The silence in the room was deafening. Lora felt the weight of it crush her.

"Jonathan," she said after another beat, her voice steadier than she felt. "Please, say something."

He didn't move. He didn't blink. If she hadn't noticed the increased clenching of his jaw and heard the sickening grinding of his teeth, she would have wondered whether he'd even heard her.

"Fine. I'll talk," she sighed. Because she couldn't take the silence, the throbbing of her heart beating and bruising against her sternum. Because she was exhausted and she wanted this to end. But then she paused, hoping he would stop her, wondering if his gaze, fixed so determinedly on Aiden's drawing, would break.

It didn't break. He didn't stop her. Her shoulders slumped forward as she realised she had to do this on her own.

"I've been thinking about this for a long time," she started. "Not actually about splitting up necessarily, but about our marriage in general and how we can make it work. It's not a spur-of-the-moment thing or a rushed decision and you know this, Jonathan. We're only delaying the inevitable."

She stopped again, giving him the perfect chance to interrupt her, to answer back, but once again, he remained silent. Lora could see the fire in her husband's eyes, flickering, raging behind the familiar blue of his irises. But his lips did not twitch. His head did not turn. And it only infuriated her.

"I know I am as much to blame in this as you," she went on. "I won't try to play the martyr. I could easily tell you I was young and naïve and manipulated into this marriage. You know as well as I do that I wouldn't be lying if I did. But it's also true that I wanted an escape. I needed to get out of my mother's house, away from the gossip and the shame and scandal of Hannah's death. Everyone talked about her like she was a criminal. Like she was a spoiled brat who took her own life without thinking. Like it was an adventure, even.

"I didn't know what to make of it. I remember feeling angry. I remember thinking she should have been braver, more resistant. I hated myself for it and yet, I couldn't help it. I heard my mother cry. I saw my father stare into oblivion, his eyes soulless, devoid of life because he had lost his eldest. She was his favourite, after all."

There was no spite in Lora's words. She had made peace with the fact that everyone preferred her elder sister a long time ago. She was the fun one. The happy one. How ironic was that?

"I needed to get out. I needed to do something useful to redeem her. You would never believe it, but being here, with you and the girls, was the closest thing to normality I could get to at the time. And then you asked me to marry you. Because it was convenient. Because we were only encouraging another scandal, which was the last thing I wanted. And I said yes because it was what we both needed. It was what was best for Jess and Krista. Not because it was the right thing to do. Not because I had any notion of falling in love.

"I made my bed and lay in it, tossing and turning, trying to make it a bit more comfortable. But it never was. And, I don't regret it, Jonathan. I mean, we had some good times... We have two beautiful children. We raised two strong adults who make me proud every day. So, I don't regret it. But we have no reason to stay in this marriage anymore. Except to avoid another scandal and look where that has brought us."

She sounded strong. So strong, in fact, that Lora was surprising even herself. She clasped her hands in her lap, certain that God was with her even though her actions these past weeks were anything but deserving. But Heaven knows she tried. She tried and she failed and there was nothing left to do but do right by herself, her husband and their children. She could no longer pretend to be Jonathan's wife. In reality, they hadn't acted like husband and wife in years. It was about time they faced the music.

"I dug myself deeper and deeper into sin. I've been unfaithful. I've been disrespectful and disobedient. I'm sorry. You don't have to believe me, but I am. I don't want to hurt you, Jona. I won't abandon you. Nothing has to change for you. I won't ask for the house or any money. I will rent an apartment, find a job and move out quietly. You can see the children whenever you like. I will arrange for a live-in carer to take care of you. I understand you might not want to look at me ever again. Whatever you want, Jonathan."

She stopped again as the desperation caused her voice to crack. His lack of reaction was killing her slowly, torturing her more than his usual swearing and shouting. She wanted him, no, needed him to look at her, scream and bring the house down. She was used to that. She could handle that. But of course, he didn't. Because Jonathan always knew what she needed, and he always used that to his advantage. She was the one demanding a divorce and yet, he was the one who had the upper hand. As always.

Finally, she gave in and with one final whisper, she said, "Whenever you're ready, I'll be here."

And she shuffled out of the room feeling anything but how she wanted to feel when she decided to tell him the truth. Free.

#

Lora inspected her palms with disgust. It had been one week since she told Jonathan she wished to end their marriage. One whole week! And she had nothing to show for it. No lawyer. No interim arrangements. No plan. No putrid looks from her nieces or uncomfortable conversations with her children. No scorning calls from her mother or quips of approval from her brother. She didn't even have a seething argument with her husband. Nothing. Just the marks of her fingernails etched in her skin and the constant nausea in her stomach.

She promised Jonathan she wouldn't do anything until he was ready. She had known it would not be easy for him. She had known it would not be soon. But she had no idea he would hold out for so long without even acknowledging her. They were unhappy. Both of them. Their marriage was dead. It had been for a long time. And now she was getting impatient.

Owen, the only person who actually knew about the divorce, apart from Jona, of course, told her that when his wife asked him for a separation, he lost track of time because things were moving so fast, it was impossible for him to wrap his head around how many things had changed in so little time. But with her, it seemed like it was the other way around. Nothing had changed. Time stood still and it was killing Lora ever so slowly. Every day was the same and she needed something, anything, to change.

The door to Jona's room opened and a heavy breath escaped Lora's lips as soon as she saw the dejected look on Karl's face.

"Nothing?" she asked, the hint of hope in her own voice mocking her.

Karl shook his head. "Lora, you know better than anyone how stubborn he can be. Krista is still in there trying to convince him to have some lunch."

Lora felt a fresh wave of nausea churn in her stomach but she steadied herself. Jona was refusing to eat, refusing to mobilise and do his exercises. He only took his medications once she left the room and Lora wasn't too convinced that he wasn't really disposing of them, or worse, hoarding them. He let her wash him begrudgingly and only because he had no other option. Despite everything, she was terrified for his well-being. Lora could already see his muscles wasting. He had redness on all the bony prominences of his body and in his malnourished state, there was no way his skin would not break soon. His breaths were slightly more laboured than they used to be. Not much, but enough to make Lora worry that he might contract another chest infection if he didn't get out of that bed soon or at least sit up.

Lora tried and tried to convince herself that he was doing all of this on purpose, to vex her, to make her go back on her decision, but she couldn't. With every glimpse, every attempt at talking to him, she could see how the light in Jona's usually fearsome eyes had dimmed over the past week, how his cheeks hollowed, and she just couldn't believe anyone could fake that, not even Jonathan.

Meanwhile, Jess and Krista took it upon themselves to visit every day just to get some fluid down their father's throat. They were the only ones he somewhat listened to, even if it was only half-heartedly and with great difficulty. Krista was cheerful enough about it but Jess was more heedful.

Being wise beyond her years, somehow Jess knew her father had found out about Lora's affair. She could sense that even though her aunt and her father's marriage was doomed from the start, something had changed suddenly, and this was the reason why Jonathan, who was known for fighting tooth and nail to achieve what was beyond expectation, was deteriorating like a terminal patient. 

And while Jess was kind enough to her aunt, Lora felt more and more miserable with every comforting smile Jess threw at her, with every squeeze of her hand before she left. The guilt weighed so heavily on Lora's chest that, despite being impatient to the point of bursting, she didn't dare bring up their separation again. Not to her. Not to Krista. And definitely not to Jonathan. Not before he brought it up himself.

Jona's door opened again and out came Krista, carrying a tray still loaded with food and looking perfectly crestfallen.

"He took the tea and two bites of the sandwich," she announced making her way towards them.

"Well, that's not too bad, I guess," Lora replied quietly, almost choking on her own voice. "I put two scoops of protein in his tea and loaded that sandwich with eggs and chicken."

"See? You almost fed him a full meal, Krista," Karl said warmly.

Lora noted the sudden red tinge in Krista's cheeks and the way she was gazing shyly at him from underneath her lashes. She narrowed her eyes at her niece but didn't say anything.

Perhaps she was imagining things. After all, Krista was always timider than her big sister, and Karl was at least four years older than her. Still, Krista was at the tender age where the magnitude of attraction could crush her little heart. Hence, the term crush. It was what Hannah used to say anyway, and Hannah was never wrong.

"Don't you have classes today?" Lora queried before she could stop herself.

Krista barely lifted her eyes and her voice was wittier than usual when she answered, "Not for another hour. Plenty of time to catch the bus."

Much to Lora's surprise, Karl jumped to her rescue. "Bus? Nonsense, you can hitch a ride with me. I'm going straight to the hospital from here."

Lora arched her brows, barely believing what was going on in front of her eyes. When had her eighteen-year-old niece become interested in the gigantic physiotherapist? Come to think of it, when had her eighteen-year-old niece shown any interest in anyone at all?

A protective sadness consumed Lora's chest as she felt her niece slipping from her motherly clutches.

As though sensing her apprehension, Karl cleared his throat politely and asked, "If that's okay with you, of course, Mrs Scicluna."

Lora twisted her lips sardonically and the wods burst through her mouth before she had time to filter them. "Mrs Scicluna? No need to lay it on so thick, Karl," she bit back. Then seeing the gentle nod of his chin, she added, "It's fine. Take good care of her."

Krista's face flushed beet red again but Karl stood a bit taller as he promised Lora he would.

Lora's phone rang just as she closed the door behind Karl and Krista. She smiled at seeing Owen's name on the screen. "Hey," she answered softly.