains. Carmen waited for the thud of the front door before she spoke again.

"It doesn't matter? Since when do you lie to your mother?"

"Ma, I'm really not in the-"

"I'm not an idiot, Lora. You love that man. Now, I don't know what happened or how or when, but that look he gives you... he watches over you like a guard dog. And from the sore sight of you, I don't think he is someone who doesn't matter."

"What do you want me to do, Ma?" Lora cried, surprised at the direction the conversation was taking. She had never talked about Owen with her mother but she was quite certain that it was a relationship she would not approve of.

"Follow your heart!" Carmen retorted without missing a beat.

"I can't trust my heart! Every time I did that I messed up. I did bad things. I... I slept with him on the night of Jona's funeral for Heaven's sake!"

Lora had blurted this out hoping to feel some remorse, some relief. Something! Anything but the hollow despair that had consumed her since Owen had left her with a restless brain and a quivering heart the night before.

But nothing came. If anything, the memory of that night with Owen, and every night after that, only made her long for him even more. Needing to do something with her body, Lora stood up, picked up Marion's empty cup and washed it in the sink. Carmen was close on her heels.

"Maybe you made a few mistakes. But so what?"

"So what? You of all people should be the first to scold me, not encourage this!" she scrubbed Marion's lipstick frantically off the white China.

"You stuck by your husband's side when he needed you the most."

"I didn't. I didn't, Ma. I... I wasn't loyal, I..." Lora was on the verge of breaking down.

The cup slipped from her hand and into the sink, but it didn't break. Some part of Lora was disappointed that it didn't. She watched her mother's hand reach forward as she closed off the running water.

"I watched that man curse the living hell out of you day in day out," Carmen challenged. "I watched his eyes linger on you, like a stench and I watched you follow him around like a dog. You put up a fight occasionally because you're as stubborn as a burnt pot and you can't help being a smart mouth. But whenever it mattered, you were loyal. You stood by him and stepped in to raise his children when it wasn't your duty to do so. You made your sister proud. You say you strayed off the path a little, or maybe a lot, but in the end, you chose him. You chose your duty over what you wanted and He knows it was not an easy duty to fulfil. You paid your debts. Forgive yourself and move on. Honouring Jonathan's memory after his death is futile. What matters is what you did while he was still alive. You may have wanted to go, but you didn't. You stayed. Now, he is gone. There is no reason for you to be enslaved by his memory or by your guilt."

Tears stung the back of her eyes. Lora wanted so much to believe her. She wanted more than anything to let her mother's words ease the pain in her heart. But she couldn't think. She couldn't feel anything beyond the years of exhaustion that weighed her down.

Thankfully, by some divine intervention, she was spared the need to reply as her phone rang in her purse. Lora dried her hands in the dishcloth and sighed as she saw Cara's name on the screen. "Hey, Cara, how are you?"

"Lora! Are you ready for tonight?"

Lora regretted the spite that stirred inside her as she heard her friend's cheerful voice. It wasn't aimed at Cara, of course, it was aimed at happiness in general.

"Er... What's tonight?" she asked confused.

"Lora! It's Mike's boat party! Didn't Karl tell you?"

She racked her brain, but it drew a blank. "No. I guess he forgot."

"Ugh! If he weren't so adorably infatuated with your daughter, I'd kick his butt!" Cara muttered under her breath. "Anyway, Mike is having a boat party to celebrate the start of summer, and the fact that you're rejoining the team. But he's not allowed to say that part so, keep that between us. It's tonight at eight."

Lora thought this should have made her happy. She was going back to her favourite job in less than two weeks and they already wanted to spend time with her. She had always enjoyed Mike's boat parties, though she had only been with Jonathan. And yet, the thought of having to socialize with anyone tonight made her stomach turn.

"I don't know Cara, I don't really feel comfortable coming,"

"Come on! It will be fun! I've never been on Mike's boat, and it won't be the same without you."

Lora could tell Cara meant every word, and for a moment, she considered saying yes just to placate her friend. But her mind started to wonder. If Karl knew about this, then the guest list wasn't restricted to just the nurses. "Do you know who else is coming?"

"What? I'm not enough for you?" Cara joked, feigning offence. Lora smiled through the guilt of hiding so much from her. She had been her best friend for so long and yet, her secrets had pushed them worlds apart. "Me, Mike, Nessy and Isaac for sure. Vico said he'd come but I don't believe him. Karl turned us down, obviously. Two of the care workers are coming. You don't know them but they are really sweet, you'll love them. Mike's wife might come if she's in a good enough mood. And I asked Shaw last week, but he refused flat out. Said he had plans to go to the beach. I think he's dating someone. The lucky bitch. So, will you come? Mike really wants you to come and so do I!"

Lora chewed on her fingernails, Cara's words echoing in her head. She had to work hard to calm her heart down. For a moment, an insane wave of jealousy washed over her at the thought of Owen dating someone else, but then she did the math and realised Cara was talking about her. Finally, she decided that if she ever wanted to get out of this dark hole, she would have to climb out. "Alright, I'll come."

"Perfect! I'll tell Mike right now. We're coming straight from work. Love you!"

But as she heard Cara squeal with delight, her stomach contracted, and by the time she had hung up the phone, she was already regretting her decision.