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Song for this chapter: Yaeow - I need U
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They say that love and hate are two different things. But until now, life has shown me in every way possible that they are the same.

They're both strong feelings that are the only definition of the word betrayal and lies and they're also powerful emotions that can destroy anyone around them when they get out of our control.
Plus, they're both things I know well and yet somehow, this old thing between us. This thing called love is so strong that even after all these years of trying to fight it, I'm not sure if there's any way to end it.

This strong feeling that has trapped my mind and my heart.
This strong feeling that I don't even know what that is anymore.
Is it love? Is it hate? Or is it just fear of losing someone or fear of being alone?

Even the thought of leaving her behind and never looking back after our last night together has never seemed more painful and more frightening than now. Even though this is the right thing to do.

"Hhh... What have you done to me kitty cat?" I ask in a low voice while I lower my head a little to look at her.

She has her face laying on my chest, and her hands are resting gently on my stomach.
She doesn't answer me, instead, she starts moving her hands up and down my bare chest slowly.

The movement of her hands sends shivers up my spine and then down to my lower abdomen and I feel like my whole body is burning hot. My skin feels like it's being set on fire and yet my heart still feels cold.
A coldness that runs through me, making me unable to do anything but lay here in her embrace and be consumed by this, terrifying feeling within me.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath before opening them again to look at the sleeping girl lying beside me and while looking at her I reach my hand up to brush her hair from her forehead softly.
Then, I wrap my arms around her tighter as I hold her closer, trying to shield her from this cold sensation inside me.
But it doesn't work. No matter how much I try, the coldness inside me doesn't disappear and I'm sure she feels it too.

I look at her beautiful face that made me believe that everything that happened between us was true once again trying to understand something because every promise she made, every day we spent together, every kiss we shared, every night I held her in my arms... it's just...
Hhh... I don't even know what's real and what's not anymore because everything feels so strange to me.

"Mmm..." A little moan escapes her pink lips, causing my heart to beat faster with each passing second.

"Bryan..." She says with a sleepy voice, making me want nothing more than to bury myself into her soft skin and just sleep forever. However, I force myself to move away from her and get up from the bed because she's finally waking up and everything will return like it used to be.

She rubs her eyes lightly with one hand before her eyes open again and she looks at me with those beautiful green eyes of hers and that makes me wonder how it's possible that a person that looks like her would be able to hurt someone.

"Bryan?" She questions as she sits up on the bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes once again.
"What... what are you doing in my room?" She asks confused.

The question makes me realize that she probably has no idea why I'm here or where we are. She probably doesn't remember anything about last night either.

"Wait! This isn't my room. Where am I? Where did you bring me?" She asks frantically.

"It's okay. Calm down." I say trying to calm her down.
However, my words only make her panic even more and she throws her legs over the side of the bed and stands up quickly.

"Where am I?" She asks again.

"You're in my room." I reply simply but I'm not gonna let this go easily. Last night even though she was drunk she made me feel like I was gonna lose my mind by teasing me and now...it's my turn. I'm gonna play with her a little just like she did with me.

"Your room!?" She asks terrified.

"That's right. You came here last night and we had... FUN.
Remember?" I tell her with a smirk and her face changes in an instant, her pupils becoming bigger and she shakes her head vigorously at me.

"Don't be ridiculous. I... I don't remember anything." She stammers nervously.

"We had that much fun last night that still makes me smile every time I remember it." I say trying to embarrass her and her whole face immediately grows red and she looks everywhere but me, avoiding eye contact with me, not knowing what to do.

"You're lying." She says.

"Why would I? We had that much fun last night that you don't even remember anything.
I mean I wouldn't blame you after that passionate sex we had.
Especially since the way you were moaning and begging me to go faster." I say with a smirk.

"Oh god. Stop talking. Please stop talking." She says embarrassed as she sits on the bed and I walk towards her then I place my hands on both sides of the bed trapping her in the middle.

"Why? This isn't the first time we've had sex." I say in a low seductive voice.

"Plus, it was your idea." I remind her.

"Wha... What did I say?" She asks embarrassed.

"Oh, you know. Like always you took advantage of my weaknesses as a man and I swear if you had «what I have»... basically if you were the man here, you would probably fuck me." I reply chuckling.

"Ohh my god... this is so embarrassing. What have I done." She says hiding her face with her palms when suddenly her phone rings and I take her phone from the ground to give it to her when I read his text message.

~ Hi Mia. Are you coming home today because I really miss the kids and we both have to be at a dinner party to welcome the new partner of our company.

My hand clenches into a fist without me realizing it before I hand her the phone.

"You should probably go now. Iris and Ryan might wake up." I say as I open the dresser's door to take something to wear that luckily for me Beatrix has placed everything in its place.

"Yeah." She replies in a low voice as she gets up from the bed and starts dressing up.

"Close the door when you get out." I say in a low voice as I walk towards the balcony.

When she finally gets dressed up she opens the front door.

"Bryan...?" She says in a low voice making me turn my head around to look at her beautiful face.

"You're not gonna tell anyone about this aren't you?" She asks nervously as she fixes her messy hair behind her ears.

"Don't act like you don't know me at all Mia. What kind of person would do that to the person who once was the most important person in the world to him." I tell her.

"Thank you, Bryan." She replies in a low voice then she steps out of the front door and closes it behind her leaving me all alone in this cold room.

It hurts that she even thinks that I'm gonna tell someone about her more than the fact that she's leaving to go and see her husband soon. It hurts that she thinks that I'm that much of a bad person who would be able to do that, although I would never do anything to hurt her.

I get up from the chair on the balcony and I walk towards the fridge to get a bottle of water to calm myself.

While I'm gulping down the water the image of Mia and that fucker Armando playing with Iris and Ryan like a fucking happy little family runs through my mind making me choke and I throw the bottle away.

"Fuckkk...! Get out of my head! Fuck!" I yell and the front door opens.

"Jeez. What is going on? Why are you yelling? I thought you would be happy after last night." Beatrix says.

"Happy!? How can I be happy with all these things happening to me every day?
EVERY FUCKING DAY! " I reply.

"It's basically your fault. I told you million times to not come here but you didn't listen to me. I'm sorry but you did that to yourself." Beatrix says and for a moment my hand rises in the air in front of her and she looks at me confused before slapping me hard on my cheek.

"Don't make me regret my friendship with you Bryan. You may have saved my life once but that doesn't give you the right to even think to hit me, or every other woman. You understand that?" Beatrix says angrily.

"Bex... I'm sorry. I wasn't..." I begin to say.

"Yeah, whatever." She replies before heading towards the door.

"I said I'm sorry okay!?" I yell behind her.

"Saying sorry isn't gonna change anything Bryan! You have to learn to control your anger or it will consume you and this time... I'm not gonna be there to save you." Beatrix says as she turns around to look at me.

"Don't you get it, Bex? I'm hurt. Everything inside me is hurting.
She's here and she was with me last night but I couldn't touch her because the image of HIM touching her kept hunting me every time I tried to get close to her.
Do you understand how much it hurts to have the person that you love more than yourself that close and not being able to touch him?" I ask.

"Bryan I understand you. I really do but you have to let it go now, Bryan. She can't be with you anymore. She's married to someone else and she has kids Bryan. His kids."

"Fuck.
I know. It's just that I feel like she's hiding something from me.
It's so messed up. I feel like I have a strong connection with Ryan and Iris. I don't know what this is but I swear that I feel it." I say.

"Maybe it's just the fact that you still have hope to be with her Bryan. Maybe you still hope that there's a chance that you will end up with her."

"No. It's not that. It's something else that even I can't find the right words to explain it to you.
It's so messed up Bex." I reply.

"I don't know Bryan. I just don't want you to be hurt again." She says.

"I know but I have to find out what she's hiding from me and once I find out we'll leave from here and never come back. I promise."

***

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