Chapter 42 | This is not real |
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Song for this chapter: I'm not ok by George Kallis (AWF soundtrack)
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How could I be so stupid? How could I still think that he will love me, and only me, after everything that he has done to prove me the opposite.
I should have known that he has forgotten all about us, yet here I am. Crying because he has found someone else while I'm still so madly in love with him.
"This is not fair! I did everything just to protect you and look how you return me the favor." I say as I walk towards my room to check what Iris and Ryan are doing but when I open the door they are laying on the sofa sleeping peacefully like two little angels so I just take a blanket to cover them as I give both of them a little kiss on their forehead. Then I change my clothes and I walk outside because they won't be up until 8 am in the morning so I just head towards one of the clubs that is near the hotel just so I can clear my mind and forget all about Bryan's girlfriend or whoever the hell she is.
It's already 9 pm and the club is already full of people who seem to be having fun drinking and dancing at the same time.
I go straight into the bar to order something to drink.
"What can I get you?" the bartender asks.
"Just give me a drink that would help me get rid of some of my anger and sadness that keeps piling inside." I answer and she gives me a bottle of whiskey without saying anything.
"Thanks." I mumble as I pour it into a glass.
*One hour later...
"He called her my love right in front of my face then he even kicked me out.
Can you believe that?" I say to the bartender as I take another sip from my fifth shot glass of whiskey.
"It's not fair you know? I still love him but I had to break up with him for his own good and now I think he hates me. But I still loveee himm." I say to the bartender smiling.
"Don't worry dear. He will come around and apologize to you when he realizes that this was all wrong. And if he doesn't then well maybe you should tell him your true feelings instead of lying." The bartender answers.
I take a deep sigh before I reply to the bartender. "Yeah. Maybe you're right.
Another shot please." I tell her while I hand over the shot glass.
"I don't think you should drink anymore dear. You look very pale and sick and drinking isn't gonna solve anything. It might make things even worse than before." the bartender says as she takes the shot glass from my hand."
You need rest hun." She says.
I shake my head before I reply "I can't. If I stop drinking then I can't stop thinking about him and this will only get things worse."
She looks worried at me before she takes back the shot glass then replies. "Alright. I'll get you a water instead."
After the bartender gets me the water I start gulping down on the water as fast as I could. When I am finished with the drink, I feel really tired which makes me smile sadly as I put on the glass on the counter.
Everything will be okay my dear. You just have to believe." She tells me as she takes away the shot glass.
"I hope so." I reply as I take my jacket then I turn around and start walking out of the club.
The cold air hits my body hard making me feel like a million needles are sticking to my skin as soon as I step out of the club and once again I feel tears forming in my eyes.
'Why does life always hate me so much? Why must God keep punishing me? Why must He always make me suffer every single day? Is there no end to my punishment? Is there ever going to be an end to my misery?'
My thoughts are racing like crazy and my head is that messed up that I didn't even notice that I was still walking till I saw the light coming from a car that stopped right in front of me.
"Hhh... even god thinks that death is to much for me."
"Why didn't you run over me? I ask the person that was driving while I start crying heavily as I fall to my knees.
"What's wrong with you Mia!? Are you drunk!?" A familiar voice asks in a worried yet angry tone.
I slowly lift my head up and wipe away the tears that fell down my cheeks.
As soon as my gaze met those dark brown orbs, I felt a warmth inside of my chest.
"Why do you care?" I ask him in a sobbing voice.
He kneels in front of me and wraps his arms tightly around me while it starts raining.
"Mia..."
"Please leave me alone... Please! Just leave me alone! Go ahead... Do whatever you want. Just leave me alone Bryan." I sob loudly as I bury myself deeper into his embrace.
I hear him let out a frustrated sigh as he hugs me tightly against his chest.
I bury my face between his neck and shoulder feeling my heart clench painfully.
"I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of these secrets." I say as I tighten my hug around him.
"What secrets? What do you mean by that?" He asks as he puts his chin on top of my head.
"All of them." I sob.
"Shhh... everything is okay. I'm here now." He says kissing the top of my head.
"It's not okay. It will never be okay." I say crying harder as I pull away from him slightly so I can look him in the eyes.
"I love you, Bryan." I say as I look deep into his brown eyes as little drops of rain run down his face.
His grip tightens around me and I see his lips quiver slightly before he speaks "You don't mean that."
"Yes, I do."
"No, you don't!" He says standing up from the ground.
"I never stopped loving you, Bryan." I say looking directly into his eyes.
"Stop! Just stop.
This is not real. None of this is real
You're saying all these things because you're fucking drunk okay?"
"Bryan, I..." I begin to say but he grabs my face between his hands and brings it closer to his.
"Shut up Mia. Just stop fucking talking."He says and my eyes widen while he kisses my forehead roughly.
"Stop talking and stop acting all innocent like you're in love with me." He whispers while holding me close to him.
"But I am in love with you." I whisper back in a weak voice.
"Enough with all the lies kitty cat." He says tightening his hold around me.
"I don't want to lose you again." I cry.
"You've lost me already Mia.
You have lost me since the day that you left me. Why would you think that this was even possible after everything you've done?"
"I loved you so damn much and it broke my heart when I saw you leaving me for him." He says.
"Then why did you come back?" I sob as I look up into his eyes but he turns around and starts walking towards the hotel.
"Don't walk away from me!" I say as I follow him inside the hotel hallway then into his room.
"Leave Mia. Get out of here!" He says without looking at me as I close the door behind me and he starts removing his wet shirt so he can wear something else and instant shock overwhelms me when I watch at the scars on his back.
"Bryan what are those?" I ask.
"That's none of your business.
Leave Mia." He says annoyed.
"No. I'm not leaving."
"Get out!" He yells with anger written all over his face making me jump a little because for a second, I thought he was gonna hit me or anything but as soon as he sees that I took a step back his anger soon replaces with regret.
Then he sits down on his bed and takes a deep breath.
"Do you really think that this isn't what I wanted to happen all along?" He asks. "That it didn't feel like hell? Do you know how many times I thought to reach you and make you talk to me?
How many times I cried myself to sleep wishing that I could go back and tell you how much I hated you for what you did and how much you hurt me.
All those nights where I wished that I had enough strength and courage to get up and chase after you until you finally explain to me why the hell did you destroy the only dream I had in this fucked up life?"
"Bryan..." I begin to say, tears slowly coming down my cheeks again but he raises his hand cutting me off.
"Just go Mia." He says in a low voice while looking down.
"I'm not going anywhere..." I say as I take a few steps towards him so I can sit next to him near the bed then I wrap my arms around his waist and hug him tightly from behind.
"Let go of me Mia. You're drunk." He whispers in a calmer tone.
I shake my head in denial as I kiss his shoulder softly and I immediately feel his body tense as I lift my lips from his skin.
"I can't." I say as I kiss him again a few inches higher.
"Don't do this to me please." he begs as he turns around to face me and pulls me into his embrace again looking deeply into my eyes.
"Please. Don't do this to me." He begs.
"Okay." I reply simply before I lean forward and crash my lips onto his and he immediately reciprocates my kiss.
I kiss him passionately as I wrap my arms tighter around his torso while I climb into his lap.
My kiss deepens as I move my hands to his head pulling the roots of his hair a little.
A soft moan leaves his mouth as our tongues collide together and while we continue kissing each other passionately he gently places his hand on my neck and pulls me closer to him.
My breath hitches as his tongue swirls around mine while he bites lightly at my lower lip making me whimper softly.
As our kiss becomes more intense and passionate, I push back Bryan gently into the bed as I climb on top of him.
"You are drunk." He says while we're still kissing.
"So? You've been drinking too. I can taste the vodka in your tasteful lips." I say as I move my head towards his neck.
"We shouldn't be doing this." He manages to say in a low voice as I start rubbing myself against him.
"Fuck Mia.... Stop teasing me, please. I'm serious." He pleads as he tries to hold my hips from moving.
"Why?" I ask him seductively as I grind my hips against him again.
I continue moving my body against his in a fast pace and he groans as he grips my waist.
As he moans in pain I stop moving and get up from the bed removing my dress then I lay down beside him only wearing my underwear.
"You like teasing me don't you?" He asks as he looks at me with a smirk playing all over his lips.
"Do you like being teased?" I ask him smirking seductively as I run my finger down his chest, over his abs, and finally stop at his belt.
"Fuck... Mia don't." He says looking deeply into my eyes.
"Why not?" I ask him as I open the buckle of his belt and slip off the belt completely.
"I know you want this so why not?" I say.
"Cause this doesn't work." He replies as he pushes me down on the mattress and he straddles my waist.
As he sits up above me his eyes meet mine and he looks into my eyes lovingly.
"Can I?" He asks hesitantly and I nod my head as a sign for him to continue and he begins to kiss me slowly and tenderly.
As I run my hands along his back and through the muscles of his perfectly sculptured back he moans before placing his hand behind my head guiding the kisses to deepen.
Then, as he trails his hand down my body, he grabs one of my thighs and lifts it up to his waist.
He continues kissing me passionately as he rubs my thigh in a circular motion with his palm.
After a few seconds, he suddenly stops and lets out an annoyed grunt.
"You're drunk." He says as he slides off of me and lays down on the bed.
"I'm not drunk.
Well, maybe just a little." I say giggling.
"You should probably get to your room. What if Iris and Ryan wake up at night and they won't find you there." He says.
"Don't worry. They never wake up at night plus I can't go there like this and I don't want to sleep alone tonight." I state as I lie beside him wrapping my arms around him.
"Mia..."
"Pleasee!" I beg.
"Duh... Fine. But just this once because it's to late to go into your room alone." He says.
"Thank you." I smile leaning closer to his face as I pull his arm over my body and place my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat while he takes a blanket that was on the edge of the bed and covers both of us with it.
"Wait!" I say pushing the blanket down just so I can see his chest better.
"When did you get this?" I ask him while I run my fingers around his new tattoo on the left side of his torso that until now, I didn't realize it was there.
It looks like a dagger and a red rose set on fire wrapped around it.
It's so unique that makes me wonder about it's meaning.
"Sleep Mia." He says pulling the blanket back up and closing his eyes and because he doesn't look like he's going to tell me anything about the tattoo. I close my eyes deciding that it's better if I let this go before he gets mad, then we both fall asleep peacefully in each other's arms after all these years apart.
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