❝oh friend, come get high with me. hand in hand, it's new year's eve. we're allowed tonight to pretend we're free.
promise me, on new year's eve.❞
— mø, new year's eve

♥

GUILT CHURNED IN MY CHEST, a million meaningless apologies threatening to storm up my throat. I didn't know Edward, and I didn't know her. I knew nothing about her relationship/engagement/marriage, or her feelings, or her life. I was that guy.

Yeah, I'd have slapped me too. I'd have pushed me off the roof.

Silently, Scarlett brushed her shoulder against mine. I drew a shaky breath, casting my gaze to the floor to catch the last glimpse of those lethal stilettos that I... would glaaaaaadly take in the teeth... if it meant she would stay.

Fuck, my head felt heavy. I needed some air. I took a step and swayed, blinking past the blurry haze to find a trace of red fabric slipping through the shadows. No, Nick, no. I'd already fucked this up; I needed to let her go.

I should've let her walk away in the beginning.

I should've gone home.

No, I should've never even let Levi convince me to come out tonight.

Levi.

A groan built in the back of my throat as I tugged my phone from my pocket. I couldn't leave Levi. Honestly, I didn't trust Carly, and I definitely didn't want to wake up tomorrow morning to discover that the crazy bitch had killed him. It wouldn't be me; it would be Levi that they found in a dumpster full of prostitutes in Red Hook.

Yeah, that would be the cherry on top of the beginning of a fantastic fucking decade.

Clumsily, I staggered to the stairs, climbing from the basement to the sidewalk and tripping into the cold January air. My palms hit gravel; my phone skidded over the curb. I bit back a cry, reaching for the fucking iPhone with trembling fingers. I didn't know who to call. It seemed like a drunken toss-up between an Uber, Levi, or Mom.

I just needed to talk to someone before my drunk ass decided to walk into fucking traffic.

An icy wind lashed at my face, numbing my cheeks and stinging my eyes. I took in desperate mouthfuls of that dry air, closing my eyes, wishing the entire world would just stop spinning, spinning, spinning, spinnin—

My back met the sidewalk.

It took a long, dizzy, nauseating moment to open my eyes, to find jagged rooftops and a hazy sky, to remember where I was and who I was. New York was starless, but never, ever dark, and always fucking me over.

New York hated Nick Cooper.

A splintered, shattered screen cut across my blurry vision, and as I squinted at the phone clutched in my palm, blinking, blinking, blinking, staring at that little circle, that fucking adorable picture of her smiling, it fucking hit me.

Even drunk, I couldn't forget her.

I tapped on the number.

That picture flooded the screen so fucking quickly that I flinched. I could practically hear Levi, drowning out the muffled ring, telling me in that big-brother-knows-best tone: Kayla fucked you up. No, you just need me to remind you that Kayla was a bitch, dude. Kayla... what Kayla did to you... it's not your fault.

It wasn't my fault.

Levi had said it the night I called him, bleeding, wondering what to do... where to go... how to get out. I needed to get out. I needed to get out, and I didn't... I didn't kn—

"Nick?"

My stomach lurched. "Kay."

I heard it. I heard her breathing hitch. "Hey, Nick."

"Kay, I'm... I'm... so drunk. I'm... lying on my back on the sidewalk, somewhere in the Lower East Side, and I..." I hated her. "I just wanted to tell you that I.... I hope 2020 fucking kills you."

I did. I genuinely hoped 2020 fucking killed her—and everyone else that she fucked while I was in love with her.

"I hope... I hope—"

"Carly? Seriously?"

My heart stopped. I jolted from the sidewalk, dropping my phone, wincing at the dull ache in the back of my skull, and then collapsing on my elbows. The world darkened.

Woot. Maybe I was almost a blackout stage.

"Carly," she hissed, suddenly too close, too close, too close. "What the hell happened?"

Déjà fucking vu.

Despite everything, my lips twitched. It was stupid, but I did take some slight satisfaction in the fact that Scarlett had a 'Levi' to deal with—an impulsive, reckless, clueless person that she loved enough to not abandon. I knew the fucking struggle, and I had mad respect for that.

Dizzily, I stumbled to my feet, criss-crossing ankles and swimming through a fog, desperate to close the few feet from the curb to the source of her voice. I didn't find her at first; I found the big, white sign on the brick building beside Berlin that read—Catholic Charities: The Catholic Big Brothers & Big Sisters.

Yikes.

Theeeeen I found the iron gate that held their private parking lot, the beautifully exasperated brunette, and... the two, twisting silhouettes, half-dressed, grinding against a chain link fence at the edge of the parking lot, a wasted, wasted, waaaaasted couple.

Levi and Carly.

Yeaaaaah. Oh, the irony.

"Jesus, my eyes," I grumbled, shifting on my feet nervously. I could feel the heat radiating from her body, so fucking close to me, too fucking close to me. "Levi, this is a sacred space."

"Yeah, I promise, this is allllll very religious, bro," he snickered. "I'm using my God-given ability to procreate."

I facepalmed. "Levi, didn't you guys just fuck?"

Scarlett whipped around to look at me, and her dark gaze burned into my skin.

"Nick..." Levi detached slowly, tugging his jeans up and crawling out of the shadows to give me a loose grin. "That was like... an hour ago."

"Really?" Scarlett scoffed. "Carly, you actually fucked him?"

"For the record," she drawled, following Levi to the gate with a matching grin. They were disgustingly perfect for each other. Her fingers toyed at the hem of her dress. "It was good, Scar."

Wow, thanks for letting us know, Carly.

An exasperated sigh fell from Scarlett's lips. "Okay, please think about this, Carly. Is it something you reaaaaally want to do?"

Well, too late.

I bit back an inappropriate response, instead narrowing in on the way Carly dipped a hand into her bra, approaching us slowly. Her smile simmered into something soft. "Yeah, I do. I got some E from Kelly, and I think... I think..."

Oh fuck, Mom would kill us.

Scarlett cocked her head to the side. Her lips drew into a tight line. "Okay." She held a hand out. "Let's do It."

"Yes!" Carly giggled, and then in a flash, she tore a little baggie from her magic tits. "It'll be perfect, Scarlett. I promise."

They were talking in some girl code that completely confused me. I fumbled for a response, reaching for Levi haphazardly, but before I could spit out an excuse to leave, Scarlett popped open the tiny bag of pills and shot me a deceptively sweet smile. "Here's to 2020 killing us." Her eyes flashed. "Right, Nick?"

—This is difficult. I feel like it got serious in this chapter, which is such a different vibe from the rest of the story. 🥺 I've been Nick, lying on the sidewalk, too drunk to make sense of things, and feeling like the sky is fucking falling. I also know that we still don't have the entire Nick/Kayla story, but I'm sure some of you can read between the lines.

ANYWAYS, MOVING ON... Nick and Levi are already trashed... and now... ecstasy... uh, who is ready for the mess that this is about to be?? 🙋🏽‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️