❝so much to say, but nothing comes out right. both of us left without words; both of us lost in this world. it's softer than ever before.❞
— mayday parade, new years project

♥

A WEEK AGO, Scarlett lost a husband, or a fiancé, or... or something. Scarlett lost someone she loved.

"Levi, that was..." I winced as the words tumbled out, heavy and hushed. "Fuck, that was only last week."

"Yeah, she bounced back quick," he snickered, leaning away.

Yeah, I guess the fuck so. Levi had to drag me—literally—out of bed a week and a half after I broke up with Kayla. Honestly, if he hadn't, I would have been perfectly fucking content with sleeping through the rest of 2019. And I mean, Kayla wasn't... dead.

Despite Levi's many, many, many serious threats.

I have about three people on speed dial, he'd said in a scarily serious manner that morning, who could make her disappear, Nicholas. Deadass. And after I'd finally showered and shaved... and seriously considered that tempting offer... I'd asked him why he knew so many shady people. Levi had simply laughed, and said, Oh, don't worry about that, bro. Just don't tell Mom.

Dizzily, I shook off the faint memory and peered up again. It was impossible not to be drawn to her; there was this hazy heartbreak tethering us together, luring my gaze across the bar to her softly lit silhouette. Scarlett seemed still, caught in a freeze frame—somehow, the only thing in the entire fucking world tonight that wasn't falling apart.

"Hey, you know, they have done studies about grief making you hornier," Levi chimed, swatting at my shoulder impatiently. "They say grief sex can be super fucking hot."

What. The. Fuck.

Who was they? Scientists? Psychologists? Assholes?

Was it just Levi, trying to make me feel less shitty about still wanting her?

Suddenly, Scarlett twisted, and between those conflicted feelings, beneath the smoke and stray silence, surrounded by a million strangers in a shitty bar in a shitty neighborhood, her dark eyes met mine.

My breathing hitched.

Okay. Nope. Now, you've fucking done it, Nick. Scarlett could probably feel me burning holes into the side of her skull. Yeah. Scarlett could probably hear my fucking thoughts because I couldn't stop wondering too damn loudly in my head if grief sex would be really, really, reaaaaaaaaally hot.

"Shit." I winced again, like an idiot, physically and emotionally too drunk to look away from her. "I..."

A coy smile tugged at her lips, and in that moment, she seemed crystallized, eternal, infinite, darker than darkness, saturated in silent emotions—an abandoned ghost swimming through a sea of strangers.

Scarlett seemed lonely.

I'd kissed her on a rooftop in Bushwick because she was alone.

"I still think she's into you." Levi snatched the shot in front of me, downed it, and slammed the glass onto the bar. "I think she's just playing hard to get, Nick."

"Or maybe she's really mourning," I said quietly, holding her glassy gaze. "Maybe she's grieving, and she just wanted to... go out... without an 'asshole from Bushwick' ruining her night."

"Nah." Levi didn't even hesitate. "A girl doesn't go out dressed like that on New Year's Eve unless she's looking for her next victim. Believe me, Scarlett is on the prowl for some rebound sex."

Jesus Christ, he had no shame. Her husband, fiancé, or whatever, probably wasn't even in the fucking ground yet, and Levi still thought it was a good idea to move in on that. "Levi, it's not rebound sex. They didn't break up," I hissed, finally tearing my gaze away from her to pin him with an exasperated look. "He died."

"Even better."

My head spun. What was wrong with him?

"Hey, it's a lot of baggage either way." He shrugged. "But I'll bet that it's worth it. Maybe she got all his money after he died. Maybe she's loaded." Levi shot me a dry smile. "Poke a hole in the condom, bro."

I nodded mockingly. "Okay, Levi, I'll get right on that."

"I mean, if you wanna lock her, or her money, down, it's worth a try."

"You are so fucked up."

"Ah, yes, but you loooooove me, Nicholas." He reeled me in for a sloppy hug, rustling my hair teasingly. "I'm your brother, which means I'm your wingman, and I'm just trying to help you."

My lips twitched. Yeah. Levi and I didn't do heart-to-hearts. Maybe it was the only way he knew how to help—with tequila shots and pussy. "Yeah, I know."

"I'm serious, Nick," he said. "You're the only reason I'm still here."

Now, that... was the fucking truth. I couldn't count how many times I'd saved his drunk ass. Honestly, if I wasn't around to chase Levi through the five boroughs every night, someone would have killed him a long, long, long time ago.

"I could've convinced Carly to leave... like... an hour ago."

Oh. Okay. Welp, at least he remembered her name.

"Oh yeah? And miss out on the hot bathroom sex?" I rolled my eyes, slipping out of his hold with a snicker. "No, that was all for you, bro."

A lazy smile settled on his lips. "True. I'm gonna ride this one out as long as I can. Carly is a freak, dude. You should've heard the things she said. Mmm. I swea—"

"Okay." I laughed. "I get it."

"Speaking of..." Levi stood abruptly to look over my head. "I've gotta go find that girl before I forget her."

Yeah, good plan, Levi.

"Besides," he said, jerking his chin toward the back of the bar. "It looks like your girl hasn't forgotten you."

Fuck. I swiveled in a panic, too quickly, and with a yelp, I went tumbling off the barstool to land on my ass beside Levi. Yeah, those shots of tequila hit me. I cursed under my breath, blinking past the pain to find... those fucking deadly heels... right in front of me.

"Don't worry, babe, he's not that drunk." Levi snickered, reaching down to lift me up by the armpits. Everything swayed. "Smooth, Nick," he said in a hushed voice. "I'm sure she wants to fuck you now. Hit that, bro."

And then he was gone.

I blinked, blinked, blinked at the girl standing in front of me, suddenly feeling like I couldn't even speak. It was stupid how easily I lost the ability to act normal in front of her. "Hey," she said, offering me a soft smile. "I just figured I'd let you know... that I'm heading out."

My heart sank. "Oh."

An awkward silence passed between us. I couldn't stop fidgeting, scratching the back of my neck, averting my gaze, shoving my hands in my pockets, and then finally nodding curtly. Yeah, that... was probably best. I needed her to leave before I blurted something about Edward Miguel Lopez... and then she exposed me for the fucking creep I was.

But fuck, I could feel it on the tip of my tongue.

"Scarlett... I..."

Her eyes flashed. "No."

No.

It was that simple.

I nodded. "Okay."

"Well, it was nice to meet you, I guess," she said, flicking her hair over her shoulder. Scarlett smiled sweetly. "I hope I never see you again."

—AND... this can't be the end. Because... well, Levi is his wingman... 😅

THOUGH I DO THINK THIS ONE WAS SUPER IMPORTANT. Because when Scarlett said NO, Nick backed the fuck off. That's so important.

I also JUST posted the third chapter of my other ONC story, BEYOND. If y'all have the time, it would be amaze-balls if you would check out that story too! 💜

MUCHO AMOR BBS ❤️❤️