Lora's fingers hesitated three times before they finally rested on the doorbell. The sweet ding-dong sound made her stomach churn. Owen opened the door and greeted her with a smile which she didn't have the heart to return. He moved aside, allowing her to walk in before he turned to kiss her on the cheek, but she hadn't waited for him to close the door. She walked straight into the kitchen.

The irony hit her like a strong gush of hot air as her mind went back to their first time, right there, by the breakfast bar.

"What's wrong?" Owen asked walking up behind her.

Again she hesitated. She looked at him, his thoughtful eyes filled with worry, his lips pursed. She let out a shaky breath. She couldn't go through with it.

"I can't go through with it," she confessed.

Owen felt the floor give way underneath his feet. "What do you mean you can't go through with it?"

She closed her eyes against the alarm in his voice. She wanted to hold him, touch him. His face, his frown. But instead, her fingers went straight to her mouth and she started biting away on her nails. Owen immediately closed the distance between them and pulled her hand away. He kissed her palm softly and set it on his heart. It was hammering like a machine gun.

"Talk to me, Lora," he said in the gentlest of voices.

She looked up at him through her lashes, the guilt and the pain levelling in her chest so equally she didn't know which emotion was more powerful. "I can't sign the separation papers. I gave them to him and he said he'd sign them if that was what I really wanted, but..."

Her voice faltered and her eyes filled with tears and it did nothing to soothe the trepidation in Owen's lungs. "But what?"

Lora drew in another shaky breath. She had to be strong. "But he said he's willing to forget everything. He said if I stayed, he wouldn't interfere with my life anymore. He wants to stay married for the sake of the kids and for mine."

Owen blinked and blinked and shook his head but he could not bring her back into focus. It was like he was frozen in a world that spun twice as fast.

"For your sake? How is... uh... How does this benefit you?"

Lora felt herself shrinking. She knew the words to say. She practised them over and over in the car, where she sat a full thirty minutes until she found the courage to get out and walk up to his house. And yet, as she spoke them she felt like a fraud. She knew she was doing the right thing but she was wretched.

"It would make things so much easier for Aiden and Siena," she said, her answer directed at herself just as much as it was at the man in front of her. "They wouldn't even know anything. You know how close Siena is with her father, and Aiden is just starting to form a bond with Jona. Jess and Krista are finally giving their relationship with him another go-"

"No, Lora. How does it benefit you?" Owen interrupted, his voice strained with control. "Is it so people don't talk?"

She looked at him for a long time, still as a statue. Then her body trembled and she hugged herself for stability. Owen couldn't read her expression. She could have been angry or offended or worse, ashamed that she'd been caught out. But when her gaze dropped to the floor, he realised she was carefully considering his question. She hadn't even thought about it before. When she opened her mouth, her voice was a mere broken whisper, uncertain and yet full of resignation. 

"I can't be the woman who leaves her sick husband for another man. I can't break up my marriage for my own gain."

Owen felt something akin to rage bubbling inside him even though he knew he had no right to be angry at her. He always knew this would be hard for Lora. She was always black and white. Right and wrong. Never in between. But he never thought her faith so deep-seated to the point of crippling her. She was a logical person after all. She could rationalise anything. Anything except her own interests, apparently.

"What you have is not a marriage," he burst forth because he couldn't help it. "It's a toxic relationship. He manipulated you into it before and he's doing it again now. He is using your guilt and your children, the most precious things in your life, against you! How do you not see that?"

"Maybe, but even so, he is right," Lora choked and a quick tear slipped from her eyes. 

She wiped it away hastily but it was enough to make Owen realise she had been crying, and his arms ached to hold her. She ached for him too, but something held them back. Instead, Owen ran his hands through his hair and sat down on one of the stools with the aim of grounding his restless body and Lora had no choice but to explain further to defend her position. 

"People will talk. And honestly, I deserve every drop of judgement, every wicked look and every hiss thrown at my back. But Aiden and Siena, my mother, Krista, God bless her, she's so sensitive... They don't need to suffer because of me. And even more than that, selfishly speaking, I won't be able to live with myself knowing Jonathan's health is deteriorating because of me. I'm sorry, Owen."

"Because of you? You are the only reason that man is alive!"

"Owen..."

The emotion in her voice, the plea, the kindness, the understanding, reminded him of another woman who wasted away after a man who never allowed her life to be tolerable.

Images of his mother raced through his mind. She had sacrificed everything for him, only he was too young to realise it. If he were older, he would have told her to get up from the floor, pack their bags and leave. If he understood, he would have told her not to cry in shame, to lift her head high when his poor excuse of a father left them. If he knew better, he would have told her to go out and enjoy life. Maybe, give poor Benny a chance to take care of her whenever he came over to bring the shopping because he understood that between work, raising a disturbed child and keeping up appearances for a society that was always ready to pounce, she could barely leave the house.

But now he was older. Now he understood and knew better. And while he genuinely believed that Jonathan wasn't half as bad as his father, he would never physically harm Lora, at least there was that, he could see his mother inside her clearly, her magic fading away before his eyes, living her life for everyone but herself and never getting the chance to truly live. Lora had already forgone her youth, her career. Why should she forgo her happiness as well? 

Because she felt it was her duty. That's what society had made her believe. It was how she was brought up. Sacrifice. Love. Kindness. Charity. Promise. Forgiveness. Righteousness. It was all very poetic. True, even. But what the Catholic Church forgot to preach was that all those things have to start within oneself. Love yourself. Be kind to yourself. Sacrifice your time, your wealth, your desires, but not your life. Not your spirit. Forgive yourself. Fight for what is right for yourself as well as for the well-being of others.

Owen could feel his anger as though he were fifteen again. He wanted to scream and swear and break things. But he wasn't fifteen anymore. And acting like a child didn't help his situation then. It wouldn't help him now.

"So, that's it? You're just giving up?" he said finally, green eyes piercing her soul, looking for the slightest dent in her resolve. "You're not going back into nursing. You're not going to continue your studies and travel and live by the sea and..." He paused, eyes glistening. "And you're not going to... We're not going to get the chance we deserve."

"This isn't easy for me," she started, but her voice broke. Her chin trembled. It wasn't easy for her, but she'd only realised how 'not easy' it would be when she reached his door. She had been so focused on what she should be fixing that she hadn't really thought about what she would be leaving behind.

Owen saw it. The dent. And he pounced, fighting for what he wanted, what he believed with all his heart was right. He stood and walked closer to her, resting his hands on her shoulders, pretending not to notice how she eased into him slightly before shrinking away.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked firmly. "You don't deserve this. You deserve to be happy and in love, and with him you are neither!"

Her eyes darted over his face, looking desperately for a way out. "Owen, I... Please understand."

"You never should have married him! You don't love him!" he scoffed, the agony now surfacing through his voice.

"I know that," she whispered back.

"Then, why? Why are you doing this?"

"Because I did marry him!" she cried, another tear escaping her brave eyes as Owen shook her without even realising. "And love is not the only thing that matters!"

"Bull crap, Lora, that's only true until you find it."

"Find what?"

"Love!" he shouted finally letting her go. He paced around the kitchen twice before turning back to Lora, who stood there stunned into stillness. "For God's sake, we can't keep toeing around this anymore! I love you! I thought this was our chance to make this right. I want to take you out. I want to hold your hand in public. I want to knock on your door in broad daylight and kiss you on the porch and not have to make sure the neighbours don't see my car. I want to make love to you every night and every morning and hear you scream my name without a care in the world who would hear it. I want to see you blissfully happy all the time! Not just in the shadows. I have never loved someone the way I love you!"

He grabbed her face and pulled her close until their noses were less than an inch apart. And just when he thought he broke through, she asked him, "What good is that if we're both married to other people?"

Another tear fell and he wiped it away for her with his thumb. He smiled as he felt her shudder, selfishly glad he still had that effect on her, relieved that her heart wasn't in her stupid decision to discard him like a bad secret.

"We are not both married to other people. I have been separated for over three years and there is no chance of us getting back together. One because she is the devil reincarnated and two because now I know what we had wasn't love. Or maybe it was, but it's not like it is with you. Carla and I will get a divorce as soon as we can file for one. And don't give me that crap about still being married in the eyes of the Lord. The God I believe in is the epitome of love and forgiveness, so don't tell me I should be stuck in a life of penitence with a woman who treats me like dirt just because I rushed into something I didn't understand when I was an idiot kid.

"Having a robed man bless the worthless vows of two people he knows nothing about is not a marriage. Two people loving each other, willing to do anything for one another, wanting the other person to soar and wanting to share their lives with them so they can see that progress, that's a marriage, Lora. A true union. A partnership. Sticking with each other no matter what. Friendship. Respect. Giving as much as one receives. That's love. And maybe, it is not important until you find it. But once you do, then it's everything. It is every breath, every heartbeat. It surpasses all logic and all promises ever made. And that is what I feel for you. So, I am going to ask you one last time. Why are you doing this?"

Lora looked up into the green eyes she'd become familiar with. She saw intensity and honesty and a vulnerability that almost made her knees give. It was taking all her energy not to fall into him and kiss him and wrap her arms around him and never let him go. But how could she? How could she?

She would lose everything. Her family. Her soul. Her self-respect.

"Why, Lora?" he asked again.

And her voice was strong when she answered, as were her eyes, and yet more tears were falling and her hands were shaking. He had to understand.

"Because after the sun sets, when the day draws to a close and all is said and done, my soul, my conscience and my children are the only things I am left with. It doesn't matter what I want. What matters is what I have."

Owen's hands fell to his sides and there was no mistaking the hurt in his voice when he next spoke. "What about me? You have me. Because God knows when my sun is setting, all I have, all I want is you. You and everything that comes along with you. Your kids, your scary brother, your bat-shit crazy mother, your stupid brainwashed ideas and your stubborn political standing, Jonathan included if that's what it takes."

"You can't mean that," Lora stated, her heart beating wildly at the thought. She wouldn't allow it. It would cause them so much pain. All of them. And yet, just the thought of finding a way to be with Owen had sent her heart spinning into a frenzy.

"I mean it," he went on. "And if you feel just a fraction of what I feel for you, you would see that we can't just ignore this. Don't you see? This isn't just about you leaving me for a man you can't stand. It's about going back to an existence that sucks the life out of you."

Lora pressed her lips tighter to suppress her sobs.

"Stay with me," Owen begged, taking her hands in his again. "Stay with me, please. We'll find a way. You said it yourself, he won't interfere."

But she shook her head once. Twice.

"It's not right."

"No. None of this is right," he agreed, but his heartbeat started to slow down, each pound less steady than the one before. "But I can't lose you. It's not an option."

"I can't do it. I'm sorry."

"Tell me you love me." Lora's heart stopped and Owen heard it. "Tell me you love me. I need to know, Lora. I need to know you know what you're doing, that you are aware of every-"

"I love you," she breathed, her doe eyes large and round.