A/N: Don't give up on me yet.

I went to the hospital just 5 days before, and they told me just exactly what I braced myself to hear.

Good news: He wasn't dead

Bad news: Yet

You can't blame me, that at this point I have very little hope. I reached there and they told me he had barely survived, which means that I had barely made it.

At some point they had transferred him from Mercy Hospital, to York hospital. It was the best option for someone in such condition as him. That condition being, that he was still unconscious.

I feel emotionally unconscious.

If that makes any sense.

I sat at his bedside and watched him sleep. At least I like to call it sleep. As if any moment he will wake up, I'll smile at him and call him an idiot, and he'll reply 'But you still love me.'

You and I both know that is just a foolish dream, a dream that is too far out of reach.

"I can't continue to miss school, you know."

Talking should help.

"People keep calling me, asking if I am okay. They are stupid for asking. And it should get me mad each time they do, but I barely have the time to express myself, if anything I should chose to be upset. Nah...you already helped me do that, I don't need more than I can handle.

The amount of makeup work I am going to have to do is ridiculous.

Of all the things I could talk about, I choose to talk about school. Great. I have officially gone mad.

Speaking of mad, I got those voice mails of yours. Now that made me angry, and I only ever listened to the first two. I can not bring myself to playing the next one, cause each one takes away a piece of me after I hear it, to the point where I fear what will become of me at the end.

But maybe if I listen to them all, I may be able to paint a black and white picture of what you were thinking when you decided to try and take your life.

Just not yet."

These last five days, I have chosen to speak to the only one person who can't respond back. Maybe it is my way of protecting myself from other trying to help me. When really, they do not even know the first step in making me feel better.

I stopped eating basically.

I barely sleep.

I don't communicate, save the few syllabus I utter to keep myself out of a psych ward.

I am like a dead zombie.

Wait what?

Aren't all zombies dead?

I don't even know.

I look at the time and see that it is nearly seven in the afternoon, meaning I had been here for about eight hours. I would have to head out soon, it is a long drive back home.

...

I lay in my bed, with music filling my ears.

How does one get over a heartbreak?

No, I am not talking about the kind of heartbreak one comes across when someone else decides to fall out of love with them. This isn't a love story, well for the most part it isn't.

I am talking about the kind that takes hold of every one of your senses, till all you can feel is the pain that will slowly eat you up inside. The kind that is like a poison that will take, take, and take, till you are left emptied. The kind that even when you try not to think of it, all it does is consume your every thought. The kind that screams to you that it was somehow your fault, and that you should've seen this coming.

The kind of heartbreak, that isn't really a heartbreak at all, but more of a purging.

Slowly stripping you of all that was good until you are left...

Barren.

And it feels horrible.

To where I begin to cry, a gut wrenching sob to where I feel as if I am running out of oxygen. Each breath feeling like a sharp knife against my throat.

The only time I've hurt so bad was when my mom passed.

I know it gets better, that there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel, and that there will be a rainbow at the end of this storm. But when will I finally reach it?

One day I'll cry a little less, and this won't be the only thing I think about. The pain will be less, and I will come to peace with this. Either through forgiveness or after mourning.

I'll live, though for now, I'll slowly die on the inside.

So I cried.

Each tear as a tribute to the days I will be fine.

But right now, I am not okay, and I acknowledge that.

One day I will be.

Just not today.