———

It was a small fire. Who would have thought that it would cost a lifetime? Time didn't let him forget those awful memories. Just like how he treasured the good ones, it didn't fade. It comes along like a package.

Judge didn't mind.

Ang mga alaalang iyon ang gusto niyang balikan. Kahit katumbas man nito ang pagbalik sa mga masasakit na alaalang gusto niyang kalimutan. Sa totoo lang, napakasakit. Sa tuwing naaalala niya ang matamis na ngiti ng ina. Hindi niya mapigiling isipin ang mga luha nito noong unti-unti itong sinusunog ng apoy. Sa tuwing naririnig ang mahinhing halakhak ng ina kasabay lamang nito ang pag-alala niya sa malakas na sigaw nito noong gabing iyon.

"Judge!" She screamed.

"Judge, anak! Umalis ka na!"

It was agonizing and dreadful, yet it wasn't for her. It was for her child. Nakita niyang nakatayo lamang ang labing-apat na taong binatilyo sa gitna ng kwarto. Hindi alintana nito ang nakapalibot na apoy. Ramdam ng balat nito ang init at langhap nito ang simoy ng marahas at itim na usok, ngunit kahit ganoon nagawa pa rin nitong itaas ang kamay para abotin ang malayang apoy.

--

After wasting his time by attending the shitty dinner, he went home but instantly caught up in RORO. He emptied two bottles of soju and fell asleep. It was four in the morning when he woke. He was wasted, but managed a quick stroll. 

"Judge?" Lyca whispered. "What are you d-doing?"

That soft voice made him flinch and pulled him out from his deep thoughts. The dark skies and heavy clouds covered his pupils. Anytime soon it would rain just like how he badly wanted to cry. The skies were mimicking his emotions.

Somehow, Judge's feet brought him all the way up on the ledge of a bridge. He was sitting on the cold surface while nursing an empty bottle of liver-killing liquid in his hand. In lackadaisical manner, he was bobbing his head as if hearing an imaginary beat in it. After he tires himself, he instantly stood up on the ledge, nonchalant of the overwhelming view below.

That sudden bold move forced a huge gasp out from Lyca's lips. The early morning breeze was harsh. It disheveled her curls making a messy bird's nest out from her hair. Nagbabadya rin ang pagbuhos ng ulan, ngunit nanatili ang mga mata ni Lyca kay Judge. Nakapaskil sa mukha nito ang isang malungkot na ngiti.

"Lyca..." he whispered but enough for her ears to hear.

"J-judge... Can you please c-come down? Bumaba ka na riyan," she convinced him slowly. "After that, we could talk 'kay?"

"W-why am fucking I miserable? Everyone seems fine. I believe they moved on. Alam mo 'yon nakalimutan na nila lahat. Samantalang ako ay hindi. Hindi ko kaya," he said. "Believe me, I badly want to forget those memories too, yet I can't. Pakiramdam ko kasi wala akong karapatang gawin 'yon. Of all the people who's asking for peace of mind, I should be ashamed for asking one because I don't deserve it."

"Don't say that, Judge. You are a wonderful person. You deserve every wonders this world could give. The only thing you need to do is to let them in Judge," Lyca said, slowly trailing her way towards the deadly ledge. "Let them in. Stop shutting them down. Stop confining yourself in the dark."

"It's easy for you to say."

"It is easy for me to say because I believe in you. I believe that you are more than the darkness you used to isolate yourself in because even in the dark you shine. What more if you open your door?" Tuluyang nakalapit si Lyca sa harapan ni Judge. Inilahad niya ang kamay sa harap ng binata at ngumiti. "It's fine to be miserable. As long as you find the door out from your misery, it's fine."

Lyca's palm laid free and exposed in front of the boy, but it only took seconds before Judge locked his palm against hers. Without breaking their bind hands, he jumped off from the ledge while staring at her with tender eyes. As soon as his shoes' soles touched the cemented ground, his arm snaked around Lyca's frame, pulling her into a tight embrace.

"I'm s-sorry," Judge mumbled against her clothed neck. "Sorry, sorry... Sorry."

As soon as those words left Judge's mouth, it began to drizzle. It was light just like how tears slowly fell from Judge's eyes. Until it poured hard she bets Judge did too. Somehow, the rain helped him conceal the sparkling crystals in his orbes.

"J-judge... hey, it's o-okay. You will be okay," bulong niya rito. Nanatiling magkalapit ang kanilang mga katawan sa isa't isa hindi alintana ang malakas na pagbuhos ng ulan at ang pagkabasa ng mga damit. Ramdam ni Lyca ang malakas na kabog ng dibdib, maging ang marahas na pagtaas-baba ng balikat.

The harsh down pour of rain didn't break their connected body, but a loud and abrupt horn from a vehicle forced them to separate. They flinched as their eyes flew on the man who did the sudden noise.

"Well, well, well. Nakakakilig naman." It was Jung. Nakababa na ang bintana nito habang nakatanaw sa kanila mula sa kotse. Bahagya nitong inihilig ang braso sa bintana at nakahalumbaba silang tinignan. "Sana all kiss in the rain."

"Shut up," Judge snorted.

Pumasok na sila sa loob ng kotse ng lalaki. Katabi lamang niya si Lyca, ngunit bahagya siyang umusog ng makita ang nang-aakusang tingin ni Jung. Nakataas ang kilay nito at nakanguso pa.

"Ano?" He asked, slightly irritated.

"Ba't ang pula ng mata mo. Bakit namamaga 'yan?" Tanong ni Jung. "Baka hindi lang 'yan ang namamaga? Baka may iba pang namamaga diyan."

Judge glared at Jung. "Pinagsasabi mo?"

Jung smiled and even whistled playfully. "Wala. Basang-basa ka'yo, ang upuan ng kotse ko mababasa. Lalo ka na Lyca. You're so... wet. Sana all wet— Putangina!"

Agad napabalikwas si Jung nang maramdaman ang lamig ng tubig sa balat. Matapos ibuhos ni Judge ang kalapit na laman ng bottled water. Inubos niya ito kay Jung, sanhi ng tuluyang pagkabasa nito.

Judge smirked. "'Yan wet ka na."

The car hasn't stop yet, so as the rain. Hindi na ito kasing lakas nang bumuhos ito kanina, ngunit may mga patak pa rin. Madalim ang langit. Mukhang malabo pang magpakita ang araw dahil tinatakpan ito ng malalaking mga ulap.

"Saan ba tayo pupunta?" Judge asked.

Jung didn't answer, instead he pulled over.
It was nearly 4 o'clock in the morning when a call woke his drunk self. Si Jung iyon, tinatanong kung saan siya para sunduin. Hindi niya alam kung anong balak ni Jung, pero sinabi niya ritong sunduin siya sa may tulay na malapit sa RORO.

Ipinarada ni Jung ang kotse sa harap ng isang pamilyar na bahay. It was Lola Millie's. Sumisigaw ang kulay pink na gate nito at dalawang andanang bahay na kulay pink din. Agad naman silang bumaba at pumasok sa gate.

"Ba't tayo nandito?"

"Bakit? Ayaw mong umuwi?" Jung arched his brow. "Huwag mong sabihing magtatanan ka'yo ni Lyca kanina? Hindi lang natuloy dahil naabotan ko ka'yo."

"Ang high mo." Napailing siya at linagpasan ito. Judge immedietely entered Lola Millie's humble abode. He badly wanted to change already. Nangangati na talaga siya sa damit niyang ilang araw niyang hindi napapalitan. Kahit hindi sinabi ni Jules kahapon na mukha siyang taong grasa, ramdam naman niya. Ramdam naman niyang kailangan niya ng matinding ligo.

"Jeru?" Judge gasped.

He was taken a back. He even squeezed his eyes, checking if he's actually seeing his red head right and not just a side effect sojus in his head. Ngunit nang buksan niya ulit ang mga mata, bumungad kay Judge ang prenteng nakaupo na si Jeru sa harap. Jeru wasn't in his hospital wardrobe. He was dressed nicely with his white shirt layered with a checkered long sleeves and bottomed with a simple jeans.

"What are you doing here— Jon?"

The familiar lanky figure and clean cut forced him to acknowledge his presence. It was indeed Jon. Just like Jeru, Jon's dressed well except for some differences. Naka-tuxedo ito. Maganda at nakataling maayos ang neck tie, habang nahihiyang yumuko sa tapat niya.

"Jon? What the real fuck? Bakit nandito ka?" He averted his gaze to Jeru. "Ikaw? 'Di ba dapat na sa ospital ka ngayon?"

"Bakit mukha ba itong ospital?" Jeru replied, obviously sarcastic.

"Hindi nga, kaya bakit ka nandito?"

"I'm here because I was discharged. Kanina lang," Jeru explained. "Hindi ba nasabi ni Jung sa 'yo?"

"Obviously," he said. "Ikaw Jon, bakit nandito ka?"

"Hindi ka nga talaga sinabihan ni Jung," Jeru pointed out. Tumayo ito at may kinuha mula sa bulsa. Inabot niya ito kay Judge. When Judge got it, he simply scan thru it. It was just a poster. It was vibrant and the header was eye-catching. Instantly, his eyes flew on it to read.

"Remember the music festival? The one Lola Millie signed us in?"

Judge nodded.

"We'll go there."

"Surprise!" Jung entered with a huge smile.  Kasunod lamang nito si Lyca. "Hindi ko sinabi kaagad sa'yo dahil gusto ko surprise."

"Seryuso ba ka'yo? San Jose 'yon mahigit limang oras ang byahe."

"Mukha ba kaming nang-gogood time?" Sabi ni Jung. "Sa totoo nga niyan naimpake na namin lahat. 'Yong mga gamit na sa sasakyan na. Tignan mo si Jon naka-tuxedo na. Mahiya ka naman! Ikaw na lang ang hinihintay namin."

Judge badly wanted a long and cold bath. After ignoring the importance of hygiene and not having a bath for two days, he opted to savore his moment under the shower. However, it seemed like Judge couldn't do it because Jung's annoying blabbers accompanied with noisy knocks forced him to cut his allotted time in the shower. Judge suit himself in his white shirt and denim jeans. He didn't bother drying his hair and stormed out from the house with wet hair.

"Tagal mo naman."

Judge ignored Jung's sideway remark and proceeded to enter the car. Sumunod kaagad si Jung at pumunta sa driver's seat. Siya ang magmamaneho sa unang dalawang oras. Katabi lamang nito si Jeru na kasalitan niya sa pag mamaneho kapag napagod ito, ngunit mabilis na umangal si Jung.

"Jae will sit here!"

"Who the heck is Jae?"

Mabilis na bumaba si Jung. Pagkabalik nito  may karga-karga na itong pusa. They didn't need to ask where Jung got the fury species. Pamilyar ang pusa na iyon dahil iyon 'yong pusang pagala-gala sa RORO. Judge sometimes fed the kitten but he didn't know that it has a name... and it's a boy?

"Siya dapat ang katabi ko."

"Whatever." Jeru rolled his eyes and went to sit beside Jon at the back. Siya at si Lyca ay nakaupo sa gitna. Nakapagbihis na si Lyca at nakahilig na ito sa tabi niya. Ayon kay Jung, kailangan ng moral support at tagabantay ng gamit kaya napagdesisyonan na isama na lang. Nagkibit-balikat si Judge. Wala namang kaso sa kaniya iyon lalo pa't wala na siyang magagawa at napagpaalam na pala nila si Lyca sa kanila.

"Shit!"

Judge slowly opened his lids and squinted for a second. Two hours ago the ride was smooth. They had a couple of stops to pee and refill the gas. Though, sometime they would make a special stop for Jon. Hindi nila alam kung anong ginagawa nito, pero dumederetso lang ito sa C.R.. Hindi naman ito nagtatagal at pagkatapos magpapatuloy na sila. When Judge completely opened his eyes, it flew immediately on the girl sleeping soundly abreast him. Bahagya niya itong tinitigan bago inilipat ang mga mata sa harapan.

"Anong nangyari?"

"The van... It just stop out of a sudden." Hinampas ni Jung ang steering wheel. "Putangina. Na sa gitna pa tayo ng daan."

"I told you this ancient buddy's not a good idea," Jeru nagged. Nakababa na rin ito at tinutulak na nila ang lumang van ni Lola Millie. She offered it to them, since they couldn't fit inside Jung's car... and their things too. They didn't have a choice, this old van was their last shot. The van was fine... and it's pink. Sa una okay naman ito, hanggang pagkatapos ng dalawang oras tumirik ito sa gitna ng daan.

"Come on this vintage dude is instagram worthy. Look, ang ganda lang naman," sagot ni Jon na nagtutulak din. Mapapansin na habol-habol nito ang hininga. "We should take a photo with this van. Remembrance lang."

"Maganda rin sana pagnasasakyan at hindi nagpapatulak."

"Hey! It's okay! Umaandar na ang putangina," anunsiyo ni Jung mula sa loob. "Pasok na ka'yo."

Back on the lane, fifteen minutes had been good. It was a blast of rock music playing on the radio. It filled up the entire van and their ears completely. Dahil sa lakas ng tugtog wala ng nagawang makatulog sa kanila. Silently Lyca sat in her place. She bobbed her head slightly and felt the rhythm slowly creeping through her body. It intensified when Jung began singing. He was tapping his fingers on the steering wheel and obviously enjoying the music. Sumabay na rin sa pagkanta si Jon. He has a nice voice. It was deep and raspy. Hindi nagtagal ay sumunod na rin sa pagkanta si Judge. Si Jeru ay nanatiling tahimik sa likod, ngunit hindi maikakaila ang marahang pag-indak ng kaniyang mga kamay.

It was fun. The outdoor breeze from the opened window smelled like fresh leaves and salt. It came from the vast of blue sea and green trees lined on both sides of the road respectively. That day they were deprived by the sun. It didn't show up. Only the dark clouds and threatening rain accompanied them in their journey, yet it didn't faze their burning heart. Instead, it filled up their empty and cold souls with warmth and joy.  It was all worth it.

###